The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Harry’s POV

The boys, Paul and me sit in Paul’s hotel room, watching Sienna’s interview on the big TV. The room is filled with silence, only Sienna’s voice is heard, as we all focus on her. Everyone seems to be mesmerised by the beautiful girl on the screen, my girl, my Sienna.
She smiles nervously at the crowd and I can tell by the way she fidgets with her bracelet that she is nerves. The more time I spend with her, the more I learn about her nervous habits and behaviour. I really hope she does well and that the arsehole interviewing her, doesn’t give her too much of a hard time. I will be fucking furious if he does.

“She looks pretty” Zayn comments.

I quickly turn to look at him, giving him a stern look. He doesn’t notice me or if does, he doesn’t look back at me, as he watches the screen. I glare at him, not being able to hide my jealousy at his comments. I know it’s pathetic, I know she has millions of admirers, but she’s mine. She’s my girl and I don’t just think she is pretty, she’s more than that, so much more.
I feel like telling Zayn to keep his comments to himself, or to use them on his own girlfriend. I don’t though, I don’t want to sound like a crazy jealous arsehole, so I stay quiet. I look back at the TV screen, seeing Sienna squirm, as she is faced with intense questions.
I can tell she is lying, throughout the interview, I can see it wrote all over her face. I don’t think anyone else will realise it, unless they really know her. I relax more as she seems to get more comfortable and confident with more questions that she is asked. She is being dignified, even with the difficult questions. That’s my girl. I can’t hide my smile, seeing her smile on screen, it gives me a warm feeling inside.
I still can’t believe someone like her is interested, in someone like me. I know everyone thinks it, even the guys. I bet they wish they were me. I bet they are jealous, every time they see me with Sienna. I hope they are, I hope everyone is jealous of us and what we have.

“She’s doing well” Niall comments.

The others all nod along, agreeing with Niall. I smile happily and when I meet Niall’s eye, he winks at me. I turn back to the screen as a picture of Sienna appears on the screen and I cringe. She’s drunk on it, really drunk. I remember that night though, it was the night she opened up to me and I started to see the real her. It was the night we started to create a bond.
I remember talking to her at the bar, seeing that now familiar glint in her eyes, when I asked her to come back to my hotel room. I remember the feeling still, when she came back to my suite and when she threw herself at me. I may have declined her at the time, but I had never wanted to feel someone as much as I wanted to feel her. That was the night I started to feel things, which I never thought I would feel again. I tried to fight it, not wanting to go through what I did once before, but she made it impossible. I couldn’t help falling for her, she gave me a new purpose and she wanted me, for me.
She handles the question easily, sounding and looking confident. She keeps answering the interview and then the question we had all been expecting comes. They ask her about me and my stomach flips as I watch, waiting for her response. Will she deny what we have, like she has been told to do? Or will she tell everyone what we have?
Everyone’s eyes are on me, the moment my name is mentioned. I smile lightly, when she tells the interviewer we are friends and she tells him how special I am. My body seems to ignite inside from her words, making me realise she cares for me, more than she is willing to admit. She has literally just confirmed we are together. If I’m honest with myself, I want everyone to know. I want them to know that she is mine and I’m hers.

“So, it’s official then?” Liam asks.

The interview has finished now and everyone’s eyes are focused on me. I look at Paul first, seeing he isn’t pleased with Sienna’s admission. His jaw is tense and he runs his fingers through his hair, trying to hide it. I haven’t been sharing how things have been going with me and Sienna, with the others. I normally tell them everything, but I don’t want to tell them about us. I don’t want to share what happens with me and Sienna, with anyone else. I know the guys would never understand fully, how this feels.

“We’re just seeing how things go” I claim.

“Well, if it’s nothing serious, you won’t mind one of us making a move” Louis smirks.

I turn away from him, trying to control my temper. If any of them even thought about going near her, I would kill them, it would be that simple. I would destroy any one of them, if they tried. I know Louis is just trying to push my buttons and it’s working.

“You’ve got a girlfriend” I point out.

