The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Harry’s POV

My eyes sting and my head throbs, as I slowly wake up. I feel something vibrating in my pocket and when I reach into it, I find my phone ringing. My vision is blurry, so I rub my eyes, trying to focus on the name on the screen. It’s Liam, it’s his name, showing on the front.

“Hello” I croak, answering the phone.

I press the receiver to my ear and every part of me aches, even with just that small amount of movement.

“Where are you?” he asks worriedly.

I sit up properly, feeling confused by his worried and urgent tone. I stare around, realising I’m in Sienna’s suite and I’m led on her floor. The suite is in total carnage, making me want to heave. What the hell did I do last night?

“What?” I ask.

I’m too confused and hung over to understand what he wants. My voice sounds gravelly and it hurts, every time I breathe and speak.

“Where are you?” he repeats “We’re all waiting for you, we’ve got interviews to do. We’ve been calling you for the last hour!”

His tone is sharp, showing me that he’s frustrated with me. My head hurts more from his demanding and firm words. I’ve overslept and that makes everything feel worse, especially my head.

“Shit!” I curse “Sorry, I’ll be down in five minutes.”

I quickly end the call, not giving him the chance to say anything else to me. I’m not in the mood for one of his lectures, not this early in the morning.
I drag myself to my feet, stumbling around, as my head hurts more. I stare around at the suite, which is completely trashed. There are empty bottles of alcohol everywhere, sick covering the floor and used condoms, laying on the floor. It’s fucking disgusting!
I push my hair out of my face, pushing it back and it stays in place because it needs a good wash. I think about last night, remembering what happened. Oh god, what a fucking mess everything is!
I look around finding Sienna, laying asleep not far from me, hardly wearing any clothes. Her head lays in a pool of her own sick. I walk to her, feeling worried, until I hear her breathing heavily. She was so pissed last night and so was I.
I quickly go into the bathroom, which is a mess too. I splash cold water on my face, trying to wake myself up. I place some toothpaste on my finger, rubbing it on my teeth, attempting to freshen my breath with it. I stare at my tired reflection in the mirror and I hate how tired I look. My nose is sore and it feels like there is something stuck at the back of my throat, making me feel sick. I keep trying to clear my throat, but it won’t shift. I just keep getting the horrible taste of cocaine again.
I hope that none of the guys realise what I did last night. They’d be furious if they knew I was up all night taking drugs. I’d be furious if it was one of them.
I walk out of the bathroom, finding my clothes on the floor. I quickly pull them on, getting fully clothed, including my shoes. I lay a sheet over Sienna, not wanting her near naked body to be on show. I decide not to wake her, knowing if she wants me to stay, I won’t be able to leave her.
I quickly leave the suite and I run all the way down to the lobby, even using the stairs, hoping it gets me there quicker. I’m out of breath, by the time I get to the lobby and I reach the others. They all stand waiting for me, not looking too happy, about my lateness.

“Sorry, I overslept.”

I notice Liam giving me a questionable look, which makes me worry that he knows what I did last night. Does he know about the drugs?

“Are you sure you’ve slept at all?” he asks.

His tone is playful and he laughs lightly, as he speaks. I don’t say anything, not liking where this conversation is going. I don’t want to think about last night, not at all.

“No, he didn’t sleep. He was up all night fucking that strippers brains out” Niall says, disrespectfully.

He nudges me in my ribs, forcing me to smile, so I can try and cover my tracks. I can’t tell them that I actually have been up all night, but I was up all night, taking drugs with Sienna. They’d be furious with me and they wouldn’t understand. They wouldn’t understand, why I had to do it. They’d be so mad at me, that they’d want me out of the band. I can’t leave them though, I need them.

“Come on, let’s go” Paul says, walking over to us.

I can tell he’s mad that I’ve made us all run late, but he doesn’t have a go at me, which I’m thankful for. He leads the way and we all follow him, out to our awaiting cars. My eyes hurt, as they connect with the morning light. I’ve no idea how I’m functioning right now or how I’m going to get through these interviews.

