It All Started By One Single Tear (Rantaro x reader x YandereMastermind Kokichi)

Chapter 5 Part 12: Miu's Third Freetime Event

(Hello all! For the next couple of chapters there is going to be a TW! There's going to be some strong implications of suicidal thoughts and self harm. I will place a secondary trigger warning for if you want to skip the said part. Don't proceed if you feel uncomfortable with the topic!)

Your POV:

    'What if he doesn't love me anymore...?'

    That was the one thought that rang through my head. I knew that I should be preparing myself mentally for fight that was going to happen tonight. I knew that this fight with Monokuma would be in our favor. Even with that thought in mind, I could feel unease in this situation.
First it was Kaito avoiding me, but now Rantaro was too. I had no idea what was going on right now, but I could feel unease set in like never before. It felt like something bad was going to happen, but I knew what I had to do.
Secondly, I had no idea what Rantaro was dealing with, but I wanted to find out. If he was intentionally avoiding me for some reason, I at least wanted to know why. I couldn't get why he was acting this way. We've been through so much together. What could've happened that led him to act this way.
There was a good chance I was overreacting, but I didn't know for sure. Everything going on at this moment was so stressful. Kokichi going missing... what happened with Kaito... what happened with Miu.
The third thing was the fact that Monokuma was probably two steps ahead of us, and with Kokichi going missing, chances were he was two steps ahead as well. I can't even think that he was ignoring what was going on. Kokichi was a trickster, and chances were...he was planning something.
It felt like it was all too much. I could feel a well of stress form. With everything going on, it felt like I was about to relapse. The fact that my life was in danger, and how it felt like I was losing people I cared about...
I needed to find out. I knew while preparing myself mentally I needed to see what was going on. I had free time. While I had the freetime, I needed to be cautious.
Before I could even think to go to my door, I heard loud knocking come from the door. It was loud, and it caused me to jump up slightly from the shock. I guess my plans would be put on halt for now.
I walked up to the door, and I opened it. As soon as I did, someone pushed past me, welcoming themselves into my room. It took me a moment to get my bearings, but as soon as I did, I turned over to the bed, only to see Miu sitting there.
"I told ya I'd be back," Miu stated, "you recall that yesterday, I did say I'd fuckin' return to talk to you about that psychopath! Turn that fuckin' white sound noise machine on, so we can get this conversation going on!"
    I realized that Miu did tell me yesterday that she was going to be coming back to talk to me about Kokichi. I should've realized that, but I was under so much stress that the thought slipped my mind. Everything seemed to be going down all at once in an endless stream of stress.
"Your silence says volumes!" Miu exclaimed, "you fuckin' forgot, didn't you!?"
The way Miu raised her voice made me flinch slightly. She sounded very upset about that, and she seemed to know exactly what happened. I looked down in response.
"I'm sorry Miu," I told her, "I just have a lot on my mind right now...I'm not thinking straight..."
"Of course you aren't thinking straight!" Miu exclaimed, "I mean I am the gorgeous girl Gemini's with a hot body, I'm sure you want to tap into this! Ah-hahaha!"
I could feel myself grow a slightly deadpanned expression as Miu said that loudly. She was assuming the thing on my mind was her looks, but that wasn't the case. I let out a small sigh.
"As much as I'd love to save your ego, I'm not thinking about your looks," I told Miu.
In response to what I said, Miu started to grow mushrooms on her head like Tamaki from Ouran High School Host Club. She was looking down as if dejected by my comment.
"C'mon, Miu..." I muttered, "there's no need for you to grow mushrooms in someone's dorm room."
Even though I didn't raise my voice at her, Miu seemed to cower, the mushrooms suddenly falling off her head. I could feel a nervous smile form on my face in response to that.
"Heeee!" Miu exclaimed, "f-fine. I-If your mind is so c-clouded, why don't you tell me what the hell is going on before we talk about that grape I'm just about to stomp on! Turn on the fuckin' machine already!"
"O-Okay f-fine!" I exclaimed in response.
Today was going to be the same as yesterday. Miu and I were going to get closer to each other, and the pent up frustration and stress I was feeling was starting to bubble over again for some reason. I guess everything needed to come out. I obviously couldn't go to Rantaro now... I had no idea what was going on with him.
Before I could say anything, I took the small white noise machine and I turned the switch. I was surprised this thing wasn't out of power yet. I didn't have to plug it in, more like batteries were used. That wasn't what mattered right now.
"A lot is happening..." I muttered, "Kaito is upset with Shuichi and I for some reason, and that was the first thing that happened."
"Well no fuckin' shit," Miu replied, "that idiot coughed up blood, and now he doesn't want to talk to his *sidekicks* about it. You can't say I don't have a fuckin' point."
"I know that, but this has been going on for the past couple of days now," I explained in response, "Kaito is a friend I look up to... he's been helping me with my confidence, and it seems that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore."
"Well then that's his fuckin' problem," Miu replied, "if he doesn't realize how good of a person you are, helping everyone and shit, then he doesn't need to be your friend."
"I still want to wait on that though," I replied, "Kaito is just stubborn. That's what Maki has been telling me. But it's just not Kaito that is causing this stress."
    "Then what the hell is it!?" Miu exclaimed in protest, "just fuckin' tell me already!"
    I let out a small sigh in response to that. Miu was really impatient most of the time, so when something wasn't said quick enough, she always grew impatient. A good part of it might be from Kokichi constantly messing with her.
    "Alright," I replied, "please don't force me to speak quicker than I can vent about it..."
    "Tch, fine..." Miu replied.
    "Alright, so you know I was late this morning, right?" I asked.
    "Yeah, I knew you were late," Miu replied, "I think I can make an accurate fuckin' guess on why. It's probably because you and Craptaro always walk to the dining hall together!"
    "I know that, Miu," I replied, "you are right about that. The reason I was late was because I was waiting on Rantaro to come get me... but this time he didn't. Like Kaito, when I spoke, he wouldn't look me in the eye or acknowledge what I was saying. I'm concerned about him, Miu. Something must've happened, and I fear that I'm going to lose him..."
