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The moment I threw up the bitter vomit, my eyes shut closed and my heart throbbing erratically, I heard someone scream beside us.
"Yuck, is this a place to puke?"
I coughed a little as my mom rubbed my back and I squatted down at a distance, not being able to hold my eyes open which were prickling with tears. My throat felt salty with the faded taste of bile and soup.
"I hope you trip over someone's vomit someday!" I heard my mom say but I was in no condition to laugh at it.
"Hana? I'll get you some water." She said, worried.
I stopped her by pulling at her skirt, "I don't want water right now, take me to the hospital first. My stomach hurts so bad."
And I felt the fabric of her skirt slip from my grip as I dropped my head in my palms and waited for her to help me up. She didn't.
Where is she?
I slowly opened my eyes, blurry with tears as I squinted around me. She wasn't there.
"Mom?"
At a distance, I watched her running back to me through the doors of the hospital with two people behind her, who seemed like compounders. They carried a stretcher with them and my eyes widened.
"Hana, can you get up?"
"Why would you bring a stretcher? I could walk!"
"But I thought-"
As I was about to answer I felt a sharp stab of pain in my lower abdomen and I winced.
"See, you can't even get up... quick get on the stretcher." She helped me stand up as I placed myself over the bouncy surface of the stretcher, which slipped away on wheels as I pushed myself up, gritting my teeth in agony.
"Lay down, ma'am." One of the man said as I took a deep breath and placed my head on one side, stretching my legs straight. I looked up and saw the dark sky filled with stars, thick clouds still visible over.
"Quick, take her inside!" He commanded and the stretcher began to move. It was the first ever time I was laid on a stretcher. I felt scared to death because I sensed it to be something serious. My stomach began to twist in knots again, which felt as if someone was pushing me down with an invisible weight. I tried not to make a sound, my mom already horrified enough as she started walking at a faster pace beside us.
I closed my eyes and felt tears slither over my cheeks. Keeping both my hands over my stomach, I was soon inside the hospital's building, bright white lights shining over me.
"We'll call the doctor, stay with her." The compounder told my mom and they both carefully picked me up and placed me on a slim bed, the strong smell of phenyl spreading around me.
I kept on blinking my eyes, surprised at how my mother's face was all red. She was huffing, the corners of her eyes filled with tears. I felt bad for her.
"You'll be fine, Hana. It's just a stomachache. You'll be fine."
I nodded slowly, feeling the discomfort slowly dim away with her words. Although it didn't, but when her cold hand came in contact with my skin, I melted into it.
Soon two doctors entered the room, their faces covered with clinical masks. They began to ask me questions as a nurse covered me in a white, light blanket and began to lower my trousers under it. I felt her gloved hand press against my lower stomach and I moaned in pain.
"Does it hurt here?" She asked softly.
I nodded, wishing she would retrieve her hand as soon as possible. She kept it there for some time, the material cold as her hand was covered in rubber gloves. The doctors told the nurse something I couldn't hear as she nodded, slowly pulling the hem of my trouser back to its original place.
They noted some things down and she told me I'd have to get a blood test.
I hate blood tests.
I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home. I want this pain to end.
I didn't respond as my blood ran cold and she started to prepare for the test. Something vibrated in my pocket and the nurse took my phone out, handing it over to my mother.
I closed my eyes as I felt my anxiety taking over me again. My mind began to swarm with unsual thoughts and my hands began to shake beneath the comforter. Of course the nurse couldn't see, she gave me a capsule and a plastic cup filled with water.
I pushed my body up leisurely, with the support of the nurse as I tried to calm my breathing. She noticed my quivering fingers and her eyes narrowed.
"Are you...having trouble breathing?"
I didn't respond, because this was the first time someone actually asked me about my anxiety. I couldn't explain to her that yes, I felt like I was running out of breath but at the same time I was breathing just normally.
"Miss, are you okay?" She asked again, and I held up my hand to take the cup from her. She didn't pass it to me.
"I'm sorry I cannot permit you to take this medicine because it is a heavy dose. It may put you to sleep for a while but if you are having any kind of trouble at the moment, you cannot take it."
"I-", my chest was falling and rising briskly as I closed my eyes for a second or two and then opened them calmly.
"I th-think I'm fine..."
"If you were, you wouldn't be shaking Miss."
Point...
"Do you um...like...have any medicines for a-anxiety?" I asked, nervously.
"Well, we do but you cannot take both the medicines simultaneously. There should be atleast a gap of 30 minutes."
"N-No worries. I'll take the one for m-my anxiety first. It's really...hard to think for me right now." I replied, clasping my hands together over my stomach, which was roaring eerily.
"Can you handle your stomachache till then? I think we should first focus on it because you-"
"I-I can hardly breathe now, so I'd be happy if I could first calm down. And yes, I think I c-can control my ache for a wh-while..." I tried to supress the moan as I felt another sharp pang in my belly.
"I'll get you one." She quickly hurried out of the room and I rested my head against the hospital bed, which turned into a headrest as it was inclined. Sweating and shaking, I closed my eyes and licked my lips.
It feels like I'm about to die.
But... I don't want to die, not now.
I tried to think of everything that could bring me comfort and could calm me. I thought about my family, ironic, I knew. I thought about all the unfinished novels in my bookshelf. I thought about the stray dogs I used to feed after college. I thought about the delicious pizza my father used to make for me. I thought about rain and snow and flowers. I thought about people.
