My legs shook as I stood up and a wave of coldness swept through my entire body. I made my way over to the corrections officer. I felt the eyes of everyone on me as I walked and I suddenly felt very self-conscious. When I finally reached the door, the officer led me into a room with a bunch of tables and chairs.
Families were sitting on one side of each table with the inmate on the other side. In the back left corner of the room, I saw both of my parents. As I walked to them, they both looked up at me and smiled. My mother seemed to have aged five years within the past few months. She probably wasn't able to dye her hair so all of her gray roots were showing. Her skin looked dull and her eyes lifeless. My father looked skinnier and tougher but that was all. His hair had the same normal gray streaks in it even though his hairline had receded slightly.
"Hi, honey," My mom smiled when I got to them. I was in shock as I looked at them. It was surreal to see both of my parents in jumpsuits. I sat down across from them.
"Hi," I croaked out as my eyes looked them over. I had no clue why my mom was calling me honey. Was she trying to make me feel welcome? Was she trying to get money out of me? Was she forgetting our last encounter?
"How are you?" My dad asked. I looked over at him and flashbacks of his hand against my throat shot through me. It suddenly felt hard to breathe so I bent my head down and closed my eyes. I had to forget about that and forgive him. Or did I?
"I'm good," I sighed as I looked at the ground. "How...um...how's prison?" I asked once I got the courage to look at them.
"It was tough getting used to the first month or so but now it's normal..." My mom sighed. Prison had to be the hardest on her. She wasn't a very strong person.
"I want to hear about life on the outside! How's the house?" My dad asked enthusiasm clear in his voice. My mother must have told him to act interested because normally he wouldn't care.
I wasn't about to tell them that I wasn't living at home. My mom would just call me a dirty whore or something like that. I decided to change the subject. "How did you guys get into drug dealing?" I stared my dad straight in the eyes as I asked him.
"Honey..." My mom sighed.
"Don't you dare call me 'honey.' The last time I saw you you were calling me a whore and saying that I was worthless. You do not have the right to call me 'honey' by any means." I said sternly. My father started to say something but I interrupted him. "And the last time I saw you...hmm...your hands were around my throat as you squeezed my windpipe. You told me I deserved everything that had happened to me." I could tell they were angry but I didn't care. They had treated me horribly and deserved to know how I felt. "I think I deserve to know how you got started in drug dealing."
It took my parents a few minutes to calm down but when they did my father spoke. "Well, when I lost my job, we had no income so it was the only thing to do. I knew some guys that dealt so I thought it would be a good income for the time being. The guys I knew all had some nice things so I wanted to buy nice things for you and your mother. I never imagined that it would get out of control like this."
"Bullshit." I laughed. "You kept all the money for yourself and f.ucking blew it all on alcohol! You lost a bunch of jobs because of it."
"You speak kindly to your father." My mother pointed one of her fingers at me.
"Why? So he can crush my throat again?" I retorted and watched the anger boil up on her face. We both knew she couldn't do anything physically to me because of the amount of corrections officers nearby.
"He is still your father, young lady." She tried to come back.
"Don't you dare treat me like a child! I am an adult and I am going to be treated like one or I'll leave you both in here to rot." I threatened. I was most likely the only person who had visited them besides their attorney. I was their only normal connection to the outside world. I turned to my father. "So tell me more about your business."
"I-I wanted to make as much money as possible. The only way to get rich was to sell the hard drugs." My father seemed ashamed of his doings now.
"So you were selling hard drugs while I was a kid?!" I couldn't believe how irresponsible that was. I could've easily stumbled upon something and who knows what could have happened.
"No, I only started those when you were around 14," My dad stated. I rolled my eyes. I wasn't one to be all uptight about doing a little drugs but selling them with a child in the house was crazy.
"Did you ever do any of the drugs?" I questioned. My dad sighed.
"That's getting a little personal." My mom defended him.
"Well, did you? It's only fair for me to know if you guys were horrible parents because you were high all the time." I raised my eyebrow and looked at both of them.
"We only did coke," My dad said quietly.
"Both of you?" My eyes raised. My mom nodded and I couldn't believe it. I knew she drank but coke was a different league. "How did you get into it?"
"Why do you care so much about this?" My dad groaned. "I want to hear about your life!"
"I want to hear about your drug issues first and then we'll discuss me." I stated in a sort of business matter. I wasn't in the mood for their shit. I was furious that I was living under the same roof as two drug addicts for some of my life. No kid should ever have to go through that. "Tell me how you started doing it."
"We started having money problems and just overall stress...so the coke made us happy and glad to be together," My dad used the coke as an escape.
"You realize you can die from snorting coke...?" I said to them like they were stupid. "I mean, I'm all for a joint once in a while, but I won't touch coke, heroin, or anything like that."
"Oh, so now we have a pothead for a daughter?" My mom sighed.
"And I have a convict for a mother, so be quiet." I snapped.
"Why didn't you show up to the trial?" My dad asked suddenly as he pulled off his cuticles.
"Why would I? Like I said, our last time seeing each other wasn't the best. I wanted and still want little to do with both of you." I had Zayn now. He was all I needed.
"Then why'd you come here today?" My mom questioned with a harsh tone. "You clearly don't miss us or anything, so why do you care?"
"I don't care that much actually. Someone mentioned to me how I might feel better if I settle things with you two before I go to college."
"You're going to college?!" They both exclaimed at the same time and I nodded. Big smiles appeared on their faces.
"How'd you manage that?" My mom laughed. She knew that I was barely passing most of my classes and she called me stupid frequently so I bet she didn't think I was going to college.
"One of my friends helped me pull my grades up and I worked really hard this past year." I smiled. For once in this conversation I actually felt good about myself.
"I'm really proud of you, Ava," my dad said with a genuine smile.
"How are you going to pay for it? You probably didn't get any scholarships..." My mom had to be the one to bring the mood down, of course.
"Um, I got a lot of financial aid." I lied. Although I did get a good amount of money, I didn't want to tell them about Zayn exactly yet. They would assume I was using him for money and would then just call me a whore.
"Well, that's good..." My dad sighed. We talked a little bit longer about prison and what it was like. My mom told me that there are a lot of scary people in there who have done really bad things. My dad said the same thing and said that he tries to avoid it but it's kind of hard. The conversation slowly turned to my plans in college and what I was majoring in.
For the most part the conversation was okay, until they asked me if I had anyone 'special' in my life. I didn't want to lie to them. "Um...yeah actually." Thank god they didn't pressure me for more information because that would've been horrible.
Half an hour later, I was saying my goodbyes to them, even though I couldn't hug them. I walked out before them and walked straight to get my stuff. I grabbed everything and then made my way to the bathroom where I leaned against the wall and tried to calm myself down.
My heart was racing and I found myself becoming extremely tired after the amount of stress I had gone through. That period was such a rollercoaster of emotions I didn't know how to handle it. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths until I was able to breathe normally.
It was crazy that I had just seen my parents in the jumpsuits. They looked different and it felt different talking to them. Although the majority of the conversation was good, I didn't want to go back there again. Too many bad memories were brought up and I didn't want to work so hard to suppress them again.
I slowly made my way out to the car and climbed inside quickly.