Dennise Michelle Lazaro
Cuddles. Everything we did for the past 2 hours is cuddling into each other's arms. I found comfort in Alyssa's hugs. My body couldn't let her go. An inch away from her kills me. It kills every positive cells in my body.
Her hands were tightly secured around me. I curled my arms inside her arms as i buried my face on her chest. She was whispering every sweet words she knows on the top of my head. Her words was nothing, but her actions and the connections between us was unbearable. It makes me feel loved, that I couldn't bare. All I wanted to do was to shut my eyes and forget every negative doubts in me.
Our love for each other was so strong that it worries me. It scares me.
"The moon is so bright..." She whispered.
I looked up at her face and a smile crept onto my lips once she looked down at me. Our eyes sparkled as we gazed. We both looked above the sky.
"Wow." I whispered in amazement.
"Isn't it beautiful?"-Alyssa
"Really beautiful."
The sky was so bright. It was full of sparkling stars, and there was the biggest light. The moon. And I laughed to my childishness, thinking if there were wolves in the world. Or werewolves.
I opened my palm, stretched my fingers on Alyssa's stomach. I admit, when I saw her abs inside the car, everything was on fire. Those toned muscles was begging me to touched them. I badly wanted to lick every skin on Alyssa's body, but I don't think she would allow me.
"You're beautiful."-Alyssa
My eyes looked up at her. Our eyes met. I smiled and sat on her stomach. "Am I heavy," of course I am. Though for her, it looked like I am not. She shook her head.
"Why do you love to sit on my stomach."-Alyssa
"Because it feels right and sweet."
"You're weird."-Alyssa
"Look who's talking." I giggled sitting on the cold floor. We were still at the rooftop, we decided to stay until 8 in the evening.
I hooked my point finger at the end of her shirt. She looked at my hand with a grin. I gazed at her.
"What are you doing?" She teased.
The cold breeze of the air brushed my hair away from my face. I felt the blood rushed up to my cheeks as I opened my palm and knead her soft and hard muscles. She silently groaned, but I couldn't figure out if it's because of pleasure or protest. Her hand caught my writs.
"Does it turns you on?" I asked. She nodded her head. "Why? It's just my touch. In fact your muscles seemed to beg me when we were inside your car." I whispered bitting my lip.
"Every touch, gaze, words, everything about you turns me on Dennise." She replied, "that's why you were staring at me when I was changing. You were eye raping me!" She added causing me to glare at her.
"Am I not allowed to eye rape my girlfriend?"
"Nope. But other girls can."-Alyssa
"How conceited can you get babe?"
She shrugged. "Im stating the truth."
"Oh you're just a conceited jerk." I traced my fingers on her 6 packs. She inhaled deeply causing it to form a small balloon. I laughed and pinch a fine skin.
"Hey! I allowed you to touch me, but I did not tell you to pinch me." She complained.
I shrugged. "Do you really love me?" I looked at the city.
It was dark, but the lights were enough to make it bright. I feel like I was looking at a big christmas tree. I gasped a mouthful of air and breathed it out again. Then a wet kisses was felt on the side of my neck.
"I loved you so much that it hurts."-Alyssa
"If that's the case, allow me to pinch you."
I was about to pinch her side but she was fast to remove my hand and bit my neck. My body jerk from shock. I gasped from both pleasure and pain as her teeth sunk on my skin. The feeling was unbearable that my hands flew on her face. Both eyes shut involuntarily as she licked me after.
"Do you love me?"-Alyssa
I opened my eyes and gazed at her. "To the moon and back." I giggled.
"Then allow me to bite you." She narrowed her eyes at me. Her tongue run through her upper teeth, showing how vampire lust from blood.
Then there was a laughter came out from my mouth after a long moment. I kneeled on my knees and opened my arms to jump her a hug. We fell back on the ground while giggling.
"Idiot."
