The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Harry’s POV

I throw my head back laughing, alongside Louis and Niall. We all just sit here laughing and making childish jokes, for well over an hour now. It’s been great, reminiscing over old times and stupid things we’ve done in the past. I love being back in the gang again. I can’t remember the last time we properly hang out, with no drama. I’ve had drama following me around lately, so this bit of fun feels amazing. It’s all been so serious lately, so it’s good being carefree.
My hangover has eased, the fun helping it disappear further. We talk about a time we did promotional work in Brazil. We all went out clubbing together, even though Paul told us we weren’t allowed. We still snuck out and got drunk. It was even funnier, knowing we weren’t allowed out. It all added to the excitement.
I start telling my story, making Louis smirk as he knows which one it is. I smirk back at him and Niall watches me oblivious, waiting to hear it. I laugh as I remind them of that night and the stunning Brazilian girl, Niall pulled. He took her back to the hotel, hoping to take things further and that’s when he discovered that she was actually a man. Louis laughs loudly remembering it and I laugh too, whilst Niall’s cheeks turn red. He covers his face with his hands, but he can’t help laughing too.

“I forgot about that” Louis laughs “That was an amazing trip.”

Niall and I nod in agreement at his words. I can’t remember one bad thing that happened on that trip, even me and Zayn managed not to argue.

“Hey, in my defence that girl was fit and none of us would have guessed she was a he” Niall laughs.

He’s right, we were all secretly jealous, when she went back with him. The three of us keep laughing and joking, making the most of our free time. The door opens and Zayn and Liam walk inside. They take a seat on one of the spare sofas, serious looks on their faces.
I stare at them, raising my eyebrows in curiosity at them. They look at my sheepishly and I know then that it’s relating to Sienna. They’ll have seen her in the bar, where else would she be. They’d invited me with them, but I said no. I knew that one drink wouldn’t be enough and I’d want more.

“What’s up with your faces?” Louis asks them.

The room is filled with silence, whilst we all watch them and wait for an answer. Zayn shifts in his seat, scratching his head and looking uncomfortable. He meets my eye, but he doesn’t say anything. They may as well just tell me, I know it’s about Sienna.

“Go on” Niall pushes.

I wait for them to tell us, growing more irritated by the second. What the fuck has she been up to now? I don’t know why she can’t just let me have one day of peace. I just want one day where she doesn’t want to hurt me or cause me trouble.

Liam’s POV

I look over at Zayn, wanting him to speak and tell everyone what we saw. We’ve conjured up a plan, a deceitful one. We’re going to tell Harry that we did see Sienna in the bar and then exaggerate on it too. I know we’re doing it for the right reasons, for Harry, but it still feels wrong. We’re thinking of Harry though, we’re trying to help him move on and let Sienna go. She isn’t right for him, we all know that and he needs to as well. I don’t like the way she treats him like a doormat. Why does he not see it? Why does he keep letting her treat him like this?

“We’ve been in the bar and Sienna was there” Zayn starts.

I’m glad he’s taking the lead, it was his idea after all. He and Harry might not always see eye to eye, but he still wants the best for him. We all know Sienna isn’t the best thing for him. Harry stares at him, brow creased together, as he listens. He’s already expecting bad news because that’s what Sienna always brings to him. She just keeps poisoning him, hurting him at any chance she gets. When will he put a stop to it?

“She was there with her ex-boyfriend, that Lee Gosling guy. They looked pretty cosy and were too close” Zayn lies.

