Copyright © 2019 Nicole Mckoy
Zoey P.O.V.
I knocked on the door to Stewart's condo. It had been a couple weeks since all the drama with him hitting me and getting the results of the DNA test. Now that we'd all had time to take a breath and let the dust settle. I was up for seeing Stewart one on one and talking about how we'd move forward to raise this child.
He had invited me over to his condo and said he'd cook me dinner. So I came over after work.
The door opened and Stewart stood there in a t-shirt and jeans. He looked so casual and relaxed.
"Hey you're just in time. I just finished everything," he said.
"Great. I'm starving," I said.
I walked in and Stewart closed the door behind me.
"I'm glad you agreed to dinner. You look good," he said.
"Thanks. I'm just going to go wash my hands," I said.
I put my bag down on the counter and headed back to Stewart's bedroom.
I knew my way around his condo well.
I walked into the bedroom and instantly remembered the nights we'd shared in his bed. I still had clothes of mine in here that occupied his drawer and closet space.
I never got the chance to pack my things up from here.
I went into the bathroom and washed my hands.
When I was finished I walked back out to join Stewart at the dinner table.
I sat down across from him as he had the food on plates ready for us to enjoy.
This was the side of Stewart I liked. The side I knew. The side I didn't mind raising a child with.
Stewart was a good cook. He'd cooked me dinner many night in the six months we'd had our affair.
He was real husband material and I knew it.
But there was just always something so surreal about him... like he'd always been too perfect.
Maybe that's why I had an affair with him.
Stewart was always so sweet and caring during the months we had sneaked around.
It wasn't until things ended between us that I even saw the aggressive angry side of his personality.
With Caleb I got to see his flaws first and then he changed.
So it was never a perfect situation with him. It was always real.
I guess that's what I was looking for when I started up that affair with Stewart. I had just wanted an escape from the struggles of being with a recovering addict.
I should have been stronger for Caleb but I had been weak.
Stewart and I started eating and I thanked him for cooking me dinner tonight.
He had made us roasted chicken with vegetables and a side salad.
The food was delicious and for dessert we had cheesecake.
After finishing dinner I washed the dishes with Stewart then we went to relax on the couch.
I put my feet in his lap and he rubbed them for me.
It felt so good to just relax and decompress from the day.
"You know this is how our life together would be if you moved back in permanently," Stewart said as he rubbed my feet nice and slow.
"Stewart..." I warned.
"Zoey I'm serious. I could get us a nice house... one we can raise a family in. Just imagine spending the day with our child or children... me coming home at night to cook dinner for you guys. Us having family dinners then cleaning up together afterward. Spending time just relaxing after getting the kids ready for bed. Reading the kids bedtime stories then putting them to sleep. Getting alone time to discuss our days then getting a little intimate time before going to sleep ourselves. Zoey I would give you a good life," Stewart said.
What Stewart was saying did sound nice.
I never had that kind of childhood growing up. I didn't grow up in the kind of household where dinner was ready when I got home or where the parents spent quality time with the child. I didn't have siblings either so life was kind of lonely.
When I went to live with Cheyenne and her mother life got better but I feel I'd already been tainted by the life I lived with my parents. I was just disconnected from everything. So by the time I lived with my cousin and aunt I had low expectations.
"Stewart I'm not the housewife type... I don't know how to be the woman you need," I said.
"Zoey you're everything I need and want. Never have I wanted to change you. Have I ever once said you aren't good enough?" Stewart asked.
"No but your father made it clear I wasn't good enough to be apart of your family. Stewart how do you really see creating a family with me going? Our child or as you said children wouldn't have grandparents on either side or aunts and uncles. Your sister is a stripper who does drugs. Your brother sells drugs. Your father's a racist and I'm sure there has to be something wrong with your mother that you've just not told me yet," I said.
"Who needs them... we can give our child enough love ourselves," Stewart said as he stopped rubbing my feet.
Stewart moved me and pulled me onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Can I be honest with you," I said.
"Of course I always want us to be honest with each other," Stewart said.
"I'm scared. I'm scared to have this child. Stewart I don't know how to love a baby or be a parent. I really don't want to fuck this baby's life up," I said vulnerable.
"Zoey when you give birth to our child it will all come naturally trust me. Your motherly instincts will kick in and I know you'll be a great mother," Stewart said encouragingly.
"Thank you," I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
I hugged Stewart and he hugged me back.
I pulled back slowly and locked eyes with him. He looked down at my lips and licked his lips.
I leaned into him and brushed my lips over his.
Stewart held me tight and kissed me.
I kissed him for a moment then pulled away.
"Your stuff is still here... you could stay the night... we don't even have to do anything," Stewart said.
"If I stay the night I think we both know we'll be tempted..." I said.
"So what's wrong with that? If we make love what would be wrong with that?" Stewart said as he pecked my lips.
