The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Sienna’s POV

I slam the door of my hotel room, in a fit of rage. Fucking Harry! He pisses me off, so fucking much! I stamp over to one of the sofas and I throw myself down on it in temper. I close my eyes and his face fills my head, annoying me further. I can’t stand reliving the hurt, disappointment and confusion on his face. Why does he have to always make things so hard?
I can’t help feeling some guilt at leaving him stood in the bar like that. What else was I meant to do though? He brought this all on himself. I couldn’t show him that I was on the verge of breaking and becoming weak. If he knew what my weaknesses where, he would only take advantage of them and use them against me. I can’t have that, I have to show him how strong I am. I can’t let anyone take advantage of me, not even him.
I haven’t even got any intentions of filing for an annulment, it would be too much effort. I’m not going to tell him any different though. I want him to be hurt and feel on edge, like he makes me feel. I said all of that to shut him up and to get him away from me, but he never knows when to leave things alone. I knew the only way to stop him from coming after him was to hurt him and I did. I hurt him and I’m glad I did.
I don’t think we can get past what he has done though. I’m still furious with him and I can’t just forgive him for betraying me. He needs to know how important confidentiality is with me and how sacred trust is. He needs to realise I’m in charge, I’m the boss and I don’t put up with this kind of bullshit.
I don’t want to split up with him though, there will be too many happy people if we do. The media will revel in the news that we have split up. They will make a mockery of us and our marriage, like they have been waiting to do since we got married. They will run thousands of stories on us, using our marriage for every penny they can.
I can’t help wishing that I’d never met him, I wish things were like they were before him. I don’t want to feel like this and have these feelings for him. I can’t just walk away now, not feeling how I do, even though I wish I could. I don’t want to miss him or to appreciate the love, he has shown me how to feel. I can’t forget him, not just for the feelings I have of him, but because he will always be around. I can’t just cut him out of my life, we have a full tour to do yet.
I need to get the thoughts of him out of my head, I need to party. I need to get drunk and high, so I can forget all of my problems. I want to forget him and have some fun. I want to get so drunk that I can’t even remember his name.
I sit up, grabbing my handbag from the side of me and I search for my mobile phone. I find it and then I search through the contacts, until I find the name I need. Mark, my hot security guard. He’s always up for a good time and to get drunk. He knows loads of people, so we can really get the party started. It will only take one text and in a matter of hours, my suite will be full of people wanting to party.

'Party in my suite tonight! Bring as many people as you know xo'. 

I type the text and click send, sending it to Mark. He’ll probably be on the phone to people already, inviting them around. I go back into my contact list, searching for another number and I quickly find it. Peter, my drug dealing friend. I ring him, not wasting any time and within seconds he answers.

“Hey, I’m having a party tonight, so I need as much gear as you can get” I tell him,

He agrees to sort it for me, which I knew he would. We end the call and I sit, waiting for time to go faster. The thought of Harry being mad at me, brings a strange smile to my face. I’m never going to just sit around and mope, that isn’t my style. I’ll deal with this break up the best way I know how and it involves getting so intoxicated that I feel nothing.

Harry’s POV

The spot lights flash briefly in my eyes, as I stare up to the ceiling. I’m pissed, too pissed and I’ve no idea what I’m even doing here. I slump back further into my seat, trying to ignore the half-naked women, who dance on stage and the nearby poles. I’ve no interest in them and their near naked bodies. How the fuck did I end up in a strip club?
I’ll tell you how I ended up here, Niall and fucking Liam! Those pair of dicks! Why did I let them bring me here? It was the last place I wanted to go and even though they dragged me here, I know I could have put up a further fight.
I pick up my shot of Sambuca from the round table in front of me and I drink it in one. My face scrunches up in disgust as the aniseed taste burns down my throat. I fucking detest that liquorish liquid, but it’s helping take the pain away. I need it to do its job, I need it to take my pain away and to make me lose my inhibitions.
I hear Niall cheer loudly, drawing my attention to him. He leans into the woman in front of him, a handful of twenty dollar bills in his hand and he places them in her panties. I stare at the woman, she is beautiful. She has long blonde hair, a killer body, but her smile isn’t sincere. I can see the pain and torment in her eyes, which she is trying to hide by smiling. What decisions did she make in life to end up here? What’s her story?
Fuck! I’m so drunk! How did I end up this drunk? I’m on the verge of tears in the middle of a strip club. This is the last place I should be, but I don’t know where else I could go. The only other alternative is to go back to my hotel room, alone and drown further in my own self-pity.