“True. You’d flip out as well, if any of us even thought about going near her” he states.

I don’t say anything to him, I just shake my head, which makes him laugh. Niall changes the topic and they all talk about something else, as I stare at the TV. I think about Sienna, feeling over protective of her and us. I want as much as possible to stay between the two of us, I know how private she is. I know from the past that the less people who know, the less likely they will want to destroy us.

Sienna’s POV

I quickly walkout of the building and I am met by screams. The noise makes me jump, startling me, even though I should be used to it. I’m relieved that the fans are quite a distance away from me and they’re all behind a large metal fence, so they can’t get to me.
The interview is over and I’m thankful that I got through it. I shiver as the wind picks up and blows against me. It’s cold and the fans have probably been waiting for hours. They just stand there, no matter the weather, waiting for a glimpse of me. I’m still not use to it, the attention and all the screaming. It’s still foreign, after all of these years. I’m just a normal person. Why don’t they see that?
My head aches, so the last thing I want to do is listen to the screaming, or the sounds of them singing my songs. I don’t get their interest in me and why they love me so much. I don’t understand why strangers, put their lives on hold to see me.
I reluctantly wave at the fans, causing them to scream hysterically. I have time, time to meet them and sign autographs, but I don’t. I quickly climb into my awaiting car, closing the door and quickly driving away. I have no interest in interacting with fans, it brings me no joy.
The car drives away from them, leaving them in the distance. I pull my phone out of my coat pocket, seeing I have several messages. I unlock my phone, scrolling through them and smiling when I see there is a message from Harry. I click on the message, opening it and reading over his words.

'Great interview babe! Well done, ring me when you can.x'.

I smile lightly, reading his words and appreciating them, like I always do. He always manages to make me feel good, I like that about him. The happiness soon fades though, as Simon’s words ring around my head. Everything Simon said made me doubt how I feel about Harry and what we have. I’m think I do feel love for him, but I don’t feel fully convinced anymore. It’s all so confusing!
I wish I knew exactly what I felt. It would be so much easier, so much easier to deal with. This is always my problem though, I’m never quite sure what I really feel. I always end up not knowing what I feel, I always get confused. Simon’s words keep going around my head, telling me to end it, end things with Harry. I don’t want to think about that, not yet. I push the thoughts away, not wanting to deal with them yet.
I look through the other texts I’ve received, the usual boring stuff. I press onto one from Steve, knowing that it will be something work related. We don’t have a friendship, we have a work relationship. He isn’t going to start texting me, asking me what I’m up to.

'7am wakeup call in the morning. Make sure you get an early night, we have a busy day'. 

God, he fucking irritates me. He sends the same shit texts every day, even though he’s just delivered the same message in person. He just likes to go on at me, I’m sure that’s it. He can fuck off if he thinks I’m having an early night. I do what I want, when I want.
I delete his text, not responding. I don’t think I ever respond to his texts. I click on to the only other text message, which looks like it might be worth reading. It’s from a number I don’t know, making me curious. I click on it, reading over the words.

'Hey Sienna its Niall. I got ur num frm Harry’s fone. R u free 2nyt 2 talk bout H’s bday?' 

What the fuck is this? What kind of English language is this? It almost hurts my eyes and I have to read it several times to make sense of it. I think it says ‘Hey Sienna its Niall. I got your number from Harry’s phone. Are you free tonight to talk about Harry’s birthday?’ Why couldn’t he have just text it properly and send something that makes sense?
I shake my head, irritated by the message. I don’t just hate slang words, I also hate birthdays. I hate my own birthday and other people’s, I always have and I always will. I didn’t know Harry’s birthday was coming up and unfortunately it’s mine soon too.
I lock my phone, not responding to any messages, and I place my phone back in my pocket. I don’t want to think about Harry’s birthday, let alone make plans for it. Niall can piss off and plan it with someone else, who cares.
My head hurts, making me rub my temples, trying to ease the tension. It doesn’t work and I find myself becoming more stressed.
I don’t know what I’m going to do about Harry. I need to think and decide if I’m going to walk away from him and if I do, decide how to do it. If I’m going to end things, I need to do it before his birthday, so I don’t need to be involved with it. The fact that I know his birthday is coming up, swings me towards ending things with him.

