Meagan P.O.V
The next day, Mabel, Dipper and I waited for a while for Soos to come to the shack, but he never came. We searched all over the house and outside but nothing. We walked into the gift shop where Stan and Wendy were. "Hey, have you guys seen Soos?" I asked them.
"We're supposed to help him with match-making today," Dipper added.
"Yeah! I wore my motivational sweater and everything!" Mabel said. Her sweater read "U can do it Soos" but the second o in Soos was messed up. "I messed up that part."
"He didn't come in today. It's the first time he's missed work ever!" Stan said. Dipper, Mabel and I all exchanged nervous looks. I think we were all thinking the same thing. To Soos'!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs. Ramírez answered the door when we go to Soos' house. It was weird because normally Soos answers the door. We walked to Soos' room and opened the door to see Soos sitting at his computer, soda cans littering the floor, the blinds were shut and the lights were all off except for the light of the computer. Soos was laughing. "So that's basically my entire life story. Now you tell me a thing about you!" Soos said to the computer.
"Every time you compliment me I get another highlight in my eyes!" a female robotic voice said from the computer.
"Uh, you're pretty! And pixel-y! And so agreeable!" Soos said. "Yes!"
"Uh, Soos?" I said, getting his attention. This didn't seem right.
Soos turned around and looked at us. "O-oh hey, dudes!" Soos greeted. "Come in! This game is amazing. I'm making eye contact, going on dates, and I haven't seen any natural sunlight for thirteen hours!" he said, turning back to his computer.
Dipper kicked away a soda can and looked at me and Mabel strangely. "Soos, maybe it's time to apply these skills with real girls," Mabel suggested.
"But I'm about to meet her parents! Her dad is an octopus-man," Soos said, talking about the game. I walked over to the window and opened the blinds to let the light in. "Ah!" Soos hissed and cowered under his desk.
"Oh man up! I'm a vampire and I don't hiss at the sunlight!" I said. "Well, for the most part," I muttered. I'm not a morning person.
Dipper started pulling Soos away from the desk. "We're going back to the mall, man. You need to unplug!" Dipper said.
Soos tried staying at his desk, but to no avail. "I'll see you later, .GIFany. I'll be back, I swear!" he exclaimed.
Mabel and I followed Dipper and Soos. Mabel laughed a bit. "Soos, you don't have to wish it goodbye. It's just a game. It's not like it's going anywhere," she said as I closed the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~
We were at the mall and Mabel was getting mad because there were no women around. She was looked around the mall with her binoculars. "Dang! Where all dem sweet honeys at?" she asked in annoyance. "I'll check the ladies' bathroom," she said and ran to the bathroom. Oh dear. "It's love time, girls! Get out there! No time to wash your hands!" she shouted through a megaphone.
A lot of women and young girls screamed and ran from the bathroom. One of them screamed, "Let's get out of here!"
"It's time to date! Date! Date!"
Dipper and I cringed. "And...here comes security," I said.
"We'll deal with this. Stay here and practice on some real girls," Dipper said to Soos and the two of us walked over to the security officer who was holding Mabel by her ear. "Sir?" Dipper got his attention.
He looked at us. "What do you kids want?" he asked us.
"Um, you're holding my sister by her ear," Dipper said.
"Oh, so you know this girl," he said.
"Yes, sir."
"Well, I should ban her from this mall for disrupting the peace in this mall and all these ladies' lives," he said sternly.
Time to pull out my lying skills. "I'm so sorry, sir. My friend here is a little out of it, she's had a concussion before and now she really isn't all there," I said. Mabel looked offended but Dipper gave her a look telling her to roll with it.
"Are you sure? Where are your parents?" the officer asked us.
"Well, actually, my sister and I are from Piedmont, California and we're staying with our uncle. Right now we're with a family friend, helping him out," Dipper explained.
"And you?" the officer asked me.
"I'm also a family friend, my father is at home with my brothers right now," I explained.
"So you two can vouch for her?"
"Absolutely," we said.
"Alright, just don't let her do it again," the officer said. He let go of Mabel's ear and walked away.
"Thanks guys," Mabel said, rubbing her ear.
