i walked up to the front door, holding my baby and knocked. when the person walked up to it and answered it, looking at me in shock.
"what... what're you doing here? and who's baby is this?"
"hi, mrs. atkins." i spoke up. "i, uh, i was wondering if we could talk?"
"come in." she replied. i walked in with analeia and sat down, looking around at all the pictures of jeff, noticing they kept one of me and of him.
"so... who is this and what brings you by?" she asked me.
"this is analeia foley." i replied, softly smiling.
"as in justin foley?" she asked me.
"yeah. after... after everything, he helped me." i replied.
"he helped you and you got pregnant, but yet you couldn't fathom the thought of keeping my son's child?" she asked me.
"i would never be disrespectful toward you because you're someone i respect more than anything, but don't you remember after jeff died and you guys kicked me out?" i asked her. "i was... i was homeless for a month when i was sixteen and had just found out i was four weeks pregnant. the day i came back here, i'd just got done sleeping on a park bench because i left where i had been staying due to the fact that i didn't want to be a burden to clay and his family. i finally decided i wanted to try to grieve with the people i lived with for seven months because i figured that we were going through a little of the same pain." i began. "i respected you because you and mr. atkins went through so much trouble to have me live with you guys." i told her. "without even knowing my situation, you allowed me into your home because you knew your son loved me. i appreciated that more than anything." i continued. "but when i lost the man i was supposed to have some kind of future with, i thought that we could all get through this and you'd be able to help me raise your grandchild, but imagine my heartbreak after walking up to the house and seeing all of my things on your lawn like i never mattered." i told her. "i figured since you didn't want anything to do with me, i decided i didn't want to be pregnant. especially not if i didn't have the support system i needed for my baby to be healthy and happy." i said, looking down. "i wanted to go through with that pregnancy so bad, mrs. atkins. it was the only piece of jeff i had left."
"we blamed you for his death." she told me, teary eyed. "for the longest time after jeff died, we blamed you." she said. "but eventually, we realized that we shouldn't be blaming anyone. especially you."
"i blamed myself and a few other people as well." i replied. "especially after finding out i was going to be homeless again."
"how old is the baby?" she asked.
"she is going to be three months on the third." i replied. "would you like to hold her?"
"yes, of course." she replied. I softly handed analeia to mrs. atkins and instantly, ana's face lit up.
"she likes you." i said, smiling.
"i'm sorry for everything that happened after jeff." she said to me. "you really didn't deserve it. jeff's dad and i just had a lot on our plates and were still reeling from losing our only son." she told me. "either way, you didn't deserve to be treated like you weren't a big part of jeff's life for the last seven months of his life. jeff would have had our heads if he found out we were treating his first and last love like that."
i noticed that ana had fallen asleep on her shoulders.
"um, you asked me why i was here and part of the reason was to talk things out because we haven't talked in a year, but i also wanted to ask, since you're the only other mom i trust besides lanie, if you would care to watch her just while i was at school. i can't ask lanie because she has work and so does matt." i said. "but if it's too much, it's fine, i can find another way."
"of course i'll watch her while you're in school, kylie. you always have a special place in my heart." she said. "if you would like, i can start today. we heard about the college tour." she said. "i've got her and you go tour sanderson." she said, smiling.
i got up and hugged her.
"thank you for everything." i told her, softly.
once i dropped her off clay, justin, and i took off to school.
"where's my daughter?" justin asked.
"at the atkins house." i replied.
"jeff atkins' house?" he asked.
"i had to talk shit out with his mom and she's going to watch ana while everyone is out of the house." i told him.
"are you sure that's the right thing to do?" justin asked.
"why wouldn't it be? she was a big part of my life." i told him. "do you not realize that if jeff doesn't get killed, i don't get involved with you? they were what the jensens are to me now." i said to him.
"why did you feel the need to tell me that?" justin asked.
"alright, guys, not here." clay said.
"we'll talk later." i told justin.
"you know, i don't even want to go to this stupid tour. i might just skip it." he told us.
"i just don't think you should skip the tour. it's mandatory." justin reminded him.
"since when does the word 'mandatory' mean anything to you? my dad's been teaching at sanderson since i was eight. i know the campus." clay said.
"but this is about going to school there. maybe you might do that." i told clay.
"no, that would make my dad too happy. and, it's too close to home. i need to get out of this town. why would either of you look at sanderson when you both have occidental?" he asked us.
"we're not in yet. plus, i like the idea of sanderson being so close to home." justin replied. "especially with analeia here."
"this is the guy who once said college is for people who couldn't get a job?" clay asked.
"i didn't think i was good enough. i didn't think i deserved a future before." justin replied. "i wasn't a dad before."
"wait, you never thought you were good enough? you were always such an arrogant asshole." clay told him.
