Profile my Heart (Currently Re-writing)

Part 4

**This part has been re-written**

Spencer Reid's POV

My head hurt, but not like this morning. It is more like if I had been hit to the head. I painfully open my eyes; I feel numb. It is dark. My eyes take a while to get used to the dark. Once they adapt, I see a silhouette. It is far and my eyes have some difficulties to make the focus on the person in front of me. I finally recognize the shape of the body, even though it has changed a lot.

"JJ?"

I see that she does not respond, but I know it's her. I slowly get up, helping myself by holding against the wall. I walk over to her. The few feet between her and me looks like miles. Once I'm beside her, exhausted, I let myself slide down the wall to the floor. I manage to gently shake JJ to wake her up. I notice that she has lost a lot of weight.

"JJ? Do you hear me? Answer me."

She moves a little bit and opens her eyes with difficulty. I can see her struggling with her orientation. She takes a while before realizing that I'm in front of her. However, once she realized it, she seems surprised.

"Spence? What... What are you doing here? I mean, what are we doing here?"

I look around me, thinking if I've already seen this place once.

"I don't know..."

I look right into her eyes, but she quickly turns away her look. I feel like I'm causing her pain only by looking at her. I need an explanation, and I real one.

"JJ, I'd love to know what's going on with you. Why did you act so suddenly?"

She purses her lips. I can see that talking about this makes her want to cry and I understand her; I want to cry too. She lowers her head and looks down. I can see her holding back her tears.

"I... I don't know how I feel... Then and now... I... I love you... But I knew this relationship would hurt me..."

Her telling me that shocks me. I never thought it was also the relation, I thought it was only because of her miscarriage. I try to think of when our relationship wasn't going well before her miscarriage and I can't remember if something happened, so I conclude that nothing happened before.

"Not at all, JJ. We were two."

I gently take her face in my hands to lift her head up and to look at her in the eyes. I realize that she's crying. It breaks my heart to see her like that. I don't know what to tell her, so I decide to stay silent. I get up and to walk around to try to find out where we are. I don't recognize the place. Though, it looks like we might be in a basement or a very dark room, which could be a cargo's container big enough not to feel claustrophobic. But one thing is certain, it's that there's no possible sources of light...

"I don't know where we are..."

I turn to her and I can see in her eyes that she's worried and scared. I walk back to her and I let myself fall at her right. I don't look at her, scared that she's still crying.

I still can't understand what happened; I don't understand why our relationship changed so drastically.

"Why?" I whisper.

"What are you talking about?"

"You've become distant and you've changed..."

"...I've lost a child! My child!"

"It was also mine!"

"You don't understand, Spence! I felt the pain!"

I finally decide to turn toward her. Her eyes close as soon as she understands that I want to look at her, and a few tears flow down her cheeks. With her shaky hands, she somewhat manages to wipe a few tears away before others flow.

"This baby was a part of me, Spence. It spent two months inside of me... Spence, if only you knew..."

"I know, JJ. I know."

I slowly walk toward her; I want to make a physical contact with her to make her realize that I'm there for her and also to reassure her.

"No. You don't."

Before I put my hand on her shoulder, she brutally opens her eyes and looks at me straight in the eyes. It looks like she can see my soul. That's how it feels like when JJ feels enraged, so I take a few steps back.

"And you will probably never know," she roughly declares, angriness in her voice.

She turns her head away to wipes her tears. She then turns back to me, seeming calmer.

"That stays between us."

I nervously make her sign that I've understood. She gets up and walks a little bit around as if she could know more than me where we are. She definitely doesn't know either. She walks back to me and sits down, sighing.

"We're trapped..."

And it's obviously too dark to have more information and an idea of what happened.

A deafening noise is suddenly heard. We are obviously alarmed. JJ approaches me and I hold her tight against me. She doesn't run away from my arms.

"Let the game begin," a strange voice says.