Existing in Radiance

Chapter Thirty - Five | Hester House, November 1996

Chapter Thirty – Five

Hester House, November 1996

 

            The room was full of grey light, origami made of travelling books floating throughout the room and covering all the surfaces. The bed had been pulled out into the centre of the room, its white sheets crumbled and pulled tight around Sonia’s skeletal form.

Standing in the doorway, Charlie could see it still held tight to a few aspects of a little girls room; delicate flower’s were painted up one side of the doorframe, and a doll house was shoved in the corner, books propped up inside with tiny furniture.

“Sonia?” the air was heavy with origami, and he waded through it, moving aside paper cranes and flowers as he did. “C’mon…” he whispered, sitting at the edge of the bed and reaching out to stroke the tangle of dark hair “I know you’re in there somewhere.”

The remnants of Sonia shifted ever so slightly, not making a sound.

Charlie moved so he could rest his back against the curving metal headboard of the bed, elegant – he knew Sonia used to have curtains that could be drawn around the bed. He wondered when little girls like her stopped believing you could even pretend to be a princess.

“I know you’re sad Sunny,” he said, and felt her move slowly over, so her head rested on his thigh. “But it’s been five months. Your mum and Andrew are worried; we haven’t seen your pretty face in too long…come back to us.”

“I…I can’t.” her voice was hollow, and a small hand grasped his own calloused one.

“You can.” He urged “You lost Sirius, I know – but do you really think he would have wanted you to waste away like this, like he did in Azkaban?”

A soft sob came from within the sheets, and Charlie moved the tangled curls back from her face so he could wipe away her tears.

“I always just wanted to please him.” She gasped, her cries taking up all her breathe “I only wanted – to make him – happy. I wanted him to be – I needed – him to be – proud.”

Charlie pulled her up a bit and hugged her tightly, letting her tears soak the shoulder of his shirt. “You can come to me,” he said “Any time, and I’ll be here.”

Gripping the collar of his shirt, Sonia merely cried harder.

“Let’s go outside.” He said “It’s so pretty out, the snow is just coming down.”

“Just…just stay with me a little.” She snuggled into his chest “Please.”

So Charlie stayed; he stayed and he held her, and when Sonia tilted her head up to kiss him he did not pull away, did not think of the eight years between them and how her mother would surely kill him.

He did not stop her from straddling him, and he didn’t think about the fact she only wore a pair of polka dot panties and a shirt that looked like she’d attacked it with a pair of scissors. He was kissing a girl who wore polka dot panties with a little bow on them. This was so very, very wrong.

Pushing her away, Charlie practically fell off the bed. His ears were red with embarrassment as he ran a hand through his hair and gaped at the floor – he was not being a good person right now, kissing a girl as fragile as Sonia Bowen. His mother would be appalled.

“What’s wrong?” Sonia asked quietly, sitting on her knees and looking at him with those big dark eyes. Charlie would never be able to look at those eyes again.

“You – you’re underwear … it has a bow on it.”

Nose crinkling in confusion, she moved to get off the bed, but he put his hands up to stop her. “No – please, stay there.”

“Do you not like them?” her face was so distraught Charlie wanted to punch himself. “I can change them -”

“No, no I -” his voice cracked slightly, and he felt his morals slipping “They’re very nice panties. I like polka dots, its just…you’re still a girl, Sonia. I shouldn’t – we can’t -”

Sonia seemed to crumble into herself. “Oh.”

“Sonia-”

“I get it,” she whispered, looking down at her hands, resting lifelessly in her lap. “You don’t like me that way.”

“No, Sonia I do.” He said desperately “It’s just … you’re still just a girl.”

“But you wont kiss me.” Her voice was so soft he almost couldn’t hear it.

Charlie wanted to break something he was so frustrated. “I want to kiss you so badly it keeps me awake at night,” he confessed “But … I can’t.”

“Because I’m a girl.”

“A young girl, yes. And it kills me that there are eight long years between us, and I only want -” stopping himself, Charlie walked backwards to the door “I’m sorry Sonia.”

She looked at him tearfully “Me too.”

Closing the door behind him, Charlie let out a long, deep breathe. If only Sonia were his age, or even just a few years younger – it would be so much easier.

Trying to keep his anger at himself in check, Charlie left the house, using all his power not to check if Sonia was watching him leave.

A/N: Ooooooh Charlie. You have made a mes of things, haven't you?

Question: Do you think eight years is too much bewteen couples when one is a teen and the other isn't? Say sixteen and twenty-four? Maybe a little. Tell me!

Also, my blog all things wattpad: RosesRealityWattpad

and on the side is a little Andara video I made. I promise next chapter is all about them!

Rose<3