The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Sienna's POV

I watch One Direction performing from backstage at my show. My eyes stay fixed on Harry. He's a mess, everyone can see it. He looks so sad, but I don't feel sorry for him. Not a chance. He can't possibly feel as sad as I do. I don't think anyone has ever felt this sad before. I'm the victim in all of this, not him.

I'm not going to forgive him. I won't forget all of this just because he looks upset. I won't forget my own pain to compensate and help his.

I feel a presence beside and I turn slightly to find Perrie standing beside me. I haven't seen her for a while. I think Zayn said she'd been feeling under the weather, I didn't care enough to find out more. I should feel guilty that I've been having sex with her boyfriend, but I don't. I don't feel any remorse.

Does that make me a bad person?

She smiles at me and I give her a brief smile back, before I refocus on Harry. I've been ignoring Zayn's suggestive winks and glances. I've even ignored some of his text messages. I don't need to fill my head up with anymore shit. It's fun when it's now and then, but not every day.

"Sorry to hear about you and Harry" Perrie says.

She comes across as genuine, but I don't say anything. What're you meant to say to that?

"Do you think you'll be able to sort it out?" she asks.

Nosey much? I shake my head in response, even though deep down I don't know the answer. Maybe I could forgive him, but I'd never want to be seen as a pushover. I'd never want people to pity me and see me as a weak pathetic woman.

"Once a cheat always a cheat" I find myself saying.

She sighs as I twist my bracelet instinctively between my fingers.

"Zayn cheated on me" she tells me.

I look at her as her face fills with a sad expression.

"It was when he first joined the band. The girl he slept with sold her story to the newspapers and it was all over the front page. It was horrible, embarrassing, so I know exactly how you feel. I know nothing anyone says makes it any easier. It's shit."

I don't know why but I'm surprised to learn that Zayn has a history of cheating. I'm just another woman to add to his list of infidelities. I know it's wrong of me to feel a little disappointed by that. I can't help feel a little hurt that I'm not special. That I wasn't the only woman to make him go against his morals.

I look at Perrie properly, taking in her face. She's really pretty, naturally pretty, but smoking hot when she's dressed up. Why would he realistically need to cheat on a girl like her? The real question is why does she put up with it?

"Why did you forgive him?" I ask her.

I really need to know how she managed to forgive him.

"I don't know" she shrugs "I loved him, I was only sixteen back then and I suppose I didn't know any better. It just seemed like the right thing to do. It's still hard now though. Every time he's away I worry about what he's doing and who he's with. I've got to deal with that though because they're my insecurities. I decided to forgive him, so I've got to trust him, but it takes a long time to get the trust back."