Title: A Proper Stranger
Author: sweetbooklover25
Reviewer: GnomeMercy
Summary: 3/5
Overall, I think you had a great summary that could get readers in. It discusses the plot of the story, and has some rhetorical questions to keep the reader wondering. I think it would be a good idea if you introduce the main character a little—maybe talk about her name or something, just to give us a feel for her?
Also, usually summaries are written in third person. (They can be written in first person as well, if you wish.) In your case, you write in third person and the go on to say:
But I guess her beloved fate has some other plans for her...
Here, you say "I"—as in you, the author—and it kind of loses the professional feel of the summary. I suggest changing it to something along the lines of:
But fate had some other plans for her...
This way, you're not using the "I" pronoun, and it sounds a bit more cleaner and professional. This is just a tip as you can technically use "I" (in this form) in summaries, but it's not advised as it loses some of that professional feel.
Also, at the end of the summary it read:
To find out the answers to all these questions . Go ahead and read the book.
Firstly, it is grammatically incorrect to have a space between a full stop (or period). Secondly, there should be a comma in that place, not a full stop. It should be:
To find out the answers to all these questions, go ahead and read the book.
I think you have a pretty good summary, but watch out for the pronouns and the grammar typos!
Grammar: 2/5
(I won't be mentioning typos, but keep in mind there were a few, so be careful!)
The very first sentence of your story read:
Ring Ring Ring !!!!!!
There are quite a bit of mistakes here already. Firstly, the "r" doesn't need to be capitalised in the second and third "ring"—and there should, probably, be a comma between them. Secondly, the space between the last "ring" and exclamation mark is unnecessary. Also, never use more than one punctuation (like an exclamation mark or question mark) at the same time.
It should be:
Ring, ring, ring!
Or something along those lines.
Throughout your story, I also noticed some tense changes. Here is an example of a sentence:
Getting up on a Monday morning is such a huge task.
This sentence is in present tense. The next sentence, however, reads:
I wanted to sleep some more...
"Wanted" is a past tense word, which means these two sentences are different tenses. Usually, I see tense changes pop out of nowhere, and they're only occasional, but you might want to keep a look out for them.
In that same sentence, I noticed some errors continuing on. The entire sentence reads:
I wanted to sleep some more time nevertheless I got up and went to the balcony...
Here, your sentence is missing a comma and "some more time" doesn't really make sense. It should be:
I wanted to sleep some more. Nevertheless, I got up and went to the balcony...
Also, in the first chapter, I noticed that there was an author's note right between the story. I think it would have been better if you had added it at the end of the chapter and not in the middle of narration—this makes it clearer to see and understand.
Here, there is no need to capitalise the "p" on "poor":
I really feel bad for her - Poor kid.
It should be:
I really feel bad for her - poor kid.
In this sentence, there's no need to capitalise:
" No No Nothing Like that " I answered...
It should be:
"No, no. Nothing like that," I answered...
I noticed you capitalising after a comma (which is grammatically incorrect). Here's an example of what I'm talking about:
" Actually from this morning, One thing is troubling me," I said.
It should be:
"Actually, from this morning, one thing is troubling me," I said.
There is also no need for spaces between punctuation (this is most commonly found for speech, which will be discussed in more detail below).
" So Madam , let's leave . It's getting late "
It should be:
"So, Madam, let's leave. It's getting late."
These are just general bits of feedback, and these are continuous errors I found:
Firstly, there's no need to have a space between speech and speech marks. That isn't necessary, and it makes it look a little bit messy, too. As well as that, speech should always end with some form of punctuation—and most of the speech didn't end with any at all. I always say that if in doubt, use a comma.
I also noticed that you had pictures of the dresses you mentioned and the parcel and notes (I get why you had a picture of the notes as it it is explained in the Ayaan's POV chapter) but you should really be able to describe them instead of having a picture. It's better to have reader's picture their own version of the dress—and it's more professional to not have pictures, too.
Also, whenever Meghna has a thought, you also italicise the narration. What I mean is that the thought is in italics (which is completely fine) but when you say "I thought" or "my inner goddess said" you italicised that as well—which wasn't really needed. Only the thought should be in italics.
There were some problems with "your" and "you're"—which is a common thing here, so I want to get into it.
"Your" is possessive. Your bag. Your watch. Your hat. It belongs to you.
"You're" is the shorter version of "you are". You are a cat. You are amazing.
People mix these two up because they sound the same, but the spelling is different, so be careful about that. (I only saw it once, I believe.)
Also, when characters were shouting, especially during the scenes where Ayaan came to London with Dev in those later chapters, their words were capitalised. I get it's for the emphasis on the volume of their words, but it can be a bit distracting. If you want to show the reader that they are shouting, simply end it with an exclamation mark and say "he shouted" or "she bellowed" or something to show it's being said in a loud voice.