Sienna’s POV

The loud knocking, wakes me up and makes my head hurt. I groan in disgust, as I slowly sit up and I wake up properly. The knocking continues and I hold my head in my hands, trying to ease the pain. Who the fuck is that? I somehow manage to get to my feet, feeling my own vomit on my face and my hair is crispy, as the sick has dried into it. I wrinkle my nose in disgust, feeling sick again.
Last night, was insane! It was literally crazy, but I had fun. I don’t think I’ve ever had a night that wild, if I have it was a long time ago. My eyes trace over my suite, which is completely trashed. It’s going to cost me a fortune to get it all fixed and cleaned, but I don’t care. I attempt to walk, my legs feel like jelly and I have to hold onto a nearby table for support.
The knocking comes again, further irritating me and making my head hurt more. For fuck sake, I’m coming!! I wrap the sheet from the floor around me, hiding my modesty.
I walk to the door, well I drag myself there and I reluctantly open the door. My head aches even more, when I see my ex fucking boyfriend, Lee stood staring back at me. What the fuck does he want? I stare at him, not being able to hide the disgust on my face. He smiles at me, with his perfect white teeth. He’s dressed to fucking perfection, irritating me further. His brown hair is gelled back, without a single piece of hair out of place. His skin is bronzed and his face is clean shaven. His blue eyes shine brightly and he runs his tongue, over his plump red lips. He’s wearing light blue skinny jeans, a simple white t-shirt and white converse. He looks good, I suppose he always did. That wasn’t enough for me, his good looks were never important.

“Hey Star, can I come in?” he asks.

I stare back at him, feeling like we’ve gone back in time. What’s he even doing here? We broke up, I told him I never wanted to see him again and he agreed. He vowed he’d never see or speak to me again, and I was happy with that. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want him here.

“What’re you doing here?” I ask harshly.

He knows that I’m not the kind of person to hide what I think. I don’t want him here and he shifts from foot to foot, showing he knows that.

“Well, you never got back to me about us getting back together, so I decided to surprise you” he smiles.

I don’t smile back and his smile starts to fade. I hope he feels stupid for turning up here, when I clearly don’t want him here. I mean he knows I hate surprises, so he shouldn’t expect me to be impressed with this spontaneous behaviour. I never had any intentions of calling him back, when I hung up on him. Why would he think coming here was a good idea?

“Please, can I come in?” he asks, again.

I reluctantly step aside, allowing him access to my suite. I really don’t want to have this conversation in the corridor. He walks inside and I shut the door behind him. There’s a strange part of me that’s slightly pleased he’s here, I think I like the chase sometimes. It’s pretty big, him getting a flight here, just to see me. Nobody has ever made that kind of effort with me before and it’s nice. It’s nice to know someone cares.
I stand by the door, watching him, as he stares around my suite. He takes in all of the mess and a small smirk plays on his lips. I keep distance between us, waiting for him to speak and I hold onto the sheet around me tightly.

“Wild night?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Who knows?” I shrug “I can’t remember it.”

He laughs lightly, nodding like he is recalling memories. He’s probably thinking about all the nights we had, were we couldn’t remember a thing the next day. My head is still hurting, feeling worse every time I speak, so I don’t want to get into a full blown conversation with him.

“Sounds about right for you” he smirks.

He walks to one of the sofas and he knocks the empty bottles on it to the floor. His eyes soon land on some of the cocaine, which lays on the table. I bet he wants some, he never could resist a line. He turns to me, eyebrows raised and a look of curiosity on his face.

“Still heavy on that scene?” he asks, nodding to the cocaine.

We were both always heavy on the cocaine scene, taking more when we were together. It got so out of hand, when I was with him. We were bad for each other, but I liked how he never judged me. He couldn’t judge me, he had a bigger problem than me.

“I thought you were going to try and stop?”

What the fuck has it got to do with him? I bet he hasn’t stopped, so why would I have stopped?

“You know how it is” I state.

Lee’s POV

“You know how it is” she states.

