Dennise Michelle Lazaro
"Wow! Four days Dennise!" Biglang pasok ni Fille ng kwarto ko. Kaagad akong humarap sakanya at tinakpan ang katawan gamit ang kumot na nakalatag sa tabi ko. She covered her eyes as if she's afraid that she might see a scary thing inside my room.
"Oo nga Lazaro! Grabe namang, what the..." Ella did not even finish her words when she saw me biting my lips. I smirked at her that made her blush.
They immediately turned their back on me, giving me privacy to wear my clothes. "Geez! What's wrong with you people?!" I hissed playfully.
"Shut up and wear something descent please!"-Fille
"I know right! You scared the shit out of me."-Ella
"True! Four days kang nawala tapus anyare sayo? Seems like you did not just change physically, but also..."-Fille
"Mentally?" Asked Ella interrupting Fille's rant.
"Gaga! Emotionally."-Fille
"And mentally na rin!" Dagdag ulit ni Ella na nagpatawa saakin ng mahina.
After wearing on my favourite pjs, I walked pass them and locked the door. Hindi ko na sila narinig na may kung ano anong sinasabi kaya bumuntong hininga ako bago humarap sakanila. Ella's eyes was still close while Fille was giving me a deathly glare. I laughed nervously as she scanned me from head to toe.
"Can I open my eyes now?" Asked Ella.
"If you can take whatever you will see." Fille answered with a sarcastic tone on her voice. This time I arched my brow and crossed my arms over my chest.
Nagtitigan lang kami sandali hanggang sa makuha ni Ella ang aming atensyon. She pushed Fille aside near my bed as she walked closer and circled me on my spot. She was looking at me as if I was a prey, ready to kill. Her eyes were full of disbelief and excitement at the same time.
"That hurts Ella!" Hissed Fille glaring at the latter.
"Oh trust me! It doesn't hurt." I smirked.
"Bitch."-Fille
I was about to protest when Ella's voice covered mines. "Woah! That's the word I was looking for!" She squealed while clapping her hands and giving us a big smile. "You know! I was about to say Dennise is a bitch and whatever!"
"She really is!"-Fille
My mouth agape when they threw the blanket over me. "The heck is wrong with you guys!" I asked angrily at them.
"What were you doing?!"-Fille
"Well, I was lying on my bed, closed eyes and relaxing!"
"Oh yeah?! Without clothes on?"-Ella
"I was wearing undergarments though. Im inside my room guys, what's wrong with that?" I asked stomping my feet. I walked in between the two and laid on my bed. "Im sleepy. I was sick for four days." I whispered as I closed my eyes.
"Liar." They both said in unison. I rolled my eyes at the back of my eye lids. Maybe my dad told them about my real reason. Eh? They can't blame me though. And no one can force me to go to school. I could do whatever I wanted to do.
I still did not open my eyes when I felt them sat at the sides of my bed. "What's wrong with you Dennise?" Asked Fille.
"I don't know."
"Four days is enough for you to think whatever you're thinking besh." Said Ella as I felt her hand patting my back. "You're disgusting!"
"Oh shut up! It's not like you were wearing anything every time you're inside your room!" Kunot noo kong sabi sakanya at tinignan ito ng masama.
"Rise and shine." Fille joked. "Tayo ka na nga diyan! We'll have dinner in a minute."
"Makikikain na naman kayo!"
"Hindi ah! Si tita kaya nag aya."-Ella
Tumango lang ako kay Ella bago umupo at sumimangot. They were intently looking at me as if asking, what was happening with my life for the past four days. I couldn't say a word though. Even me, I did not know the reason why. The four days vacation has unreasonable excuses. Basta ang alam ko lang, I needed to think or overthink something.
"You're not Dennise."-Fille
"I know."
"Where is Dennise?" Asked Ella, squeezing my hands.
"I don't know." Tumingin ako sakanila at halos matawa ako dahil sa expression ng mukha ni Ella. Ang OA niya kasi. Halatang halata yung pag aaalala niya, plus she looked like a mother who's daughter has the biggest problem in the world.
"Why are you laughing?!" Ella asked when she noticed that im trying my best not to show that I was laughing.
