Still I Can Feel You - Joel Hokka

Lies

  March 2019, Helsinki

It's been almost two weeks since we came back from Switzerland and now everything was getting back to normal.

I spend a lot of hours working in the studio with the guys and Kristy had been spending a lot of time in her job with Minna and the kids.

Sometimes we went pretty early in the  morning in the studio and end up leaving late at night.
We had to do some final things in the song that we will release soon with Aleksi and we also need to work on our third album.

I always came back home tired as hell but seeing Kristy there waiting for me always made me feel better.
I've been stressing over so many things this last week but she was right there to help with whatever that was going on in my mind.

I know that we can make it as we always do but it feels that we're giving our everything for this album but I'm scared that again we won't get anything back and all this work is for nothing.

Today I tried to come back from the studio much more earlier since I wanted to spend some time with kristy since we haven't had some time alone and for us since we left Switzerland and I don't like this.
I'm leaving her alone and I hate it.

It was already dark when I walked in the house but it didn't seem like someone was in.

I took my shoes and jacket off and walked further inside.

She wasn't in the living room, neither the kitchen or the balcony.

So the only place left was our bedroom, maybe she's asleep but it's pretty early for that.

"Kristy?" I asked while I was about to open the door but still the only thing that I saw was an empty bed and she was nowhere.

If she's not home where is she?
She finishes her work at six and it's already half past seven.

I opened the wardrobe and all her clothes were in their place so she didn't leave me.

I was always scared that maybe that would happen one day.
I knew that Kristy loves me but I also know that living with me is hard and having to always comfort me and try to handle my childish behaviour isn't easy and I'm always scared that maybe one day she will just disappear because she can't live like this anymore.

I will respect it if she does but it would truly kill me inside.

And here I am instead of calling her just to see if she's fine and if she's coming any soon thinking that maybe one day she could leave me because of who I am.

I should quit all this overthinking one day. It only does bad to my mind.

I called her multiple times but nothing.
She didn't answer and that got me worried.

"Hey Niko" he's probably my last hope to find her

Maybe she's there or with Minna somewhere.
I can't find her in any other way and I'm getting more and more worried as the minutes pass

"Is Kristy there?" I immediately asked him

Some time ago we were together in the studio with Niko but he also left early since he wasn't needed for something else tonight.
Maybe Kristy after work went there with Minna and her phone has run out of battery.

I can't find any other explanation.

"No why? What happened Joel?" He asked and I felt how my heart skipped a bit

"Is Minna there?" I asked since she maybe knows more about where she is

"She's here but tell me what happened with Kristy" Niko sounded worried too and I can't blame him, I'm not expaining anything