It had been a full week of dating Hazel. And I use the term very loosely. She's an extraordinarily paranoid creature, and it's not like I blame her... I'm just fed up with her public boundaries. If I look at her she tells me off in private- and if I ignore her, she gets attention deprivation. Which is cute, but then she gets pissed about it. And a pissed Hazel is hot as hell, but useless.
But really, I've enjoyed her. More than I really want to admit, I enjoyed her paranoia, her sharp attitude, her everything, really.
And on the bright side, we have been spending more quality time together. I spend almost ever night at her house until nine before curfew (meaning parents snickering when I walk in the door. It happened once and not again. Ever.). We talk mostly. Kiss, yeah, but seventy percent of the time is talk. I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into my feelings for her. And it was so... Exhilarating? Yeah. It was. And made me into a nervous wreck.
Anyway, back to the one problem at hand. Dating Hazel. It's not the relationship that's an issue, but dating to her means chill and do something in secret.
I mean no one seems to see us together. She occasionally met with me at the same time Jamine was around, but I have heard nothing of Megan's existence since I saw her that night when Hazel introduced herself as my girlfriend to my parents. No Megan. I was beginning to worry, but Hazel occasionally ended up on the phone with her while I was around, speaking to her only in her Fairy language. I'd noticed that she also never answers her phone while Jamine is around. I haven't asked because I valued my life and my relationship.
Sometimes we hung out at my house, but Hazel voiced her distaste of her parent-friendly facade. I was neutral about the situation, so she won and I went to her house.
Currently, Hazel was kicking my ass at Super Smash Bros Brawl on the Wii U (because Jamine likes gaming and apparently you can stockpile a lot of pocket change if you've been around as long as she has).
"No way! You're not allowed to win like ninety times in a row! Marley can't even beat me once!" I groaned after Hazel won again. I mean, she had to be cheating. No matter what character she is she always wins!
"I am. And it was only eight rounds." She shrugged.
"How?" I whined, laying down on the soft carpet in her living room.
"Strategy. Each character has its advantages and disadvantages." She sighed deeply. "I'm bored."
"Well, you're the hostess." I rolled onto my back and sat up, now facing her. "Or we could go out like a normal couple?" I tried.
"No." Well, it was worth the attempt. "We've been over this. We're not public. And we will not be made public in the near future." She reiterated for the billion and twelfth time.
"But Micha and Marley are public... What's different? If it's about you being closeted, just tell me. I just want to know why it is that my girlfriend doesn't want to be seen in public with me." I frowned.
"Grace, we are not Micha and Marley, first. Secondly, I'm still not gay. And lastly, it's because I do not want a repeat of what happened before, when you were attacked. Contrary to what you seem to believe, I did not enjoy finding you in that position." She stated flatly. My mind wandered back to when I'd been ambushed by that pack of Night-Scholars and how they'd subjected me to some degree of torture.
"Oh. I get it." I still think you're denying your gaiety, though, I added to myself. "I can't help but wonder why those people were so mad at you, Hazel..."
"Okay." She stated. I sighed internally.
"Would you enlighten me?" I specified. She exhaled her entire capacity of air and nodded.
"I told you. I didn't see any wrong in killing. Some of them were victims of that. Others were envious of my status as the only second to ever reach the Academy. Some of us respect that kind of brutality. I used to. I still do, to a certain degree, in complete candor, but I've come to warp that admiration. I still do see an art in it. Regardless, there are those out in my world who do not take well to the Night School's credo, and others who target me personally. It's dangerous."
"Oh." I frowned. I absolutely hated when I was reminded that I was dating and neck deep in feelings for a murderer. A killer. A thief of life. She had ended the life of more than one innocent person. A person that could have been anyone. It could have been me. It could have been me and I doubted she'd've questioned it if she'd been ordered then to kill me. My beautiful Hazel was a bloodstained mass murderer. And I really liked her. I didn't like being reminded of the danger I was in when I was with her. Then, maybe I could find reason to her being worth it. For now, she was worth it and nothing else helped.
"How many people have you killed, Zel?" I tried to mentally chase the outburst and stuff the question back down my throat, but too late. The look in my girlfriend's eyes have it all away.
"I don't know. Too many." She avoided my eyes. "I was beyond ignorant. I didn't understand the value of a life. Or many lives. I didn't understand emotional attachment at all. I didn't even know of it." She sighed deeply, shaking her head in the slightest manner she could achieve.
"I get it, but... It still feels weird." I pursed my lips, Hazel staring intently at her still hands.
"How so?" She prodded. I'm dangerously close to being in love with a killer. I answered in my head but I was definitely not about to vocalize it.
"You. You just... I can't imagine you taking a life... But I can... It's confusing and it hurts to remember that you are that person- or you were... But you're still you..."
"You're confusing." She stated lightly, with some delicate look to her that made my heart go wild with heavy sadness and blithesome emotion. It almost looked like she was putting up a front to hide the emotion she knew I would be looking to see, but also with a slight desperation that made me wonder if she was trying to distract herself too. And in order to do that, I think she'd first have had to recognize the fact that she knew she felt something about it- something she didn't like. And if she was really trying to block out the memory, she would have to have known that the memory made her feel things, and with an act so easily executed, she must've had to have some experience shielding those emotions.
