Town of Broken Girls

Monster in the closet

Phoenix POV

I finish playing Pac-man and I get another high score. Am I basically the only one who uses the Pac-man machine? Yes. Am I still proud of having the 7 best scores? Hell yeah.

I move on to the new pinball machine, I haven't been here since they installed it so it's my first time playing.

I pull back the machine's plunger then release it which sends the ball into the machine (and yes, they're actually called plungers). After about a minute of playing, I hear tapping on the arcade's window. I turn to see what's making the sound and the ball falls. Damn it. Through the glass I see an older guy looking at me. I make eye contact and he winks and me and smirks. I roll my eyes and face the machine again. I launch another ball and start to play again.

After a bit of time, I start to hear footsteps walk up behind me. I glance behind me and see the guy who was looking through the window. Fucking creep. Whatever, I'll just try to ignore him.

He puts his arm around my waist. I start to feel nauseous.

Creep: Hey baby girl, you've got a nice ass.

Anxiety starts to rush through my body. Seriously? I ain't even wearing nice clothes, I'm wearing a baggy shirt and sweatpants.

I look around and see Sam heading toward us. Oh, thank god.

Sam: Hey dude! Leave her the fuck alone!

Creep: I was just complimenting her.

That wasn't a fucking compliment.

Sam: Did you hear me?

Creep: Alright, alright, I'll go

He starts to let go of my waist, but as he's leaving he grabs my boob.

Creep: Ooh, nice tits too.

My head starts ringing. I feel my eyes start to water but I try to push it down.

The guy starts to walk away and Sam gives him the middle finger, but only when his back is turned.

Sam: Nix, are you okay.

No, I'm not okay

Phoenix: Yeah, I just need to use the bathroom.

I run to the bathroom and lock the door.

I try to steady my breathing, I try to suppress my dark thoughts, but it's no use. I pull off the gloves and roll up my sleeves. I take a deep breath and brace myself. I feel heat rush down my arms and my hands light up with fire. I feel my hands start to char and blister. I keep the fire burning a few minutes before putting it out. I wipe the tears from my cheeks. Honestly, I feel so much better, besides they always heal quickly.

Okay, nobody knows this but, I'm non-binary. I haven't told anyone, not even Sam, and I tell her everything. And yeah, I have dysphoria, I know it sounds stupid, but it feels like I want to rip my fucking boobs off. My dysphoria has actually been pretty low recently, but goddammit, that situation really made it spike. I'm not a fucking girl, I don't want to have "nice tits", I don't want to have tits at all. I feel like I'm going insane.

Sam's probably worried about me. I put the gloves back on and walk out of the bathroom.

Sam: Hey, you sure you're okay?

Phoenix: Yeah, can we just go home?

Sam: You aren't even going to cash in your tickets?

Phoenix: Nah, I'm not in the mood, I'll do it next time.

Sam: Alright.

We walk out of the arcade and Harley waves me good. When we get out of the bar Sam pulls me aside.

Phoenix: What?

She takes a big sigh.

Sam: Do you want a hug?

She opens her arm wide.

I nod and she gives me a big hug.

My eyes start to water again, she's so sweet.

I really want to come out to her. She'll definitely accept me. Right? I mean she's my best, and well, only, friend. I feel bad for even doubting her, but if there's even the slightest chance I could lose her, I don't want to risk it.

We get to Sam's house and she unlocks the door. I run and jump onto the couch and she sits next to me.

Sam: Do you have to do that every time?

Phoenix: Yeah, it's fun.

Sam: Hey, I'm sorry that dude was such a creep.

Why did she have to bring it up again?

Phoenix: uh- yeah, sometimes when that happens it makes me think I'll never find someone who actually likes me for me.

Sam turns to me and holds my hands. My burns start to sting, but I don't want her to know, so I don't say anything.

Sam: No, Phoenix, don't let people like that affect you, you're an amazing girl and you will find someone who loves you for you.

*sigh* an amazing girl... right

I wish I could tell her. I want to tell her.

Am I doing this? I'm doing this

Phoenix: Uh, Sam, can I tell ya something?

Sam: Sure, what?

Phoenix: I-

The doorbell rings.

Sam: ONE SECOND! You were saying?

Anxiety fills me again.

Phoenix: No, it's fine, we can talk about it later.

Sam: You sure?

I nod my head and Sam gets up to get the door. 

FUCK, WHY AM I LIKE THIS!?