Existing in Radiance

Chapter Forty-Two | North of Scotland, July 1997

Chapter Forty-Two

North of Scotland, July 1997

            Lanterns swung from the trees, in tune with the bells that tinkled and the quiet music. Guests filed in slowly, taking their seats and chatting amongst themselves. It was a very small wedding, consisting mainly of Weasley's, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Alastor Moody, Minerva McGonagall, Hazel, the twins – and Amara.

“Andrew has told me much about you,” Remus said, shaking her hand “It’s a pleasure to finally meet the girl that’s been stealing him away.”

Andrew blushed as Amara laughed “I’m happy to meet you as well, and I promise I haven’t been taking him on purpose.”

Off to the side, Sonia watched as Molly Weasley embraced her second eldest son. She was desperate to run over and kiss him, after what felt like ages apart. He had been unable to leave Romania since the funeral, and even letters were taking forever to come through.

She saw him excuse himself, vibrating as he walked across the lawn to her.

“Hello.” She said breathlessly, arms locked at her sides. They couldn’t touch, it would be too suspicious – their families would never approve of them, not with eight years age difference.

“Hello love,” he said, smiling softly at her; he looked so good in his dress robes, hair combed neatly. “I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

“I wish it wasn’t.” Sonia glanced over at her brother, who was talking to Remus, standing in his spot as best man.

Charlie reached for her hand, but yanked it back. “It won’t always have to be. Really Sonia, one day…when the difference is less shocking, when this war is over…we can be truly together.”

“What are we now then?” she asked, glaring at the grass at her feet “If later we will be truly together, that must mean now we are not.”

“Sonia-”

“We should sit down.” She said, leaving to sit beside Hazel. She hated to walk off angry, but it wasn’t the time to discuss such things – sometimes her true age was shown and she hated it. At almost eighteen she was still a child in most eyes – maybe at the Muggle definition of adult she could be with Charlie. Maybe not even then.

~*~*~*~

            Tonks was beautiful as she walked down the aisle, her father holding her arm proudly and beaming. Remus took her carefully, looking frightened but blissfully happy. The reception took place under the trees, the lanterns and stars giving them light to dance by, the music morphing with the sound of the summer breeze and crickets.

Andrew held Amara close on the dance floor, closing his eyes so all he saw were the imprints of lanterns.

“Remus looks worried.” Amara said, resting her head on his shoulder.

She didn’t know about Remus’ condition – Remus thought it best, with Amara not growing up with things such as werewolves. “There’s a lot going on in our world.” He answered steadily, holding her closer.

“He does look happy, too.” She continued “Tonks seems absolutely radiant.”

Across the floor Sonia stood beneath one of the trees, a glass of champagne in her hand and looking up at the lanterns sway. It was peaceful, being surrounded by friends joined in a single celebration of love and unity. She couldn’t help but be jealous however of the look of joy on Remus and Tonks faces – never before had she ever considered getting married, settling down. It had always seemed to…solitary.

Before it had always been about adventure, getting away – being free. Now Sonia wondered if maybe being free was about loving someone, not being alone and in control.

Envy crawled through her as she watched her twin, holding Amara close and swaying gently back and forth. The way his hands played across her back, how his chin rested on her head – it seemed so lovely.

“What are you thinking about?” Charlie came up to her, an apologetic smile on his freckled face.

“Being free.” She said, watching Andrew press a sweet kiss to Amara’s temple. “With you.”

Charlie took her hand “Mum told me to dance with you,” he chuckled “I pretended to resist.”

With those words Sonia melted, allowing him to tug her out onto the dance floor and turn her around and around until the world seemed a little more stable.

~*~*~*~

            There was a warm, glowing feeling seeping throughout Hazel’s body. It began as she watched Remus become bound to Tonks, continued when they had their first dance. She was so happy for Remus, thankful that finally he could settle down as James and Lily once had, have a good rest of his life.

“Hazel,” the couple came up to her then, Tonks beaming and holding onto Remus’ arm. “We wanted to thank you.”

“Me?” Hazel stood.

“You have helped me greatly in my decision to marry Tonks, be with her at all -” Remus began, and Tonks interrupted.

“And you have helped me gain the one person I want to be with in life.” She said lovingly, gazing softly up at Remus. “I can never thank you enough for that..”

The warm feeling spread to Hazel’s heart as she watched them “Well, you have chosen the best man I know.” She hugged them both “I wish you a long and full life together.”

Part of Hazel felt like she had lost something, missed her chance on being Remus’ wife – but now as she saw the way they held each other, how Remus’ scars seemed almost nonexistent in the lantern light – she thought differently.

Somehow she felt cheated, but not with Remus; life had never given her someone who she could love back, someone who would love her back. She could never have loved Remus, something that destroyed her every day, and she could never stop loving Severus, not really – he was always in the back of her mind, eating away at her like a disease she couldn’t cure. Hazel only wanted to be loved, and the one person she could truly love – couldn’t. 

A/N: Sorry folks, this was supposed to go up on Tuesday! However, my power went out and since then I haven't had a chance to re-write the bit I lost when it did. Whoops. Anywho, happy easter and I hope the Easter Bunny came!

Question: What do you think of the last paragraph or so, Hazel's thoughts on how she could never lovw Remus and how she can never forget Severus. Also, Sonia and Charlie? How sweet are they?

Happy Easter, go gorge yourself on chocolate!

Rose<3