SHAY
29 December
Moxy had many questions for me when I arrived at her parents' home around half one in the morning with mascara blotching my cheeks and shaking limbs. Gemma answered as many as she could in the little time she wanted to spare before returning to her own flat.
Niall had appeared at Moxy's side minutes after she threw the door open, completely startled by my presence. Moxy's parents were thrilled to see me, despite the tears that painted my skin and the devastated expression that seemed to be slowly making itself permanent on my face.
Moxy's mother, Yvonne, sent me to bed after feeding me a bowl of soup and telling me that I could stay for as long as I pleased. Alexander, Moxy's dad, threatened to kill Harry as any father would in a situation like this, well except for mine. Niall helped me up the stairs and down the hall to the guest room in the Lancaster household, telling me that he'd speak with Harry if that were what I truly wanted. And Moxy laid with me until the sun's rays shone through the grey curtains that hung before the windows.
I spent the next three days, holed up in the Lancaster household, crying and eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream with my girls at my side. Niall had left the day prior to today; driving over to my house to gather some more clothes for me, as well as apparently speak to Harry was "a proper mess". In the end it was just three entire days that I spent in, or around, bed spilling tears over Harry kissing another girl.
I suppose deep inside my heart I know that Harry would never do that to me on purpose. He was probably telling the truth when he said that he didn't kiss her, but she kissed him.
Regrettably, this doubt still remains in my mind that I will never be good enough for him and that he would be better off kissing other girls. Why would he want me when he can have a thin, beautiful, educated woman that is perfect on the inside and out?
"I'm ordering you to get out of bed."
"Moxy, not now; I beg of you." I plead; pulling the duvet up towards my chin and curling myself in the smallest formation I possibly can with a seven, practically eight, month along baby bump. She's been bugging me day and night, both her and her mother. In way I don't mind it though, at least I'm getting some parental love. "I just want to sleep, eat, and watch the telly."
Moxy slams the guest room door shut behind her and swiftly walks over to the side of my bed. She throws the duvet off my body and onto the floor, causing the cool air to nip at my bare feet. I moan loudly and shoot her the middle finger. She has no understanding for personal space or alone time.
"I have had enough of you mopping around. If it weren't for what's to come today I wouldn't even still be here, babe. I'd be back in Dublin with my man. Would you still be here, chilling with my parents?" I shrug my shoulders. Would I still be here? Would I even want to return home or would I be hiding out at Gemma's place? "Guess what, tomorrow morning we're both out of here! You're going home and I'm going on holiday with Niall."
"Shush, I'm not going anywhere."
"Stop being stubborn, bitch." She responds, her words barely fazing me.
I know I'm stubborn; it's a known fact to all. My parents know it, my friends know it... my boyfriend knows it.
"Do you know how many bloody phone calls I have received from Harry? At first I didn't answer them, believing that he was the lying, cheating bastard you made him out to be. But, babe, I'm sure he didn't mean to kiss her. I hate to say it, but I think you're just overreacting."
I sit up in bed, resting my back against the headboard and my arms over my chest. I know I overreact, it's in my bloodstream to overreact to things easily, but I hate being called out on it. If I'm overreacting to tell me, I most likely already know.
"Moxy, it isn't that simple. I can't simply forget what I saw the other night. I cannot get the image of her lips on Harry's out of my head. I still see them lip locking out in front of Anne and Robin's home. I still see her hands meshing through his soft hair like mine did hour's prior. How do expect me to look at Harry's hands and know they've held her hips tight? I can't picture his face without seeing her tainted lipstick all over his beautiful lips!" I take a deep breath, running my hands through my incredibly tangled blonde hair.
"Babe-"
"How would you feel if you saw Niall kissing his ex?" I ask lowly. I don't mean to hurt Moxy's feelings, but I'm afraid she can't relate.
"I'd be devastated." Thank you, "if I knew he did it on purpose." I groan and roll my eyes at the infuriating girl I call one of my best friends. "Shay," She takes a seat on the edge of the bed, bringing her legs up and crossing them together. She stares down at her knees, playing with her hands before her. "I know what it feels like to be cheated on, Mr. Arabian Prince cheated on me with two other women." A prince? "He could have any beautiful woman he wanted, including me for a time. I walked in after a night out with girlfriends to find him in bed with another beauty.
"Did it hurt? Hell yeah it did. Someone I had given all my trust to had betrayed me and it felt as if I was dying. I threw a bloody candlestick at him whilst he lay sleeping to the world. I spent a good half an hour screaming at him out of anger as I packed my things. He didn't try to stop me. He didn't argue with me, didn't do shite. He just let me leave, watching as I stormed out of his flat as he laid comfortably with the scantily clad woman in his bed."