"yeah. those are probably related." justin said to clay. after moments of silence, i spoke up.
"justin, can we talk later?" i asked him.
"sure." he replied, smiling at me, then walking into school. i walked away from him when i a group of people looking at something. then i noticed what was written on the admin doors, causing me and alex, who was now standing next to me, to look at clay.
MONTY WAS FRAMED
"what the fuck. who did this?" alex asked me.
"no fucking idea." i replied.
"holy shit, the admin doors. respect." zach spoke, walking up to us. i turned to him.
"do you know who did this?" i asked him.
"nah, but they got balls." zach replied.
"how can you..." i began, then looking at alex. "oh, we're so fucked!"
"yeah." zach chuckled, walking away.
"he wouldn't have, right? no matter how fucked up he's been?" i asked alex, since they were best friends.
"no." he replied.
"then who?"
"what about her?" alex asked, looking over at estela.
"i don't think so. she's in HO. she knows who monty really was." i replied. "she would look a lot more suspicious if she did it."
"yeah, but he was still her brother." alex reminded me.
alex walked away from me, so afterwards, i walked up to justin.
"hey, kylie." he said to me.
"i just wanted you to know that so we don't have to see each other, i asked lanie and clay if it was okay for analeia to sleep in your room every other week since we aren't together." i said to him.
"why would we do that? what's wrong with how we're doing things now?" he asked me.
"i can't be around you without breaking down, so the deal is, she spends the day with me, night with you, then we switch every week." i replied.
"i really hurt you that much?" he asked me, crossing his arms.
"i waited for you for an entire month. i waited for you to get yourself better and you knew i would always be willing to help out if you needed anything." i said, trying to stop myself from crying. "so you claim to love me, but really don't?" i asked.
"i do love you though, you don't get it. that's why it hurts so fucking much without you, kylie." he replied. "but... i know if i give myself an inch i'll take a mile."
"what the hell do you mean?" i asked him.
"if i let myself be with you, i'll think i'm able to do other shit and then i'll think i can handle a little bit of drugs, then i'll go haywire." he explained.
"alright. sunday night through saturday night shes with you." i told him.
"fine. that's fine." he replied, walking away.
i was in class when the PA system announced that we needed to head to the busses.
"good morning, seniors. it's time to make your way to the busses for the college tour." bolan's voice said.
i got onto the bus and walked toward the back. once i got there, i sat next to someone i hadn't spoken to in months.
"kylie."
"winston."
"how's the kid?" he asked me.
"you know, she's great, winston, thanks for asking." i replied.
"her eyes... her ears... they're the same as his."
"you don't know what you're talking about. she's justin's daughter." i told him.
"monty told me it was his. the night we hooked up at the party, he told me he got a girl pregnant and didn't know what to do. and when i saw you at the party, i knew it was you." he told me.
"how? it could've been any other girl." i asked him.
"yeah, you're right about that, but the way you reacted around him, your mannerisms..." he began. "did he... did he do something to you?"
"it doesn't matter now. he's dead. the past doesn't matter anymore." i replied.
"it does matter, kylie. it does. i loved him and i know you did at one point too. i just need to know who he was. who he really was."
"at first he was sweet, kind, gentle. but the reason i flinched so badly when he beat the shit out of you, was because he did that too many times to me. more times than i can count or remember. he would've hurt you. that's all he knew. getting pregnant by him was a mistake, but my daughter isn't." i said to him.
"why did you sleep with him?"
"i was drunk and had just gotten into a fight with my then-boyfriend." i replied. "then after he and i broke up, i found out i was pregnant." i told him.
"what the hell do you want?" monty asked me as he opened the door. "and why the fuck are you here? you want some more of me or what?" he chuckled.
"we need to talk. come outside." i said, getting teary eyed. he walked outside and shut the door behind him.
"what?" he asked.
"i'm pregnant." i told him. "it's yours." he just looked at me.
"nah, you're not pregnant. you're fucking with me." he laughed. i shook my head and began crying.
"it's not a fucking joke, monty." i said, pushing him back. "what am i supposed to do? i'm seventeen. i can't raise a fucking child! i don't know how to be a fucking parent!"
"how do you know it's not dempsey's kid?" he asked me.
"because i haven't had sex with him since i slept with you!" i quietly exclaimed.
"what do you want me to do, kylie! i don't want a fucking kid!" he told me.
"then you should've thought about this by using a fucking condom!" i told him. "look, i can't... i can't get an abortion, mon. i won't." i said, shaking my head.
"why the fuck not?"
"i can't afford it! i don't have any money and if i tell zach that i'm pregnant, he'll flip out because he'll know it's not his."
"well maybe you should have thought about that before you fucked me after that party."
