Still I Can Feel You - Joel Hokka

She Changed

March 2019, Helsinki - Oulu

We didn't waste a lot of time and we actually booked two airplane tickets for Oulu.
We would travel there, late in the afternoon, and tomorrow i would go in the clinic so i can finally try to see and understand what is going on with Johanna.

Kristy is still having second thoughts about all this plan but there's no other way.
We should do everything fast or else she will be out and we will just continue living in fear.

The only people that know about our trip in Oulu and my visit in the clinic are Niko and Minna since they are the only ones to know about Kristy's lies and the actual truth.

We decided to tell to everyone else that we just need two days off, so we can have some time for ourselves.
We don't want to tell them anything, before making sure that we will be fine, we don't want them to be worried about us.

"How do you think that she will react?" Kristy looked at me when she closed the only bag that we would get with us.

Only some clothes, in case we needed anything.

"Honestly, i don't really know" i moved my shoulders up
"I really wish that she's good and that our worries will finally be over" i sighed and sat in the bed

This is my biggest wish right now.
I just want Johanna to be okay, which will mean that she won't be dangerous and that we won't have to be afraid of her anymore.
Thinking that she will return to take everything away from me, that she will return to take Kristy away from us.

I also want Kristy to stop being worried and Johanna is a reason why she's worried and i want this to come to an end.

I just want us to have a normal, calm and safe relationship, where we will both be happy, not being scared that Johanna will appear one day to tear us apart.

I hate this fear, and it can only leave if Johanna shows me that she's okay and if i find out that she actually means it.

We decided to have some lunch, and then Niko would drive us to the airport. And the time went by fast and in less than two hours we would be in the plane. 

"Good luck guys" he said when he hugged Kristy.
"Please keep her safe" he whispered when he hugged me

Niko obviously isn't dumb and he knows well how dangerous Johanna can be, especially for Kristy and he wants to see her again, just like she's leaving and not like he did three years ago.

"I will" he nodded and i pat his shoulder

After some time he was gone, and we also went to have our tickets and bag checked, so we could finally get in the plane. 

During the flight i was sitting in the window seat because Kristy preferred just to listen to music and she wanted to keep her head on my shoulder.

She was holding my arm and she was sitting as close as the seats allowed us.
While i was looking out of the window.

The world seems so small, from up here.
You can't even see the people, the cars or the buildings from here and this feels so nice.

For some hours, you are in the sky.
Somewhere that no-one knows you.
A place where you are by yourself and you can find some peace for at least some minutes.

Everything looks so nice from this seat.
I just wish that i could just open this window and let all my worries and problems out and let the air fly them away but unfortunately they are glued on me and if i throw them out then it means that i will have to throw a part of me too.

I just knew that even if i tried to throw this part of me, Kristy wouldn't let it to fly away.
She doesn't want half of me, but all of me and i wished that i could push out of this airplane the bad me and let her have only the good one but again there are some pieces that keep those two parts connected and don't allow me to separate them.