    Miu seemed to have a frown on her face as she heard that. It was like she was trying to think about what to say next. I looked down slightly as I waited on her reaction.
    "Look, I'm not good at giving good words and all that shit, but..." Miu trailed off, "but I know you and Craptaro have chemistry. I'm sure whatever's going on will be fine by tomorrow. If you're that worried about it, you should try and fuckin' talk to him."
    "I know," I muttered, "I was planning on talking him after we talk about Kokichi. It's just that all of this has happened one after another, after another. I don't know if I can keep up with the stress I'm under."
    "Think about this, (y/n)," Miu spoke, "you have the hookup from the gorgeous girl genius! I have shit that will fuck with Monokuma when we fight that bastard tonight!"
    "I know you're a genius at what you do, Miu," I told her, "but I can't help but think that Monokuma is ahead of us... and I'm sure Kokichi is planning something."
    "I'm pretty sure about that too," Miu replied, "since we are on the fuckin' subject, we need to talk about Cockichi."
    "I guess he is a part of my concern right now, so yeah..." I muttered.
    "I think that bastard is the mastermind," Miu explained, "I just thought he was a little shit at first, but I feel like he was planning something. Using Gonta to try and kill me..."
    When Miu told me that she thought he was the mastermind, I knew I was at that conclusion too, but I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe anyone of our friends would be the mastermind... but reality had other plans. If anyone was seeing to be the mastermind, it was Kokichi. Even if Kokichi was protecting himself, he used Gonta to do that.
His speech about how much of an idiot Gonta was chilling to say the least. It was full of malice, and the way he was acting... it felt like he was the mastermind.
"His monologue was chilling..." I muttered, "from what Kokichi mentioned, it sounds like Gonta was used. I just don't want to believe anyone would want to hurt us..."
"We don't want to fuckin' think about that either!" Miu exclaimed in response, "but we have to face the fuckin' music! Someone here is controlling Monokuma! I'm pretty sure it's Cockichi! He is our enemy! The space idiot says that he is just messing around! I don't think that is the case! I shouldn't have fuckin' listened to his requests!"
Miu seemed to be going on a rant. That much was obvious to me. She was telling me to face reality and know that someone here is against us, our cause. Miu was hellbent on saying it was Kokichi, and considering all that he's done... part of me believed her.
One thing I was confused about was the fact that Miu said she shouldn't have listened to his requests. I wondered what she meant by that, so I decided to try to be more bold and ask.
"What requests did you do?" I asked, "what are you talking about."
"I-It's none of your damn business!" Miu spat out in response, "I don't want you to know what I did for him."
'Did something happen between those two?' I thought with a deadpanned look on my face, 'I don't want to think about those two together...'
It was was defiantly obvious that Miu didn't want me talking about this subject for any longer. I didn't know what Miu did for Kokichi, and a good part of me didn't even want to know about it.
"In any case, if Kokichi is planning something, he might try to pull something tonight," Miu explained, "we might have to kick his ass like we're going to do with Monokuma!"
"So you wanted to tell me that you think Kokichi was planning something?" I asked, "you seem very confident that we can do this."
"Like I said, with my machines, there's no chance we can lose!" Miu exclaimed, "I could create some sort of weapon to use on Monokuma! I might just leave and do that!"
"Well if you have any ideas, maybe you should try and make something that would benefit the fight," I told her, "I mean, you are an amazing genius, I will give you that."
     "Finally, you fuckin' admit it!" Miu exclaimed with a huge smile, "but in all fuckin' honesty, keep an eye out for Kokichi. I kinda feel like he's been trying to get closer to you for some reason. He always has some sort of glare whenever Craptaro has his arm around you."
    I kinda felt like what Miu was saying might've been true. Sometimes when Kokichi was trying to talk to me, if I was with Rantaro he would put some sort of fake smile on his face. It was like he was jealous of that fact.
    "You may not have noticed it, but whenever I was around, hell yeah I noticed!" Miu exclaimed, "I'm still sure Kokichi is the mastermind, so you need to be more careful. If he somehow found out about your ability, then there's a good chance we're all fuckin' done for."
    "I know," I replied, "it won't be that you are done for though, Miu. It would be me that would get killed. If the mastermind does know, then why aren't they doing something right now?"
    "Maybe that explains why Kokichi is missing," Miu replied nonchalantly, "I mean, he's defiantly planning something. Maybe it has to do with the upcoming fight as well as trying to get you out in one sitting. He wants to fuckin' kill two birds with one stone."
    "I guess you're right, Miu..." I muttered.
    "I need to prepare something's that will actually benefit us," Miu explained, "so I'm going to get my ass into high gear to have it done by tonight! You better fuckin' thank me."
"I'm sure everyone would be thanking you, not just me," I replied.
"Ah-hahaha!" Miu laughed, "I look forward to that shit! Welp, it was nice talking to you again! I'll whip up something so amazing that everyone will shit themselves silly!"
'That doesn't seem like a good visual...' I thought.
Miu got up from my bed walking to the door. Before she left, she looked at me a smile on her face as she waved at me.
"Thanks for listening," she told me, "I'll see your bitch ass tonight, so ya better be there!"
After Miu said that, she left leaving me in slight confusion. I wasn't expecting her to thank me, and in any case... I got closer with Miu. Even if Miu seemed very rash, I think she cared in her own way. I felt like I knew that, considering she was actually wondering why I was so stressed.
Sadly, I couldn't put off my plans to see what was going on with my boyfriend. I needed to find out what was Rantaro to act strange today. Hopefully he wouldn't get upset with me. I let out a small sigh as I decided to walk to my dorm room door. I opened it, leaving my dorm room and going into the main meeting area. I was hoping Rantaro would be in his room.
    I decided to check my Monopad, seeing where he was, and his little icon was showing that he was in his room. I felt myself slightly relieved because that would save me time because I wouldn't have to walk far. 