“This is fucking sick!” Niall shouts over to me.

I don’t respond because I don’t get it. I don’t get how he can enjoy this. How can he enjoy these broken women degrading themselves? I watch Liam agreeing with him and then he starts placing twenty dollar bills into the blonde’s panties too. They are both having the times of their lives, but this isn’t my scene. I can’t enjoy myself, when every time I close my eyes I see Sienna’s face.
The pain keeps resurfacing, every time I think about her, becoming more painful. Why hasn’t she realised yet that I was trying to help her? My intentions were good, I meant well. I know she isn’t going to forgive me, which makes me feel even worse. I bet she is in her suite now, with her lawyer and they’ll be filling in the paper work for the annulment.
I pick up my glass of vodka, drinking it and screwing my eyes up, stopping them from watering. The taste burns, all the way down my throat to my empty stomach. I hate the taste and the burning feeling the vodka brings me, but it somehow makes me feel connected to Sienna. It’s her tipple, her favourite drink. The taste reminds me of her lips, making me feel like I have just kissed her, when I lick my lips. I just want to feel her lips on mine, even if it’s just for one last time. I’ll let her go then, I’ll let her move on and I’ll move on too.
I keep drinking, drinking as much vodka as I can, until I can’t take anymore. My throat feel like it is on fire and even swallowing hurts. My head aches and I hold it in my hands, trying to figure out what to do next.
I stare around and I spot Niall, talking to the pretty blonde dancer from earlier. She is bent down on her podium, which has a pole attached to it. I have no interest in what he is saying to her, I just hope I don’t have to be involved in any way. I internally groan as Niall nods his head towards me, making my body tense up. What the fuck is he up to?
She nods her head and then she climbs off her podium. She starts walking towards me, infuriating me. No! No! No!!! I don’t want her near me and I don’t want to have to tell her to fuck off. She reaches me, the miserable drunken bastard, surrounded by empty glasses .She starts to dance in front of me, wearing nothing other than her panties. FUCK!!!
I close my eyes, trying to pretend she isn’t near me. I can smell her though and even though I try to pretend it’s Sienna, I know it isn’t. She doesn’t smell like Sienna, nobody does. I can hear Niall and Liam cheering her on, so I open my eyes and look at them. They both smirk at me, looking pleased with themselves. I know they’re just trying to help me, so I end up smirking at them.
I think I’m delusional or just too drunk because I’m almost enjoying this. I know it’s seedy, but I need something to help me forget Sienna. This woman is doing her job, she chose this profession. She presses her tits into my face, which instantly pushes the image of Sienna, out of my head.
I try to stop myself from enjoying it, but the closeness and feeling of another woman’s skin on mine, feels amazing. I need some attention, I need this. I know that Sienna doesn’t care about me, not anymore and it hurts knowing she doesn’t. It pisses me off that I have put up with so much shit from her and she has given up on us because of one fucking mistake. How’s that fair?
I’ve only ever tried to look out for her, but she doesn’t appreciate anything I ever do. I refuse to sit around and feel sorry for myself anymore. I’m going to start living again, living the life of a single guy. She won’t be sat crying over me and I’m not going to cry over her anymore.
The blonde grinding on me, bends down and starts to whisper filth into my ear. Her words surprise me and make my eyes open widely at how forward she is. My eyebrows rise further and I surprise myself by nodding at her. This is the best way to forget her, to forget Sienna.
She takes my hand in hers and she helps me to my feet. She starts to lead me away from my table, towards one of the clubs private rooms. I take one last look at Niall and Liam, who grin at me and give me the thumbs up. This is it, this is how I’m going to forget about Sienna.

