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If you were to ask me, what do I think about relationships, I would literally have no answer. Because I didn't know, till this date, what a real relationship was. Whether it's with my parents, or any romantic relationship, I had zero idea how things worked.
Of course watching movies and reading books about surreal subjects were some things, but they don't really teach you about what you face in real life. Not everything is perfect, not everyone is good to you and... you don't really know what's written in your destiny. You have no idea what is going to happen in the end. Life is unpredictable.
If I were to talk about my parents, well, basically my mother had been devoted to me for some time. I didn't know for what reasons but it felt really good. And for my father, I must say one thing. He was trying.
As we sat at the dining table with my mother across me and my father adjacent to me, I munched on the grilled sandwiches he made lovingly for me. They were delicious. We didn't say one word to each other because both of them knew what was on my mind and I knew what they had in their minds.
"I'm really... ashamed of myself for not being with you both and I hope you can forgive me, Hana." He spoke up. My father's voice was still stiff enough to make me pause, and contemplate for some seconds.
"It has happened and I am fine, so," I muttered, "I still am a little upset but I was kind of expecting you to not be there. So I'm not very concerned about your absence anymore."
He nodded, and without a single thought I quickly finished my meal.
"The sandwiches were really delicious, though." I looked at him with a slight smile.
"Thank you, I'm glad you liked them."
To be honest, it's okay. We cannot control everything. Maybe it was just my bad luck.
And now, I'll observe if this luck changes or stays the same... knowing my father has changed the tiniest bit.
"It was hard to manage for both of us, knowing that I don't know much about paperwork." My mother said from across the table.
That's because it's always my father's job to do everything regarding this stuff. My mom wasn't always careful because she thought dad would be there to take care of documentation. But I'm glad Jungkook had been there to help her.
"I understand. And I'm very sorry."
Wow, hearing sorry from my father's mouth sounds so weird.
"It's okay! Thank God our Hana is fine now. All thank to..."
Don't say his name!
"The doctors."
Feeling my heart hammering, I looked at my mother for a second, only to look away in embarrassment.
I don't want my father to know about Jungkook... it's already complicated enough and he is strict, I don't want him to even know his name.
My mom shot me a glare and blood rose up in my body, beating in my ears.
She...knows. I hope she won't tell my father.
"Yes, that hospital is great." My father turned to me, his lips turned downward, "So, tell me, Hana. What can I do to make it up to you?"
Oh...
"I d-don't know."
"Say it, I know I've hurt you and I am willing to take responsibility for it. So tell me if you want anything." His voice was calm.
"E-Even if it's expensive?" I asked, a hiccup bubbling up in my throat.
"No matter how expensive, don't worry." He smiled, without a hitch.
"Then, I want your time."
Oh my God, I said it.
Why did I say that...
I slowly lifted my gaze from the tablecloth towards my father, matching his gaze. The atmosphere went silent and we just stared at each other.
"That's... not even expensive." He looked genuinely embarrassed.
"But it is rare, that's why I was scared." I mumbled, my legs constantly trembling under the table.
"Hana." My mom's voice came out, which sounded undeniably pitying.
"I am willing to do it, then." He said.
And that's all it took for a grin to slip out of me, and the hiccup finally escaped my mouth. I covered it with my hands and looked over at my mother. She was smiling proudly and her eyes were twinkling.
"Thank you." I said, letting out another hiccup. My father reached over to pat me on my back but I hesitated, and he did too. My mother passed me a glass of water and I gulped it down, happiness oozing out of me.
They're changing. They're understanding. Finally, it will get better.
We could still be a happy, loving family. It'll take some time but we will get there.
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*Jungkook's POV*
When I reached home that afternoon, I was practically jumping with excitement. Sure, things like love had never occurred to me and I had no room for anyone to get close to me, but her, I could give her the world.
She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I knew since the very first day, when we locked eyes. Her voice, her touch, her presence sparked a curiosity in me, which I couldn't wash away no matter how hard I tried.
It was only for her, when my forbidden feelings came floating up and thank God, I had enough confidence to say all the things to her, which were on my mind.
I had been hesitant around her for long enough to understand that, I couldn't be friends with her.
I started loving her, without even knowing much about her.
And God, when we kissed, I felt it in my soul. Sure, it had been a little awkward because she was sick, but I couldn't get myself to tear apart from her. I wanted to hold her for hours. I wanted to keep kissing her. Her golden brown hair, her eyes, her nose, I wanted to kiss her everywhere.
I couldn't believe that we just...
I...
I liked her and she liked me too. And now, we are...
I squealed in my bed, reminiscing the past events. Her face kept flashing in my head, how she went all red after I pulled away for a while. And when I looked at her again, I couldn't help but get more and more allured.
We both had no idea about how to kiss because it was the first time for both of us, despite that...she did so amazing. I was awestruck.
But as she said, it had to be a secret. Her parents were strict, and mine...well... I'd be dead as well if they found that I was dating someone.
Still, I couldn't help but text her again. I never liked texting much but since we couldn't talk on call all the time, I loved every text I received from her. It had been long enough and I was so driven, I sent her those long, cheesy texts and pickup lines, and then I cringed and deleted them.