"I love you."-Alyssa
I nuzzled my nose to hers. "I love you more..." She pushed herself up making us into a sitting position. I stretched my legs to our right side as I hugged her around her neck. "You can bite me everywhere you want babe,"
She kissed my cheeks. "Hmm... Now tell me what happened." Her words danced with the air. I looked up at the sky. "We have 2 hours to talk about it."
I nodded my head. "Hindi ko alam." I started, making the latter sighed in frustration. A soft laugh came out from my mouth as the things that happened that day linger in my mind. My hands gripped Alyssa's.
"Akala ko ba sasabihin mo na?"-Alyssa
"Cuddles."
"No."-Alyssa
"Aww babe." I frowned. She gave me a glare causing me to peck her on the lips. I licked my lips after and laughed softly. "Ikaw ang impatient mo. Im just playing with you." I added. Her body relaxes underneath mine.
"It's just annoying that I waited for too long and at the end, the result is nothing."-Alyssa
"Now, who's being dramatic?" I grinned.
"Babe..."-Alyssa
I nodded my head and breathed tiredly. "Hindi ko alam. I mean, I don't know how to start." Seryosong sabi ko. Tumitig ako sa mga mata niya and I could see in her eyes that she's worried for me.
"You can start with the basic."-Alyssa
"Dad saw my modelling pictures."
Naramdaman ko ang pag galaw niya ng bahagya. I looked at her and saw her frowning. Her brows were knitted as confusion covered her eyes.
"And?" She asked nervously.
"He liked it."
"The real problem is?" Tanong niya ulit that made me think for a while.
"Have you ever think about your futures before babe?" She shook her head. "Well back then, I always wanted to be a doctor someday. I did have a lot of dreams that I wanted to pursue. I was so eager and determined to fullfill them, but now my head is starting to break because of many things that keeps on adding and adding in my plans."
It's true. It was just a dream for myself. For my family and other relatives. Now there's someone added in my life, Alyssa. The thought of planning having a life with her creeps the hell out of me. I mean, isn't weird na yun na yung inisiip ko? Isn't it too soon for me to think about all those stuffs?
"Is that what's stressing you out?"-Alyssa
"I think so."
"What's the new plan then?"-Alyssa
"Pursue my dreams and live a better life with you."
The cold breeze of the air suddenly brushed pass us. Alyssa's heart beat paced at my back. I know... Mine too. Im nervous as heck. I breathed sharply.
"Are you really thinking about that?" She asked with hesitation in her voice.
"Hindi ko alam A. Isn't it too soon? Ang weird."
Unti unti siyang ngumiti ng malapad, kaya kumunot ang noo ko. "Im happy to hear that." She said causing me to breath sigh of relief.
"Aren't you scared?"
"Scared of what?"-Alyssa
"What Im thinking."
"Why would I?" She chuckled, "I am happy about it." She leaned forward to give me a kiss on my forehead. "Im thinking the same thing."
"Really?"
"Yes."-Alyssa
Napasimangot ako lalo. "But Im scared A."
"Scared of what?"-Alyssa
"That our dreams won't..." She shush me by brushing her thumb on my lips.
"You're overthinking."-Alyssa
I bit my lip. Tumitig lang ako sa mga mata niya ng matagal. And suddenly I felt relax when her arms tightened around me. I glanced on her lips, and next to her eyes. Then there was a slight pain on my skin.
"So you're going to fight for us then?"
"That's my job. To keep us strong to the people who wanted to break us apart." She grinned glancing down at me.
Sa salita niyang yon ay kusang humina ang tibok ng puso ko. Kanina pa kasi ito nag iingay sa loob ng katawan ko. I could feel mix emotions, but the comfort wins as we watched the night sky. Habang magkahawak kamay ay bigla kong naalala ang nangyari kaninang umaga sa school. Maybe it's enough for us to talk about serious matters.
"My dad removed my names on every club I'm in to.."