He’s lying and I’m nodding along with him, confirming what he’s saying. They didn’t look cosy, not even slightly close, but he was there. So, that’s enough isn’t it? I just keep telling myself that we’re trying to help him. We’re doing this for him, so it’s not wrong lying to him.
The anger appears on Harry’s face, his jaw tensing and his fists clenching together. He looks like he’s going to cry, making me feel like shit. I look over at Zayn, who shows no remorse on his face. I’d almost say Zayn looks quite pleased with himself, but it’s because he wants Harry to move on too. It feels like this is working.
Harry suddenly shrugs, acting like he doesn’t care, but I know he does. He doesn’t have to pretend with us that he doesn’t care. We’ve all been in his shoes, we’ve all cared too much about a girl before. This isn’t the first time Harry has fallen for someone, but just not as hard as this time. It’s just different with Sienna. He cares way more than he should.

“Well, she’s a free agent, so she can do whatever she wants” he speaks unconvincingly.

He isn’t fooling any of us, but we don’t call him out on it. Normally, Zayn would say something, but even he remains quiet. We can all see how much this is hurting him and we don’t want to make it worse.

“That sounds good to us” Niall says.

He gives Harry a sympathetic smile, before patting him on the back supportively. Harry looks down at the floor, looking sad and hurt. We all know he doesn’t want her to be a free agent, but he won’t admit that to any of us. He’s trying to act tough and he doesn’t need to. He can tell us how he’s really feeling and we won’t judge him. At least he can try and let her go now, so he can move on. We’ll be there for him, every step of the way.

Sienna’s POV

I sit crossed leg on the bed in my hotel suite, staring at my mobile phone. I can’t function properly, my mind consumed with Harry. I want to know where he is and what he’s doing. I’m worried about him and why he hasn’t been in touch with me. He’d have normally given in by now and called me, but he hasn’t today. I want to call him myself, but the thought makes me feel uneasy.
I think about him hovering the cocaine I provided him up his nose, endless lines. Is he angry at me for giving it to him? I don’t remember much of the party, but that’s one detail that is vivid in my mind. I hate myself for encouraging him to enter the dark side and try the evil drugs, which control me. He’s probably never going to speak to me again. I feel weak, vulnerable almost, after all of the shit with that prick Lee. I need to see someone I can trust and Harry is the only person, who I can even consider trusting.
I’ve let him down though, making him sacrifice his own beliefs, just to fit in with me. He only took cocaine to please me and the others at the party. He doesn’t have to change for me, I like him the way he is. All I need from him is love and I need him to show it me now.
I pick up my phone, not being able to handle the unknown any longer. I need to call him and find out if we’re okay. What have I got to lose? I go into my contacts, finding his name in my recent contacts. I press it and I place the phone to my ear, the rings fill my ear drums. It rings a few times and then it goes to voicemail. I’m enraged, realising he has rejected my call. Who the fuck is he to reject me?
I knew it, just like I thought, he’s mad at me. He needs to grow some balls, face me and tell me what his problem is. He has no right to ignore me and push me away because once he’s pushed me too far, I won’t come back. He loves me, he needs to remember that. I’ve no choice other than to leave him a voicemail, in the hope that he’ll call me back.

“Hey, it’s me. Erm…I was just seeing how you were, I wanted to catch up. I….erm I miss you, I suppose. Call me…..when you can.”

I end the call, mentally kicking myself for leaving such a shit message. I sounded desperate, didn’t I? I feel like I’ve pushed him too far this time. Normally, he’d have come round after work, but he hasn’t tonight. I don’t like this side of him, I don’t like being the one to do the chasing. I don’t think I’ve ever chased a man before and I won’t do it much longer.
I stare at my phone, waiting for it to ring. I pick it up over and over, but no calls come through. He doesn’t call me back and that’s when it starts. That’s when the voices in my head return, feeding off the insecurities inside me. The voices repeat in my head, over and over. I can’t stand this, I can’t stand it.

‘You need it, you need a line.’

