Life After Rehab ✓

[Chapter Seventy] Where Life Keeps Changing

Chapter Seventy- Where Life Keeps Changing
Julian's Pov

Lacey's letter left us with more questions but in a weird way the mess of writing gave us both some peace and closure. Her talking about death and suicide made me realize that we were nothing alike; as I had originally feared. The part I worried about was I would read it and relate to her, that it would justify that maybe I should have died. It did the opposite.

The worst part to me was the her whole choice was based on the idea that she wouldn't be able to stay clean. She had more support than she realized she did and if she would have just said something; told Robert or us that she was still craving drugs... they never would have released her. She would have stayed and they would have worked through those fears and issues.

Personally, I think she was lying to herself; she simply just wanted to die and made excuses as to why. She took the easy way out because she didn't want to fight anymore. I've been there, in December I had convinced myself that it just wasn't worth it anymore. The difference was Bailey got there in time to save me, but no one got there in time to save her.

If one of us had found her sooner I truly think she would have changed her mind. How many people out there have committed suicide in a single moment of weakness; and how many of those people would have changed their mind had the attempt failed?

There was no way to know what would have happened with Lacey, but from experience and after reading that letter; I think she had spent so long talking herself into the idea that in her mind, there was no way to change it; there always was.

I've read two suicide letters and I've written one; if I never saw another one again I would be happy. It took a lot of courage to ask for the letter and even more to actually read it. It was the best decision we've both made in a long time. For the last month Bailey would go see Robert at home or in the office and she didn't cry as much.

The words she wrote were closure. Bailey went out more with friends and became more open with Nia. No one could completely replace Lacey, but Nia was everything Lacey wanted Bailey to find in a new best friend. Sometimes I wished that those girls could have met; it would have been a lesbian overload.

The letter for her also gave her what she needed to hear when it came to our wedding. There was a huge difference, I had noticed. When she missed Lacey she let me know instead of hiding it and when she cried she would remember the words and smile. Was it always enough to make her feel better? No, but if she could stop crying even just once because of it, that was progress.

It's been just over two years and it was like we could finally breathe again when it came to Lacey.

We were only a single month away from saying 'I do.' And we invited the gang out to dinner. Therapy was helping once again, now that we were accepting of it again, and we wanted to keep our progress going all the way to our friendships.

"So what's the occasion?" Drew asked and Bailey shrugged

"We wanted to spend time with you. But since you all are here; girls the dresses will be in on the twenty-sixth and I need you all there for a fitting. Boys twenty-third and I need you all at the shop to try those on."

"Wow, it's really real, huh?" Bailey nodded like I had said something stupid.

"Are you getting cold feet?" She teased and I shook my head, choosing to answer her question with a long and unnecessarily public kiss.

"The wedding can't come soon enough in that case." We were back in the about to be newlywed bubble; it was my favorite place to me. After setting some things straight about Lacey and being opened up; it helped our relationship.