Still I Can Feel You - Joel Hokka

Bad Idea

June 2016, Oulu

  This two last months since we returned from Paris we've been looking almost everyday for details and stuff so I could be sure if everything that Johanna said is real and she isn't faking it.

We've tried and contacted a lot of doctors that maybe could now something about Johanna's past and if she has ever been to a clinic.

It wasn't easy and I knew it that it wouldn't be but I had help and the best help I could wish for. My friends. Also Kristy has been doing everything to help me. She even spoke with a doctor once acting that she was Johanna's sister so he could speak.

Maybe the ways we're trying to find the information we want and need isn't the best or not the right one but we're doing everything to find proof for the things that Johanna is saying.

Multiple doctors were asked and multiple clinics were checked but the only thing we got to know was that Johanna was seeing a therapist since she was a kid. Her family problems didn't allow her to live as a child and enjoy her best years. Her parents used to argue almost everyday and Johanna's teacher's from school decided that she had to visit a phycologist. That's what the only doctor that accepted to help us  said.

The people we asked for more information unfortunately weren't really positive to help us but we kept looking for more things or for other people that could know anything about this situation.

Today we would visit a clinic that was some kilometers away from Oulu. Kristy was the only one that could come with me since the others had a lot of things to do in the studio. We also had an album to prepare. It wasn't everything running around my problems and life

I had gotten some copies from the papers that Johanna has showed to me and I would drive to Niko's house to get Kristy, of course after having an argument with my girlfriend since she couldn't believe in my lie that I was going in the studio.

We didn't talk a lot since I came back from Paris. She's been annoyed that we didn't go together and she of course still believes that I'm cheating on her with Kristy and she keeps telling that almost every day.

Kristy has helped me so much with all of this situation. She has found so many details that were missing and those ones that I obviously wouldn't find if she wasn't with me. The others have helped to but if it wasn't Kristy, I honestly don't know where I would be now with this.

"Ready?" She asked me when she got in my car and I nodded

I had a feeling that we would find out a lot today and I felt bad because I knew that the things I would found out wouldn't be good.

Those two months I've been spending a lot of time with Kristy and there doesn't go a single day without seeing her. She of course never dares to come in my apartment and I wouldn't also offer this. That's the last thing that Johanna needs to make sure that I'm cheating even if I'm not.

Kristy is really a great friend to me. She really does everything to get me out of this torturous situation. She has tried to contact people, she has spend hours reading to old papers and letters so maybe she could find something. I really don't know how I'm gonna reciprocate all of this in the future.

"We are here" I said after we've been driving for over than an hour

I still can't get over that fact that I dared to have doubts about what Johanna was saying to me. I really haven't realized that I actually started this research that I'm trying to be strong enough to make it out.

We both got out and we left the car after I got all the papers that I needed and we walked in.
The clinic looked really good and as I expected when we walked inside the luxury was huge. I really wondered about how much money they have spent here.