Harry’s POV

I’m so tired, it’s been a long arse day. My body is aching and all I want to do is crawl into bed with Sienna. I check the time and it’s getting late, just after nine in the evening. I let myself into her suite, when I reach the door. The living room is empty, so I head towards the bedroom.
I open the door and I’m confused to find her packing a suitcase. I feel sick, knowing this isn’t something good. If this was a planned trip, she would have already told me about it. What if this is like LA?  What if she becomes distant again? I don’t think I can handle that shit, not again.

“Hey babe” I say.

I walk into the room, trying to hide my concern and I take a seat on the edge of the bed. She doesn’t speak to me, she just continues folding her clothes and placing them inside her suitcase. She won’t even look at it, but I can tell from the side view of her face that she is being distant. What have I done wrong?
My heart sinks, watching her pack and it feels like we’re not even in the same room. It’s like I don’t even exist to her. If it wasn’t for her stiff posture, I’d swear she didn’t know I was here.

“Are you okay?”

I try to hide the desperation in my voice, but it’s clear for her to hear. She doesn’t respond, which makes me feel worse. I know her and I know when she doesn’t speak, that’s when something is really wrong. I knew earlier, I knew when she didn’t reply to my text that there was something wrong.
She still ignores me, moving to her drawers and pulling items out of it to pack. She pulls out some lacy underwear and I can’t help imagining her in them. The thoughts are soon filled with pain, making me wonder who else is going to see her in them. They clearly aren’t for my benefit, when she can’t even speak to me.
I stand up, walking to her side and her shoulders rise, when she realises how close I am. Her body is stiff and she looks scared that I might touch her.

“Why are you packing? You didn’t say anything about going away earlier.”

The panic in my voice is evident, the pitch of my voice getting higher and higher. I can’t cope, I can’t think about us being apart. I honestly have no idea what I did with my spare time, before I met her. I can’t stand the thought of being apart, not even for a day.
She still doesn’t have the decency to answer me. She just walks past me and places the items and underwear inside her suitcase. My anger is surfacing, building up and making my blood start to heat up. How can she be so cold and cruel? It was only earlier today she was stating on TV how amazing I am and how much I mean to her. Does she even realise what she is doing?
I’m getting sick and tired of these pathetic games. We’re not fucking kids, we’re grown adults and we shouldn’t have to keep playing games. I don’t want to play games, especially not with her. The more time goes by and she ignores me, the angrier I get. She knows how to push my buttons and eventually I snap.
I grab her arm, pulling her to me and making her turn around to face me. This time she surprisingly looks back at me, but her stare isn’t what I want to see. Her gaze is cold and it reminds me of the Sienna, I first met. I thought I had got through to her and that we were pass this. I thought we were getting better.

“What’s going on?” I ask firmly.

I want answers now and I’m not stopping until I get them. I’m not pussy footing around her and her huge ego anymore. She needs to tell me what’s going on, so I can try and fix it.

“I’m going away.”

Well, I can clearly see that! Why couldn’t she have just said this when I came in? Why does she have to piss about, making things ten times worse? She keeps causing arguments and tension for no reason.

“What for promotional work?”

“No” she shakes her head “I need a break, a short holiday.”

I feel confused by what she is saying. She can’t just go away, not whilst she is in the middle of promotional work and in the middle of rehearsals for her tour. Why didn’t she tell me about this before? She must have already had it planned. So, why didn’t she mention it? I hate how she always surprises me and makes me question everything she does.

“What? Why? Right now?” I ask, needing answers.

“Yes, I’m going to the airport shortly and I’m just going to get a flight to the first place I fancy.”

She speaks so casually and so spontaneously that I am almost jealous. I wish I was as brave as her sometimes. I never could be though, I’m too serious all the time.