"You're welcome. Now don't do it again," I said. We walked toward where Soos was supposed to be but he wasn't there. We searched the mall to see that Soos was at the kiddy rides. We were about to approach him when a female laugh got his and our attention.
"Oh, sorry." The woman came out from behind the Meat Cute cart and walked over to Soos. She had tan skin and brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. She was wearing a Meat Cute apron and a baseball cap. "Dude, that's awesome that you're a grown man riding a little train like that! You're totally like, owning it," she said.
"Huh?" Soos said, confused. He then got what she was saying and rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh, yeah. I'm like, if it's fun, uh, do it. You know?" he said.
"Exactly! Being an adult is the worst. Skewering meat, remembering to pay bills," the woman counted. "I just want to ride tiny trains all day."
"At least you get to work at Meat Cute," Soos said, pointing at the woman's apron. "Extreme lunch meats are the food of the future."
"I feel the same way. I'm Melody by the way," she introduced.
Soos tipped up his hat and shook Melody's hand. "Oh, I'm Soos. I tell you, if you like robots for kids, you should check out the best restaurant of all time!" Soos said.
"You mean-"
"Hoo-Ha Owl's Pizzamatronic Jamboree!" Soos and Melody said together.
(A/N ok I need to clear something up. People think that Hoo-Ha's is based off of Five Nights at Freddy's, but *says in Umbridge's voice* this. Is. A. LIE. Hoo-Ha's is a parody of the restaurant chains Chuck E. Cheese's and ShowBiz Pizza Place. "Soos and the Real Girl" was written and in development long before the release of FNAF. Several crew members have also outright denied the connection, mentioning Rock-afire Explosion as the inspiration. In fact, Chuck E. Chesse's parodies is a well-known trope. Any connections are pure coincidence, information from the Gravity Falls Wiki page)
Melody started playing with her hair nervously. "What? You've heard of Hoo-Ha Owl's? I loved that place when I was a kid!" Melody said.
"Oh yeah, dude. There's one right in this mall! I should show you some time," Soos said. Wait, did he just do what I think he just did?
"I'm free around eight," Melody offered.
"Boom! Done," Soos said. He did! He really did! Oh dear God, I'm sounding like Mabel.
"Perfect. I'll see you then," Melody said. She handed Soos a few quarters and turned to leave. She waved the left the mall.
Soos waved back. "What a nice lady. Well, back to riding this tiny train for children," Soos said, then Mabel tackled him off the train. Wait what?! Wow Mabel, just wow.
Dipper and I went over to them as well. Mabel was making excited noises while playfully hitting Soos. "Soos!" she exclaimed while still hitting him.
"We saw the whole thing, Soos. That was amazing!" I said.
"You talked to a real girl, and you got a date!" Dipper added.
"I did?" Soos asked.
"This is the best day of my life!" Mabel yelled excitedly as she slid off of Soos' back. She started jumping around, dancing and climbing on the stuff behind Soos.
"You were in the zone, you made eye contact – it was like you'd done this a million times before. Don't you see? That game really worked!" Dipper said.
Mabel then came over in front of Soos as well. "You don't need it anymore; you can toss it out!" she added.
"Toss it?" Soos asked, unsure. "But, I like .GIFany. She's good to me. She's predictable," he said as he stood up.
"Soos, can a computer game go to Reggie's engagement party with you?" I asked him.
"Uh..."
~~~~~~~~~~
Later that night, Mabel, Dipper and I were prepping Soos for his date right outside of Hoo-Ha Owl's. I was massaging Soos' shoulders and Dipper held a water bottle for him. Mabel was wearing a referee sweater, had pink baseball cap on and held a whistle. "You can do this, Soos!" Mabel said and Dipper gave Soos some water. "Just remember what your love crew taught you. How does she look?" Mabel quizzed.
"Nice!" Soos replied.
"What are her stories?"
"Interesting!"
"And who's going to pay for dinner?"
"SOOS IS!"
"Now, DATE!" Dipper shouted as I blew an air horn. Soos ran off to Hoo-Ha Owl's, yelling.
Mabel turned to me and Dipper. "They grow up so fast," she said.