The voices torment me, trying to make me do something I don’t want to do. I know the voices always win though, they always will. I don’t even try to fight it anymore. I just want to feel better, I want to feel normal again.
I rush over to my bedside table, opening the drawer and pulling out a bag of cocaine. I pour the powder on to the table, making it into a line and then I use a rolled up note, sniffing it up my nose. The sensation gives me an instant relief and makes me feel invincible again. It makes me feel strong, like I can take on anyone.
I start to pace the room, the rush taking over me. I keep waiting for the phone to ring and for Harry to call me, but he doesn’t call. He still hasn’t called and it sends me over the edge. I can’t wait any longer, I can’t sit around waiting to hear from him.
My legs act before I can think and before I know it, I’m rushing out of my suite. I run the whole way to Harry’s suite and when I reach it, I smash my fists against the door. I’ve got too much energy now and it’s coming out in bursts of anger and frustration. I’m angry now and Harry will be on the receiving end.
I keep banging on the door, but he doesn’t answer. I grow more frustrated, with every passing second. I tug on my hair viciously, trying to think straight. Why the hell is he still ignoring me?
I storm down the corridor, a bitter black cloud hanging over me. I keep going until I reach Paul’s suite and I follow the same process as before. I pound my fists onto the door, demanding an answer. If Harry isn’t in his own suite, this is the next place he’ll be. I get no answer from Paul either, driving me to the edge of insanity.
I’m ready to flip and thankfully for everyone, I see Paul walking up the corridor towards me. His face drops when he sees me and I can tell I’m the last person he wants to see or deal with. He hasn’t got a choice though, I’m not going, not until I know where Harry is.

“Where’s Harry?” I demand, as I charge towards him.

“I don’t know” he answers uneasily.

He looks past me, looking for a way to escape me. He doesn’t want to talk to me and who can blame him, I’m like a mad woman. I get angrier, not getting the answers I want, so I block him from getting past me. I raise my leg, before slamming my foot back down to the floor. I’m acting like a child and I don’t give a shit.

“I said, where is he?!”

I’m not stupid, I know he knows where Harry is, so I’m not going until he tells me. I’ll do whatever I need to do to get my answers.

“Like I said, I’ve no idea.”

His words make me seethe, my fists balling up at the sides of me. I need to make him answer me and then it hits me, telling me how to make him. I move closer to him, grabbing his phone out of his hand. I’m too fast, so it’s already in my hands, by the time he realises what I’m doing. I step away from him, holding the phone tightly in my hand.
He stares at me wide eyed, worry covering his features. He’s about to learn a valuable lesson, not to fuck with me. This wouldn’t be happening if he’d just listened to me and answered me straight away.

“I’ll smash this phone into pieces, if you don’t tell me where he is. NOW!”

I hold the phone in the air, ready to drop and ready for my foot to crush it into the ground. He already knows how hot headed I am and he knows I won’t hesitate in destroying his phone.

“He’s in Niall’s room, 309.”

He speaks quickly, urgently wanting his phone back. I’m satisfied now I’ve got my answer. He reaches his hand out for his phone and I arrogantly throw it on the floor anyway. That’ll teach him for pissing me about. I don’t wait for anymore words to be exchanged, I quickly head towards Niall’s suite. I don’t even look back at Paul, too engrossed in making things right with Harry.
I reach Niall’s suite quickly and I knock on the door, waiting impatiently for an answer. My temper is rising with every passing second that I wait. I relax ever so slightly, when the door finally opens and Niall stares back at me. His mouth is parted and his brow is creased together in confusion. Fucking idiot!
I don’t give him a chance to speak to me. I roughly push past him, barging into the suite, without an invite.

“Woah!” Niall says loudly.

He follows closely behind me, but unable to stop me. He tries to grab my arm and I just push him away. I appear in the room, where all the boys sit talking and everyone’s eyes land on me. I’m not interested in anybody else’s gaze, just Harry’s. He looks hurt, sadness feeling his eyes as he looks back at me.
I don’t understand how he can look so hurt, when he’s the one who’s hurt me. He’d rather hang out with his friends, than see me. He’d rather shun me, then actually face me. The fire inside is ready to spread, burning everyone in my path.
I can’t believe I was worried about his feelings, when he’s been with these idiots the whole time. He should’ve been there for me, when I needed him. I needed him beside me, so it’s his fault that I’ve turned to drugs again. If he’d have answered my calls, then I wouldn’t have been forced to take it.
I’m caught off guard slightly, when Louis jumps to his feet and charges towards me. He’s ready for a fight and unfortunately for him, and so am I.