I started counting backwards. It helped.
Lazily peeling one eye open, I called for my mother. But I found myself alone in the room.
The nurse entered again and this time she gave me two round white tablets.
"You can chew these. It's homeopathic."
"Thanks." I lowered my gaze and quickly propelled the tablets into my mouth, the familiar earthly and dusty taste of the tablets bursting on my tastebuds.
To be honest, by the time she had entered the room, I was feeling better. I knew because now I was used to it and I could calm myself down upto sixty percent. But I needed these anyway because I was going to have a blood test soon, for which, I wasn't ready at all.
"I'm sorry to ask this, but...where is my mom?" I questioned softly, worried she might be feeling irritated by me now, because almost everyone did.
She gave me a light smile, "don't worry, she's here. I think she's out to do the paperworks for you."
I sighed, finally feeling the effect of the medicines kicking inside my body. I visibly relaxed as I felt an ease in my stomachache too.
"Was this medicine for something else as well?"
Oh Hana, shut up. You're annoying her.
"Yes, women usually take these when they're menstruating. Because some get anxiety during that time as well, and also, it helps reduce stress and cramps too." She explained, taking out a packet from the locker at the corner of the room.
Thank God, technology.
I wasn't all fine, but I could now muster enough strength to close my eyes while she would draw my blood.
Mom, please come here, I want someone to be with me...
I gulped, picking up the cup from the tray and taking a few sips of the cool, bitter hospital water.
"A quick blood test, and then I'll give you some medicines. Would you prefer them through syringe or capsules?" She asked as she started to put on her rubber gloves again.
None.
I'm scared of both. It's shameful as a 19 year old girl...
"I'll-uh... prefer the tablets or pills. I really don't have a good history with injections." I told her, looking at the floor.
"Look at you, I don't think you've been eating well for the past few days. Your wrists," she rolled her eyes in a way only disappointed women do, "they're so thin, less haemoglobin. I can already tell. You might need some glucose drip as well."
Great...now I really want to go home.
"Um," I looked away as she tore the packet of the syringe and my heart skipped a beat.
It struck me now. I wasn't scared when I sliced my wrist with my own hands a few months ago. And now, when I was getting a blood test, I was terrified. A little too much.
Maybe it was all about your own bravery. If you feel courageous, you could expect both to climb a mountain or get stormed off while climbing on it. But if you gave up even before climbing, you would only be able to walk on flat, smooth roads. You'd never know what it takes to feel walking on rough paths.
The same was happening with me. Although I've once climbed on the mountain, but I tumbled down in a way that I never wanted to try trekking again.
"Feeling less anxious now?" She asked.
No. "Yes, much better."
I want my mom.
Please come here.
I want to cry.
As she helped me take off my cardigan and roll the sleeve of my night suit all the way up to my shoulder, she wiped the spot where they usually poke you with the syringe.
I closed my eyes. The door of the room creaked and I heard footsteps.
Mom, mom, mom. You're here!
I bit my lower lip as I promised not to open my eyes until she had drawn my blood, because I was already feeling scared, seeing my own blood wouldn't do any better.
The footsteps walked upto where the bed was located and I felt her tap reassuringly on my shoulder and then her arm slid lower and lower onto my hand until it reaches my wrist.
Wait, this isn't my mom's hand.
Her hands are usually cold and kind of rough. I could recognise them with my eyes closed... technically, I had my eyes closed so, yes.
Slowly peeking through my lashes, I turned my head to the right, seeing the silhouette of the person standing next to my bed.
No... absolutely not. No no no.
My heart did a flip as that hand slid even lower. It was warm and soft, full of comfort and tenderness, and it captured my palm perfectly between it's own structure, adorned with long, thin fingers.
"Sir, are you related to her? Do you know her?" The nurse asked as she was about to do her work.
"I know her," the voice spoke, "too well."
And it was all it took for me to close my eyes again and forget everything that surrounded me. I clasped on that hand tighter as the needle went all the way into my skin and I hissed, the other hand of his slowly coming up to glide smoothly across my hair, in the most soothing way possible.
When she was done, she put a cotton swab on that area and told me to hold it. But I didn't want to leave the hand which I held onto for dear life. I didn't want to withdraw it, no.
"I'll take care of it, noona." The deep, breathy voice muttered and without letting go of my hand, the owner of it sat on the bed in front of me, with his legs still dangling, reached over and held the swab in place.
I felt my throat thicken once again as tears brimmed up my eyes, but I didn't want to open them, because then they would directly flow out and I didn't want him to see them.
Still, an unexpected sob broke from the bottom of my heart. Probably because, it had been trapped there for so long, bottled up deep within and had to come out some time or other.
"Hush," his thumb drew circles over the back of my hand and I used my other hand to wipe the tears coursing down my cheeks.
"Y-You," I hiccuped, "you're here. You're here, Jungkook."
"Yes, yes I am, Hana. And I'm not leaving now."
A/N
As promised, an update. A quicker one. I don't want to make you all sad so here!
Thank you for 12 thousand reads. Still can't beleive we've reached so far😭 love you all.
Also, this chapter was a little emotional for me to write, for personal reasons. I hope you all liked it. I tried my best to make it perfect for you!
I'll update again, because I'm going to write one of my favourite scenes very soon and I can't wait for you to read it too hehe. Take care❤️