"that's not the fucking point, montgomery! what do you want to do?!" i asked him.
"keep it if you want. if your butt buddy foley ever comes back, fuck him and say it's his kid. all i know is that i don't want any part of that thing in your stomach fucking my life up. i don't claim any part of that thing." he told me.
"fine. good. i would rather my child not have a screwed up, fucked up father then have one in their life who doesn't want them."
"but you'll let it have fucked up mother?" he asked me.
"fuck you, monty." i said, walking away.
"you already did!" he laughed as i walked away.
"i'm... i'm sorry that happened." winston told me.
"i... can we not talk about this?" i asked. "it just brings back horrible... memories." i told him. he nodded and faced forward.
we got to the school and clay and i began talking to matt. justin walked up to us as we were talking.
"how beautiful is this place? i can't believe i've lived in evergreen this entire time, and i've never been here." justin said, happily.
"i hope you guys don't mind, i arranged a meeting with the dean of admissions after the tour." matt told us.
"thank you. that's awesome." justin replied.
"does that sound good? clay? kylie?"
"of course." i replied, smiling.
"yeah, that sounds great." clay replied at the same time.
"alright, i'll see you guys later." he said, walking away.
as the tour began and continued, i noticed something different about justin. he was... happier. as the tour went on, i walked up to justin.
"so, you're not actually thinking of going here, are you?" i asked him.
"what if i am?" he asked.
"just wondering, is all." i replied.
"why are you not more freaked out?" i asked.
"about college?"
"no, the graffiti. tyler. i mean, everything." i told him.
"i'm sure it's... going to be fine." justin tried reassuring me.
"really?" i asked. "well, share your secret sauce. i mean, how are you so sure?"
"because I have to be." he replied.
"oh, because you didn't actually do anything. or lie or anything, so you know that you'll just skate if the rest of us get caught."
"what? that's... how can you say that to me?" he asked.
"this. i don't recognize this. i don't know who this is." i finally told him.
"it's me. it's me trying... trying to get better." he said.
"well, i hope it lasts for analeia's sake." i said, walking away.
we continued our tour when justin and i got called up to the administrative office to do our meeting with the dean. after the meeting, matt got a call from campus security. when we walked to the front, we saw zach and clay sitting in chairs, clearly drunk.
"jesus, clay. what the hell?" matt asked him.
"mr. jensen, they totally held us hostage." zach told him.
"you're lucky they didn't do a lot worse. they made some pretty wild accusations. it it weren't for the fact the sigs have zero credibility with campus security, we might have a real problem. what were you boys thinking?" matt asked. "clay?" everyone was quiet. "well, i told gary you two were 'detained,' so the bus has left to go back to liberty. and, clay, you missed the meeting with the dean. this discussion will continue at home. and, Zach, i might have to speak with your mother." he finished.
"oof! well, i am sorry about that." zach replied.
"dude, are you okay?" justin asked clay.
"fuck you." clay responded.
"no, i mean, you really don't look that great."
then clay up all over him, causing me to chuckle.
i picked up ana and we got home, so clay's parents began talking to clay in the house. while that was happening, justin and i waited in the outhouse.
"how do you think the meeting with the dean went?" he asked me.
"it went good. how was yours?" i asked.
"good. it, uh, it went well." he replied.
he grabbed analeia from my hands and began playing with her before clay walked in.
"that was a long one. you okay?" justin asked.
"the usual. it's not even a thing anymore. 'we're disappointed. we're worried. are the sessions with dr. ellman working?'" clay replied.
"are they?" justin asked.
"what the fuck does it look like? dad's mostly just pissed i blew off the meeting with the dean because you guys aced it, i'm sure." he said to us.
"no, i blew it. yeah, it's only a matter of time before i fuck everything up and just become a junkie again."
"that's not true." i told him.
"really? cause it's kind of how clay's been acting." justin said, looking at clay.
"i have not." he said.
"yeah, whatever."
"so, no sweat. you'll just go to occidental." clay told justin. "just like kylie is."
"i mean, she gets to go anywhere for free because of ana, but for me? even if i do get in, which, who the hell knows, it's fucking expensive. if i go to sanderson, it's free." he said.
"well, you don't have to go just because it's free. we're not poor." clay informed him.
"i don't want to cost your parents any more money. and i don't want to take away from something that... should be yours. okay, i just want there to be enough college money for you to go wherever you want." justin said to him.
"i mean, it's not like i have fucking options right now, so..." clay trailed off.
"okay, well, look, can either of us help? with... with anything?" i asked him.
"no. no, thanks." he replied.
"alright. well i'm going to bed. enjoy the baby tonight." i said, half-smiling. i hugged clay, kissed my baby girl goodnight and walked out to go to sleep.