This is cute, I can't beleive that my ears are getting so red and my body...it is getting hot.
I was about to call Hana when my phone rang itself and I quickly ran to check if she was calling me. But my heart did a flip when I read the caller's name.
"Yes?" I sighed.
"Jeon Jungkook?" The shrill voice from the other end did not affect me anymore. But I had to reply out of estimation.
"Yes, hello."
"We're coming to Seoul in a few hours."
Oh. Shit.
"Oh, why?" I blurted, biting my tongue.
"Why? Why wouldn't we? After all, we care about you. We're your parents."
I almost forgot that...
"Um, sure. For how many days?" I asked. I didn't want them to stay for long, knowing all too well what would happen.
"Four days." She replied.
Thank God, I could manage...
"Mhm, alright. I'll be going to university though. I'll leave the keys below-"
"We have the duplicate keys with us, did you forget?" She suddenly told me and I bit my inner cheek.
"Ah... yeah. I remember that, so when you visit, give me a call and I'll come back."
"No need. Just come back whenever you get free. Your studies are your utmost priority." She said and I heard faint voices of people rushing by.
They're already at the airport. So they'll be here in about three hours. I would just go and meet Hana for the last time until they leave.
"Sure." I replied, and without saying any other word, my mother hung up.
They must be coming here for another meeting or conference, and then they would have remembered 'oh, we also have our younger son studying here, why not crash at his house?'
I let out a frustrated sigh and pulled on my mask as I walked out of my apartment.
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I didn't want to see her in front of her mother, because I guessed she already started to have suspicion regarding us. I didn't want Hana to feel uncomfortable either, because we couldn't talk much in front of her. So I texted Hana when I reached the rooftop of the hospital so we could talk alone for a while.
She took some time so I got worried, thinking what if she started to feel dizzy or weak. But before I could call her again, I heard her call my name from the other end, where the staircase was located.
She used... the stairs? But the elevator was working just fine until now.
Oh no, I made her walk this much.
While I quickly hurried towards her, I couldn't help but feel my heart beginning to beat faster every time I heard my name in her voice.
I don't want to make you wait...but please, say my name once more. I love hearing it from you.
"Jungkook?"
Oh my God.
I tiptoed until I was standing just behind her. She was leaning against the metal railing and her hair were drifting back because of the wind. As soon as I stepped up close to her, her brown, wavy hair touched my face and a warm, loving sensation creeped up my body.
I tried not to freak out much and I didn't want to say her name, because if she turned around, she would see my face which was heating up. I couldn't bear to show her my face yet.
So I twined my arms around her waist and in a swift motion, pulled her back into me. She almost screamed as her back softly crashed into my body and I immediately regretted it.
"Hey, girlfriend."
I said it, again. Damn Jeon Jungkook, you've gained some confidence.
"Oh God, you scared me." She laughed and leaned into me once again. I tried to divert myself and focus on my breathing as I closed my eyes and rested my chin on her shoulder, ever so lightly.
Her voice is magic for me. I forget every worry, every problem when I'm with her.
Once I released her, she turned to me and we locked eyes again. I loved this game. She made a great effort to stare at me with her loving gaze, and I, too, kept staring into her dark brown eyes.
She gave up in less than a minute and looked down, shyly. I smiled to myself, fixing my glasses.
We talked for about twenty minutes, regarding so many things. She still wasn't recovered, not enough for me to tell her what was going on with me. There were a lot of things I needed to tell her, but I wanted to be patient with her.
I cannot tell you that my parents are here, you'll get worried because you've witnessed my father being brutal with me.
"You won't come when I'll get discharged?" She asked, and her voice quavered a little.
I don't like seeing her sad but... I have to make some arrangements before they come.
"I'll come to meet you at your house, soon." I told her. She smiled but it wasn't real. We both knew it.
So I stepped close to her, and held her face gently between my hands. Her cheeks were warm and she flushed even more when she realised what I was going to do.
I slowly bent down, closed my eyes and pressed my lips onto hers. I was craving this moment ever since I kissed her the last time, or to say, the first time.
She raised herself up so I wouldn't have to bend much, and this time as well, she didn't hesitate as she moved her lips against mine. I smiled halfway into it and traced my thumb over her smooth jawline, trying so hard not to let out a moan and embarrass myself.
We pulled away, and we both knew it was hard. Her smile faded once again as she turned back and walked down towards the stairs. I frowned as well, stuffing my hands in my pockets. Nonetheless, we gave each other an appreciative smile.
I love you. I hope you can feel that, because I'm not brave enough to say it yet.
I kept staring at the ground, every nerve of mine twisting inside my body, forcing me to stop her. But as I looked back where she stepped down, she turned around and looked at me, her eyes could only be compared to a sad, lonely panda.
I hate to see you frown.
"Take care of yourself!" I shouted loud enough for her to hear. She nodded sadly and I immediately felt bad.
"You too." She replied.
I'm going to miss you so much, Hana.
You don't know it yet...
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*Hana's POV*
I don't know what to do.
I miss you so much.
