Dennise Michelle Lazaro
It was my flight day. I couldn't explain what I was feeling. But the knots in my stomach was bothering me. I wanted to cry. No. I was nervous. I felt like I wanted to puke but the hell, the first thing I wanted to do was to open my eyes. But I was afraid. I was afraid that the time I opened them her tight hugs would loosen up.
Alyssa's right arm were wrapped around me. Her face was buried on the crook of my neck. Her body was pressed against my back. And everything felt right and comfortable. Everything was making me happy and at the same time sad. I wonder how she was dealing with this feelings we have. I knew we feel the same way.
"Iloveyou..." She whispered making me knit my brows in confusion. How did she know that Im up?
I moved my hips making her palm ran down on the lower part of my stomach. "Iloveyou too." I murmured before turning to face her.
I pushed myself up as her right hand touched my back. "Wala akong masabi..."
"Me either." I shrugged and pressed my lips on hers.
She moved her head. Our lips were still pressed together and it seemed that we dont want to let each other go. We only did few make outs and more than that last night. I mean, how could I let the night pass without us sealing our relationship. I was afraid, honestly. Afraid that she won't make it in that two months.
Me? I was positive. Positive that if she's not going to call me in any time or days then I would kill the heck out of her. -_-. Leche, nasanay na din ako. Nasanay na sa ka kornihan at ka sweetan niya. I could ask my dad to go in the Philippines without me, but I don't want to. At least my test kami ni Alyssa. Right? Relationship tester daw kuno.
"What time is your flight?"-Alyssa
"10:30."
"It's already 8. Im going to cook breakfast."-Alyssa
"Babe, no." I pouted. I hugged her tightly and nuzzled my nose on the base of her neck. "Sa bahay na ako kakain. Let's just spend our two hours cuddling."
"Babe I would love to do that, but really, kahit ngayon lang. I wanted to cook breakfast for you."-Alyssa
"You already cook dinner for us last night. Pwedeng sakin naman oras mo?"
"Nasayo naman na lahat ah?" Natatawang tanong niya. Umayos siya ng higa at saka hinila pa ako pataas.
I leaned my right cheeks on her chest. My eyes were still closed which was unusual. Ayoko talagang dumilat. I don't want to see her. Maiyak pa ako.
"Last night lang naman po. Gusto ko yung tayong dalawa lang." Bulong ko.
Her left hand caressed my back. I sighed with contentment. One thing that Im going to look after was her hands. Her familiar touches on my skin. Im sure the connection between us wouldn't leave me either, since we'll have skype to talk. Physical affection, yun lang!
"I have something to tell you..."-Alyssa
"Hmmm?"
"Me without you is like a nerd without braces, a shoe without laces, and aSentenceWithoutSpaces." Seryosong sabi niya pero natawa ako. Dahil dun ay napamulat na ako at saka tumingala sakanya. "Corny na naman po ba?" Takang tanong niya.
"Sino nagsabi?"
"Eh kasi lahat naman ng sinasabi ko corny."-Alyssa
Natawa ako ng bahagya at saka dumapa sa top niya. I put my hands above her chest and leaned my chin. "Corny nga tumatatak naman sa puso ko." Sagot ko na nag pangiti sakanya. "I'll gonna miss you babe."
She kissed my forehead and my heart flattered as she started to sing.
I was not so happy being lonely
Living without you
So I prayed so hard for your love
In my heart I needed you
Then I looked up in the sky
And I'm thinking why oh why
These are all the many changes in my life
Her voice was so beautiful that every words coming out from her mouth seemed to stuck in my mind. She was so sincere. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach making their way out of my mouth. I looked around, we were in our own world again. Full of colours and butterflies.
After all the caring and the laughter
No one else like you
I am not a preacher with a sermon
I'm so in love with you
'Cause to live without your love
Like the sun that shines above
Is the magic of the changes in my life
She pulled us into a sitting position while still singing. "Bakit ang cheesy mo ngayon?" Nakangiti kong tanong at yumakap sa balikat niya. She shook her head and didn't stop from singing. "Babe, nagpapamiss ka ba lalo?" Tanong ko ulit.