    I didn't even have to walk that much to get to his room. Rantaro's room was on the first floor of the common area, right next to the staircase that led to the upper flight of rooms that resided in this building. I could feel my heart beating loudly as I walked to his dorm room, and as soon as I got there...
    I rang the doorbell to his room. I waited a few seconds, but there seemed to be no answer. I was starting to get worried, so I rang his door bell again. It seemed that the same result would befall me ringing his doorbell again, so I decided to take another approach.
    "Rantaro, I just want to talk," I called out though the door, "can you please tell me what's going on? You're acting strange and I'm getting concerned."
    I waited a few moments, a small sigh cascading from my standing form. I really wanted to see what was upsetting him. It did seem like my patience paid off. I heard the sounds of footsteps coming closer to the door, before Rantaro's dorm room door slid open.
    As soon as I saw him, I knew he was concerned about something. He looked like he didn't get any sleep last night, bags forming around his usually calm eyes. His eyes seemed to look duller, as if he had no more faith in life.
    "I know you won't leave unless I talk, so I need to get this over with," Rantaro muttered.
    "You need to get *what* over with?" I asked in response, "Rantaro, you look like you haven't gotten any sleep. I'm starting to get very worried about you. What happened?"
    "*What happened?* she said," Rantaro replied in an almost monotone voice, "*I'm worried* she said. How can I know that you're not lying to me?"
    I could feel myself tense up in response to Rantaro's words, my eyes widening in shock. I could feel myself start to tremble as soon as I heard the last line. Rantaro and I have been through so much together.
    'What's going on...?' I thought, 'why would he think I'd lie about being concerned about him?'
     "Why would you think I'd be lying about that?" I asked, "we've been through so much together. How could I be lying about being concerned about someone I care too deeply about?"
     "Maybe, you're faking it," Rantaro replied, "you say you help me out in the beginning, just so you could get close to me. You could just be getting closer to me just to take me out, yeah?"
    I was completely shocked. My mouth hung agape as I tried to process what Rantaro just told me. Suggesting I was faking my concerns... saying I helped him out just to get closer to him... Saying that I just got closer to him just so I could do something terrible to him. Why was he saying all of this? Why was he suddenly acting this way when he knows that I want to escape this living hell with everyone.
I could feel myself start to tremble, it was taking every possible ounce of my willpower to keep myself under control. I had no idea how long I'd be able to keep it up for. Everything was falling apart. If Rantaro really thought that about me...every part of my resolve that I've grown to develop felt like it was crashing down.
"Y-You really think that?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, "you really think I'm trying to hurt you...?"
"It would be more convenient for you to, yeah?" Rantaro asked in response, "it would be more convenient for anyone else to try and do it as well."
"Rantaro, try and listen to how your talking!" I exclaimed, "I care about you, and I don't get why you're suddenly saying that I'm trying to hurt you... is that really what you think of me...? After all this time, is that really what you think?"
Rantaro seemed to stay silent in response to my words. It was like he was thinking about what to say next. I was still trembling. I could feel tears start to sting my eyes. I could feel the emotions I was feeling start to set in. It was like at this one moment, everything that I feared was going to happen crashed upon me.
    "I... don't even know anymore," Rantaro replied, "but right now... I can't trust anyone, even you... so for all that's good for you, (y/n), leave and give me some space..."
(I think we all know what he means. It was implied. I didn't want to make it sound too harsh, cuz Rantaro isn't that type of man)
    After Rantaro told me that, he shut the door. I could feel the stinging in my eyes getting worse as I could feel my body start to lose control. I could feel myself shaking like a leaf in the wind. I could feel the aching in my heart as I felt that it was broken.
    Everything that's happened in my life, every bad thing that happened came to the surface, the voices of people saying that I should just die. Voices that said no one wanted to be around me. Voices that told me that no one would love me.
    I guess... that was true. Someone I was close with... someone I loved. He didn't want to be with me anymore... that much was obvious to me at this point. I could feel the hot stream of tears fall down my face as felt my former urges come back.
     The urges that said I was better off dead. People even here... others that I cared about didn't want to be around me anymore. The well of stress seemed to unload at maximum capacity. I could feel my breath pick up, my lungs seemingly burning for air. In desperation, I ran to my room, trying my best not to sob or get anyone's attention.
I slid the door open, walking into my room before closing the door, tears sliding down my face. I could feel myself start to hyperventilate from what was happening. It was like I couldn't breath. Rantaro had a different way of saying things, and all I could think was the fact that he told me to leave. I felt myself sit on my bed as I was left to realize what just happened.
I guess I put all of my self worth into being with Rantaro. I always felt better about myself because he always said such nice things to me when I didn't believe them before. It felt like a crashing wave of realization hit as I struggled to catch my breath.
I could feel sobbing start to erupt from my body. There was one thing coursing through my mind. I was toxic... it felt like I was truly using Rantaro as a way to feel better about myself. I was a terrible person.
'Everyone was right...' I thought, 'everyone in my past who said I was a monster was right... I can't even love someone correctly...'
I buried my face in my hands, letting myself finally collapse, my frustrations overflowing. I wasn't a good person. Even if I saved people here... Chances were I did it just to feel like I was a hero, someone who was actually worth something. I was horrible, despicable. I didn't deserve anything good that even happened here.
"Why am I still alive..?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, tears streaming from my eyes, "I'm terrible, so why hasn't anyone killed me yet?"
I didn't get how I was still alive. I was probably the worst person at this academy. Seemingly nice on the outside, but a monster on the inside. If no one wanted to harm me, then there was no way to get rid of my frustrations on myself.
(Secondary TW Warning! If you aren't comfortable with self harm, click away now)