"And you're impossible to understand." I felt my hand gravitate towards hers and squeeze her fidgety digits affectionately. "I guess that makes us even." I couldn't help but lean forwards and kiss Hazel's forehead.
"It makes us unstable and lacking in understanding. However, if you mean that we're equally distant from each other, there are no means of assessing how far each of us are from understanding the other." She gave me her best look of analysis, which complemented her.
"Have I ever mentioned how adorable you are when you look at me like that?" I blurted abruptly breaking the mood.
"I don't know." She replied with a slight shrug and frown.
"Hmm... Not that one. What's that look for?" I copied her discontented expression.
"We were having a serious conversation until you said that."
"Sorry..." I muttered. "It slipped."
"I tend to be short when these subjects are brought up. I apologize for my temper but I would like you to remember that I don't kid about the things I have done." She sighed deeply, rubbing her forehead with her palm before running her fingers through her hair, tugging it a little on the way. "I've been tempered for the past few days, haven't I?" She added more to herself.
"I guess..." I stated cautiously. "Wait, Zel, would it have anything to do with the fact that I have seen no trace of Megan all week?"
"Yes. I haven't had a civil talk with her for a while."
"Elaborate?"
"She doesn't like my relationship with you. She thinks I am not ready and that I should stop -in her words- leading you on and abusing you. I don't believe I am in any way harming you, so I refused to let her make that decision for me." She grumbled.
"Zel, you should really talk to her... You seem really bothered with it, so you should really do what you can to work it out. On the other hand... She is definitely trying to help you, so maybe you should give her more credit. I'm not saying you should let her control you, but listen to her." I frowned, reaching forward to take the side of her jaw between my thumb and index finger, stroking her cheek.
"Do you think I am a detriment to you?"
"I don't think you mean to be. But I also don't know you too well. I don't know what you plan on doing with me. I don't really see how there will be a future to us if you detest being seen in public with me." I muttered the last part accidentally. I knew Hazel was justified in hiding me. But I still couldn't help but feel like if I was better, she'd be okay showing others that she socialized with me.
"Do you think you'd be better off with me here or gone?"
"Here." The answer came instantly. A few weeks ago, I would have wanted nothing more than to send her to Canada or something, but now... I'd grown used to her. I don't know what I'd be without it- without our time. I had grown to care for her and need her and adore her beyond my control. And when I remembered that it wouldn't be long before she would wake up to new desires, I began to consider the reality of when that time came... I may not be all that against it... I may not be against it at all...
"Good." She smiled lopsidedly. "How is it that you are so adept at conversation, while you have no superior logical capabilities?" Her smile faded into a curious look of nothing. I hummed a little, amused by her usual brutality. I learned that it wasn't meant to be personal.
"I've been dealing with people a while, Zel. I have been learning people since before you were born. Maybe even before you were conceived, depending on how long your pregnancies are."
"Six to seven months." She replied.
"Then I was playing mind games on my parents and brother before you were two cells. Damn I'm old." I paused, making the ravenette snort and crinkle her nose. "Your species is weird." I added.
"For you, of course. Humans are the most confusing species ever to be considered intelligent. You lot feel too much. There is no order to you. You can't cooperate. You have notoriously selective hearing- shall I go on?" I grinned. "I know that look. What do you want?"
"Hey, Zel," I smirked in a singsong voice, "wanna tell your curious girlfriend about your species?" She gave me a harsh frown, a look of boredom on her face. "I know that one. But what else...?" Her scowl lifted, replaced with an exasperated sigh. At least she wasn't going to go on her 'we never speak about my wings' rant. Happened once since the dinner thing, and I have no intention of ever bringing it up again.
"Where would you like me to start?" She sighed.
"You don't look or feel as muscular as you should in order to be as powerful as you are."
"More efficient muscular make-up. Our cardiovascular, muscular, nervous, skeletal, reproductive, and even digestive systems are evolved to be more adept at one or two purposes. Humans tend to be sufficient at all major aspects of living, while we specialize in an area or two." She explained like she'd done so a million times.
"How about mentality? It's different than humans', yeah? And from your own siblings?"
"Yes. Again, language, sympathy, empathy, and communication are the strengths of firsts, brutality, protection, science, and mathematics are the skills of thirds, and seconds have the ability to understand both or either, however, we are especially vulnerable to imprinting, which makes us either very strongly influenced by our elder or you get sibling, it is rare to be equally influenced by both."
"But-"
"Yes, I was imprinted on by Alexa and have tendencies characteristic of thirds, but I was betrayed and I've grown to value Megan's word and action more. That being said, I will never be able to re-imprint." She rubbed her forehead, balancing her head on the the two fingers she was using to passage it, while resting her elbow on her knee. "For some reason, my parents and Jamine thought it would be a wonderful idea to keep the three of us together instead of separating the third as is recommended and enforced with N.S. born families. Being born outside of the Night School, we were not brought up normally."
"Jamine had a say in this?"
"She is our legal guardian. Has no control over us now that we're as capable as we are, but she is the one who does all that we can't due to our age."