We started following Soos and Melody at a distance to see how the date goes. Melody was standing outside Hoo-Ha Owl's, nervously scratching her leg with her foot. "Itchy legs, itchy legs—oh, hi Soos!" Melody said when Soos approached her.
"Melody! Are you ready for a," Soos looked at his hand, "date with," he looked at his other hand, "me?" he asked.
Melody laughed. "I totally am," she said and the two walked inside. Dipper, Mabel and I followed and sat at a nearby table. Dipper and Mabel cut eye holes in a pizza box to spy on Soos and Melody. Really, they didn't have to do that. "Man, I could go for some complimentary breadsticks right now," Melody said.
Soos laughed. "Uh, one time I was so hungry, I ate the decorational bamboo at a Chinese restaurant," Soos said. He started patting his stomach. "Like a big old panda!" he sang.
Melody laughed. "You're hilarious," she complimented. Aw, this is cute. Oh God, I feel like Mabel when she watches me and Dipper.
Soos laughed as well. "Yeah, well, you know, I just sorta say whatever pops into my, uh..." Soos faltered a bit. I couldn't tell why though. He then did a spit take on Melody and started coughing.
Melody reached over to Soos. "Soos, are you okay?" she asked.
"No! I'm, uh, fine! Everything's fine," Soos said, nervously. Why is he acting like this? "Uh, can you sit tight? I have to go to the bathroom for a long time. Not in a weird way," Soos excused. He got up from his table and ran over here.
Dipper and Mabel flipped down the pizza box cover and we all looked at Soos as he collapsed in the seat next to us. "Soos, what are you doing out there?" Mabel asked. She was just as confused as I was.
"I've got a big problem guys. I'm being stalked by .GIFany!" Soos said.
".GIFany?" the three of us asked.
"Or maybe it's pronounced, "Jiffany?" I was never really sure," Soos said.
"Soos, get a grip on yourself. .GIFany can't talk you because she's not real!" I said.
All of a sudden, an anime pink haired girl showed up on three screens above us, and she looked mad. "Uh-oh," Mabel said.
"Take it from someone who brought an arcade game to life, this will not end well," Dipper said.
"Way to be supportive, Dip," I said.
"Don't worry. I'm pretty sure she's stuck on TV screens," Soos said.
.GIFany started traveling across arcade game screens and stopped on a Fight Fighters game. Wow that brings me back to earlier this summer. "Ha! A new challenger approaches! Prepare to be-dah!!!" Rumble McSkirmish tried to say but .GIFany zapped him. I saw the lightning travel along wires up to the stage.
"Oh, boy," Soos said. He ran back over to where Melody was. "So hey, anyway, you uh, wanna move this date far away into the forest away from all electronics and people?" he asked.
"What? But the floor show's about to start," Melody said, pointing at the stage.
"Uh!"
The curtain opened and the five mascots of Hoo-Ha Owl's were playing. Hoo-Ha the Owl was in the front. "Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Who wants to hear Hoo-Ha the Owl? Oh! Who...?" he started but he shut down.
The spot light went to the beaver cheerleader. "Hello, friends," the same female robotic voice from earlier at Soos' said. .GIFany. "Hoo-Ha the Owl is dead." The lights went out and the cowboy frog played quietly. "This next song goes out to my forever boyfriend, Soos."
"Soos, what's going on?" Melody asked Soos.
"No time to explain! We gotta get out of here!" Soos exclaimed. He grabbed Melody's wrist and dragged her to the door, Dipper, Mabel and I all followed quickly.
"The only way out, Soos, is in my arms!" .GIFany said. Her eyes turned red. She snapped her fingers and the rest of the animatronics came to life. "After them!" Everyone ran out of the restaurant but just before we could get out, the doors shut, trapping us inside. "I'm sorry, Soos, but you can't run away from our relationship!" She held her hand out and took control of the skee-ball games, making them fire at us.
We covered out heads as Soos pulled down an arcade game for cover. We all ducked behind it. "So, about all this, I may have purchased a dating simulator that obtained sentience and went crazy," Soos said to Melody.
