You Want Me, Just Say It

31 unchangeable feelings

He takes a few steps closer. I push him away. I press him against a chair. He sits slumped on it. I sit on his lap with my head facing him. He holds my waist. I place his hands on my ass and he holds them firmly.

"To what do I owe this?" he asks in surprise.

"Sssshhh shut up." I hold a finger in front of his mouth. I hug him and play with his hair while he still holds me tightly. I make driving motions and feel him getting hard. I move gently up and down and he is panting harder and harder. I give him soft kisses on his chest and keep going up, on his neck I give him a hickey. The result is a big red spot, which he cannot hide. The two top buttons of his shirt are undone and his cologne is my weak. I move up a little more and more until I reach his lips. Before I get the chance he is kissing me fiercely. I feel him getting hard and at that moment I stop. I stop making driving movements and push his face away from me. I stand his arms away from me.

"Better next time" I whisper in his ear. I get off his lap and I walk off the balcony. He looks at me in surprise and disappointment. I walk contentedly to the bathroom. Mission accomplished! I plan to put comfortable clothes back on now. I carefully take off my dress and throw my hair loose.

Out of nowhere, I hear the latch of the bathroom door turn. The door opens and I see Jordan looking at me with a lustful expression.

"Jordan, you can't just come in like that."

"Oh yeah, you did it yourself. And in the end didn't mind what you saw."

"I didn't know you were in the room. I just wanted to shower yesterday."

Jordan studies me. From top to bottom.

"Do you like what you see?" I ask him blatantly.

"You know that yourself, you don't have to be tough Melanie. I know you want me, but you won't admit it."

He moves closer and closer to me.

"Jordan, you went away for a whole day today with Megan. You didn't let me know anything. And now you're acting like nothing happened."

"Remember, you're the one who lured me to the room. And for what too? To first give in to what you want and then argue with me. What will it be? Do you want me or do you want to argue about someone who isn't worth it."

"No you're just going to tell me why you left this morning. I was hoping you were still beside me, I had a great night and the morning totally ruined it. I wish you were still with me." A tear rolls down my cheek.

With his thumb he wipes away my tear. He looks at me seriously.

"Melanie, I couldn't. I just couldn't. You make me vulnerable, you change me. I don't want that. As much as I would have liked to stay with you, I couldn't."

"You're just talking nonsense, 'I couldn't.' Vulnerable doesn't have to be a bad thing. Jordan, I was afraid this morning that I could be pregnant. I could remember so little from last night that I panicked about what happened."

"That'sthe problem, I didn't have sex with you because you had a lot to drink anddidn't want you to regret it afterwards. With another girl, I wouldn't havecared since I was drunk myself. I care about you, and this is the first timewith me that I care that much about a girl. I'm not like that, and that scares me.."

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