Even after all this time, she still appeared to be hurt by it, which doesn't give me much hope for my poor heart.
Moxy's always been better with the male species. She's had more relationships than I have since the beginning of time. She dated Jonathon and Lester in primary school and Francis, Alex, and Daniel throughout sixth form. I have no idea who she has dated since then, but I can only guess there's been about two more than Arabian Prince and Niall. She dates a lot, yes, but most her relationships have deep meaning to both her and her partner.
"You and I both know that Harry wasn't the one who initiated the kiss. His hands were probably on her hips to push her away. I've seen the way that Harry looks at you. He is completely, utterly in love with you, Shay. His eyes light up every time you step foot into the room. He's like a lost puppy without you. I've stopped by the office when you're not there and he is the biggest grouch on the planet. He pouts about everything, paper work, phone calls, even invites to lunch with his best mates."
"Thanks Moxy." I mutter, still eyeing my lap intently. "Doesn't mean that I'm going to see him now."
"I didn't say now, I said tomorrow morning. I just wanted to get it through your thick skull before dragging you there without your consent. You're allowed to be pissed at him, but not so mad that you don't forgive him eventually. The image of what you saw will take a while to vanish, but you'll eventually fight through it." She talks with so much assurance that it does finally relieve some of the pain that I've been feeling in my chest.
If Moxy can get over something like a billion heart breaks, then I can get over this unfortunate hiccup in my relationship with Harry.
"Okay, I'll try. I do really love him."
"Good." Moxy stands from the bed and claps her hands obnoxiously loud. With a couple skips in her step she carries herself into the, basically, empty walk in closet I've been using as my own for the past couple of days. "Now we can focus on the important things for the day."
"Like what?" I question, finding the strength in my body to peel myself from the mattress. It has been pleasant to sleep in, but it still hasn't been anywhere near as comfortable as the one I share with him.
"Like what? Are you kidding me?" She exclaims, poking her head from the doorway. "How about your baby shower!"
That's today?
Moxy has been furiously planning a baby shower for me and the little girl residing in my stomach. Honestly, she's treating this baby shower as I would a work function. There have been many days where she's rung up my work phone to talk sweets, decorations, food selections, registry for gifts, among other things I had no idea went into baby shower planning. She is definitely more excited for this than I am.
"I can't believe that's today. I'm thirty-four weeks already?" I exclaim, placing my hands onto the swollen hump that's been causing me troubles at night. I can't find a comfortable sleeping position and do not even get me started on the crazy hormone switches she has been causing me lately.
I can't believe she'll be here in about a month's time. I am ready for her to be here, for the sole reason that I will finally look a reasonable size and I won't have to get up to pee thirteen times a night and I can eat and drink whatever the hell I want, but I don't think I'm completely ready for her arrival.
Harry and I have brushed on the subject of what type of birth we want to have and where we want to have it and who will be there. Harry is quite keen on the idea of a home birth with a midwife present, but I'm not quite sure I'm comfortable with that. I don't take pain exactly well and giving birth without meds, which can be better for the baby and cause less complications, just doesn't sound like something I'm up for or maybe it is. I'm partial to having her at the hospital, but as always Harry and I are still being stubborn.
Then we've yet to have the home ready yet. Her nursery is getting there, sort of. Okay, not really. We've been busy. The room still needs to be painted, the furniture needs to be put together, the clothes need to be washed, the nappies and other supplies need to be stocked, and much more.
Pray that after Harry and I fix things tomorrow we can get working on these things so that I can focus on just having her.
"Did you hear anything I just said?"
"Sorry, too busy stressing." I admit, making a mental checklist of all the things I have to get to. I swear I should have been preparing more over the summer when I wasn't busy, rather than now when I am über busy. "What did you say?" Moxy gives me this deadpan look with two different dresses in her hands.
"Stop stressing, everything will work itself out. And I asked which one you'd rather wear. This beautiful navy, bodycon striped dress from the wondrous maternity selection at TopShop, paired with an adorable pair of flats from the collection right here in your closet. Or this other TopShop extravagant dress, black in colour with a large floral print paired with the adorable pair of tan, suede sandals that I just purchased for you yesterday?"
"Black dress, suede shoes." I answer in short, seeing the dress draped over her arm. I knew there was a reason that I had Moxy planning this entire shower, from the food to my outfit.
"Perfect, I was hoping you'd answer that way." Again, she's thought into this too much. "I need you to get your cute bum into the shower and then stay in this room, I cannot have you peeking on all the surprises downstairs. Text me when you're finished, I'll braid your hair and do your makeup."