"Oh, I am crazy. Crazy for you, Soos," .GIFany said. She shot lightning at us making us duck even more. Dipper held me close to him. Melody's hair caught on fire and she started screaming as the small flame burned her hair and her scalp slightly.
Soos quickly pat the fire out. "Oh no! I'm so sorry, Melody! I'll fix this. It's me she wants. I'll distract her while Dipper, Meagan and Mabel keep you safe! It's the only way!" Soos exclaimed.
"Soos, these are children," Melody stated as Soos got on top of the arcade game we were hiding behind.
"The only WAYYYY!" Soos shouted. He started running toward the kitchen, still being attacked by the skee-ball machines. "Over here, .GIFany!"
"Stop!" .GIFany cried. Soos used a serving platter to slide under the attacking animatronics and under the flip-open kitchen door.
Dipper made us huddle up. "On three we split," he said and we nodded. "One, two—"
He got cut off by the giant beaver animatronic chopping the arcade game we were hiding behind in half. We all screamed and ran off in different directions. Mabel ran off toward the slides while Dipper and I ran off toward the games. The giant beaver followed us. We were in front of one of those games that you always win tickets from. "I'm gonna eat your face like pizza!" he said. Dipper and I screamed and ducked, making the giant beaver hit the win button on the game. He clapped and laughed as he got tickets. Dipper and I ran as Melody came up behind him and knocked him out with a chair. More animatronics then came up behind her and started attacking making Melody scream. I started kicking some of the animatronics but there were too many. They soon caught the four of us and held us tightly over the ball pit.
After a few moments, the animatronics shut down and dropped us into the ball pit. "Whoa, is everyone ok?" I asked.
Everyone nodded. "Does this happen often?" Melody asked.
Dipper, Mabel and I all looked at each other. "You have no idea," we said in unison.
Melody got out of the ball pit to talk to Soos. The two sat down on the wrecked skee-ball games. The whole place was in shambles. Everything was wrecked and there were even a few small fires, but nothing too major. Soos sighed. "I'm sorry for all of this. I honestly remember this place being a lot more fun when I was a kid," he said to Melody.
"Believe it or not but I've been on worse dates," Melody said. Seriously?
"Really?" Soos asked.
"Never date a magician," Melody advised.
Soos cringed. "Ew, why would I?" Soos asked. Melody jokingly hit Soos' arm and the two laughed. "Oh! Hey, you aren't maybe interested in going to my cousin's engagement party in a week? I promise there's like zero robot badgers," Soos said.
Melody chuckled. "Yeah. I'll still be in town then," she said.
"Still be in town?" Soos asked, confused.
"I'm going back home to Portland in a few weeks," Melody clarified, sadly. Aw, that's too bad. I really liked her and thought she was good for Soos. "But we can video chat, if that's okay with you?" she suggested.
"A relationship with a girl that I can only see through my computer...sounds perfect!" Soos said.
Mabel raised her arms up happily. "Spirit of love, we did it!" she cheered.
All of a sudden, Mrs. Ramírez popped up out of the ball pit. Hang on, what?! "Yes, yes. I am so happy," she said.
"Have you been following us all day?" Dipper asked her.
"Soos' life is my soap opera," she replied with a smile.
I ignored her and laid my head on Dipper's shoulder, taking his hand in mine. "Well, I'm happy for Soos," I said.
"Yeah, and now I know how Mabel felt when she found out the two of us were dating," Dipper laughed.
"Hey!" Mabel said and both Dipper and I laughed. This was actually kind of a good past few days.
A/N ok so maybe I could start putting some interesting trivia at the end of the episodes, so here's a few: 1.) this episode has two background characters who are based off of and voiced by Nicholas Isler and Mariah Amundsen, who visited the Gravity Falls studio through the Make-A-Wish Foundation, they were the two kids that had lines when Stan fist discovered Hoo-Ha Owl's, the ones who said, "I love you Willy!" and "Take my money, take it all!" 2.) the binary on the computer screen during .GIFany's backstory says "010100110101000001000001010000110100010101001010010000010100110101010100010101110100111" which means "SPACEJAMTWO"
Tell me if you guys think I should put some trivia in it