At one point, I wanted to ask my dad to fix another appointment with the psychiatrist, so I could ask him more about Dr. Hoseok. But I was scared too, probably not yet ready for another meeting. I needed to prepare myself.
"I'll just call Jungkook, it's been so many hours." I mumbled to myself and walked over to get my phone. As soon as I picked it up, I heard a knock on my door.
"It's open." I said, without looking up from my phone.
Thank God I didn't call him, yet. Being sneaky is a little tough now.
And when I turned towards the door, both of my parents were standing there. I gulped, my eyes roaming from my mom's form towards my dad who stood with his hands stuffed in his pockets.
"Is...is something wrong?" I asked, switching my phone off.
"No, there's nothing wrong." My mom said, and I noticed her fiddling with her fingers.
Then why are you both here?
"We're here to talk about something. Do you want to continue this semester or do you want to call this year off?" My father strided towards the bed and I stiffened in my place.
They both sat down on the bed and I seated myself on my chair beside my desk, my eyes on the floor. I pressed my nails into the flesh of my palm, thinking hard.
"Um...if you want me to continue, then-"
"We're not forcing you," he cut me off, "it's on you. If you don't feel well at the moment, then you can certainly quit. There's two more months till finals and I don't know if you're healthy enough to concentrate on your studies."
This is the first time I'm taking a decision regarding my life, I have no idea.
"I...well, to be frank, I don't want to continue my med school education. I-I don't have an interest in that field anymore and, I haven't really decided what else I want to do."
They'll be so mad.
"You don't want to study in med school?" My mom asked, disappointed peeking from her voice.
"Maybe, yes."
"Are you sure, Hana?" My father asked.
I'm so sure but I don't want you to be disappointed in me either.
"If you will keep on asking me about this... I don't know if I'll be doing the right thing." I answered honestly.
"No, I mean were you not happy doing it for the last seven months?"
Well...how do I tell you? I never had an interest in studying medicine and surgery but I couldn't rebel either.
"I don't know, dad. I was just doing it but I wasn't happy with it, that's all I know. I was actually wondering if there could be a way for me... to quit and now that you're asking, I'm being honest."
Please don't be mad.
"You should have said so! We just wasted so much money on your admission and-"
My mother patted my dad's shoulder as soon as his temper got high and I lowered my gaze, ashamed.
I didn't know how to tell you...if mom hadn't asked me last night as well, I would still be doing it because I don't want to disappoint you by going against your options, even if it hurts me.
"It's okay, if Hana doesn't want to do it, let her do something else. She has to graduate and needs a degree too. What do you want to do then?" She turned to me, and I heard my father sigh as he rubbed his forehead.
"I'm...still not sure. I have basic hobbies l-like drawing, reading, singing-"
"You still sing?" My father suddenly inquired.
"Oh...well, not like that. I didn't post any more songs online after that incident. I still like to sing when I'm doing chores."
"It's true, though. Hana has a nice voice but singing..." She licked her lips, "I don't understand how singing could make a nice career. You can't audition for being an idol, please. They don't treat them very well and I know idol life isn't easy. Don't do it, Hana. Do anything else you want to persue."
"I don't know what else to do, mom. This is so sudden and I haven't decided anything!" I shook my head, annoyed.
"Then take your time, I'll talk to the headmaster about your eviction. You have about a month to decide." My dad finally spoke, getting up.
I stood up along with him and nodded, "when I was in eighth grade, I wanted to persue fashion designing."
That's right, if not singing, then I can definitely do well in fashion designing. I draw very well and have that much sense. Atleast I'll do better than I was doing in medicine.
"Fashion designing?" My father's face turned into a scowl and I rubbed my hands together.
I picked this habit from Jungkook, wow.
"If you don't like it, then I don't have any-"
"Be confident in yourself for once, Hana." My mom walked towards me and I closed my eyes, "if you're sure you can do this, then we don't object."
My eyes twitched and I rubbed my nose. I couldn't believe they were agreeing with me, for my own interests.
"Yeah, you have to be pretty sure, I can't just keep on taking you to every university to try every type of course." My father said, his back towards me. But this time, I realised his tone wasn't actually angry. He was calm.
"I-I can! I'm very sure if I try, then I can do very well in this field, dad." I said, excitement skyrocketing inside me.
"Then be prepared, I'll look for the best fashion designing schools in Seoul for you."
I visibly gasped and spun around, staring at my mom with glassy eyes.
"You heard that? I can do fashion designing!" I jumped and threw my arms around her, joy and exhilaration fueling up in my whole body.
She rubbed my back as she pressed her chin on my shoulder, blissfully whispering in my ear.
"I'm so proud of you for this."
A/N
Well, wish all parents were like this-
Has this ever happened to you? When you chose a career without much information and you regretted it afterwards?
That's why discussing with older and experienced people is important. Sure, listen to your heart and do what you wanna! If you're stuck to one thing, the whole world won't be able to change your decision (wow, that was very cool of me)
Anyway, here's the chapter. Please bare with me, I've been receiving many msgs regarding update but I got stuff to do plus I'm a college student so understand😭 I won't take too long, I promise.