She shrugs her shoulders and then crosses her arms over her chest, staring at me defiantly. Of course I know how it is, I know exactly what she’s like. I’m sure I know her better than she knows herself, but she’d never admit that. I know how her fucked up mind works and how she works. I spent nearly every day for six solid months with her, living the crazy roller-coaster that’s her life. I don’t think there was ever a dull moment.
I swear every day got crazier, more heated and intense. I fucking hated it at the time, never being able to keep up with her or knowing where I stood. It’s only being separated that I’ve seen how much she actually means to me. She made my life seem worthwhile and now she’s gone, it feels empty. It doesn’t feel completed, so now I know I shouldn’t have let her go.
I know she has loads of bad qualities and she dos things that drive me crazy. She’s really selfish, she’s cold, harsh and unpredictable, but that’s what makes her so endearing. It’s all been pointless without her. I’ve had to go back to normality, which isn’t nice when you’ve lived the high life. I’ve not lived the same luxury life as I did with her. I miss that, I miss her.
She probably doesn’t see it, but me and her are near enough the same person. We both get pissed a lot, we love sex and our weakness is cocaine. I remember spending entire weekends, just me and her, hauled up in some posh hotel room. We’d lock the door and spend the weekend doing those three things. We’d go days without speaking, always finding other ways to occupy our times or mouths.
I stare at her and she turns away, avoiding eye contact with me. That’s one thing that will never change with her. I know I need to do the talking, I need to convince her that we should get back together. Her phone starts ringing, filling the silence, which fills the room. She walks to the sideboard, where her phone lays and she picks it up. She checks the name, before answering.

“Hello” she answers, placing the phone on loudspeaker.

“Your car will be here in an hour. I need you to be ready. We have interviews and a performance planned” the voice speaks.

I’m sure it’s Steve, her manager, on the line. I recognise his voice and only he would be telling her what to do. I always hated him and I’m sure the feeling was mutual. She rolls her eyes, showing she doesn’t want to listen to him, but she doesn’t have a choice.

“Sure.”

She quickly ends the call, placing the phone back down. She grips the sheet around her tightly and I can’t help imagining it falling, so I can relive seeing her naked body. I don’t know why she’s hiding it from me anyway, I’ve seen every part of her.

“Do you want to come with me, so we can talk?” she asks.

Her words surprise me, I didn’t think for a second that she’d invite me with her. I’ll obviously go with her, I’m not missing a chance like this. She mustn’t be thinking of what the press will say, but I am. There could be a lot of coverage on me being spotted here and I’m not one to miss an opportunity.

Harry’s POV

I smile at all the right moments, hiding my raging hangover. I’m doing well though, even saying all of the right things in the interview. I’m doing exactly what everyone needs me to do, being a perfectly functioned robot. I’ve no idea how I’m doing it, but I am.
I swear I’ve never felt this shit before, no hangover has ever been this bad. This is like the worst hangover I’ve ever had, timed by a million. That’s only part of how I feel. I never want to feel like this again, I really don’t know how Sienna did it every single day. How could anyone want to put themselves through this willingly every day? I wonder if she keeps doing it because it makes her feel better, like hair of the dog.
The interviews have been one after another, all morning and I’m started to slack now. It isn’t as easy to keep the fake smile on my face, as I get more tired. I don’t know how much longer I can last.

“You alright, mate?” Zayn asks.

“Yeah, just tired.”

I rub my eyes, trying to wake myself up. He thinks I’ve just got a normal hangover, he doesn’t know that I’m on a comedown from the drugs too. I can’t exactly tell him what I’ve been up to, he’d never approve. He pats my back gently, making me feel slightly uneasy. We haven’t got a close friendship, I’m the least close to him in the bad. Perhaps, he just feels sorry for me, looking like this.

“Not long now” he advises.

I manage to force out a small smile, which he takes as sincere. He turns away and I start to prepare myself for the next interview and what feels like endless questions. I’m really sick of talking and answering the same shit. I know the guys are getting pissed off too, I can’t blame them. There are only so many times that they can stay quiet, whilst I answer question after question about my marriage to Sienna. I try to avoid most questions, but the interviewees are so pushy. I can’t answer much because I don’t know what is going on with us myself. Why can’t they just concentrate on us as a band and our music?
My mind drifts off to Sienna, wishing I did know where we stand. I keep wanting to text her, but I don’t want to come across as pushy. I don’t want to rock the boat again, by pissing her off with being too needy. I just want her to miss me, so that she’ll want me back. I really hope I’m starting to get through to her, so she can see I really am sorry.