"Sing with me my love." She sweetly whispered making me chuckle and sing with her.
And I'll never forget your love
You and I
We were meant to be
Sweet as rain falling from the sky
You and I
These are all the many changes in my life
Are we really meant to be? Positive.
"Bakit naiiyak ka?" Takang tanong niya na nag pakunot ng noo ko. "Halla siya!" Dagdag pa niya kaya natampal ko siya ng mahina sa pisngi.
"Ang yabang! Kakagising ko kaya po ako naluluha."
"Nag deny na naman siya oh... Tapus mamaya iiyak na yan."-Alyssa
"Hindi nga ang kulit!"
"Weh? Totoo? Bakit namumula na yang mata mo?" Natatawang tanong niya at tinuro pa ang mga mata ko. Sumimangot lang ako. "Oh ano? Naiiyak ka talaga eh. Bakit?"
Hindi ako sumagot at tumawa ng mahina, kaso iba ang kinalabasan. My body shook lightly as I sobbed and laughed. "Hate you! Stop it." I murmured and wiped my cheeks.
"Kakantahan nalang ulit kita. Ano bang gusto mo?"-Alyssa
"Ikaw."
"Huh?"-Alyssa
"Ikaw gusto ko." Ulit ko habang nakatitig sa mga mata niya. Tumawa ito ng pilit at saka nag iwas ng tingin. "Oh? Bakit hindi ka makatingin? Nakakahawa ba ang pag iyak ko?"
"Ramdam kita. Ramdam kong mamimiss mo ako ng sobra." Kakamot kamot niyang sabi. "Dennise Michelle, bakit ba napaka iyakin mo?"
"Pasalamat ka nga iniiyakan kita. Sayo lang naman eh."
"Halata nga. Kahapon sobrang seryoso mo lang ah? Anyare ngayon? Huwag masyado uy! Mamiss mo ako lalo, baka hindi ka makabalik ng buhay dito!" Sinubukan kong pick upin ang biro niya pero mas lalo lang akong napaiyak.
Oa na kung oa, but you can't blame me. 8 months din kaming mag kasama. Nasanay din naman ako, hindi lang siya. Ganun naman pag seryoso ka sa isang relasyon diba? Kahit ayaw mong masanay masasanay at masasanay ka. Lalo na pag sobrang dami ng nangyari sa pagitan niyong dalawa.
"Bakit ka ba kasi kumanta?!" Inis kong tanong.
Tumitig siya saakin at napasimangot ako dahil sa marahan niyang pag lunok. She smiled and removed the strand of my hairs on my face. "Kasi mahal kita." She grinned.
"Alyssa Dan!"
She laughed and my world stopped as I stared at her. My eyes landed on her lips. "It was one of my signs for my meant to be partner." She said.
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I always wanted to sing a song to the person I love first thing in the morning." She shrugged. "Yung pag mulat palang ng mga mata ko, gusto kong halikan siya, yakapin, sabihing mahal ko siya ng sobra at kantahan ng kahit anong pumasok sa utak ko." Paliwanag niya ng seryoso.
"Nagsasabi ka ba ng totoo?" Tanong ko at napailing iling.
"Yes. I mean, I think it was just my silly sign."-Alyssa
"No it's not silly."
"It is babe... Grabe! Kung alam mo lang."-Alyssa
"Ano bang meron dun?" Interesadong tanong ko at saka suminghot. Pinakiramdaman ko ang pag tibok ng puso ko at laking pasalamat ko dahil kalmado pa naman siya. "You didn't say it's silly for nothing right?" I asked her again.
Tumawa siya ng mahina. "When I was 5, I don't know where did I get it ah!" Sabi niya kaya tumango ako. "Pero every time I look up at the sky, the thought of singing a song to someone in the morning keeps on bothering me. The crazy thing about that was, I wished that the girl whom I am going to sing would be dreaming that someday someone would sing a song for him or her first thing in the morning, too."
