Life After Rehab ✓

[Chapter Twenty-Five] Where He Loses His Way

Chapter Twenty-Five – Where He Loses His way
Julian's Pov

I couldn't stay in her apartment anymore so I went back to mine and punched a hole in the wall and I felt disgusting that she had touched me, that she had, god damn it. I ended up in the bathroom getting sick at the thought at what I did.

Why? How could I ever think to blame her for this? How could I ever have thought it was worth it? It wasn't, getting a little head and if I would have slept with her, it wasn't worth losing Bailey. A year of my life I spent with her, we went through so much and in a few hours I destroyed what we had been building a year.

I brushed my teeth and tossed my clothes off so I could take a shower to wash her off of me. I felt like I was going to be sick again and it was only partially to do with the amount of alcohol I consumed.

I felt sick at the things I let her do to me.

She was just there when I found myself in a club and it was bad timing, bad everything. I had a few too many drinks and lost myself. I could feel the pulse of the music as she flirted, I pushed her away at first just wanting to drown myself in liquor and the more I drank the more I didn't fucking care.

Her hand slid up my thigh and I wanted what she was offering and I was so god damn tired of stopping and at the time I blamed Bailey for what I was doing. I knew what I was doing when I kissed her back, I knew what I was doing when I told her we could go back to her place and I knew what I was going when I let her take my shirt off as we got into her apartment.

I had her against the door and I pulled her dress off and her perfectly sculpted body looked appealing to me now, though it was a little blurry. I kissed her neck and bit her like I remembered her liking. I pinned her wrists roughly to the wall and rocked into her making her moan as I pressed against her pantiles core.

I took her to her bedroom and threw her down on the bed and she looked excited as I got rough with her and I looked at her half naked on the bed and it was the first time I knew I had been wrong and I knew she would never forgive me for this but I still didn't stop it.

I should have walked out the door and went home but I didn't. I let her crawl across the bed and unzip my pants, I let her pull my boxers down and I even shoved her head down when she took me into her mouth and I even enjoyed it.

It felt incredible having someone else touching me, to have something other than my own hand to keep me satisfied and in that moment all my guilt was gone and I blamed her again, she didn't want me anyway.

Kimberly was great at giving head and I thrust my hips forward and when I got close I warned her and she still didn't stop as I came down her throat and it felt fucking amazing.

She laid back down on the bed and when I laid beside her she straddled me and I pulled the rest of her clothes off. She kissed my neck and chest and moved her lips lower until I got an erection again and I grabbed a condom I knew would be in her bedside table and I flipped her onto her back.

I felt the water stinging my back from where she dug her nails into my back urging me on and when she did that, when we were so close to having sex was when I looked down at her and I really thought about it.

I had a condom on, I was drunk, and I had a girl's wrists pinned and her underneath me, a girl who was not my girlfriend and I was about to have sex with her and I instantly pulled back and moved away from her, getting off the bed.

"What the hell?" she sat up and I couldn't look at her.

"I'm leaving." I looked around for my clothes and pulled the condom off, my erection was gone completely and I felt instantly sober.