Sienna’s POV

I sit across from Lee, a round table parting us in the hotel bar. It’s been a long day and I’m shattered, but I needed a drink. I’ve had a shit day, interview after interview I was asked about Harry and our relationship. My patience was really wearing thin by the end of the day. I didn’t answer much, not wanting to talk about Harry with the world.
I’m just so sick of the same interviews. If they’re not asking about my love life, they’re asking about my drug use. I’m sick of having to deny it, when clearly it’s true.
Lee goes to the bar again, getting us both another drink, so I can drink this shit day away. He returns moments later, with two drinks in his hands. He places a double vodka in front of me and he sits down, holding a double whiskey for himself. That’s his favourite drink, mines vodka. I take a sip of my drink, relaxing the more I drink. I’ve needed a drink all day, I’ve needed to get drunk.
We sit in silence, which is quite usual for us. We’ve not spoken much all day, just like our entire relationship. We’ve always been quiet together, we have minimal in common, other than a few illegal interests. We both sit drinking, neither of us attempting a conversation. It’s funny how easily you forget how boring a person and relationship was, until you get back into that habit again.
I still remember some of the heated fights we had. We’d scream and hit each other, but we always just made up. We never talked things through or resolved anything, which wasn’t healthy. We just carried on like nothing had happened. That’s why we never worked and we never will.
He starts to hum, irritating me. I give him a stern look, which he notices and he quickly stops with the annoying sound. I’ve always managed to be the alpha in this relationship, which he always accepted.
I stare around the bar and I feel uneasy, when I see Zayn and Liam walk into the bar. I make eye contact with them and all seems so awkward. They look at Lee, neither of them looking pleased to see him. They sit down at a table, looking through the food menu when they do. I start to think of Harry, wondering where he is and what he’s doing.
I stare at Lee and he stares back at me, smiling lightly. We share some of the same interests, but not good things. We’ve the same liking for dangerous things, which is why we are so bad for each other. There never was and there never will be any passion between us. I’ve never had the desire to rip his clothes off and he doesn’t make me feel special, not in the way Harry does. I have those things with Harry, so why am I sat here with Lee? Lee would be a good companion in a lifestyle, which I shouldn’t be living. He loves going shopping and spending money. He does what I tell him to and he never judges me, which means he never stops me from doing bad things. I don’t know now though if that’s because he cared or because he doesn’t care. It just feels different sat here with him, but not good different. I don’t want him, I never have, so I shouldn’t be here wasting my time. I don’t want to waste another second with him.

“This” I point from to me him “Doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel how it should.”

I’m finally being honest with him and having a real conversation, like adults.

“Okay” he says simply.

“It’s definitely over for me” I tell him.

“Fine.”

He speaks calmly, which proves he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about me or us. It surprises me because I though this is what he wanted, that he wanted us to be together.

“I want a payoff.”

His words make me laugh and everything fits into place. He never missed me and he doesn’t love me. This was always just about money and what he could get from me. He’s here for his meal ticket, like many before him. It all makes sense now, our whole relationship was never about us. It was about me providing him with a lifestyle. It’s always been about what he can get from me and even now he still wants more. He wants every last piece of what he thinks he deserves.
I would tell him to fuck off, but he know too much. I can’t risk him sharing his story with the world and everyone seeing the drug fuelled mess I was, when I was with him.

“I want a million pounds and then everything that happened between us stays with us. If not I know a lot of newspapers who’d be interested in my story.”

I should be furious, raging with him, but I’m not. I don’t care enough about him as a person for him to enrage me. It’s just money, it’s not a big deal.

“Fine, I’ll get my lawyer to speak to yours.”

He should know that a million pounds is just pocket change to me and it’ll be worthwhile paying him just to get rid of him for good. I stand up, not wanting to spend another second with him.

“Au reviour.”

I leave him with those final words, walking away from him. I don’t think I ever expected him to really care because he never cared when we were together. I shouldn’t have given him the time of day, not when I already have Harry. I’ve been stupid, wasting my time with Lee, when I could be with my husband. I just really hope that he still wants me too.