"Wait what?"-Alyssa
"Ok. After you got out from my office, nagkasunod kayo ni daddy. And first thing in the morning he slammed a thick folder of paper on my desk..."
"And that was?"-Alyssa
"Modelling pictures." Sabi ko habang nakasimangot. "I mean, he liked all of it. Though he doesn't like the fact that im over working myself from everything."
"He's right." Alyssa answered making me growl. "Babe, your dad is right! Hey! You're still 17, turning 18 the next two months. Mag University ka na din, don't you think it's too much for you?"
"I can manage babe. I mean, Im still young and strong. So maybe I could use every physical and emotional strength that I have right now. Kesa naman sa sasayangin ko lang diba?"
Hinila niya ang kamay niya saakin at lumayo ng kaunti. I felt an unfamiliar feeling at my back as she sat next to me. I felt empty and un relaxed but once she leaned her chin on my arm I started to feel full again.
"I forgot. My girlfriend is deeper than her age." She giggled giving me soft bites on my arms.
"Babe, I don't like bruises." I hissed but didn't retract my arm. I watched her do assaults on my skin. It was the same thing I did when we were in my office.
That morning was fucked up as hell. The lust I felt was just strong, I couldn't take off the anger from Rachel's story that someone touched her, or she touched a girl at Lakeshore. I mean, hindi naman sa masyadong OA, i just felt like it. Pero ang kinagulat ko, yung galit ko kanina nag iba. The anger turned to something aggressive. Tasting her minty breath in my mouth sends me to the edge.
"Rachel told me, malakas daw ang teenage hormones mo." She suddenly said making me look down at her. I gulped the invincible lump in my throat.
"Yes. But I can control it."
"Really? Kaya ka ba umaktong mainit kaninang umaga?"-Alyssa
"Honestly, once someone touched me somewhere with lust? The feeling is unbearable. Something strong." I truthfully answered.
"So... This morning you were horny as hell but you did control it. And when we were in my car you were eye raping me." She laughed making me groaned in frustration.
I was about to slap her but my neck started to sting. Mabilis kong hinaplos ang parteng iyon. It was soft and rough at the same time. Then I touched a sticky and wet thing on it. I looked at my finger tips and saw a drop of blood.
"You bit me too hard A!" I hissed.
Tumingin siya saakin half confused. Pinakita ko pa ang kamay ko. "Laaah." She said leaning closer and checked on my neck. Hindi ko alam kung anong nasa isip niya pero nakita ko ang mapanlokong ngiti sa labi niya. She held my face and I titled my head at the other opposite side to give her more access.
Alyssa's tongue brushed on the stinging part. I thought it was just a brief second, I was expecting for the sensation to subside but it failed me. The girl hovering over me, made her licking sensual, lustfully that I almost rolled my eyes at the back of my eyelids. Her hands were gripping my waist, creating fireworks to burst inside my stomach.
"I know you wanted me so badly." Alyssa whispered making me shut my eyes so hard.
She's right. The desire of kissing her and all was strong. Rachel's words keeps on echoing inside my head, hindi ka matuturn on unles someone will touch you. One touch and I've lost my senses. The lustful desire takes over, drives me crazy until I've lost every cautions that I've been thinking in my head.
"Since I saw you this morning." I breathed honestly, nibbling Alyssa's ear. "Let's go home. My dad will kill me."
Mabilis siyang lumayo. She lustfully gazed at me and I saw her swallowed hard before standing on her feet.
"I almost forgot we're at the rooftop."-Alyssa
I laughed at her statement. "No kidding!"
———
"Choose one." I asked Alyssa when we were standing in front of the big rack of volleyball. She looked at me, "fine. You will sleep beside me tonight. Just buy me one ball." I said half annoyed.
"Yes naman!" Mabilis niyang sabit at inabot ang bolang hindi ko maabot. Sinamaan ko lang siya ng tingin dahil sa pag kindat niya. "I will distress you on bed."
"Babe, shut up!" I hissed.
