"nothing fucking matters anymore. what's the point?"
"i'm sure there's some logical reason for things like this happening."
"no... i really don't think there is."
six months earlier...
ani came to the house and we began cleaning as analeia was asleep on justin's bed.
"it smells like an ass wore shoes in here." i told ani as we were cleaning the guys room for the surprise party we were throwing justin. "like, ass shoes on a dead animal." i said, putting the dishes in the sink. i turned to her. "hey, is clay alright?"
"yeah... yeah, he's fine. stellar." she told me, walking up to me.
"do you love him or are you just taking care of him?" i asked.
"don't we take care of the people we love?" ani asked me. "i mean, he's been going through a lot.
"so you haven't told him about oakland?" i asked.
"um, not yet. i was meant to tell him today, but we don't move until after christmas, so—"
"you've known for a week, and you knew once you told him, he'd go all clay cray." i said. "clay-zy" then i thought about it. "no, i like clay cray better."
"okay, no. look, honestly, i was going to tell him just now, but... well, he had to take care of something.
"what, something about justin?" i asked.
"no, no. all's good there. he's still due home at four, so breathe." ani told me.
analeia began moving around and slowly waking up.
"okay, i need to feed her and i will be right back." i told ani, picking her up.
"alright. i'll be here." she told me.
i walked back inside the house and upstairs to my room to begin feeding her.
from: tony padilla
Hey, where are you and the munchkin? I haven't gotten to spend much time with her.
to: tony padilla
in my room. come up. :)
a few minutes later, i heard a knock, them the door opening. he walked over to my bed and sat down.
"hey. i didn't realize she was eating." tony said.
"she woke up and was hungry." i told him.
"how old is she now?" he asked, touching her feet.
"two months on the third." i replied.
"she was born—"
"the night bryce died, yeah." i said, looking at him.
"then she must be—"
"she's not zach's. she's monty's." i confessed. "but fortunately for me, justin has stepped up being her dad. which is why she has his last name instead of monty's." i informed him. "but only clay, ani, zach, justin, monty, and now you, know."
"justin is her dad. he always will be." tony said, smiling.
"i miss you, so much." i said to him.
"i miss you too."
"we're on our final semester of high school, tone. isn't that crazy?" i asked. "after all the bullshit, we made it to the other side." i told him.
"i'm proud of us." he said, chuckling.
"so am i." i said, smiling.
"we lost four people in our class, but we're gonna be alright." he told me, causing me to remember the moment i found out monty was killed...
WEEK AFTER THANKSGIVING...
"sweetie, can you come to the living room?" lanie asked.
"what's up?" i asked, handing the baby to justin. i walked over to the living room and sat down on the couch.
"sweetie, i understand you went to see montgomery de la cruz last week?" lanie asked me.
"yeah. i did. look, i'm so sorry. i just had to get—"
"no, don't worry about it. it's fine. we just wanted to uh, let you know that—"
"montgomery was killed in his jail cell the day after you went to see him." lanie interrupted matt.
"i, uh, i don't understand?" i told them, confused. "you're telling me that montgomery is dead?"
"yes."
i broke down and began sobbing uncontrollably.
"come here, kiddo." matt said, pulling me into a hug.
"well justin is almost home, so we'd better get back to the outhouse." i told him, smiling and walking out alongside him.
i laid the sleeping baby back down on justin's bed. after clay and tyler walked in, we had all sat back down until i heard a car on the gravel. i stood up.
"he's here! everyone under the damn banner. come on." i told them. we got under the banner and shouted 'welcome home' as zach walked in, causing us all to groan.
zach walked up to me and i smelled alcohol on him.
"zach, are you fucking drunk?" i asked him.
"i may have pregamed at home." he said to me.
"this is a dry party for a sober person!" i told him. "go rinse with mouthwash or something. jesus." i said, as he walked away.
"we're here!" i heard lanie say. we all stood up and clapped as justin walked in and matt walked in with pizzas.
"i hope you kids brought your appetites! dig in!" he told us.
a few hours after the party, ani explained to us about something going on with tyler. i grabbed ana from justin's bed and held her in my arms as we gathered around the two beds.
"so that's why we had charlie take tyler home. look, i don't think we have much to worry about." ani told us. "honestly."