Habang kwinekwento niya iyon ay hindi ko maiwasang mapakagat labi habang nakatitig sa mukha niya. She was so serious yet happy at the same time. She looked like she's in her own world, remembering everything from a beautiful and happy dreams she had.
"What if I dreamed about myself waking up in the morning with someone being sweet and singing me a song first thing in the morning?" I asked making her laugh.
"Hahahaha! That sounds funny!"-Alyssa
Napangiti ako at saka siya hinalikan sa labi. I bit and pulled her bottom lip. "It is funny." I shut my eyes with contented smile on my face. "You're the one babe..." I whispered.
"Huh?"-Alyssa
I sat on her stomach, almost straddling her. The heavy thing I was feeling a while back seemed to walk away. I wasn't afraid anymore I think?
"What if nagloko ako, are you going to forgive me?"
"It depends on what kind of pagloloko ang gagawin mo."-Alyssa
"Ok, for example heavy reason siya. Like, yung ginawa mo pero ang pag kakaiba nakita mo. And Im doing it with a guy."
She shrugged. "It would cause me pain of course. It takes time for me to forgive you if ganun nga yung situation. You gave me a second chance, so why not, right?"
"What if wala kang iniisip na ganyan, like to be fair and what ifs..." Takang tanong ko ulit habang nakatitig sakanya. Lumonok siya ng sunod sunod ng mapatingin siya sa tummy ko or lower than that. "In my eyes Alyssa Dan."
"It takes time Dennise Michelle. I mean, yes! I would be mad as hell. Shempre masakit yun, plus lalake pa siya. May mga mag babago, pwedeng trust and pag mamahal ko for you, pero I would try to listen and understand."-Alyssa
Napailing iling ako at nag isip pa ng causes. "Another reason, I lied to you. In any circumstances."
"Lying is humans nature. There are reasons why we chose not to tell or hide the truth." She replied making me smile.
"Magkarelasyon sa iba habang tayo pa."
"Well, that means may kulang saakin na naibibigay nung isa." Kampante niyang sagot.
"Secret relationship with your bestfriend."
"Wala sayo ang problema nasa kaibigan ko." Sagot niya na nag patawa saaming dalawa. "Kahit landiin mo siya, dapat alam niya ang pwesto niya sa mundo nating dalawa."
Tumango ako at saka yumuko. "Iloveyou..." Nakangiti kong sabi at saka tuluyan ng idinikit ang labi ko sakanya.
She sighed and opened her mouth to kiss me back. Our lips moved in sync making me moan quietly. Her hands ran up and down on my sides sending volts of electricity through my skin. I shivered once our mouth disconnected with a wet sound.
"What if ako naman gumawa ng mga kasalanang nabanggit mo?"-Alyssa
"It depends kung ilang beses mo ng inulit ang mga kasalanang hindi mo na dapat inuulit." I replied and winked at her. "You could do anything you want, but you should know your limits din po."
She stared at me as I walked off the bed. I opened my bed side drawer and got a small pink pocket notebook. She looked at it when I gave it to her.
"What's this?"-Alyssa
"Read it." Tipid kong sagot at saka pumasok ng banyo. I was wearing my pjs though saka shirt. Nakapag bihis pa din naman ako kagabi, it was a good thing that I did not pass out from what we did.
"Coincidence or meant to be?" Kunot noo niyang tanong nang titigan ko siya sa kama.
"I don't know."
"Ok! Let me conclude everything!"-Alyssa
"You don't need to."
"Were you afraid that you might die in sadness in that two months?"-Alyssa
"I was afraid that you might fall out of love and love someone else. Or... Maybe, magsawa ka kakaantay."
"Ganyan ba talaga tingin mo saakin? Mabilis magsawa, at tumingin ng iba?"-Alyssa
"You said it yourself. Not me." I shrugged and walked towards the bed.