"Oh! I loved to hear you scream my name." She taunted, following me to the cashier, "we need condoms. Lots of them, we need to lock the door and have some fun. We'll forget every problems you have. I will blow you everywhere... Emotionally physically. I will blow..."
I cut her off by throwing the ball on her face. The cashier laughed, "oh! Teens nowadays." She shook her head with amusement in her eyes.
Iniwan ko si Alyssa doon na tumatawa lang. We actually ended up buying a volleyball-ball at Canadian Tire. Like really, kailangan ko na talagang mag practice. My dad removed me from the clubs, like everything... Then maybe he thought playing volleyball will change me. So frustrating. Now Alyssa's adding both headache and comfort at the same time.
"Namumula ka." Mapanloko niyang sabi habang nakasandal ako sa kotse niya.
"Nagpaalam ka na kay tita?" I asked.
"Yes! Pwede daw po akong matulog sa kwarto mo. Sa tabi mo..." Sabi niya at napakamot. "Pero, i did not ask if we can..."
"Babe!"
She laughed that I almost throw her my shoes. "I did buy a condom."
"You shut up and drive me home. Stop tripping on me!"
"Owh. My girlfriend's so cute." She cooed and fastened my seat belt. Nag cross arms lang ako at sumandal sa upuan. Then sumandal din siya sa opposite ko. "Bakit ba ayaw mong tawaging sex ang gagawin natin later?"
I glared. "Wala tayong gagawin babe. At kung meron man, i don't call it sex." I remarked leaning to give her a kiss.
"Don't be rough, im still a virgin." She teased making me raged in annoyance.
"Isa pa talaga Valdez!" My voice was half harsh and soft. Nagbibiro lang din naman ako. Though tinitimpi ko lang ang inis ko, pag dating sakanya, yung inis pag lalambing ko lang din.
"Takot ako babe." Sabi niya at sumimangot pa.
I rolled my eyes and started the car. The sound of it startled her making her sit properly. She glanced at me then looked at the road. Lucky us, traffic wasn't that bad. Every time we stopped on a stop light it immediately turns into green. Same as the next stop, it looks like it was a sign that we should be home around 8.
After a long drive from Canadian Tire I found myself staring at the dark part of our garage. Tumingin ako kay Alyssa at nakasandal lang siya sa stirring wheel. She looked at me as if she felt the same way.
"What's the reason why Im here?"-Alyssa
"Sleep-over."
"Yun lang. Hindi kaya magtataka si daddy niyan?"-Alyssa
I gave her a mocking face. "Maka tawag ka ng daddy, takot ka namang matulog dito ng walang dahilan." Nagbago ang expression ng mukha niya kaya tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Oh ano? Totoo."
"Hindi ah! Gusto mo tawagin ko pa siyang daddy sa harapan mo eh! Saka, bakit naman ako matatakot? As if namang iniisip niyang may gagawin tayo." She conceitedly said showing me her bicep.
I rolled my eyes after stepping out the car. Sabay kaming pumasok ng bahay and when we walk closer at the kitchen we heard four voices. Napakunot noo ako at tumingin kay Alyssa. She shrugged her shoulders. Naglakad ulit ako palapit and my eyes widened when a familiar eyes met mine.
She looked down on her plate with a smirk and pretended that she didn't see me. My dad and kuya's laughter was loud that my heart raced on its own. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan. Alyssa popped her head at my side and peaked at the table.
"Uh oh... Family dinner." She said with a low voice.
"Dad, where's Dennise?" Justine wickedly smirk at me, her eyes looked at my shoulder were Alyssa's hand was gripping me.
"I don't know. She's pissed off with me this morning, maybe I shouldn't have done that."-Dad
"What did you do this time dad?"-Kuya Justine
Dad sighed heavily as if he's regretting about what he did this morning. "I removed her from every clubs she's in to." He said and took a sip from his glass.