"how do we know he told you the truth about what happened in there with the cops?" tony asked.
"why would he lie?" clay asked.
"i love tyler and i hate that i'm saying this, but probably to save himself." i replied.
just then, my daughter began waking up, indicating she was hungry since she slept the whole party.
"alright, well this is my cue to go. i'll see you guys at school or something." i said, kissing justin. as charlie walked in, i walked out, greeting him along the way.
i walked upstairs and fed analeia, receiving a text from justin nearly thirty minutes later.
from: justin 💙
hey, are you okay with me coming upstairs? i don't want to walk in on you feeding her or anything.
to: justin 💙
justin... we've literally seen each other naked a billion times. you can walk in while i'm feeding our daughter.
just then, justin walked in and sat across from me on the bed, crisscrossed.
"how's she doing?" justin asked me, petting her head.
"she misses her dad. neither of us could sleep without you here." i replied, smiling.
"she likes my smell. if i'm not here and she's super fussy, just give her one of my t-shirts and she should knock right out." justin informed me.
"what? when did she start doing this?" i asked him.
"around the same time you decided to have her sleep in my room for a week before i left." he replied, smiling.
once analeia was done eating, i put her in her bed and sat closer to justin.
"i'm so glad you're home." i breathed out, kissing him.
"ky, wait." justin said, pulling away.
"wait? what do you think i've been doing for the last month?" i asked, continuing to kiss him. he pulled away once again.
"i can't do this." he spoke up.
"w-what?" i asked.
"i... i can't be in a relationship." he confessed.
"you're not serious." i scoffed, sitting away from him.
"i have to make myself... my... the sobriety the priority right now." he told me, beginning to tear up, along with me.
"justin, baby, i can help you and we can figure it out together." i said, trying to grab his hands as he pulled them away.
"it doesn't work like that. this, us, is not good for me." he said to me.
"i'm not good for you?" i scoffed, getting up.
"this isn't about you. it's about me." he told me.
"first of all, analeia is sleeping, so lower your damn voice. second of all, it kind of always is, isn't it?" i asked him.
"i'm sorry."
"okay." i told him, sitting back on my bed. "can you... can you go now?" i asked him. he nodded tearfully and walked out, softly closing the door. when he shut the door, i began sobbing, trying not to be too loud around my daughter.
"oh, sweet ana. i hope you never have to go through this." i said to her.
a few days later, i was up wrapping ana's presents for tomorrow with lanie when she noticed something was wrong with me.
"everything alright?" she asked me.
"justin broke up with me and something gives me the feeling that he really meant it this time." i replied.
"what gives you that feeling?" she asked.
"the way he said it. his body language." i replied. "i, uh, i can't shake the feeling that something else is going on with him, but he won't tell me." i said to her, wiping my tears from my eyes.
"when he's ready, he'll tell you. right now he just got back from rehab and he's focusing on being sober, learning how to function without using constantly." she reminded me. "you just need to go easy on him. especially since he's ana's dad."
"that's why i wanted us to work so badly. i wanted my daughter to have the family i never got to have." i said.
"she already does, hun. she has a mom who loves her unconditionally, a dad who is going to see his baby grow up, and she's got us." lanie reassured, causing me to cry even more. that's when the baby monitor went off and analeia began crying.
"well, she's probably hungry. i'll see you in the morning." i said, hugging her. "thank you."
i walked upstairs for the night and tending to my daughter, thinking about what lanie said.
the next morning, we were all opening gifts, when we all got one same gift. a brand new cellphone.
"holy shit! sorry, but these are the brand-new ones!" justin exclaimed, causing lanie to chuckle.
"pre-loaded with all the hot apps. i had a mac genius help me. merry christmas." lanie said to us.
"thank you, merry christmas." i said, holding analeia.
"you guys really went all-out." clay told his parents.
"well, it was justin and analeia's first holiday with us, so..."
"and now we're broke, so that's it till college." matt said, causing us to chuckle.
"actually, there is one more... thing." lanie added.
"honey, we were on a budget." matt said to his wife.
"oh, I know, this is just a little surprise. go on."
"oh, is this the picture we took on thanksgiving?"
"yeah, it turned out pretty good, right? given everything.