“What has Simon and Steve said about it?”

I’m surprised they are letting her go, I thought they’d have put a stop to it.

“I haven’t told them and I’m not going to” she smirks.

I can tell by the shine in her eyes that she is enjoying this rebellious streak, which she has suddenly developed.

“They’ll be furious” I comment.

She shrugs, clearly not bothered about the consequences or repercussions. We both know that Simon won’t be happy about this trip of hers, but I wouldn’t like to be him, going against her.

“I don’t care what either of them think. I need a break from all of this craziness.”

I understand where she is coming from, but that doesn’t mean that I’m okay with her leaving me. I need her and I don’t know how to be without her.

“What about me?” I ask.

I’m so pathetic, not being able to hide the emotion in my voice. She quickly diverts her eyes, so she is no longer looking at me.

“It’ll be good for us to have some space” she claims.

I can tell though that she doesn’t mean it. Surely, she can’t actually mean it.

Sienna’s POV

I look away from him, avoiding all eye contact with him. I’m telling him I need space, but it’s a lie. I don’t need space, I don’t need anything, just him. I’m just doing this to try and make things easier for me. I’m a coward, I always have been. The longer I’m away from him, the easier it will be for me to build my defences up again. I can build my walls back up and then block him from getting back in again.
He won’t understand though, I can’t tell him the truth. If I tell him why I am doing this, then he will convince me to stay. Why is this so hard? Why is it so hard to walk away from him? I wish he knew I am doing this for him, for his sake.
I wasn’t expecting him to come back yet, I was hoping to get away. I was going to slip away, before he found me. I was just going to disappear for a few days and not tell anyone. I know leaving him will ruin his birthday, but he will thank me in the long run. He will see in the end that one ruined birthday is better, than a lifetime of ruined birthdays.

“I need a break from all the craziness” I tell him.

I’m telling the truth, I do need a break, everything is so crazy right now. I need time away from the crazy schedule of my day to day life. I need to get away from the paparazzi and fans, so I’m not constantly followed.

“What about me?” he asks.

I briefly look at him, seeing the sadness clear in his eyes. The guilt, which I never normally feel, charges in and slaps me in the face. I quickly look away from him, before I change my mind.

“It’ll be good for us to have some space.”

I’m lying again, being apart isn’t going to help us. It is just going to shatter us and everything that we have crafted, so far. I’m just doing this to make things easier, easier for me.

“I want you here with me, it’s nearly my birthday. Please don’t leave me.”

My cold, ice like front starts to melt away, seeing how much he wants and needs me. If I wasn’t such a bitch, I would admit to him that I need him too, but I am a bitch, meaning I can’t. I can’t admit it to him that he has made me feel again. He has made me feel things, which I’ve never felt before. I don’t want to lose him, I really don’t, but what choice do I have.

“Come with me” I suddenly say.

I don’t even know what I’m doing, but it feels right. I’m terrified that he is going to reject me, the feeling cutting me inside and I feel stupid now for saying it. I sound so needy and desperate. This whole thing was about me getting away from him and giving us space apart. I just can’t stand the idea of being away from him. The want and need inside, makes me desperate for him.
I reluctantly watch him, waiting for an answer. I really need him to say yes, I can’t handle a no from him. My stomach twists, realising he is going to decline my offer. His eyes narrow, like he is thinking hard.

“How can I come? I’ve got work commitments.”

I can see the consideration in his eyes, telling me that he wants to do this. I need to convince him to come, I need him there.

“They’ll all still be waiting for you, when you get back. If you care about me, like you say you do, then you wouldn’t even need to think about it” I state.

I’m playing the guilt card, which I am often fond of using. He wants to come, but he is worried about the repercussions and what everyone will say.

“Paul and Simon will never agree to it.”

I laugh lightly at his naivety, I like that about him. I like how he sees the world through innocent eyes, it’s refreshing to see.

“Who mentioned anything about telling them? It’s only for a few days, nobody will even miss us. We can go anywhere you want, anywhere at all. We’ll celebrate your birthday in style, just me and you, nobody else.”

