It was in an instant that my face lost its warmth, its smile, all feeling really. My body became numb to the words that flew from Gumball's mouth as they attempted to attacked me.
Marshall's eyes snapped up to meet mine. They were slit, red, and more intense than I've ever had the pleasure of seeing. His fangs were elongated to the point that they could no longer be hidden inside his lips. He was a mess and I was glad. Glad I wasn't the only one.
My orbs couldn't handle his intense stare for much longer than a few seconds. For, it was a stare of horror and pain and guilt and sorrow all in one. All emotions that frankly I did not want to deal with.
So, I didn't.
Instead, I decided to observe my sister. Well, it wasn't exactly a matter of choice. My brain seemed to not want to work... so patiently I watched my sister. I stared at her blood matted fur, the way it was patted down reminding me of my own battle with Magic Woman not so long ago.
Her eyes were closed, thank Glob, for if they were, I don't think I would have the heart to look into them. I wouldn't have the heart to close them, either, though.
And as I watched her unmoving body, no thoughts that I should have been thinking came to mind. No 'how did this happen?' or 'who is responsible for her death?', not even a 'I'm going to avenge you, Cake'. No, I thought of nothing but memories of myself and her.
It wasn't the best of places for a smile but a smile formed upon my lips anyway. I could hear Marshall in the background as he said louder than normal that: 'he could explain' and that 'he was sorry' and he was 'going to kill Gumball.' But, the longer I looked at her, the more I tuned Marshall out.
It was back years ago before any of this had ever thought of happening. Back before Cake had gotten herself a belly of children and back before Marshall had left those long, lonely months.
I sat eagerly on the living room couch, humming to myself as I observed Cake and the way her paws wrapped the cloth bandage gently around my ankle. She 'tsked to herself, well to me, but I wasn't fully focused on her words of caution.
I practically knew by heart the lecture she was spewing, because she said it after every mission or adventure we would go on. Well, everyone in which I got hurt, that is.
"Be more careful, consider others. You need to think things through more, baby. Next time you won't be so lucky, listen here. I can't heal everything. Well.." she would chuckle to herself, "I am pretty good at bandaging. I mean, how else do you think you stay lookin' this good, Fionna?"
I smiled a hidden smile, blowing a piece of hair away from my face as I silently praised my sister.
'Thank you.' I would say, but never out loud. Because saying it out loud meant I understood her way of thinking, and if I ever acknowledged Cake's words, she would no doubt make me follow them more strictly.
I should have li-
But here I was. Looking down, years later, at the elder who always seemed to know everything. I had never talked to her about this, not really. Not about death.
"It's natural." she would say, but nothing more. Yes, I was sad that mom and dad were gone-but they were heroes and would forever live on. But Cake...
Tell me...
How is one suppose to deal with death? What is normal?
Do I cry or do I smile? Do I forget or remember? Your kids, your kids... I don't even know all of their names yet, how pathetic.
Me, an aunt, who doesn't even know the names of your three kids, I'm sorry. I was never there. I was always in my own little world, basically uncaring to the others that didn't directly effect me but now-
How am I supposed to tell your kids that you are dead? Their mother?
Cake you have to guide me, I'm sorry for not listening before. I'm not ready to be on my own, no, please.
I'm not strong enough.
I'll never be strong enough.
And I realize that there is no way to bring her back. There is no ally of mine that possesses any sort of strength in medicines or healings so I am essentially without a family.
My heart is pounding, and sweating, and breaking into millions of shards that slam right back into my other organs. All over my body, I am simply breaking, cutting, dying from the inside out.
Cake, can you bandage these wounds?
My dry eyes retract from Cake, to the floor, to Marshall who is pouncing on top of a pink blob. That pink blob being Gumball and I think now that it must take a truly horrible person to take one person away from another.
Yet, I've done that so many times. Each monster or foe I kill, he or she-they have a family of their own, yes? Someone who will miss them after I finish them off?
So I suppose I must be the worst type of person there is. Worse than Magic Woman, worse than Gumb-
"Fionna?" Marshall huffed, quickly holding out his arms so that as he was floating towards me, his arm hit my legs, forcing my knees to buckle and my body to rest in his arms. "Snap out of it hey- why are you up here? When did you wake up?"
"Hi." I forced out, my throat dry and confused as to what it should really be saying.
"...so he had tried to kill me but then all of the sudden Cake just comes and jumps in front like a fucking idiot I told her to stay back and I'm so sorry but she was smiling the entire time and hey! Are you listening to me?" Oh, he was talking again?
His salty tears plopped themselves on my face, rolling down my cheeks as if they were my own. But they were not, for I was not crying. Why?
I was hurting so much yet not a single tear could make its way down my face. Isn't that what you do when you're sad?? You cry? So why?
Marshall's tears continued to plop onto me as he carried me far away from that dreaded room, Gumball staying behind as I just now noticed- he was bleeding?
The salty water droplets pressed themselves against my lips and I happily licked them away. I will drink up Marshall's sadness, as he has done for me so many times before. Not in this exact way, but in other, better ways, in which I could never compare.
Maybe that is why I couldn't cry now. Because Marshall had all my tears. Marshall had all my sadness, he took it all away from me...slowly, slowly, day by day.
I couldn't speak, and my dry eyes said nothing against Marshall's pleading oceans but still I wrapped my arms around his neck and continued to take in his tears. He was blaming himself. I couldn't let him continue.
My face rested in the crook of his neck as I shoved our still injured bodies closer together. I sniffed him in, his smell being more potent than before. I could almost smile.
His tears now traced the side and back of my neck, becoming sticky and uncomfortable but it most definitely wasn't the worst thing in the world. I didn't know where we were going but I had to stop him from babbling on once again.
"..my fault, I'm sorry, I checked so long, so many times and she's gone like really gone and it's all me, my fault s-"
"I love you." I whispered, my voice slightly cracking but feeling better than before.
"H-Huh?" his neck began to turn red, along with the tips of his ears. I pressed my forehead against his blushing neck, gaining a peaceful warmth along with slight satisfaction that he had lost his thought process to my words.
"I... said I love you. So... be...quiet. It's not your fault."
Slowly, as we kept zooming through hallways, making it outside somehow without being stopped, I realized that Marshall's tears had stopped flowing.
I looked up at the vampire king, his eyes no longer a burning rage of red, but a normal, cool brown. His fangs no longer protruding but a normal size, as they should be.
Just as I was about to open my mouth to ask him if he was finally alright and where we were going, he decided to finally speak in a calm sentence. Four words that made my broken insides thump with warmth.
"I love you, Fionna."
A/N
literally written between 1:00-2:something a.m. so definitely not the best
uh i felt like writing & didn't post anything last sunday so?? here? oops? hehe
also, i tried to get some emotions through but?? im a failure apparently
of course, not edited lol
wow, thanks for continuing to read you inspire me beyond belief~
p.s. i would do a song but im too lazy its like 2:30 am and i am not a person who usually stays up this late haha also i dont even think people listen to the songs, am i wrong? (i just like sharing my fav weird songs with you guys haha) oops byee~
thank you so much,
xoxo