Something then dawned on me. I could take out my frustrations on myself. As the tears streamed out of my eyes, I felt myself get up from the bed in which I was sitting. I walked slowly to the bathroom as I continued to cry to myself, alone.
Once I got into the bathroom, I had a certain item that seemed to be in my bathroom as something there since the beginning... A razor, one used for shaving. I knew it would be wrong to do something like this, but my mind was screaming for me to do it. My mind screamed out that no one would care if I did something like this.
With my brain blinded by all of stress and sadness I was under... I picked up the razor. I could feel my heart beat pick up as I stared at it. My eyes seemed clouded like this was the only way to give myself what I deserved for what I had done. I-I...was relapsing.

Hey all! I know, I've been leading up to this moment in a way. People might think (y/n) is being over dramatic and what-not but I don't see it that way. I've had this planned for a while, and it would take too much time to explain how my thought process works.

There will be a TW warning next chapter, but I decided to end it here to leave suspense. I hope this chapter dos at damper any Friday's for anyone. I hope you all have a wonderful day. I'm back in classes and ready to go.

I know the lot of you weren't expecting something like this to happen. This is growing action, leading to the climax of the overall story. Don't feel forced to read if some of the new topics are too much. Thank you all for the support, and I'll see you next Friday!- yuki_no_fuyu