"Wala naman." Natatawang sagot ko. Bumuntong hininga muna ako bago tumingin ulit sakanila at saka nagsalita. "I don't even know guys. I mean, ayoko na. It felt like Im changing day by day. And you know I hate changes."
"Kaya nga ayaw mo sa ginawa ni Justine diba?"-Fille
"Yeah. Once that something changed in me, alam kong magtutuloy tuloy na yon. Everything will change in an instant." I frowned.
"We can't do anything though. Cause we thought it will be better for you to have a change in yourself naman, since you turned 17. Dalaga kana, so you need to change life styles naman Dennise."-Ella
"Ang kaso, nasobrahan ata sa salitang change yan eh, kaloka." Fille rolled her eyes. "Nakakagulat kaya yung kanina Den."
"Move on kana teh!"
"Oh bongga siya oh! Baklush na rin ang iyong mga salita!"-Ella
"Eeiw!" We chorused that made Ella cover her ears. She glared at us.
"Shut up you two!"-Ella
"Masyado ka na naman kasing malalim magsalita Ella. Nakaka... Alam mo yun? Ang hirap kaya bumigkas ng tagalog words when its deep."-Fille
"Truth!" I agreed with Fille as she helped me to stand on my feet. She pinched a thin skin on my waist that made me whine. "Damn you!"
"Good for you!" Ella said, "we did not get what we wanted to get from you yet."
"What is it ba kase? You did not even ask me for anything!" Sagot ko habang naghahanap ng tshirt sa dressing room ko. Sabay silang sumunod kaya wala na akong nagawa kundi ang magbihis sa harapan nila.
"You know, why did you not attend school for four days?"-Fille
"Why were you ignoring our phone calls?"-Ella
"Plus, why were you not wearing anything when I get here in your room?"-Fille
"And what's the reason why?"-Ella
After hearing their questions I took a deep sigh and asked them to move out my way. They did as I asked and made their way out of my dressing room, as well as my room. Hindi nalang ako kumibo when they gave me a deadly glare.
"Hun! Dinner is ready. Call your friends na." My mom yelled. Hindi ko maitago ang ngiti sa mga labi ko kaya tinuro ko si mama sa baba. Both girls rolled their eyes.
"Sorry guys. Pero, laters na yang questions okay? I promise. Papasok na ako bukas."
"Wow ah! Kung kailan friday?!"-Ella
"Huwag na! Wala na ring kwenta yang pag pasok mo. You're just going to stress yourself out."-Fille
"Hindi naman siguro."
"Anong hindi? I call this week as Hell! The teachers were over exaggerating things." Complained Ella after sitting next to my mom's chair. "Hmmm, menudo."
"What's the problem Ella? Seems like you're complaining about school works again."-Mom
"No tita. Im complaining about the teachers." Mabilis na sabi ni Ella at akma sanang kukuha ng pagkain ng tumikhim si daddy. She apologized quietly as she closed her eyes.
Tahimik kaming nagdasal sa hapag kainan at ng matapos na iyon ay nag umpisa nang kumuha ng kanya kanyang pag kain. I smiled at them when they noticed that I only serve a salad and bacon for myself.
"What?" I shrugged before stuffing my mouth with healthy veggies.
"Diet?"-Ella
I shook my head. "Nope. Hindi siya diet. Duh! Ampayat na nga niya tapus magdadiet pa. Kaloka. Eh di magmumukha na siyang kalansay?" Fille answered for me. She nudged me on my side making me smile sheepishly.
Habang kumakain kami ay nakikinig lang ako sa kwentuhan nila mommy at ng dalawa kong kaibigan. Their topic doesn't involve me either so it was better for me to shut my mouth and just listen. It was not even interesting, they were talking about politics.
Yes I am interested about realities, about life, world and studies. But not politics. And it's not my thing to talk about someone whom I don't know. Kumbaga hindi ako chismosa, sanay na pinag uusapan ang buhay ng ibang tao at mas lalong hindi ko ugali ang makisabat sa usapan ng may usapan.