"You asked me those questions to prove that I am the one for you?" She asked and I could feel that she's about to shut me up if ever na magsasalita ako. I keep my mouth shut and pulled her hands. "Why are you so serious about this Dennise Michelle?"
"Are you not serious about this Alyssa Dan?"
Napaiwas siya ng tingin. My heart clenched in pain. "I am serious about this. But..."
"But what?"
"But being serious and doubting is different."-Alyssa
"That was thirty minutes ago."
"Still..."-Alyssa
I cut her off by leaning and pressing my lips on hers. I planted many kisses on her lips making her whimper every time I pull away. "Thirty minutes ago is different from this time, okay?" I breathed out.
"Am I the one then?"-Alyssa
"Am I going to give you everything if you're not? What I did is not proving or making sure that you're the one okay? What I did is to see how serious and mature you are when we talk about us."
She sighed. She pouted her lips and pecked me on the lips again. "So your sign for the one is what I did."
"Coincidence or Meant to be?" Balik kong tanong.
"Doesn't matter. As long as you're mine and mine alone, then words are not enough."-Alyssa
"Pero hindi yun yung kantang nasa sign ko!"
"Oo nga... Gusto mo kantahin natin?" Nakangiti niyang tanong at saka umupo ng maayos. Tumango ako na naging dahilan ng pag tawa niya ng mahina. "Mahal na mahal po kita Dennise Michelle."
"And Iloveyou more Alyssa Dan."
———
Pasakay na ako ng eroplano ng bigla akong akbayan ni ate Justine. I frowned when she grinned at me.
"Tapang natin ah? Hindi nag pahatid sa jowa!" Pang asar niya.
"Tapang natin ah? Wala ng jowa, kaya walang nag hatid!"
Sumingkit ang mga mata niya kaya binelatan ko siya. Ako kasi inaasar niya, kanina pa! Hindi nga kasi ako nag pahatid kay Alyssa Dan, baka masama ko pa siya. Mahirap na. One more thing, we had too much clingy time together back in my condo two hours ago.
We took a bath together and it took us one and half hour to come out from the bathroom. Well spent ng two hours ko, duh! I was with my girlfriend pero that doesnt mean we did something again. Kinantahan niya lang ako. Samin nalang muna yung kanta.
"Settle down kiddos!" Daddy said making us all ran on our designated seats.
"Where to go when we get there?" Amy asked who was sitting at my right side.
"Tagaytay? Im not sure."
"Why?"-Ella
"Kuya Justin's wedding." I replied making them glanced at our left side.
Ate Sandy waved her hand with a smile. She's kuya's future wife. And to our surprise, she's pregnant. Hindi ko man lang nasabi kay Alyssa Dan -_-. Siguro same reaction lang din kami pag nalaman niya. Excited shempre. Eh ang kaso saka lang nila sinabi nung nasa bahay na ako.
"You had too much sex with Alyssa Dan!"-Ella
I blushed. "Want me to slap you besh?"
"I agree with Ella. I can smell Alyssa Dan's natural smell on you!"-Amy
"It's a good thing that you didn't get her skin colour too!"-Ella
"Pag nandito si Alyssa konyat ka dun!"-Ate Justine
"Eh kaso wala siya. Kaya libre lait." Natatawang sagot ni Ella. I shook my head and pinched her on her arm. "Ang kaso mas sadista gf niya, tagapag tanggol 101."
"Girlfriend goals."-Amy
"Pero hindi relationship goals. Hindi siya hinatid eh." Sabad ni kuya Justin.
"Hindi sa lahat ng bagay kailangan hatid sundo ko siya. Hindi sa lahat ng oras at panahon lagi kaming sweet at walang bangayan. Kaya manahimik kayo!"