I try to convince him, feeling myself warm up inside at the possibility of being alone with him. There’ll be nobody around to disturb us. He stares at me intently and he can see how much this means to me. He knows now that this is more than just a trip, so much more. He nods, smiling and his dimples show, making me smile.

“I better go and pack” he says.

I jump up and down excitedly, feeling butterflies in my stomach. Everything inside me tells me to show him some affection now, so I rush to him and I hug him tightly. I feel like every time I hug him, it becomes more natural. I’m even starting to like it.
He knows deep down there will be serious consequences for us, for just going away, without a word to anyone. I honestly don’t give a fuck though and when he kisses me, I know neither does.

***

We walk into the airport together, holding hands and pulling our suitcases, behind us. I feel uneasy at our hands entwined and it takes everything in me to allow me to keep hold of his hand. I’m really trying my best to show him the affection he deserves. I want him to see how far I’ve come with his support and the care he has shown me.
Two hours, has passed since we decided to go on our break together. We packed quickly and then snuck out of the hotel, so nobody saw us and we got a cab here. I look over at him, as we walk through the airport and I smile at how handsome he looks. He’s wearing his trademark skinny black jeans, a black hoody with the hood worn up and a black beanie hat on beneath it. His eyes are hidden behind sunglasses, trying to stop us from being recognised.
I’m dressed casually too, trying to fit in with my fellow travellers. I’m wearing some stonewash skinny jeans, a white hoody, beige Ugg boots and a white baseball cap. I’m literally obsessed with Ugg boots, especially when I travel. They are just so comfy and I have them in every style and colour you can imagine. My hair is worn in a simple plait, which hangs over my shoulder. I’m wearing sunglasses too, hoping they disguise who I am.
We have luckily not been stopped yet, people don’t tend to notice you as much, when you don’t have a huge entourage with you. I’m hoping this is a sign of things to come and our trip will be like this.
We soon reach the airport helpdesk, so we can buy our tickets. We know we need to be quick because the longer we hang around, the more likely it is that we will be recognised. I really don’t want to be mobbed when we have no security with us.
The woman on the helpdesk, smiles widely at us and it causes me to frown. Her smile is nauseating and I bet her face hurts at the end of every day. I couldn’t smile for a living, it would kill me.

“Hello, how can I help you today?” she asks.

Her white teeth are on show and her eyes are fixed on my man, my Harry. I glare at her, watching her look him up and down. Who the fuck does she think she is, eyeing up my man right in front of me? I will slap her across her heavily made up face, if she carries on. Tramp.
I decide to take charge, knowing Harry is too naïve to notice this sluts advances. My eyes burn into her as I speak, making sure she takes notice of me.

“We need a flight leaving soon, within the United States” I advise.

She finally looks at me, before turning to her computer and taping away on the keyboard. We wait a few minutes and I sigh, growing impatient. Harry must notice because he takes my hand in his and he squeezes it. I look at him and he gives me a small smile, stopping my temper from spilling over.

“We have a flight leaving soon for Los Angeles” she eventually answers.

The memories of LA fill my head and I quickly shake my head, dismissing that option. We can’t go back there, it nearly destroyed us last time.

“No, somewhere else” I tell her.

She keeps looking and a few minutes later, she looks up at us, again.

“We have another flight after that going to Las Vegas.”

I look over at Harry, to see what he thinks about it. I will let him have the deciding decision because it’s his birthday. His face lights up, a smile on his lips at the mention of Las Vegas. I know without him saying the words, that’s where he wants to go. I go into my bag, pulling out my purse and I hand her my credit card.

“Okay, two first class tickets to Las Vegas.”

I feel Harry squeeze my hand, forcing me to add a ‘Please’ on the end. Harry smiles at me and I can see how excited he is. I’ve been to Las Vegas, loads of times before, so I know he’ll have a good time. It will be a new experience for me too. I’ll be going this time with someone who really matters to me, so I’ll make sure he has a birthday to remember.