***

I don’t know how much time has passed, when I finally walk out of the private room. I feel disorientated and I feel like I’m going to be sick. I don’t know what I’ve just done, I didn’t mean to do it. I wipe my mouth, feeling disgusting and dirty. I’ve betrayed Sienna. I’ve fucking betrayed her!
I quickly fasten the buttons on my jeans, hoping nobody noticed they were undone. I stare down at the floor, feeling ashamed of myself. My eyes start to sting with tears, making me feel more stupid than before. Why the fuck have I been so stupid?
My eyes land on my arm and the words inked on it. The words that I got for her, which were meant to mean something, but they don’t. They don’t mean anything. How could they when I’ve done this?

‘If you’ll be my star, I’ll be your sky.’

They were meant to be for her, for Sienna. The woman who I say I love and then I betray in the blink of an eye. I search the room, looking for Niall and Liam, but I can’t see then. I haven’t got time to look for them, I can’t stand being here any longer. I’m disgusting, fucking disgusting!
I rush towards the exit and that’s when I finally spot Niall and Liam, enjoying themselves. I should tell them I’m leaving, but I won’t be able to handle all of their questions. I don’t want them to judge me for the poor decision I’ve made or worse, encourage my behaviour.
I rush outside, without them seeing me and the cold air seems to sober me up. I hold onto the wall, steadying myself and trying to regain control, before I’m sick everywhere. Everything seems to be spinning, maybe I’m drunker than I thought.
I take a moment to compose myself, before I flag down a cab. I’m relieved that there are no fans or paparazzi around to take pictures of me. The last thing I need is for my sinful face to be plastered all over the internet and newspapers.
I climb into the waiting cab, I tell him my hotel and we set off. The journey back to the hotel, allows me to re-evaluate everything, like Sienna. This whole thing has just confirmed what I already knew, I love her. I love her more than anything or anyone, I’ve ever thought I loved before. I need her back, I have to have her back. I don’t do stupid things like tonight, it isn’t me. This wasn’t meant to happen and I’m not going to let one drunken night ruin us. We’re meant to be together and I need to make her realise that. She has to forgive me, she has too.

Sienna’s POV

I dance in time with the music, laughing loudly as I do and I start to enjoy myself. I’m letting go and getting into the party spirit. The party’s in full swing and my hotel suite is full of people, who I don’t even know. This is the best way to party, with people who don’t know you.
Every surface of my suite is covered in either alcohol or drugs. Everyone getting involved in taking different substances and I join them too. I take endless amounts of cocaine and I drink mouthfuls of vodka. I’m having a great time.
I laugh at the happenings in my suite, things that would make most people’s eyes burn, but not mine. I’m too fucked to judge or take full notice of what is happening. I just laugh, I laugh at people having sex in front of everyone and the orgies, which are taking place in the corner. Nobody here judges or cares, they just want to have a good time, like me.
I’m having a great time and nobody pays attention to the pop star, sniffing cocaine from her nails. I would still do it even if they were watching me. I don’t care if they even sell this shit to the media, I’ll just deny it, like I always do.
I move around the room, beginning to get endless amounts of attention from males and females. I love it, I love that they all want me. I feel someone pressing themselves against me and I make no attempt to push them away. I don’t care who it is, I like feeling wanted.
I reach a guy laying on the floor with cocaine covering his chest, so I bend down, snorting cocaine from him. I stand back up and when I do, someone grabs me and presses their lips against mine. They fill my mouth with some liquor and I swallow it. The taste of whiskey, sweeps down my throat and I feel sick. I hate whiskey and I stumble, realising how drunk I am.
I for some unknown reason remove my dress, so I’m left in just my underwear. Everyone’s eyes are on me, wanting me, like I knew they would. They all want me, everyone wants me. I look good, I always look good.
The music blasts out, even louder and I move my body in time with the music. I let myself get lost in the music. I feel so alive, so full of life and it feels amazing. I haven’t felt this good, since I started to fall for Harry. I didn’t think anything else, other than him, could make me feel like this. It feels good to feel like this, without him.
My name is called, several times and I find everyone wanting my attention. They all want my approval and I’m happy to give it to them. I watch as some people attempt four way kiss and I realise I can’t recall how many people I’ve kissed. This party has been completely crazy, amazing crazy.
I feel a pair of hands on my waist and when I turn around I’m faced with a pretty auburn haired girl. She smiles sweetly and before I get the chance to do anything, her lips are on mine and she kisses me. Her tongue enters my mouth and I kiss her back, enjoying the wolf whistles and encouragement we receive.