“Get the fuck out!” he demands, pointing frantically at the door.

I hold in my laughs, staring at this pathetic excuse of a man. His stupid hand gestures and voice tone are laughable. Does he really think I’ll listen to him?

“Nobody wants you in here” he states.

He says the words, like I give a fuck. Does he really think I care what he or anyone else thinks? I’m only here for Harry. I laugh in his face, unfazed by his harsh words.

“Oh, shut the fuck up!”

He looks startled and shocked by my response. He wasn’t expecting me to stand up to him, but I always will. I’ll always go up against anyone who stands in my way. He looks worried and he turns around, looking at Zayn for back up. I knew he couldn’t handle me, I don’t think any of them can.
Zayn quickly stands up, standing beside Louis. They stand united, ready to take me down. I raise my eyebrows at them, waiting for their next move. They seriously don’t know who they’re messing with or who I am.

“You’re a nasty bitch” Zayn spits.

His eyes narrow, glaring at me. I can’t help laughing at him and his pathetic comeback. I’ve been called much worse before, none of the words affecting me. These words are mild, like a relaxing holiday.

“And?” I ask arrogantly.

I feel empowered, standing up against these men. I’m doing women all over the world proud, standing up for females.

“I’m here to talk to Harry, not you” I state.

Zayn’s nostrils flare, his breathing gets louder and he gets angrier. He’s trying to hide the anger, trying to make out like I’m not affecting him, but I am. I’m getting under his skin, irritating him and he doesn’t know yet how hard it’ll be to get me out.

“Just leave!” Zayn demands, nodding his head to the door “Nobody wants you here, not even Harry.”

I laugh at him, causing him more discomfort. He’s expecting me to cower away, but I’m not going anywhere.

“Harry can speak for himself” I advise.

Zayn takes another step towards me, now standing inches from my face. His brown eyes are dark, attempting to intimidate me. I don’t get intimidated, ever.

“What? Are you going to make me leave, big man?” I ask patronisingly.

His fists clench together, as he tries to remain calm. I’m pushing him over the edge and he’s hanging on by the tips of his fingers.

“No, I’ll get the police to remove you, you little coke head!”

My lips curl into smirk, as I look over at Harry. His eyes widen in fear, knowing the words that are about to leave my mouth, before I’ve even said them. I don’t care about the trouble I’m going to cause for him and between them all. I want to create a divide, so he’ll need me. This is the best thing for him, this way he’s just mine again.

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, hey Harry?”

My words speak volumes, implying Harry’s desire for cocaine. He doesn’t say anything and I feel satisfied, seeing the disappointment appearing on his band mates faces. The disgust shows mostly on Zayn’s face, silence filling the room. There are no words spoken and I love it.

Harry’s POV

The disappointment is clear on everyone’s face, especially Zayn’s. That pisses me off though, that he’s judging me. Who the fuck is he to judge me?
I already know I’ve done wrong and that I shouldn’t have given in, taking cocaine. It’s my life though and my body. I can do what I want and I have to learn things myself. I get why they’re disappointed. We may all smoke weed at times, but cocaine is on a new level. A level none of us had reached, until I did. It isn’t us, it isn’t me.
Zayn turns back to face Sienna and I’m horrified, when he grips her arm. He starts dragging her to the door, forcing her to leave. He drags her aggressively, but she’s stronger than he anticipated. She puts up a fight, pushing him off her. He quickly overpowers her, managing to drag her further. They scream at each other, so many swear words that I can’t make out what they’re saying.
I can’t sit here any longer, allowing this to happen. I can’t let him hurt her or treat her like this. I quickly jump to my feet, rushing to them and I push between them. I force him to let go of her and I stand in front of her, protecting her.

