Still I Can Feel You - Joel Hokka

I Always Believed In Us

November 2020, Helsinki

The next minute after closing the second call with Niko I immediately grabbed my car keys and left my house.

It's been almost two hours since I called him and found out that she's there and some minutes ago he called me and said that I should go there and get some answers.

He sounded calm and I couldn't realize what was going on from his tone, but I would find out in a matter of minutes.

I'm still, so worried though.
Even if I know that Kristy is fine and safe I don't know what is going on and what happened that made her leave like this again.
And her saying that she didn't want to see me or talk with me meant that I've done something that made her want to be away from me.
I hope that it isn't something really serious though and that we will manage to solve it soon.

In less than ten minutes I was out of Niko's apartment and I was ringing the door bell.
Minna opened the door after some seconds and smiled at me when I stepped in

"Hello" I said and took my jacket off

"Hey, come in" she walked into the living room where Niko was sitting

Once he saw me he immediately got up.
He seemed worried and stressed and that made me scared about what I would hear

"What is going on? Where is she?" I looked at him

"She's in the room, go there and please listen to her" he pat my shoulder and smiled to me

They are really scaring me, Minna is smiling too since the moment that I walked in.

"If you need anything we will be here" she said and went next to Niko

I nodded and left.
I walked infront of her room and stood there for a moment.
Nothing bad has happened right? If it had they wouldn't be smiling and maybe Niko wouldn't want to see me too.

I closed my eyes for a moment and knocked. I waited for a reply but since I got nothing I just walked in.
I closed the door behind me and immediately looked at her.

She only gave me a look and then she kept her eyes down.
From what I saw, something serious is happening.
She had been crying, a lot and she doesn't want to look at me.
What have I done?

I walked closer to the bed and sat next to her.
I wasn't sure if she wanted me to be there though, that's why I didn't want to get much close because maybe she would push me away.

"Babe.." I said but it came out more as a whisper and that made her move her teary eyes to me.

"What happened? Did I do something?" I asked still looking into her eyes

Those were the questions that have been going around my mind for two hours now.
If I hadn't done something we wouldn't be here now

"No you didn't do something, We" she pointed to me and her "We did something" she was confusing me more with her words and I couldn't understand what she meant.

"But when I tell you, you may hate me" she looked away again, breaking the eye contact that we had been holding for a while

Why would I hate her for something that we did together?

"I promise I won't" I grabbed her hands "hating you would be the death of me"

She's a big part of me and hating her meant that I would hate me too.
Hating her would be the most painful thing for me to do.
Whatever has happened I would never hate her.
She's the meaning of my world, hating her would mean losing her and that would kill everything inside me.