I saw how my sister's eyes. It's filled with curiosity as she briefly looked at me. "What do you mean dad?" She asked swallowing hard. Same reaction to mine this morning.
"Well..." Daddy breathed out. "She needs to have some fun. I joined her at the sport's club."
"What game honey?"-Mom
"Volleyball."-Dad
Alyssa leaned closer and whispered, "that's why you bought one. Why didn't you tell me about playing in the team?" Her breath was hot, causing goosebumps to feel on my body.
"I was planning to tell you about it when we get in my room. Excited nga ako eh! Grabe." Pairap kong sabi na narinig ng mga tao sa loob.
"Dennise?" Mom gave me a confused yet happy smile. I stepped forward with a ball on my hand. "It's nice to see you joining us for dinner."
"Yes. And, Alyssa's here."
Binigyan nila ako ng matanong na tingin. I reached for my hand at my back pero wala akong mahawakan. "Where is she?" Kuya asked with a curiosity written in his eyes.
Mabilis akong lumingon sa aking likuran and saw nothing but a bright living room. Naglakad ako papalapit sa counter and I saw the door hang open. Lumabas siya.
"Umuwi na?" Ate Justine asked wiping her lips with a napkin.
I shrugged before walking towards the door. Lalabas na sana ako ng makita ko siyang may hawak na red wine. She met my gaze and gave me a smile. Hindi ako nakaimik ng mabilis niya akong halikan sa labi bago pumasok ng bahay. I arched an eye brow while looking at her back.
"Sir, pinapa-bigay po ni daddy."-Alyssa
"Wow! How'd he find this one?"-Dad
"Store dad."-Kuya Justine.
"That's impossible. I've been looking for that brand of wine, for like 3 days."-Mom
"Well..." I heard ate Justine started, "maybe Alyssa's dad is a wine company owner."
"You're right."-Alyssa
Hindi na ako pumunta sa kitchen and walked to my room. Maya maya pa ay sumunod naman si ate Justine. She walked in my room with a piece of cake on her hand. Hindi ko siya nilingon at nag hubad sa harapan niya. I looked around the room but fluffy was not present anymore. Nasa Italy siya. Daddy send him to ate Justine's place.
"So, what's up?"
She shrugged, "vacation." She started examining me from head to toe. "Dad's right! You need to have muscle exercises. You're too skinny."
I frowned. It was a bit harsh for her to say but she's right. I admit it, mapayat talaga ako. Though malakas naman akong kumain, my body's like the average, pero hindi masyado. Since Im too skinny. Napapaisip tuloy ako, kung may maramdaman bang muscles saakin si A or puro buto lang.
"So what about vacation?" I decided to change the topic as I laid on my bed.
"Philippines. This summer. Daddy wanted to talk about it as early sa possible."-Ate Justine
"Wow." I sarcastically whispered.
"Don't be mad at him sis. Alam mo naman si Dad, kung anong gusto niya dapat nagagawa or nakukuha na niya. And in fact mommy wanted to visit her family in Tagaytay din."-Ate Justine
"Gusto mo ba?"
"Justine loved to. Ikaw?"-Ate Jus
"I don't want to leave my girlfriend here." My thoughts slipped from my mouth as Alyssa invaded my head. I groaned quietly almost a bit embarrassed about my boldness.
Ate Justine giggled suddenly. Her hands crawl onto my tummy until she got into a hugging position by my side. "Since when did you learn to hide an important thing from me?" She asked.
"Never. I have the plans to tell you about it. And that time is, now." I grinned.
"Ok. Kwento ka na, habang nagpapalit ako."-Ate Justine
Habang nag papalit nga siya ay nag umpisa na akong mag kwento. At lagi niya akong niloloko pag sumusulyap siya saakin. She said my smiles are different, the way I blushed every time I talked about the kissing part, the weird feelings and everything I talked about Alyssa's features.
"She planned to court me but I refused to." I breathed out earning a grin from ate Justine.