“Get off her!” I demand.

I push him away from us, giving us some space. I had to do something, I had to protect the woman I love. I can’t help loving her, even though she does endless shit things.
Zayn looks startled, realising I’m on Sienna’s side and that I’m protecting her from him. I’m still angry with her, but I can’t let her get hurt. I can’t let everyone turn against her, not like this.

“What’s this? Coke heads sticking together!” Zayn taunts us.

I ignore his comments, not knowing how to respond to him. He has no right speaking to either of us like this. What would he do if I spoke to Perrie like this? He’d be furious.

“Would you like it if I was dragging Perrie around like that?”

There’s a difference in this though, Perrie is only his fiancé and Sienna’s my wife. She means so much more to me, than Perrie ever could to Zayn.

“Perrie would never behave like that, so you wouldn’t need to do that to her” he argues.

My anger starts to boil over, realising he has no remorse for what he’s just done. I don’t care how mad you are at a woman, you should never treat them like that. He’s lucky that Niall intervenes, separating us and leaving us just to eye ball each other.

“Stop arguing! Zayn was only sticking up for you” Niall claims.

I know he was, I know he was trying to help, but he went about it the wrong way. I don’t need anyone to fight my battles, I can fight them myself. I don’t know why he’d stick up for me in the first place, it’s not like we’re close. He means nothing to me and standing up for me now isn’t going to fix our already punctured friendship. This argument changes nothing, we’re not friends and we never will be.

“I think we should all have sometime apart and cool off. We can talk again, when everyone is calm” Niall says.

I nod, not saying a word and I don’t waste any time. I grab Sienna’s hand in mine and I lead her out of the suite. I head back to my suite, needing time for us to be alone.
I reach my suite, shaking with anger, as I unlock the door. She walks in first, when I hold the door open and then I follow her inside. She’s so calm and it infuriates me. I slam the door behind me and even that doesn’t startle her. Why does she have to keep messing everything up?

“What the fuck are you playing at?” I snap.

She turns to face me, her eyes looking brighter than usual, as she stares at me. I turn away from her, knowing if I stare too long, I’ll end up forgiving her. I can’t just forgive her, not this time

“Oh, don’t be mad, baby.”

She speaks in a baby voice, pouting at me and she walks closer to me. She wraps her arms around my neck and I quickly push her away. I step away from her, showing I’m not ready to forgive her. I’m not just going to let this go because she looks cute. She needs to know I’m angry.

“You’re ruining my life, just stop” I state.

She looks slightly hurt by my words, but in true Sienna fashion, she quickly recovers. I’ve never spoken to her like this before, not so harshly and bluntly. She deserves it though, she deserves this ill treatment. She can’t keep behaving like this and then expecting everything to be okay.

“Baby, don’t be like this, I missed you.”

I’d believe her, but all I can see in my head is her getting cosy up with her ex-boyfriend. I can’t get the image out of my head, needing desperately to tell her that I know. I know what she’s been up to.

“What you missed me that much that you’ve been fucking your ex?” I snarl.

She looks at me confused and then it all clicks into place. She realises that Zayn and Liam told me what they saw earlier. They’ve told me all about what she’s been up to.

“I haven’t been sleeping with him. I hate him. He turned up asking for a pay-out, so I’ve had to pay him off, to get rid of him” she explains “I’d never do something like that, I love you.”

There’s a part of me that says not to believe her and then there’s a part that just wants to believe her. Her words chip away at my cold exterior, convincing me to forgive her. I love her too and it feels nice hearing her say it first for once. I needed to hear those three little words.

“Honestly?” I ask.

“Yes, I can get my lawyer on the phone now if you don’t believe me” she offers.