"Beast mode 101."-Ate Justine
"Yan ang attitude natin pag namimiss natin siya."-Ella
Sumimangot ako at saka nag talukbong ng unan. The plane was moving and my heart skipped a beat when I felt like my soul dropped down on the ground. "Shut up and Im scared." I said making them laugh at me.
Hindi ko nalang sila pinansin at unti unti ay si Alyssa Dan na ang pumupuno sa pag iisip ko. Her face was stuck inside my head. I sighed when I heard her whispering iloveyous and sweet nothings. My thought pulled me into a deep slumber. It was full of Alyssa's thought. I wasn't lonely all along.
The next time I opened my eyes was when we were at our first stop. Hong Kong. I was in there for three times so I did not bother myself to stand or look around. I checked on my phone and smiled when Alyssa Dan's picture was staring at me.
"Kiss mo na." Ella whispered. I glared at her and went back to sleep.
"Mahal na mahal kita Dennise Michelle."
I opened my eyes half startled. I was sweating. I felt sticky on my nape. Ella was staring at me as if examining my face. She frowned.
"You were dreaming."-Ella
"Where are they?"
"We're here!!!" Amy exclaimed. Lumingon ako sakanya at napasimangot ng makitang bag ko na pala ang hila-hila niya. "You're not going to stay here for two months, aren't you?"
"I am not."
"Good to know. Because we are the only one who's here."-Amy
Lumabas na kami ng plane. I hugged myself as the cold breeze hit us above the ground. It was 1 am in Manila Airport. It wasn't really dark because of the lights, pero mas gusto ko dark. At least I could see the stars from above.
I spread my arms letting the air wrapped around me. It was strange to be back. I mean, it's been a long time since I felt my homeland's presence. Iba rin pala talaga pag nasanay ka sa ibang lugar.
"No relaxing time bunso. Kasal na in three days."-Kuya Justin
"I know! No rush kuya! Special day mo yun."
"Rush na! I wanted to go to Bora or Elnido!"-Ate Justine
"I wanted to call Alyssa Dan before doing things like that." Antok kong sagot at yumakap kay daddy. "Dad, can you call her when we get home?"
Dad chuckled and patted my head.
Nakarating nga kami sa not so big house namin in Tagaytay. At ang ginawa ko nga tulog kaagad. Jetlag is real. -_-
———
"Name?"
"Beatrice." The girl replied staring on her volleyball. "You?"
"Dennise Michelle."
"Nice name." She grinned looking up at me.
"How old are you?"
"13 years old."-Beatrice
I rolled my eyes and showed her my phone. "Don't you know how much it cost?" I asked her. She nodded her head still smiling. "I am serious Tricia!"
Her facial expression suddenly changed, to smiley to frown. "Too girly po ate Michie." Sabi niya.
"So?"
"Are you really that mean?"-Beatrice
"Are you really that rude?"
She looked down on her feet. "I did not mean to. It was an accident." She said and I could hear the sadness and regret on her voice.
I frowned. I felt bad for her. I wasn't that mean and hard, really. Sadyang nag kataon lang na kausap ko si Alyssa Dan kanina at saka pa nahulog ang phone ko sa tiled floor namin. Ayun! Basag ang iPhone 6! Naloka ako. Kulay pink pa man din 'yon!
I kneeled on the sofa and raised and eye brow at Beatrice. She's my cousin, kararating lang nila at kakatakbo at kakalaro niya ng volleyball sa loob ng bahay ay siyang naging dahilan ng pag hulog ng phone ko. She hit me at the back of my head.
"So how much do you think it cost?" Mataray kong tanong.
"In Canadian dollar it is 600 plus tax, here in the Philippines, it's about 20 to 30 thousand."-Beatrice
"Do you think you can buy me one for the payment?"
Napakamot siya ng ulo. "I couldn't even buy myself a shoes, how could I buy an expensive phone like yours Michie?" Nakasimangot niyang tanong.
I groaned. "So you better stop playing in here! Go play outside, okay?"