Harry’s POV

I stand outside Sienna hotel suite, with my stomach twisting in knots. The music blasts from inside and a million thoughts go through my head of what she is up to. My head pictures her with another man and the thought alone, makes my blood boil. I won’t be able to control myself if she is with someone else. I will lose it, I’ll go fucking crazy.
I try the door and it opens, allowing me to walk inside. I’m first hit with the smell of smoke and alcohol, before seeing the craziness. I stumble inside, shocked by what’s happening in here. I’m drunk myself, so I hate to think how outraged I’d be if I was sober.
I search through the crowds, looking for Sienna, ignoring the craziness. I need to find her and to sort us out. I feel a hand grip my arm, making me turn around. I’m irritated to be greeted by some random girl and not Sienna, like I’d expected. I quickly shrug her off me, moving away and continuing my search.
I have to step over, some disgusting people having sex on the floor. They are animals, disgusting animals. Why would anyone want to have sex in front of all of these people? I quickly move away from them, feeling disgusted. I keep searching and then I see her. I see Sienna and I watch in awe, as she kisses another girl. She moves away, before licking cocaine off the other girl’s tits!!
Suddenly, some horrible bastard walks behind her and places his hands on her waist. He moves closer to her and he starts to leave kisses on her neck. My blood boils over, as he grabs her tits, touching her in places that only I should touch her.
I just stand here though, watching her and not knowing what to do. I don’t want to see this, but I can’t take my eyes off her. I want to smash this guy’s face in, until it’s mangled and unrecognisable. How dare he touch her! I don’t know where we stand though or if I’m allowed to stop this. I decide I have every right to, but as I’m about to step forward she pushes the guy off her. Her eyes meet mine and my pulse races, as she walks towards me.
She doesn’t break my eye contact, as she reaches me and stands before me. I can tell just by looking at her that she is really drunk and has been taking cocaine all night. Her expression is unreadable and still, all I want to do is kiss her. I want to feel her again, but I don’t know if she wants me, or not.
I should be pissed off at her, for kissing that girl and letting that guy kiss her, then there’s the drugs too, but I can’t be angry with her, I never can be. I’m the first to look away, her intense stare, becoming too much for me.
My eyes find a pile of cocaine, which lays on a nearby table. I wonder what it feels like, like how it makes you feel. I wonder if it helps to stop you feeling any pain. My eyes stay fixed on the white powder, as I walk closer to the table. I want it, I want to try it and to be fully involved in her world. I want to understand why she does it and why she needs it so much.
I pull a dollar bill from my pocket, rolling it up and I bend down to the table. I place the bill into the cocaine and then I sniff some of the white powder up my nose, hovering up a full line, which has already been laid out. My eyes instantly start to water, my nose stinging and my head hurting, from the sudden invasion.
I don’t get it, I don’t get why people do this. This isn’t me, I don’t do drugs. I don’t want to be involved in this or this world, but then I feel her arms wrap around my waist. I love feeling her close again and it makes it all seem worth it. I feel warmth and happiness fill me, feeling her close to me again.

“Welcome to the club, baby.”

Her words fill me with happiness and I realise that she wants me. Sienna still wants me and that makes everything I’ve just done, breaking my morals, all worthwhile.