Kidnapped by Him (A Jacksepticeye Fan-fiction)

{Chapter 60 - Useless}

-=Sean's Point of View=-

I just sat there.

I felt as if I was useless.

I'm feeling lousy and I don't really know what to do. I feel empty, useless and worthless.

I'm tired of feeling worthless. It defines my self worth. I'm tired of feeling hopeless. But above all, I'm tired of feeling tired and beat down.

Some of my friends and family don't seem to understand this at all – they say 'cheer up' and ask me what the matter is. No one understands. They tell me that I have everything going for me, and I shouldn't be feeling like this. They say I have an amazing YouTube career and should just suck it up. I'm not useless since I have a large number on a screen.

You should just shut up and realize what you have.

Not everyone has what you have.

Sean, you're fine.

I'm allowed to feel like this, right? Sometimes people forget I have feeling, too. Just because I'm seen as popular on a website, doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel like this. I'm not bulletproof. I have never been.

A number doesn't define me.

They think I can 'snap' out if it but its not that simple – I wish it was. But I don't know what the matter is, I can't explain why I'm like this. When something goes wrong, I slip into the dark hole, not wanting to be seen again.

Felix's head turned towards mine. I felt his focus burn into the bruised skin of my face. "Jack, you need to help Addison. You're the only one she wants to see right now." He paused and looked over at the Robert's passed out "security guards."

I looked him straight in the eye. "I don't think I can do this. I'll fuck it up like I always do." I adverted my glance from his. The irritation of my entire spring small tears in the corner of my eyes.

He sighed, letting out all the disappointment with his breath. "You may feel this way because of the way you have been treated in the past. A pattern has been set in your mind and you have to break it. Do things to help yourself. Acknowledge your accomplishments, practice talking positively about yourself - out loud, fight for Addison - hell, fight for all the ones you love. You'll feel good about it, write down things you're grateful for - try to do that every day to remind you of the positive parts in your life. Talk to us when you need it. What do you think we are here for? You can realign yourself. You can break this cycle. You can get out of it and I believe in you. Remember you said those words to your community? Take your own advice and get up off the ground, Sean. Have some self worth." Felix looked away from me and closed his eyes. He couldn't keep in the tears that broke through his walls. I knew at that point I needed to do something.

Anything.

"Let's go, McLoughlin." I whispered to myself before standing up on my two aching feet. I noticed Felix smiling from the corner of my eye.

"Fuck 'em up." Marzia blurted out in a whisper. I tried my best not to laugh. I looked at her and nodded.

I quietly tip-toed toward the guard. I noticed a small pocket knife inside of his jean pocket. I slowly reach down to grab the metal object. I touched it with my hands that are tied together.

The guard stirred in his sleep before I could completely pull it out. I sucked in a breath and stood still. Luckily, he stays quiet and falls back into a peaceful sleep. I quickly swoop the knife out of his pocket and walked back to where I was sitting. I successfully turn the knife toward myself and cut the restraints off. My hands rub my wrists to calm the irritation. I hand the knife to Felix. He looks up at me and smiles. His simple nod gave me the reassurance that I needed.

"Prepare to get fucked over, Robert." I turn my heels and barge out of the bedroom. The cool air of the hallway hit my face on the way out. My hands form the fists the will eventually collide with Robert's flesh and then hold Addison's hand.

This is it.

I refuse to be useless.

•••
A/N:

Hey, all!

Sorry I haven't been writing. School and crap. Busy busy busy!

I'll be updating this week more! :D hopefully you all forgive me.

So, I was thinking of either ending this or making a sequel. Or keep writing this for awhile. What do you think?

Anyway, have a nice day / night :)

-S