Existing in Radiance

Chapter Thirty - Three | Hester Grounds, August 1996

Chapter Thirty – Three

Hester Grounds, August 1996

 

            The Bowen family fell out of their dissaparation violently, landing hard on the dusty road leading to their home. It was growing dark, and as Sonia stood her face was nearly as stormy as the sky.

“Why do you do this to us?” she cried, tears pouring down her cheeks “You ruin everything.”

Hazel steadied herself and tried to speak calmly “I was protecting you Sonia.”

“You’re not protecting us,” she spat “You’re imprisoning us.”

“Sonia –”

“Just leave me alone.” Turning away, Sonia walked down the road, fists clenched tightly at her side.

Sighing, Hazel looked over at Andrew; he appeared so sad, watching his twin storm away “Do you hate me too?”

Andrew shook his head “No, Mamma. I could never hate you, and I know you only want to keep us safe – but this was the first time Sonia’s left the house since Harry’s birthday.”

“I only want to keep you away from the things that will hurt you, Andrew.” How could she explain this to a sixteen year old? Describe how she was used again and again, violated and crushed by so many different men that the thought of having them around her children suffocated her. “You don’t know…neither of you will ever understand what I went through to give you this life, and a plan to keep it that way.”

“You can’t keep us from everything,” he said, hugging her tightly “Otherwise how will we ever learn?”

Smiling sadly, Hazel reached up to ruffle his hair “When did you get so smart?”

He grinned and guided her down the road “A while ago.”

 They entered the house and could hear the turmoil going on in Sonia’s room, but Andrew turned his mother away.

            It was past midnight when Hazel retired to the music room, Remus following with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He sat himself on the piano bench, pouring two very full glasses before turning half of his attention to the keys.

“I don’t know what to do, Remus.” She said hopelessly “Sonia hates me, I know she does – and Andrew…he seems as clueless as I.”

“They’re sixteen Hazel, what do you expect?”

“I didn’t expect to make my own children hate me.” Swirling her wine, Hazel sat on the piano bench beside Remus “I don’t even know why they went to find him.”

Remus looked up at her with that same empathetic expression he’d been giving her since they were sixteen “Sonia and you have had a hard few years, and she always needed a father figure to turn to. She had Sirius before and now that he’s…” Remus faltered, the pain of losing his old friend still fresh “Now that he’s gone she thought meeting Severus could help.”

Hazel sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder “You are too good to me Remus Lupin. Now, why don’t you play me something and tell me all about this Nymphadora?”

“She hates being called Nymphadora,” he chuckled “Which is why I love it. She’s always changing her hair colour, she’s funny and clumsy and – I can’t help but love her.”

“And you are happy?” she asked, fiddling with a thread that had come loose in his coat.

Remus hugged her “Yes. I worry every day that I am making a mistake, but I am happy.”

Sadness settled in Hazel’s chest even though she felt overjoyed for her friend; there had always been the option that she could still go to Remus, have a normal life. Now that option was gone. “This is all I ever wanted for you Remus.”

He knew how she felt, could tell that she held something back “You will have this one day too Hazel, I promise.”

Standing swiftly, Hazel downed her wine and headed for the door “We’ll see Remus. Go home to Tonks; I’m sure she is expecting you.”

The door shut with a quiet click behind her, leaving Remus alone in the music room. He thought of his godson, asleep in another room – Sonia, probably still awake. There was no question that he would go home to Tonks, hold her close and whisper his worries in her ear, a lock of colourful hair tickling his neck. Something in him didn’t want to leave though, stay the night just so he could come downstairs and reassure Hazel, help her through the morning.

Remus knew he no longer loved Hazel like he had for sixteen years, but he did still love her. He just didn’t want to be with her in that way anymore, and was able to love in a different way – Tonks knew and understood this.

But Remus didn’t stay.

He packed up his bag, wrote Hazel a note for morning and left to go home to the woman he deserved.

A/N: I'm so happy Remus is happy now.

Question: Do you think Sonia is right, or do you agree with Hazel that they should stay away from Severus?

Rose