"Oh." I nodded. "What else is different?"
Hazel took a breath to answer but her phone rang. She groaned loudly.
"It's Megan again. I have to take this." She started to stand up, but I grabbed her hand and gently pulled her back. She gave me a weird look but didn't object.
"Hey." She said, sitting down next to me. I scoot closer to her side, resting my head on her shoulder. She only flinched a little, by she'd been growing used to me touching her frontal shoulders. I've still avoided her back and chest completely in fear of startling her.
"Hey-" I heard Megan's faint voice on the other end. She trailed off into her fairy language and I was lost.
"Grace is here." Hazel cut her off. Megan uttered something else I didn't get, but Hazel gave a confirming hum to it.
A few minutes later, I got bored and Hazel was still in an intense conversation with her sister, so I decided I'd play with my girlfriend's hair. And damn. I don't know how she got it to be that soft or fragrant. It feels like liquid, and smells strongly of her, and maybe peppermint hair products.
Hazel didn't seem to care, so I went on until I decided to move all of her hair to one side. When I did, it was to the side of Hazel farthest from me, and oh look, her shoulder was left bare. In a moment I realized that maybe schools have a point when their repulsive and repulsively sexist dress codes tell girls to hide their shoulders. I hated to admit it, but honestly, it was just Hazel. Not even Megan had a glowing cream shaded pale complexion like Hazel, I mean she looked delicious. The curve of her neck, her unblemished shoulders, her gorgeous peaking collar bone and Adam's apple...
I leaned in and kissed the dip of her shoulder and neck, which made her shiver, tilt her head to the other side, and stutter for an instant on the phone. With a mischievous smirk, I ran my lips up to her sweet spot, the corner of her jaw- where it fused with her neck and drew a crescent to her ear- and gave it a teasing poke with my tongue. Hazel wasn't really bothered by this, but I wasn't done. I blew cold air gently onto the damp spot, and that got a reaction. She clenched her jaw, gripping her phone too tight, while her free hand reached out to grasp my leg. She growled.
"Grace... Stop it..." I poured but I didn't want to be a hypocrite later on, so I stopped chilling her and simply nuzzled the crook of her neck, now ghosting my nose and closed lips over her skin and around but not on her sweet spot. "Grace..." She growled lower. Grace. Stop it. You're going to get hot and bothered again. But she's so cute...
"Zel..." I imitated in a singsong voice. She hissed and grumbled and clenched my leg.
"Grace- stop. Now." A new seriousness in Hazel's tone had me pause. She gave me a harsh scolding look, and I wilted, stoping my game.
"Are you okay?" I questioned, leaning away from the beauty. She sighed, hung up her phone with Megan still ranting on the other end, and tossed it onto the couch. While I tracked the phone with my eyes, I didn't notice Hazel about to pounce on me, so it was a surprise when she did. She pinned me to the floor and buried her face into the crook of my neck, taking in deep breaths but not kissing me.
"Do not respond." Hazel hissed, running her hands down my shoulders and arms, pulling them to hold her slim hips. I did as she asked, biting my tongue to distract myself from her teasing. She licked, sucked, and kissed minimally around my neck, avoiding my sweet spot and face. She also avoided looking me in the eye.
"Hazel, what are you doing? Why can't I respond?" My almost singsong voice wavered from restraint.
"Shh." She snapped. I did as she asked. "I'm don't know what this is, but it's dangerous..." She mumbled into my skin.
"Zel, not an answer..." I tried to calm my confusion and erratic heart rate by taking in deep breaths of her scent as if it and not the air carrying it were my sustenance.
She didn't answer for a while, keeping her arms bent at the elbow and resting beside my body; she rested her chin on my shoulder, and I could feel her rapid but slowing breath on my neck and on my stomach when her diaphragm expanded.
"Zel?" I asked when her breathing became so steady that I thought she'd fallen asleep.
"Yes?" She answered coolly, speaking with nothing but ease. Not calmness or peace, just simplicity.
"You okay? You've been quiet." I felt her hand slowly wrap around my shoulders, and she used her abdomen to lift herself on muscle alone, her eyes suddenly met mine, her lips seemed to phase into being too far away from mine to touch anything but their radiant warmth.
She was again quiet for some time, staring me off with a look that kept me waiting for the words she was putting together to say.
Eventually she said nothing at all. Instead she touched her lips to mine with unusual gentleness, and with an explosive emotional translation that I had never known her to be capable of.
I felt loved...
And the contact lasted only an instant, and the touch was lighter than a feather, but I still felt shaken after she'd abandoned my skin.
"Of all the things I don't know what or how to say, you confuse me the most." She stated with the same kind of smooth near docility as before.
And in that moment it really hit me.
I love Hazel.
Maybe I'm not completely in love with her yet... But I can't escape or deny the fact that I need her, I adore her, I love every little frown or rare smile- I just... Is it too soon to be sure? Am I in love? Is this love?
But it's really funny.
When I think, there's no answer.
But in the color of her eyes alone I'm utterly sure.
**hey, sorry this one took so long and I was totally not planning that end of this chapter... But what do we think??