"Hun, are you going to school tomorrow?" My dad unexpectedly asked. I swallowed the bacon and lettuce in my mouth before looking at him. "Are you? You've been staying home for four days."
"I think I am going to school tomorrow." Nakangiting sagot ko. I wiped my mouth before holding the glass of milk on the table. "I mean, do I really need an education?" I asked stupidly.
They all stopped from eating and gave me confused looks. Hindi ako umimik at uminom nalang sa baso ko. My dad wiped his mouth as well as my mom. Yung dalawa ko namang kaibigan ay akma sanang aalis pero hindi sila pinayagan ni mommy.
"What happened to you Dennise?" Mom asked.
I giggled, "im joking." Nang masabi ko yon ay wala pa rin silang imik kaya nagsalita ulit ako. "My gosh, don't take it seriously mom. I mean, im joking. Im trying to make you laugh!"
"Ha-ha-ha." Sarcastic niyang tawa kasama si daddy. Sabay silang tumigil kaya sila Ella at Fille ang sumunod. Their laughters were true and I know the reason why.
"Shut up you two." Dad seriously looked at us. "First of all Dennise, it's the first time you asked to stay home with unreasonable reasons. I let you stay home since I thought you needed to think things out. And now... What did you just ask?"
"If Do i really need an education in life?" Takang tanong ko na nagpakagat ng labi niya. Tumawa ako kaya tinaasan niya ako ng kilay. "Dad, i told you. Im joking!"
"Papasok ka bukas."-Dad
"Huh? Wala ding kwenta ang pagpasok ko bukas dad. Sa monday na po. Please?" Biro ko ulit. Pero shempre hindi ko pinahalatang I was playing on him again. Duh! Wala ng thrill yun.
"May kwenta yon. What do you mean by walang kwenta anyways? Na walang kwenta ang education? Ganon ba yun Dennise?"-Dad
Sumimangot lang ako kay daddy at tumingin sa baso ko. My mom was finishing her food as well as Ella. Wala na silang imikan kaya hindi na ulit ako nagsalita at hinintay na may maunang magsalita.
Nang maubos ko na ang gatas na nasa baso ay saka ko tinakpan ang bibig ko at dumighay. It was a silent burp kaya alam kong walang nakarinig.
"Why'd you ask Dennise?" My mom softly asked as if she's asking me to tell them a secret. I looked at her with a pouty lips.
"Nothing mom. I just told you, i was joking."
"Jokes are half meant."-Mom
Sumandal ako sa upuan ko ng mag umpisa nang kunin ng katulong ang mga plato sa lamesahan. "Im tired." I whispered earning a groan from my dad. "Im serious dad. I want to stop living."
This time I felt Ella's foot kick my right foot. I frowned at her. "Anyare sayo?" Tanong ni Fille na kumuha ng atensyon ko.
"Sakin? Ewan ko. Hindi ko alam."
"What do you want to do then If you feel like you're tired of living?" Tanong ni daddy na may inis sa boses. Tumingin ako sakanya at napakagat labi dahil sa takot na naramdaman ko sa seryoso niyang mukha.
"Die?"
"My God! This is not a joke anymore Dennise." Mommy cried standing on her feet.
"I know." I whispered.
My dad shook her head and copied my mom. He threw his napkin on the table and pulled my arm.
"Girls you can stay here for the night."-Daddy
"Sige po tito."-Ella
"I think you need to talk to Den."-Fille
They kissed my mom on her cheek before walking up the stairs. Sumunod naman ako kay daddy na naglakad patungo sa likod ng bahay. Nang makalabas na kaming dalawa ay ang siya ring pag upo ni mommy sa couch na kulay itim. I sat on the red one as my dad sat on the white one. Tumingin ako sa pool at pumikit ng matagal.
"What's wrong hun?" Mom asked.
"I don't know mom."
"Hindi pwedeng hindi mo alam Dennise."-Dad
Bumuntong hininga muna ako bago sumagot. "Okay. This week is just weird dad. I mean, I think I'm over thinking things out." I frowned.
"Like what?"-Mom
"Everything."