"Im sorry."-Beatrice
Magsasalita pa sana ako pero sakto namang pababa na si ate Justine. She was yawning. Her left hand was wiping her face while her right hand was holding her phone.
"Alyssa Dan disturbed my sleep! That freaking cute monster of yours." She whined.
Kaagad kong kinuha ang phone at saka sumimangot sa camera. Alyssa Dan was lying on her stomach and she was staring on the tv. I stared confusedly.
"She's frowning because you turned your phone off while you guys were talking!"-Rachel
"Oh!" I gasped. "I dropped my phone. Im sorry."
"Wait what?... Dan babes! She dropped her phone."-Rachel
Kaagad namang napalingon si Alyssa Dan. I waited for her to get the phone to Rachel and she did. She pouted her lips making me smile.
"Hey love.. Im sorry. My cousin accidentally hit me with a ball and I dropped my phone."
"Aww man. How's your head?" Alalang tanong niya habang nakakunot ang noo. "I miss you!"
"It was not bad love. Okay na po ako. And, I miss you too."
"Wala ka bang gagawin today?"-Alyssa
"Preparation for kuya's wedding. Im busy for three days love. Ikaw? Hindi kapa matutulog?"
"Hindi ako makatulog eh."-Alyssa
"Hmm... Nag iinarte ka lang."
"Nag iinarte na ba yung kailangan lang talaga kita sa tabi ko para may mayakap ako?" Malungkot niyang tanong.
Sumimangot din ako sa loob loob ko pero hindi ko pinakita iyon. I blew her a kiss. "Iloveyou love. You go to bed na po."
"Bakit ang bilis, ayaw mo na akong makausap?"-Alyssa
"Masanay ka munang wala ako, okay? Mas mahihirapan ka po."
"Noooo..."-Alyssa
"Ako din, sige, mahihirapan din ako."
Napasimangot siya lalo kaya napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko. I looked away and sakto namang nakatingin saakin si Beatrice. She frowned and looked back on her shoes.
"Goodnight." Alyssa sadly whispered making me stared at the screen. "Iloveyou."
"Iloveyou too. Sleep tight Alyssa Dan."
Binalik ko na ang phone ni ate Justine. Tulog na tulog siya sa sofa. Dahan dahan akong umupo sa sahig at sumunod naman saakin si Beatrice.
"Girlfriend mo?"-Beatrice
"Asawa ko."
"Weh?!"-Beatrice
"Nagtatanong ka tapus you're not going to believe me din naman pala."
She dribbled the ball two times. "She looked familiar." She looked around and back to me. "Hindi ka naman po pala masungit. Im sorry for breaking your phone. I know na po why you were so mad at me a minute ago."
"It's okay. Im going to buy a new one."
"Pero ano mo nga po siya?"-Beatrice
"My wife, husband, whatever. Asawa ko. Bakit ba?"
Napakamot siya ng ulo. "Nag iloveyou din siya sayo?"
"Oo, bakit?"
"Paano yun?!"Beatrice
"What do you mean?"
"How could you make a girl say iloveyou back?" She asked again making me laugh. "I know it's funny. Pero you were glowing when you were talking to her. It weird but... I felt how happy and sad you were."
"How old are you again?"
"I turned 13 two months ago."-Beatrice
"Belated happy birthday Beatrice."
"Thank you ate Dennise Michelle." Nakangiti niyang sabi. Her hands stopped from playing the ball. Her eyes met mine which caused me to smile back. "So how?"
"When you do have mutual feelings."
"Is it real though? I mean... What's the feelings?"-Beatrice
"Mutual feelings? Yes, it is real. Well, you'll figure it out when you're getting older, or when you're old enough."
"Like your age?"-Beatrice
"Why are you asking this questions Beatrice?" Nakangiti at nakakunot noo kong tanong. Napakamot siya ng ulo at saka nahihiyang sumagot.
"Because I felt stiffed when our eyes met. It's weird."-Beatrice
That made me laugh. Alyssa Dan Valdez, did you follow me, my love?