The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Sienna's POV

It feels like a hammer is hitting my head over and over. I sit up in bed, holding my forehead in my heads, rubbing it with my fingers, trying to ease the pressure.

The sun shines through the window, making my eyes scrunch together. It's morning, I don't even remember going to sleep. I rub my eyes, feeling makeup smudge beneath my palms. Shit! Why didn't I take my makeup off last night?

I stare around, finding the bed empty at Harry's side. Fuck! I'm in Harry's suite, memories come flooding back to me. I can't help smirking as I see my clothes discarded on the floor. That's why I didn't take my makeup off last night.

I came to his suite after I'd been out, hoping he'd fuck me and he did. He didn't let me down, like I knew he wouldn't. He never lets me down. 

I get up out of bed, staggering slightly as I try to compose myself. I search the room, finding my knickers on the floor, which I put on. I walk over to his wardrobe, opening it and looking through the rows of clothes. I run my hands over his endless shirts and t-shirts. I spot a black t-shirt flung in the bottom of the wardrobe. I bend down, picking it up and I hold it to my nose. I can smell him on it and I love it. I love his smell.

I've never been in his suite for a long period of time on my own. I take advantage of the situation and I search around for something interesting. I walk to his bedside table, opening the drawer and I find a brown leather journal inside. I pull it out, admiring the battered book, which has seen better days. I've seen him carrying it around before, but he's always been secretive about it. I've never seen him writing in it and he always keeps it closed when I'm around. I know I shouldn't read it, but a few pages won't hurt. Will it?

I sit down on the bed, crossing my legs beneath me and I unclip the fastener on the front. I open it up on the last page he wrote on.

I hate her. Honestly, I truly hate her, but I love her at the exact same time. I love her with every part of me. She's like a drug to me. I'm addicted to her, fucking intoxicated by her. She's ruining my life, destroying every inch of me. 

Every second of every day she fills my mind. It's been like this since the first day I met her. If I could go back to that day I'd have run a fucking mile. If I knew what I knew now then I'd never have gone near her. 

I wish I hadn't helped her because now I need help. I'm the one who's fucking messed up. I'm the one trapped in a vicious cycle of love and hate. It's too late for me, nobody can save me. I'm in too deep, I'm lost in her. I don't even know who I am without her. Sienna. My Sienna. Her name is like poison on my tongue. I wish I could spit her out, but she's flowing through my veins. She's got me, completely got me and she fucking knows it.

The ache in my head intensifies, causing me more discomfort as I take in Harry's words. He wrote those words about me. I never realised he felt like that, I didn't know I'd caused him that much pain. I know our relationship has been volatile and I know how shit I've been. He knew this though, he knew what I was like when he got involved with me. I'm never going to be that pristine, clean cut girl that he wants. I'll never give up the drugs and I'll never be able to control my rage. This is me. That's who I am. 

I flick through the pages of his diary, unable to stop myself from divulging further into his secret thoughts. This is a diary, his diary and I can't help wanting to read every page. I want to know everything he felt, I want to know every detail.