Existing in Radiance

Chapter Forty-Seven | Hester House, August 1997

Chapter Forty-Seven

Hester House, August 1997

 

            The ivory keys of Hazel’s mothers piano felt smooth as water beneath her fingertips, easily giving weight under light pressure to orchestrate a peaceful melody. Late afternoon light fell through the windows of the music room, its round walls enclosing around Hazel like a cocoon.

“You’re playing again?”

Not looking away from the keys, Hazel smiled “Well, you’re not around to do it for me so I thought it might be best.”

Sitting beside her, Remus watched her slender fingers play with the keys, moving gracefully over the ivory road. “I’ve been…preoccupied.”

“With Tonks?” Hazel asked slyly “Good for you.”

“I think – well, I think it’s over.” Remus said hurriedly, and the music came to a sudden halt.

“I beg your pardon!” turning a fiery gaze on her friend, Hazel almost slapped him “You have got to be kidding.”

“I’m not.” He said miserably “I have to leave her.”

“And why in Merlins mothers knickers do you have to do that?!” cried Hazel.

“Because,” Remus stared at his lap, knuckles white from clenching his fists. “Nymphadora is pregnant.”

Standing up, Hazel gaped at him – this couldn’t be Remus Lupin talking to her, not her Remus. “What is wrong with you?” she hissed “Have you gone mad?”

“No – this is what’s best.”

This time Hazel did slap him, hard as she could. Remus held his stinging cheek, wincing.

“Alright, maybe I deserved that.”

“You sure as hell did!” yelled Hazel “Remus Lupin, you are a coward.”

Remus stood too and gave her a pleading look “Please understand Hazel, this is what’s best – the child could have werewolf tendencies, and even if it doesn’t it’s -” he set his heartbroken gaze on her “Its best I’m not around.”

“How on earth is it better for a child to grow up fatherless?” she said pleadingly “You’ve seen the twins grow up, watched them as they’ve slowly strayed further and further away from what a normal child and teenager should be like.” Grabbing his hands, she begged him with her eyes to understand “Don’t you think it kills me every day to know I robbed them of having their father?”

Tearing his hands away, Remus at on the piano bench “Maybe, but no one deserves a werewolf for a father.”

“That’s where you are wrong Remus,” Hazel sat beside him, voice firm as she took his hand again “No one deserves to grow up fatherless, especially when that father is such a good, good man. Not when that man is you.”

“Hazel…” he said, voice broken “I’m a monster.”

“Remus –”

“No Hazel, listen. I should never have married Tonks, and now – now -” he wiped his eyes “The woman I love is doomed to having a monsters son. She doesn’t deserve that, not Tonks – not my Dora.”

Hazel stood up and grabbed a book off the shelf, flipping it to the title page. “Look at this.” She said, thrusting it into his hands.

“I don’t -”

“Read the inscription.” She said, crossing her arms and waiting.

Remus traced the writing, recognizing the subtle loops and curves of Hazel’s own handwriting. “Why do you-”

“Just read it.”

So he did, and felt the resistance in him falter.

To my dearest Sev,

I gift you my favourite book of short stories and poems.

I hope they give you strength, take you to faraway places – as they have me.

Love,

Your Hazel

“If you gave this to him, why do you have it?” he asked, reading the note once more.

Hazel barely moved, still as a statue in the golden fading light. “Because its one of the few things I have that belonged to him, and I know he read the same words – because that copy was new when I gave it to him, and when I got it back it was worn thin.”

“Hazel, what’s your point?” he asked, frustrated. He wanted to leave, gather his things – he couldn’t leave Tonks waiting for him to move out for too long.

“My point is that all I have left of the man I fell in love with is some old photos and that book.” She spat “And I don’t want Nymphadora to end up like me, or you like Severus. Or your child like my own children – I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.”

Remus looked up at his old friend. “I’m a monster Hazel, who deserves that?”

“Tonks,” she said softly “Because she makes you into Remus Lupin.”

Pulling her to him, Remus hugged her tightly “What if I’m a horrible father?” he asked.

Smiling, Hazel kissed his cheek “You won’t be – you already helped me raise two kids, one of your own flesh and blood will be easy.”

Kissing her hands, Remus smiled “Thank you Hazel – for everything.” With those words he bounded out of the room, not even noticing the twins standing by the door.

“Maybe she does know?” Andrew suggested to his sister “That we missed out I mean.”

“Possibly.” Said Sonia “She seems to know what she’s talking about.”

“Should we say anything?”

Sonia looked into the music room, watched her mother hold the book to her chest. “No, leave her. Mamma will be fine.”

A/N: Ooooh.

Question: Thoughts? Of hazel keeping that old book, Remus - the twins?!

Rose<3

P.S Two chapters in one night, go me!