Still I Can Feel You - Joel Hokka

I Love You

  July 8th, 2017 Haarlem

And as I thought and wanted the days and months went by pretty fast.

The summer came and it's already July and the day that I'm going back to Haarlem to meet Kristy is here.

All this time that we were apart we had been calling each other every single day.
Video calls, messages everything that could keep us in contact.

It still felt like the beginning of our relationship, even if as time went by I missed her more, I'm still happy with what we got. I can't see her everyday, I can't feel her close to me but I'm the happiest to have her. Also three months went by which means that we have only four months till she finishes her studies and she comes back to Finland, back to me and this gives me strength to keep going and think that we will be just fine because soon I will have her here and I won't have to call her everyday to see her because I could just drive to Niko's  to make sure that she's fine, just to see her because I missed her, something that I can't do right now.

My flight was early in the morning, so Aleksi was the one that came to pick me up from the airport, without Kristy, even if she wanted to come with him.
Those past months I've been also talking a lot with Aleksi, about music, work, his studies, our band and different topics. We are slowly becoming really good friends.

When I left from Helsinki I didn't bother to wake up Niko or Joonas because they had a big night, by this I mean partying. So it would be pretty hard and bad for them to wake up this early for this.

"Welcome back Joel" Aleksi actually hugged me when I walked close to him after finally arriving to Netherlands

"Hey Aleksi, I'm glad I'm back and to see you too" I hugged him back and then he put my suitcase in the car and we both got it

In less than an hour I will be able to hug her, to kiss her again after three whole months that I could only send her kisses through one phone screen.

All those days that I spend without Kristy went by so slow, at least most of them but what was definitely hard to get by were the lonely nights that I had to get through.

Sometimes I couldn't stand sleeping in the empty bed so I would take a blanket and try to sleep in the couch.

I would turn on the TV so I could think I wasn't alone but after some minutes the show or the voices would get on my nerves so it would end up closed and the remote thrown somewhere between my couch and the table.

There were a lot of nights that as I had predicted Joonas would stay till pretty late in my house, sometimes till the early hours of the morning but still it wasn't enough. He isn't Kristy

"She's already up and believe me it was hard to keep her home" Aleksi said and this way he took me out of my thoughts and the whole new universe that I had travelled with my mind

I smiled at the thought of this. She woke up this early just because I'm going, just to see me. Someone shows me this kind of love and affection for first time and it's so difficult to accept and believe it.
I can't believe that I deserve all the love that she's giving me. It's too much when I'm showing her not even half of this and that makes me feel so guilty and bad.

I feel like I've done nothing to show her how much I care since April that I left. This is too much

Soon we were home and as soon as Aleksi parked his car and I got my suitcase I almost run in the door. I didn't wait for Aleksi to come to unlock the door, I just rang on the doorbell since she's already up.

Once she opened the door I stormed in . I grabbed and hugged her tightly.

I didn't let go of her, I kept my head in the crook of her neck and pulled her as close as possible