"uh, I love it." i said, justin showing it to us.
"as requested, a picture of the six of us." lanie said, smiling.
"well, let's go find a place to put it." matt said.
soon after christmas, school started. the whole car ride to school was awkward, then we met up with ani, which was even more awkward, until we walked away.
"so, everything still good? with tyler?" i asked clay.
"yeah. i spoke to him every day over break. story hasn't changed." he replied.
"what does alex say? does his dad think that..." i began as we walked up and noticed metal detectors. "what the hell?" i asked myself. as i began walking in, i saw that they were scanning everyone. "what the actual fuck?"
"don't lose your shit." clay whispered to me.
"well, i haven't lost it yet, have i?" i told him. he went through the scanners, then it was my turn.
"backpack on the table."
"knock yourself out." i said, tossing my bag onto the countertop.
the policeman began scanning me, then suddenly began beeping rapidly around my bra, causing my to sigh.
"please step aside for a screening." he told me.
"it's probably the metal wire in my bra." i told him.
"we'll see. step aside for a pat-down." he told me again.
i sure as shit hope you have a female officer to do it, 'cause you and your boys aren't going anywhere near my body." i told him.
"young lady, step aside now."
i chuckled lightly and walked away scoffing.
"whatever." i said to myself.
later in the day, at the career fair, i was on my phone when someone walked up to me.
"hi, i'm not sure if you-"
"estela? what—what're you doing here?" i asked.
"i'm a new student." she replied.
"i haven't seen you since you were 11 and defending your brother in front of your dad." i told her, looking down.
"yeah. that was a... a pretty bad day.." she confessed.
"you think?" i asked. "it landed me in the hospital, nearly dead." i replied, remembering that day.
"so you didn't hit her?" monty's mom asked.
"no, why would i hit her? she's making shit up to ruin my life." monty lied. his dad became angry.
"so this is what you do? you get into a fight and you lie on my son's name?" mr. de la cruz asked me angrily.
"no, i didn't lie! estela, please tell him the truth. tell him what i told you. tell him what you saw." i cried.
"she's lying, dad. he never laid a hand on her." estela said, looking at me.
"estela." i told her, breathlessly.
monty's dad hit me so hard the first time, he knocked me out. and he must have kept going because i woke up in a hospital where i was alone for three weeks recovering from being beaten by monty earlier that day, and his dad later that night.
"anyways, what do you want?" i asked, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.
"i just wanna say, i really admire what you're doing. trying to change the culture of the school?" she said to me. "i know you've been through some shit and you're so strong. i guess i'm just asking if i could join HO." she said to me. i gave her a look. "i know because of everything, our past and you having my brother's baby, it's really complicated, but i'd like to join. if that's okay with you?" she asked.
"of course you can join. it's a safe space for everyone." i said, handing her a pen.
"thanks." she said to me, signing up.
"and by the way, this doesn't make us friends. my daughter isn't anything to you or your family. your brother relinquished his rights when i told him i was pregnant." i said to her. "so she's not your niece. she was never 'monty's baby'. she's justin foley's daughter." i said, before she walked away from me.
"what was that?" justin asked, coming up to me.
"leave me alone, justin, alright?" i asked.
"we can't even be friends? what about not having any problems for our kid?" he asked me.
"i waited for you for thirty days. i waited thirty fucking days for you to get home and for you, me, and analeia to become a family again and you just blew me off because suddenly after two years together, i'm not good for you."
"it was for my sobriety, kylie." he informed me. "i have to focus on being sober."
"what about your daughter? she's been needing her dad a lot lately." i said to him.
"if i can't focus on my sobriety, i can't be a good dad." he said to me. "because if i'm not sober, i can't be a good dad and i can't be a good boyfriend. i'll be a deadbeat." he told me. he softly kissed me and pulled away.
"what was that about?" i asked.
"i still love you even if we're not together, you understand that, right?" he asked.
"yes, justin. i do know that." i replied.
"alright. as long as you understand that, i'll leave you alone like you want. like i need." he said, getting up and walking away.
A/N: THESE LAST FEW CHAPTERS ARE GOING TO BE SO HARD TO WRITE BC I DON'T WANT TO FINISH THIS BOOK 🥺