"Stewart I need to stop clouding my judgment with sex. As much as it feels good I need to be more resistant to letting my body do the talking... you know," I said.
"Zoey I love you and never feel like when we make love it's just you giving yourself away to some random man. Don't be hard on yourself and make yourself feel guilty for enjoying the pleasure sex brings you. It should be pleasurable," Stewart said as he pecked my lips again.
"Stewart I know that. I always feel the pleasure but I never feel the connection I feel I should when being made love to. You and Caleb both have told me you love me. But I haven't said the words back to either of you... you know growing up my parents never told me they loved me," I said getting teary eyed.
"Zoey I'm sorry... I'm sorry for the emotional damage your parents caused you. But don't fear becoming open to love and learning how it feels and what it looks like. I know I was slightly pushy when we were sneaking around. But now that you're single and free to be with me in the open let me show you how a real man treats a woman. Let me show you how falling in love feels. We can take things slow. If you want to cut off sex with me fine. But don't close your heart off from warming up to me... be open with me," Stewart said.
"Stewart I thank you for being kind and wanting to show me how to love but I really just am not ready and don't know if you're the man I want to experience falling in love with... I really just want us to put this baby first and be friends if that's ok," I said honestly.
"I can respect you wanting us to just be friends. Even if I love you and you don't feel the same way in return. But might I suggest something?" Stewart said.
"What?" I asked.
"I know a therapist. I think you should maybe talk to a professional about your feelings of not feeling loved as a child and how it's affecting your adult life. I once saw a grief counselor when Kyla died. It didn't help me much but who knows. Counseling might work for you even if it didn't work for me," Stewart suggested.
I found it very mature that Stewart wanted to help me even if that meant we weren't together. Maybe raising a child with him won't be so bad after all.
Maybe we'd be able to make co-parenting work without hassle since we'd now found some common ground.
Caleb P.O.V.
"Our trip was so great. We stayed at this resort but had our own little house on the property. The kids loved it and Jasmine and I got to spend some alone time together when the kids were asleep. I'm so in love with that woman," Evan said happily.
Seeing Evan so happy and talking about a family trip with his wife and kids made me envious.
Never had I wanted the life he had until the opportunity was taken away from me.
"I'm glad you all had a good time," I said.
"Man why do you look and sound so down?" Evan asked.
Evan and I were out having lunch and a drink.
I just wanted to catch up since it seemed like I had so much drama going on in my life that I hadn't seen my best friend in weeks.
I hadn't told Evan all that had been going on but finally thought maybe I should.
"I've been going through it man," I admitted.
"What's been going on? You and Zoey alright?" he asked.
"Oh I never told you did I? Zoey and I broke up... she was cheating on me with Livingston... got herself knocked up by him too," I revealed.
"Wait what!" Evan said shocked.
"Here I am turning my life around. Getting clean and falling in love with the girl only to find out she'd been fucking Stewart pretty much our whole relationship. They were together for six months behind my back," I said.
"Really? Wow man that's rough. I thought Zoey was so into you. She use to ask me how to get your attention and if you were really into her. Then she just cheats on you like that," Evan said.
"Yeah and I was the one that didn't even want the relationship to begin with. She begged me to make us official and then I did and she turned around and did that shit," I said hurt.
"Well how have you been handling things... not doing drugs again are you?" Evan asked.
"No but I wanted to... damn man you don't know the shit I've been through these past few weeks. Zoey told me she was pregnant but she didn't know who the father was. I knew Livingston could have been the father but I let myself get attached to the idea of fatherhood and her baby being mine. We got the DNA test results back and Livingston was the father not me. After that I had to end all communication with her. She's pregnant with his baby. The girl I'm in love with that cheated on me and broke my fucking heart is having a baby by a man that only got with her to stick it to me over some bullshit that happened in college that wasn't even my damn fault!" I said upset.
"I'm sorry man. I know it sucks when you put your heart out there and it gets stomped on," Evan said.
"I was willing to forgive her and take her back if the baby was mine. Man you don't know how fucking bad I wanted that child to be mine! I felt like maybe I'd finally found my purpose. I mean fatherhood changed you and I see how happy you are with your sons and Jasmine. She's even pregnant again and if it's with a baby girl I know she's going to be spoiled. I'm not saying I was ready to go get married and have a bunch of children but just that one... one child created out of pure love I had for that girl would have been enough for me," I said.
"I'm sorry Zoey screwed you over. You know I can talk to Jas and get her to fire Zoey if you want," Evan offered.
"Man thanks but I don't want that. She has a baby even if it isn't mine to provide for. I'm not that malicious," I said.
"Well keep your head up man and don't let this scar you from opening your heart up to another woman in the future when the time is right. There is a woman out there that will love you right and be faithful. Just be patient she'll show up right when you least expect it," Evan said.
It was nice having Evan's words of wisdom. I didn't know what the future held for me but I knew for now I was going to guard my heart and feelings.