I swear it's like we're back in secondary school sometimes. All we do when we see each other is gossip, do our hair and makeup, and then eat like it's nobody's business.
"Hip, hop, Shay, we haven't all day!"
&&&
"Can I go downstairs now?"
I've been sounding like a whiney child for the last half an hour. Moxy's kept me all cooped up all afternoon, not allowing me to leave the room for anything. If I wanted food, she brought it to me; would not let me step one foot out the door. Her mum kept me company for a while, painting my nails and gossiping to me about Moxy's time abroad. I think she misses having younger women to talk to when her daughter isn't around. Although Yvonne is a young soul and fits in better with women quite younger than her than she does with women her own age.
"I suppose you can join me now." Even with permission, Moxy seems unsure of her own words. I know with her planning experience the lounge on the first level probably looks amazing. Moxy walks ahead of me towards the steps at the end corridor and I can practically see the wheels turning in her mind. "Now, I don't want to literally startle the baby out of your belly but there are a couple people already downstairs to surprise you."
"It's not my mother, is it?" I joke, praying to God she's not seating precisely on Moxy's parents' sofa with a cuppa tea in her hands and a scowl on her lips. If she shows up today, the world might as well just stop turning.
"That woman is not allowed anywhere near my house, says me mum." Moxy says, reaching out to help me down the steps like I'm some lost puppy or cripple. I will admit it has been quite a hassle to move up and down steps in a normal manner. My knees are weak, my back aches, my feet are sore, I'm basically falling apart. "Now, close your eyes."
"Mox, I'm not even down all the steps. You really want me to die?" I exclaim, grasping onto the ledge to keep from my heavier top toppling me down the last steps. Moxy spins around on the step below mine and narrows her eyes at me. "Alright, they're closed."
With Moxy guiding my every move, she leads me down the last steps and around the corner towards her lounge. Moxy told her mum about me being pregnant right after she found out and her mother was keen on holding at her home, because it is in Central London and it is definitely big enough. Plus, Yvonne is all for having a great party.
"Take a seat, babe. I'll go gather your surprise guests, make sure you don't peek."
And with that, I hear Moxy's footsteps leading out the room and before long I can only hear myself breathing. It's an odd thing, being left in a room completely on your own with your eyes shut off from the world. There could be an axe murderer standing before me and I would have absolutely no clue. I could very well peek my eyes open and take a look at the decorations Moxy has been slaving over for quite some time, but they remain closed, too afraid of the repercussions from my friend.
Only a minute more passes in complete and utter silence before I sense the presence of another, or rather few, in the room with me.
"Ello Shay!" My eyes snap open to the sound of the voice coming from the person, or rather persons, before me. I have to clamp my hand over my mouth to keep the excited squeal from leaving my lips and piercing everybody's ears.
Here standing in possibly more fashionable outfits than I are too of my best mates from my school years in the whole world, Bee and Marlee.
I met Bee when I was in our late years secondary school. She was just like all the other wealthy kids in our area with her manicured nails, her chauffer driving her to classes, and her Gucci handbag. On the surface she seemed like the type of girl to be ignorant and repulsed by others she found to be unfit to hang with her clique. But under the coats of expensive makeup and a great confidence that she carried around with her she was really just an insecure rich kid who went with the flow.
We found common interest in music classes growing up and ultimately decided we were going to be singers when we grew old. Funny how the future works itself out, you can dream all you want but in a moment's notice it could be ripped from your grasp. Unfortunately, her father found business in Spain and took her away during our first year at sixth form. Bee was devastated and so was I. Ever since then we've held minor contact, what with Bee being extremely busy with her amazing bakery of sweets and fiancé, soon to be husband in the Fall, Jack.
Marlee on the other hand, is a friend I met on the first day of uni. As a matter of fact we were neighbors up until about a year and a half ago. We met in a similar business class and were partnered up immediately by our hellish professor. Marlee and I made a pact the first night we got drunk and partied together; we'd never leave each other's sides. You can tell how that turned out.
She has a grand job in Los Angeles with a modeling agency. Marlee runs the agency and models lingerie for Moxy in her free time. They sure stayed more connected than we have, but there's nothing I can change about it. I talk to her about once every few months or so, usually for less than a five minute time period.
Thankfully, Marlee and Bee have met once before back during uni. Bee was in the London area and of course we invited Marlee along to hang out it with us. We're four best mates that have been friends through everything!
"Babes!" I screech once the initial shock of their presence has completely washed away by the excitement bubbling in my belly. I try to stand to take them into my arms, but they wave it off, each taking a seat at my side and giving me soft, side hugs.