"Everything? Be specific Dennise."-Dad
I looked at my parents and sighed. "Ok, i feel like everything is just the same. Like you know dad! Paulit ulit nalang lahat. I go to school, learn things which are useless in the real world. And after school I come home do my homeworks, study for hours, watch tv. Eat dinner then the next morning same routine!" I whined. Napansin ko ang pag simangot ni mommy kaya I face palmed myself.
"That's it?"-Dad
"Yeah?"
"Nope. That's not it."-Mom
"Mom?" I confusedly asked.
She took a deep breathe before looking at my dad and next to me. "Back when I was your age, i over think things too. Like yours, but there are some reasons why."
"Why?"-Dad
"Oh! Parang hindi ka dumaan sa kalagayan ng anak mo ah?!" Mom raised an eye brow at my dad that made me laugh.
"Nope. I love everything, hon. So there's no reason for me to stress out myself with nonsense things."-Dad
"Well its not nonsense for us honey."-Mom
"So what can we do then?" Asked dad standing on his feet. He put both hands on his hips and took a deep breathe before looking away from my mom's gaze. "Ok, I'll give you time to talk. But..." He paused, "you need to tell me what'd you talk about."
Nang makaalis si daddy ay saka ako bumuntong hininga. My mom hold my hand as if telling me to tell her what's happening with my life. Though, hindi ko naman alam kung anong problema ko.
"Nag iinarte lang siguro ako mom."
"Dennise..."-Mom
I looked at my mom's eyes and said nothing. Nakatitig lang ako sakanya until a light bulb appeared above my head. I licked my lips before looking away from my mom.
"Ok. Im confused."
"Huh?"-Mom
"Mom! Im confused. I kissed a girl cause I want to, I miss her like unusual for me to feel. And then I always checked her out every time I saw her at school. It's fucking annoying mom."
"Language!" Mom hissed.
"Im sorry." I apologized and bowed my head.
Hindi nakapag salita si mommy kaya alam kong patay ako. I expected her to yell at me or something pero hindi, in fact she cupped my chin while giggling. She shook her head with a smile on her face.
"So what if you're acting like that?"-Mom
"Mom, it's creepy." Walang gana kong sagot at pinaningkitan ito ng mata.
"So? That's you Dennise."-Mom
"But mom!"
"Yan lang ba problema mo?" Natatawa pa ring tanong niya. Binitawan ko ang kamay niya at mabilis na tumayo.
"Im not playing mom. Quit laughing."
"Oh stop being a baby Dennise. You're big enough to know what you feel na, to handle your struggles with your confused feelings."- Mom
"Ok? So what do you want me to do? To freak out myself cause im acting weird, and I feel like Im being stupid and dumb?"
"If that's what you want."-Mom
Napataas kilay ako kay mommy. "This aint a game mom." I said.
"No one's playing." Seryosong aniya bago tumayo. She cupped my cheeks and kissed my forehead. "Explore Dennise. You're starting to bloom."
———
"Good morning fellas! Yay! It's good to be back!" I happily smiled at Bang Pineda who was waiting for me outside the main office's door. She waved her hand and pointed at someone. "Have fun and make a great choices." Nasabi ko at mabilis na yumuko ng dumaan ang tinuturo niya.
"Den? Are you going to your classes?" Jia asked after she gets the clip board on my hands. I shook my head before sitting down on the couch at my back.
"I feel like quitting."
"Halla siya! This is your dream. Hello!"-Jia
"Yes it is, and it was. Hindi ko alam."
Tinitigan niya ako ng matagal tapus bigla niya nalang tinap ang matigas na clip board sa ulo ko. I glared at her, "babae lang yan! Don't let her ruin your life." She winked.
Hindi ako nakaimik sa sinabi ni Jia. I stared at her back the whole time she was walking away from me. I gulped the invisible lump in my throat once I realized what she said. Hindi naman siguro ako nababaliw sa isang babae hindi ba? It's just a messed up feelings, im just lost. That's it.
After hearing the bell for first period, I decided to walk around the school. Every classrooms were close. Having a good walk in the campus made me feel relaxed and peaceful. Not until I saw her sitting down in front of her locker's door. She looked up at me and said nothing. Feeling my inside heat up I opened the washroom's door and walked in.