This one was something I saw recur quite often, and it's grammatically incorrect to say so.
"I and Aakash" is grammatically incorrect. That phrase should be: "Aakash and I".
Lastly, especially towards the later chapters, your characters stuttered a lot. It was quite distracting to see a lot of "I-I-I"s and repeating first letters. I suggest simply typing it out as normal dialogue and adding a verbal tag that shows they're stuttering like "I stammered" or "I stuttered" or something of that sort to show they're having a hard time saying it.
Overall, your grammar does need some work, but these are mistakes that can easily be corrected. Watch out for your comma usage, tense slips, and dialogue errors—and I suggest rereading your chapter to catch any typos.
Writing Style: 3/5
Overall, your writing style was quite "telly". This is quite hard to explain, but it's a problem many people face—so you're not alone.
"Telling" is basically when you tell the audience everything without giving evidence of it.
A great example is expressions. For example, here is a sentence that is "told".
"Sure," he said. He had a fake smile on his face.
This is "told" to the audience as there is no evidence of the smile being fake. If you wanted to show it was fake, you could use body language, gestures, and expressions to explain how the character faked their smile. Showing is used for actions, expressions, beliefs—anything, really. It's very important if you want to take your writing to the next level.
Try to show characters' feelings by mentioning the way they either stand, look, or even talk. Small things help readers understand what time character is feeling, without the author telling them. If you tell everything, the writing loses professionalism.
Characters: 3/5
I think Meghna was a pretty nice main character. She didn't have to much "character" in her, in the sense that I felt she was quite reserved and was the sort of person who observed. I liked that you mentioned some of her hobbies—like collecting teacups. I thought it was quite an original quirk of hers. Overall, I found her nice—but I didn't feel as if anything stood out about her.
Ayaan was the one I had a problem with. I think it's great he was really into Meghna, and I found that kind of sweet (however, I did have some problems with their relationship, which I will discuss later), but when he punched that wall toward the end, I didn't like it. See, he almost missed Meghna's head—and punching something is quite a violent act. I didn't like the way he got angry at that moment. Obviously, I understand that was a pretty frustrating moment, but I don't think punching walls is a good way to go. I found him a bit controlling, as well, especially when he said things like "I don't like it when you don't look at me". I find it really toxic—but I can be a bit paranoid as toxic relationships are a bit of a tough topic for me as I, even though I haven't gone through it, empathise with it strongly. I still think Ayaan needs to be a little more kinder in that aspect and be a little less controlling, but that's simply a suggestion.
For their relationship, I felt as if it was a bit rushed—at least the development part. Firstly, I would have loved some more chapters on Meghna trying to find out who sent those letters. Maybe she stays behind at work to catch them? Or maybe she comes early to try and see them? I think it would have been more interesting to see more about her trying to find out who sends her those letters, so that once it's finally revealed, it can be a fun surprise.
As well as that, I would have loved more chapters on Meghna and Ayaan's relationship. They barely knew each other, but where saying "I love you"? Maybe it would have been better if they had been dating for a while, so then that marriage drama would have hit hard on not only Meghna, but the readers as well? This is just a suggestion, but I would have loved more development as I felt that was lacking.
Lastly, I want to talk about Meghna's friends. Namely, Aakash, Anvi, Piya, and Alicia. I felt as if they were all quite generic, and their personalities were similar. The only one that stood out to me was Aakash, only because he helped Ayaan with the letters. Anvi, Piya, and Alicia always said "yes" to everything Meghna did or said, and Anvi disappeared completely for a bit. And Alicia was basically a female version of Aakash. Friends are always fun to develop, so I would have loved to see some more to them!
Overall, I think your characters could use some development, but this story was quite plot-driven (which is not a bad thing at all), so I understand why.
Plot + Originality: 4/5
The first twenty-five chapters, or so, made me feel as if it was an office romance—something I'd seen quite a bit of. But I liked the twist that ended up with Meghna going to London. I didn't see it coming! I think it was a nice addition. I would have loved to know more about her time and friends in London, however. You talked a bit about it, but I would have loved more. What did she do there? What did she like to do? What helped her keep her mind of Ayaan?—this way, when he comes to London, it can be more of a surprise as we've seen Meghna struggle to get over him.
Overall, I enjoyed that twist, and think you had an overall nice storyline. I think development is needed, however. The pacing was a little off. You could have taken your time to flesh things out, and really let Ayaan and Meghna's relationship grow. Take your time with the plot, because pacing is quite important.
OVERALL SCORE: 15/25
This story has the potential to be a sweet read that you could curl up with and enjoy. It does have some grammar issues that need some work, and it the characters need to be developed, but I believe it has some potential! Development is necessary, but it's getting there. I hope this helps!