"Oh my God, Shay it's been so long!" Bee squeals, pulling me tighter, if humanly possible. I wrap both arms around her and hold her tight, missing her warm embrace. It's been at least four years since I've seen her in person. She has tattoos now; she definitely didn't have those before. And her spots have vanished from her face, a healthy tan cascading the area. And she's lost weight, but gained a lot of muscle. What is she a backup dancer for a girl band or something?
"Bee, I can't believe you're here!" I pull from her and grasp onto Marlee's hand as well as Bee's. "I can't believe either of you are here!" I can already feel myself tearing up, although I thought I cried all my tears out hours ago when I was held up on Harry.
"Babe, you look absolutely fabulous. You haven't changed one bit, well..." Marlee giggles, her eyes fitting down to my well-rounded stomach. "Aye, Shay, your boobies are almost a big as Bee's!" We all fall into a fit of laughter from her remark.
Marlee, who I've only seen through the glossy photographs on women's' magazines is looking absolutely fabulous. Her dark skin and dark hair look almost fake because of how perfect she is. I've always been a bit jealous.
"I had no idea you'd be here. What are you guys doing here? Don't you have models to order around and cakes to bake?" I joke, my eyes still burning from trying not to cry out of pure happiness.
"When Moxy told us you got knocked up by some smoking hot lad I was immediately appalled we weren't the first one you told? So of course I had to get my arse over here and see for myself. You are a hot pregnant lady, babe." Bee compliments.
"Thanks." I blush, feeling awkward being called hot in my stage. I feel like a bloated, beached whale that has been eating too many fish from the sea. "I can't take all the credit."
"Yeah? Who's the lucky lad?" I sigh happily, still annoyed with what happened on Christmas. But I can't help but miss him. I love everything about the man and I know he loves me still, I pray.
"He's called Harry."
"Oooo la la."
We all laugh at Marlee's outrageous outburst. She's thirsty for a man, mad thirsty. She had some grand flings here and there, but nothing serious. Not in a long ass time. I think the last guy she was serious with was back in our first year of university.
"What does he do for work? How long have the two of you been an item? Is he supportive of you and the baby? Moxy said you were staying here for a bit, what's up with that?" Leave it to Bee to ask the important questions and get down to business.
I sigh heavily and smile at the two girls I've been missing for a long time. They're my best friends and they deserve the truth, the whole truth.
"Harry is the CEO of his own company, Styles Inc., maybe you've heard of it?" They both look quite shocked, as if I couldn't land myself a hunky, successful man. "Okay, you've hard of him. I've actually been working for him for about four plus years and we've been an item for about six months. Yes, I do already know that I'm more than six months along, so you don't have to do the math to figure out that this baby isn't actually his."
Both women gasp as if we're in some type of steamy soap opera.
Harry and I told Moxy a while back, figuring that my best friend should know the truth, especially with the trial making way in the media because of Harry's presence. She took it pretty well, after threatening to kill the man who put me in this position and breaking down into tears. I still don't like admitting to people, but at least I can do it with the tears flowing freely.
"Long story short, something bad happened to me that I don't want to talk about, which led to this little bump. It's been a tedious journey, but Harry and I have learned love her and can't wait to raise her as our beautiful daughter. Harry has been nothing but supportive since the incident and we're actually in the process of Harry adopting her as his own."
Marlee and Bee have looks that mix between sadness, pity, and shock, all of which emotions I'd rather their faces not be holding.
"God, Shay, I had no idea." Marlee expresses, her hand tightening around mine. "You should've called, I would have been here in a moment's notice."
"Yeah, love, Marlee and I both. Why didn't you tell us?" I shrug my shoulders and sigh heavily.
In the end, surprisingly, the trial didn't bring a whole lot of attention towards Harry so the story didn't go anywhere. Harry didn't speak of it with the press, the court system obviously couldn't say anything, so in the end the media had no story to spin off of. I guess I still run on the perception that the less people who know the truth, the better.
"I don't know; it's embarrassing. I know that Harry hates the situation. He is absolutely ecstatic for her arrival, but I know at the end of the day she's still not his blood daughter. I don't like having to speak about it if I don't have to. I just don't like seeming like a victim to people, because I'm not."
"Awe, come here babe." Marlee grabs me into another bone crushing hug as Bee laughs and grabs me from the other side, placing one of her hands onto my rounded stomach. "We'll be here for you, whether we're located in the city or across the world. We love you."
"I love you guys too. I'm sorry we haven't kept in touch."
"Nonsense. As long as we're together now, nothing else matters."