The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Sienna’s POV

My body hangs off the chair, I sit slumped in. My hotel suite is empty, lifeless and it drags me further into the dark. I’ve hit rock bottom and I’m laying in the rubble now. I don’t know how to get myself back up, out of the rubble. How do you drag yourself out of the brinks of hell?
I’ve ruined everything, like I always do and I feel worse, with every passing second. The minutes turn to hours, time ticking by and I stay here, not moving. I stay slumped in this seat, not being able to move, and not doing anything. I feel like crap, utter shit. I feel powerless and now I have no idea why I hurt him. I shouldn’t have hurt him. Why did I hurt the one person, who cares about me?
I can’t do anything now though, I can’t go back. I‘ve already done the damage, he isn’t coming back now and without him, I have nothing left. I have nobody, like I had before him.
I don’t know why I hurt him and treated him so poorly. Why do I always treat everyone so badly? I wish I could be better, I want to be better and I want to be good, but there is something inside, that won’t let me be those things. It’s the evil that lives inside me, which won’t let me be happy. It’s intent on hurting me, intent on destroying everything I have and everything I am. I can’t stop it, I’ve never been able to stop it.
I cry quietly, emotions controlling me, which I hate. I hate that I can so easily cry now, when months ago I didn’t even remember how it felt to cry. I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to feel these emotions, but now I have opened them up, I can’t stop them.
I cry every time I think about Harry, his sad face. I was so horrible to him and I don’t know why I was, I had no reason to be like that with him. He didn’t deserve it, he never does, but it doesn’t stop me from hurting him. I accused him of cheating on me, with no proof or logic, behind my words.
My head was just going crazy, stopping me from thinking straight. I just saw red, I was so angry that I couldn’t even see straight. That’s why I lost it, it always happens. I couldn’t think rationally and I unwilling to accept that he cares about me. I just can’t seem to accept that he cares because every time he shows it, I push him away. I let him get so close, before I freeze up and I have to cause a fight, removing him from my life.
Everything is such a mess, I didn’t want to start feeling like this for him. I was never meant to care about him, it was never my plan. I just want the pain to end, I don’t want to feel like this anymore
I stare at the fresh bottle of vodka and bottle of painkillers, laying on the table. I stare at them, knowing there is another way, but my head can’t function anymore. I keep crying, staring at the contents on the table, convincing myself more and more that I need them.
I lean over to the table, picking the vodka bottle up and opening it. My hands shake making it difficult to open them, but I manage it. I lift the bottle to my lips, allowing the liquid to fill my mouth and I swallow it. I swallow it desperately, desperate for the taste. My eyes water as the liquor burns down my throat, making me cough as I swallow the devilish liquid.
The liquid that fills me with evil, which keeps wanting and needing more. The darkness inside me feeds off the vodka, until it holds me in its unholy wicked grasp. It corrupts me, until there is nothing left of me. There is nothing left to give, there is nothing left in me, other than evil. I’m not wanted, nobody wants a dishonourable, vile bitch around.
I stare at the bottle of pills, realising the time is right. I have nothing left, so what’s the point in carrying on. I’ve gone too far this time, even Harry won’t come back now. I grab the bottle of pills and I open it, pouring a handful of the small white pills into my hand. My hand shakes, making me close my hand tightly, so the pills don’t fall onto the floor.
I want to sleep, I want to fall asleep and never wake up. I don’t want to feel worthless anymore, maybe in the next life I won’t be. I feel guilty thinking about Harry, I wish things could have been different for us.
I don’t think anymore, I pour the tablets into my mouth and then I swallow them down, with a mouthful of vodka. I cough as I swallow them and my stomach churns, sick threatening to spill out of my mouth, but I fight it and manage to keep it down.
I take another drink of vodka, washing away the sick feeling. I pour more tablets into my hand, repeating the process again. I swallow them all down desperately, until there are no tablets left. This is how it’s all going to end, it will all end here. My eyes become heavy, as I grab my phone and I try to focus on the screen.

‘I’m so sorry for everything’

I press send on my text, sending the message to Harry. I allow my phone to slip from my hand, onto the floor. I heave myself up from the chair, slowly making my way into the bedroom. My body feels heavy and when I reach the bedroom, I crawl onto the bed. My head feels heavy as I lay down, my eyes closing and I finally feel like the pain is going to stop.

Harry’s POV

I toss and turn in bed, wondering what I’ve done to be treated this way. I haven’t done anything wrong, all I’ve done is care about her and every time I try to show it, she throws it back in my face. Why does she keep treating me like this? Why does she keep hurting me?
I keep giving her everything, but it still isn’t enough for her. My phone goes off, making me pick it up and I see I have a text message from Sienna. What is her fucking deal?
She keeps treating me like shit and then the next minute she acts like nothing has happened. It’s like she doesn’t want me when I’m there and she does want me when I’m gone. I’m pissed off, I can’t keep letting her play me like this. I don’t get how someone can have such erratic mood swings, she’s nice one second and nasty the next. I can’t believe she acted so irrationally earlier, she was so angry and for no good reason. How can she think I’d ever cheat on her? I’d never cheat.
I wish she could see how much I care about her and how much she means to me. I know I should walk away, before I get hurt any further. I can’t though, I’m already drawn in too much. I can’t just stop how I feel and she knows that. Everyone knows that and that’s why she treats me like this. She does it because she knows she can.
I didn’t think that prior to meeting her that I would fall for her like this and now I can’t stop it. I want her and I know she wants me, she just needs to admit it to herself. She needs to let her guard down and let me be there for her. I’ll look after her forever, if she’ll let me. I’d do anything for her, I will even forgive her for earlier.
I quickly get of bed, heading out of my suite and back to hers. I just want to make up with her and for us to sleep beside each other. I can’t sleep when she isn’t here, not properly. I rush to her suite, desperate to get things sorted out. I don’t want to be on my own, I want to hold her.
I reach her suite and I open the door, using the spare key I have and I make my way inside. The smell of sick hits me the moment I walk inside and I feel concerned, as I shut the door behind me. We will have to stay in my suite tonight, until hers has been cleaned. I don’t know why she has to get herself into such states.
I walk further into the suite and I notice the half empty vodka bottle placed on the table and my veins fill with ice, as I see the empty pill bottle beside it. I grip my hair in fear, wondering if she has taken those tablets.
I run into the bedroom and she lays slumped across the sick covered bed. Her body looks limp and lifeless, making my heart race. What the hell has she done?
I rush to her side, turning her onto her back. Her face is pale like a ghost, but I am relieved to see her chest falling and rising.

“Sienna” I say desperately.

I shake her body, trying to get a response from her. Her eyes slowly open, she stares at me sleepily and then her eyes close again.

“Did you take the tablets?” I ask in desperation.

My voice is loud and demanding, needing answers from her. She reopens her eyes and I shake her again, needing her to listen to me.

“I can’t remember” she croaks.

Her words are slurred and laced with sleep. I know she remembers though, so I shake her harder, my temper rising.

“SIENNA!” I shout “Did you take the tablets? Yes, or no? Please remember.”

“No.”

I don’t believe her, my subconscious tells me that she has taken them, because of me. I quickly grab my phone from my pocket, without thinking and I call 911, needing an ambulance. I give the person on the line all the details and they talk me through things to do, whilst I wait for the ambulance to arrive. Every piece of me is filled with fear, making me pray that she will be okay, but I still expect the worse.