I don’t need her to do that, I believe her. I rub my face with my hands, trying to rub away the built up tension. I feel relieved, hearing her explanation for everything. I’m just thankful I’m still the only man in her life. I know we haven’t resolved other issues, but this is enough for today. She does piss me off, but I can’t handle even the thought of losing her. I know I shouldn’t keep putting up with her shit, but I can’t help how I feel.
I move back to her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into a hug. She hugs me back and I gently kiss the top of her head. I just want to be happy, I want her to be happy too.

***

I walk back into Niall’s suite. It’s been over an hour since I was last here, which has given us all a chance to calm down. I’m still annoyed with Zayn for what he did to Sienna, but nowhere near as angry as earlier. I’m just going to do all I can to stay calm. The worst thing I can do is lose it again. I know how stubborn Zayn is and how angry we both can get with each other. There’s few people who can piss me off, like he does.

“Hey” Niall greets me.

I take a seat on the spare sofa, the others all squashed onto the one across from me. I give Niall a small smile, grateful that he’s being okay with me. It feels like all the others are ganging up on me. They’re all fighting against me and I don’t know how much more fight, I’ve got left.

“Let’s just all clear the air. We’ve got shows coming up, so the last thing we need is more arguing. We should be celebrating, not fighting” Niall tells us.

He’s right, like always. He’s always been the peacemaker, but we rarely listen to him. We should listen to him more because he always talks sense. I look at Zayn and I can tell by his face that the last thing he wants is to make amends. Well, if he doesn’t then I don’t either.

“Firstly, I’ve got some questions” Zayn says “Explain about the drugs.”

I sigh, not wanting to get into this or to answer him, but I have to.

“It was only once at a party. I only did it cause everyone else was, I’m not proud of it.”

I’m really not proud of it! I can’t change what I did, even though I wish I could.

“That’s no excuse” he snaps.

God, I fucking hate him. I’ve always hated him.

“What about the affect you’re having on the band, being with her?” he asks.


I get angrier, hearing the way he disrespects Sienna. He has no right to speak about her in that manner. He’s the one who’s always made issues in this band and everyone knows it.

“She has a fucking name” I snap “She’s not just someone I’m seeing, I’m married to her.”

“Well you married a fucking bitch” he laughs harshly.

I can’t control my raging temper anymore. I jump to my feet, gripping him roughly and dragging him to the floor. I pin him down on the floor aggressively.

“Say that again, I fucking dare you!”

The anger ignites in his eyes, matching mine. I’m usually the calm one, I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry. It’s been a long time.

“She’s a fucking bitch” he dares say again.

I don’t think about my actions as I raise my fist and I allow it to collide with his jaw. That’s when we start to fight. We throw punches at each other, wrestling each other on the floor. I do all I can to hit him and within seconds, we’re being dragged apart. The other three pulls us apart and I’m visibly shaking with angry. I try to get back to him, like he does too.

“You selfish fuckers!” Niall shouts.

Niall’s angry words concern me because he’s always the calm one. He never gets angry or loses his cool, until now.

“We’ve got one of the biggest shows of our careers coming up and you two are fighting!” he snaps outraged.

I start to feel bad, seeing how upset Niall is. I shouldn’t have let this happen, I shouldn’t have let my relationship with Sienna cause this conflict. She’s caused a divide between us, which I don’t think I can fix. We can’t hide the conflict, not like we use to do. It runs too deep now.

“It won’t affect the show, if you keep him and his tramp away from me” Zayn states.

My anger rises again, making me lunge at him, but Liam and Louis hold me back. The guilt I momentarily felt has gone, realising he deserved what he got. My friendship with him is over and anything we had is unrepairable. My friendship with him can’t be repaired.
I’m quickly dragged out of the room, before another fight can erupt. I don’t know how we’re going to get through this. How am I meant to perform alongside him, when I can’t even stand being in the same room as him?