"Is she courting you everyday then?"-Ate Justine
Napasimangot ako, "hindi naman panliligaw ginagawa niya eh! Pang aasar. Everyday asar, inis, pikon, pag ka bwisit. Oo nalang, panliligaw yun." Sabi ko na nagpahalakhak sa kapatid ko. Sinamaan ko lang siya ng tingin hanggang sa tumahimik siya. Totoo naman kasi. Hays.
"Bagay kayo. Yiiie."-Ate Justine
"Sira! How? We're not even..."
"Opposite. At least may nang gugulo na sa buhay ng kapatid ko." Mabilis niyang sabi. "At the same time, someone's taking care of you. Someone's changing you, loving you. And alam ko naman na, kahit your relationship is full of trips at least you're happy. Both of you are happy. Part lang din ng lambingan niyo yung asaran."
"Ok?"
"Plus, admit that you're loving every bit of it."-Ate Justine
"I do." I whispered looking on my hands. "But I'm afraid."
"You're afraid of what?"-Ate Justine
"I'm afraid because I love her so much. Isn't it weird that Im thinking about our future already? Living in one roof with her?" I worriedly asked my sister.
Ate Justine's mouth were barely open. She bit her lip before looking away, "you know! I never thought you're thinking the same way. Kaya hindi ako nag ka relasyon after my first because Im afraid it will ruin every dreams I have. Ganyan din ako mag isip."
"But it's too late. She's part of my everything, she's someone."
"You're smart young lady." She grinned standing up on her feet. "My advice for now, since Im seeing that beautiful changes in you, enjoy being with her. Create memories together, love every bit of it. Have fun. Daddy's right. You should join volleyball." Then she kissed my forehead.
"Daddy doesn't know about us."
My sister brushed my hair, "everyone doesn't know about it. Except me."
"How will I tell them?"
"Hmm... You'll figure it out." Ate Justine answered and walked out of my room.
I sighed. I wonder how people feel when they're having a special relationship with someone. I mean, ganito ba talaga? Ella never talked about their future with her boyfriend, even Fille. Neither Jia and Michelle. Kung mag kwewento lang sila it's either their past, or yung mga plans nila parang for the next days lang. Eh ako? Am I overthinking again?
Napatayo nalang ako sa kama and walked in the bathroom. I took a shower to washed everything out from my mind. And it helps. After doing all my night routine, I made my way out of the bathroom and laid down on my bed. Alyssa didn't get in here yet, kaya lumabas ako ng kwarto and peaked down at the living room.
I groaned in annoyance as I saw her playing with my brother. Napabalik nalang din ulit ako sa kwarto at mabilis na humiga. Dito din naman yun matutulog, I'll let her play muna. Umayos na nga ako sa pagkakahiga. I closed my eyes and everything that happened that day flashed inside my head, like a movie. Gawain ko na siguro iyon, ang pag pikit at pag isip ng mga bagay bagay. Not long enough, I fell asleep.
I was starting to live in a dream when suddenly I heard the creaking of the door. I hugged my pillow tight as I peaked to see the time on my alarm clock. 12:30 it says. Napaharap ako sa pintuan and saw Alyssa removing her shirt. I frowned.
"What take you so long?"
She stopped on track, then her eyes found mine. "Ahm, kuya Justine and I played his entire collection." She grinned. Napapikit nalang ulit ako at humarap sa kung saan siya hihiga.
My breathing was calm, quiet and peaceful. Not until she laid down and wrapped her arms around me. The peaceful emptiness filled with comfortable contentment as I hugged her back. She kissed my forehead.
"I love you."-Alyssa
"Hmm..." I hummed unable to speak the whole word.
Her arms tightened around me as deep slumber took our souls. The feelings was totally different. If before, Im sleeping alone not thinking about what will happen the next days nor the other days that will come, now... Im excited to wake up in the morning, with my mind full of plans for the day and my heart filled with love and joy.