"Damn." I gasped looking at the mirror. I stared at myself with a frowning face.
While staring at my face I jerked on my feet and started to fix myself when I saw her leaning on the wall. She was looking intently, checking me from head to toe.
"Why weren't you here for the last four days?" She asked.
"Oh. I am tired, and I was thinking that maybe I needed space from the crowd."
She chuckled, "Sana hindi ka nalang pumasok." Sabi niya at tumayo sa likuran ko.
"Hindi naman ako pumasok eh. Do you see?" I make face turning my attention to her. "Alis ka nga diyan, tabi." Sabi ko at bahagya siyang tinulak.
"Nakita ko si Ella kanina. She's making out with the dickhead."
"Really?!"
"Yeah? Mark Espejo?"-Alyssa
Napa oh lang ako sakanya at naglakad na palabas ng banyo. Sinundan niya ako kaya hindi na ako tumigil sa paglalakad.
"Para kang anino. Sunod ng sunod."
"Sooo?"-Alyssa
"Anong so ka diyan! Sapakin kaya kita. Wala ka bang klase?"
"I skipped." Walang gana niyang sagot at umakbay saakin. I looked at her and frowned.
"Why'd you skip?"
She shrugged. The whole time we were walking down the hallways, she was quiet. We said nothing to each other, until we reached the cafeteria.
Habang bumibili ito ng pagkain ay naisipan kong umupo sa isa sa mga upuan doon. "Im bored Dennise." Said Aly after sitting next to me. I glanced at her.
"Im sorry about the kiss last Sunday. I did not mean it."
"And im sorry about the first day's kiss. I did not mean it either."-Aly
Napatingin ako sakanya at kumunot ang noo ko dahil parang wala nga lang sakanya. I thought I would feel happy pag nag sorry siya. But I was wrong. I feel disappointed. Though napag usapan na naman namin yun last Sunday ah?
"We talked about this already."
"I know. But we felt or feel distant towards each other." She said before sipping on her iced coffee. She winked at me and smiled. "I feel like, I am the reason why you were absent for four days."
"You are."
"What's bothering you?"-Aly
"You." I answered honestly. "Im not sure Aly. But it's freaking annoying. You're annoying."
"Now i am annoying. What else?"-Aly
"You're sweet and stuff. Madikit ka masyado. I hate it every time I see you."
"Do you want me to erase my face then?" She laughed, then she stopped. "Don't you like me to show my face at all?" Seryoso niyang tanong habang nakatitig sa baso niya.
"Didn't say anything like that."
"But you just said it..."-Aly
"I said, I hate to see you. But I did not say that I don't like to see your face at all."
Napakunot noo ito at napanganga dahil sa sinabi ko. She snapped at my direction. I reached to close her mouth and frowned. "You're such a mess." She whispered.
"I know. Thank you for messing me up!"
Hindi siya kumibo, bagkus ay hinila niya ako para magkadikit kaming dalawa. She wrapped her arms around my waist and started to talk.
"So ayaw mo ng ganito?" I shook my head. "Ayaw mo din ng sweet?" She smiled. I glared at her and punched her arm. "What? Im asking you."
"Why don't you find out by yourself nalang?"
"Why would I? Papahirapan ko lang sarili ko. I wanted to know what you want me to do, since ayoko ng ganito tayo."-Aly
"Problema mo na yon!"
"Wow ah!"-Aly
Nagtitigan lang kami ng matagal hanggang sa marinig namin ang second bell. I pushed her hands off me before standing up on my sit. She sighed before following me, she hold my hand as we walked. When we finally stepped out through the cafeteria's door, a bunch of students gave me a friendly smile.
"See you when I see you." I whispered before unwrapping my fingers on hers.
"Yeah." Narinig kong bulong niya.
Hindi na ako kumibo at nagtuloy tuloy sa paglalakad. I felt like I lost my thoughts. The heavy thin clothe around my shoulders were hurting my bones. I didn't know how to make myself feel better, all I know those times was to think nothing. And I had not realize that, she already had a big effect in my life.