** friday may 2nd 2036**
-taylor pov-
We are going to the children's hospital this morning to have the mini concert for the cancer patients. The schools are out today so aurora is coming with us while Ellie chose to stay home and have her boyfriend over.
Before we head to the common room, they hock kenzie up to her chemo for the day so that can run while we are here.
There are plenty of kids in the common room when we arrive, I would ray about fifteen kids and some parents. I'm nervous because I don't want to mess this up, I want this to be a good thing for them. These kids are fighting all kinds of cancer and I wish there was something I could actually do but I can't, so I'm doing this instead.
"hi I'm Taylor" I say as I sit down on the chair, they gave me and take out my guitar and capo. "i'm Mackenzie's mom, well she goes by kenzie, you might have seen me in the hallways. The hospital asked me if I would mind coming here and playing some music for you all if that's okay?" I tell them and look at their faces.
The children are a range of different ages from probably five up to some that look like they're teenagers. "so the hospital asked me if I would see if anyone had any questions that you might want to talk about or anything, and then I can play some songs" I suggest and I get nods and several people saying yes.
"Where do you keep your awards?" one girl that looks to be around Ellies age probably asks. "We do have houses different places, so I put them in different locations. Some are in storage at my organization's office. And then my kids have taken some of them into their rooms" I say. I remember Ellie taking my first Oscar many years ago and it's still on her nightstand all these years later.
"When do you write music?" another one asks. "I don't have a certain time or place I do it. Sometimes I get an idea where I end up running to my phone and recording it in my voice notes. And sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, stumble over to the piano downstairs where I work on it" I would add that some of them I write after one too many glasses of wine, but that wouldn't be appropriate for a room filled with children.
"What is your favorite song you've written?" a young boy asks, and I smile at him. "i have different relationships with different songs and albums, they are all special to me. But I think that the fan favorite, all too well 10-minute verson, will always have a special place in my heart. My fans seem to love it and I love to hear them scream the lyrics back to me" I tell him with a gentle smile.
I look over at kenzie who seems really happy. She has moved from her wheelchair to joes' lap on a chair while aurora sits with another sibling of a cancer patient that she has meet in the playroom here.
"Do your kids love all your songs or are there some they don't like? And how old are they?" a little girl asks who is sitting in a big sibling's lap. "I have three kids, Mackenzie who is sitting right there in her father's lap, she is 10 years old. Then next to them is aurora and she is 12 and a half years old. Then our oldest is Elliana who is 15 and a half years old" I start by saying who the kids are and what ages they are, just like the girl asked. "As for songs I think they've gotten a bit tired of my music, which I don't blame them for" I say, and everyone chuckle.
"I imagine that you kids don't find it fun to listen to your parents talk about work all the time. It's like that for my girls too. But we can ask them, kenzie, aurora what are your least favorite songs?" I ask them and kenzie doesn't hesitate "I don't like shake it off, I've heard it so many times, it's boring" kenzie says and it causes a wave of laughter in the room. "And I don't like... her songs that talk about.... tender feelings between my parents. I don't want to listen to that" aurora says and scrunch her nose which causes people to laugh again.
I answer a few more questions before its time to sing some songs so I grab my guitar. "I know that kenzie isn't a fan of this song, but she said that of course I needed to sing it, so I thought we might start with shake it off if that's okay?" I ask them and there is a unanimous agreement that it's a good idea.
That's not a song I really sing acoustically so it's fun to do that again, I think it's been years since I did it last time. Afterwards I sing love story, we are never ever getting back together, cruel summer since its almost summer and a song from a newer album. We don't want to keep the mini concert too long as these are kids going through hard treatments and are probably tired, but the plan is that we will hang around afterwards so I can take pictures with people and chat.
Everyone claps when I'm done, and I pack down my guitar. I walk over to my girls just to make sure that they're alright, which they are, and then I go to speak with some of the kids.
First, I go up to a girl who looks to be around Kenzie's age who seems really nervous to be around me. I take a chair and sit down next to her "hi, I'm Taylor. What's your name?" I ask her with a smile as she holds her mom's hand. "I'm Emma. I have neuroblastoma» she says and blushes I'm no expert in cancer but it sounds bad. "i'm sorry that you're sick. That probably doesn't feel too good. How old are you?" I ask her and timidly she reaches a handout for me, so I take it.
"i'm 9 years old. And I love your music, my big sister, Casey, showed it to me. She is 17 years old. I was nervous for you to come here today" she says and blushes. "We have been fighting a relapse now, so it's been a lot of time in the hospital" her mom says and I'm trying to not burst into tears. I can't show that kind of emotions right now because this isn't about me, this is about giving some special attention to these kids. After having a child with cancer, especially one that's still going through it, I feel a sense of compassion for these people that I don't think anyone can feel if they haven't had a child with cancer themself.
"There isn't anything I can say to make her better, sadly. But I hope things take a turn for the better" I say with an apologetic smile. "i've played with your daugther in the playroom" the girl says, and I smile at her.
"You have? I hope you had fun. She loves to play. What did you do?" I ask and she says they were drawing together. Aperently she was drawing a unicorn while kenzie was drawing a princess.
I take some pictures with that girl, and then I move on to a toddler that I take some pictures with and talk about Elsa. Then it's on to a girl that looks to be around Ellies age. "hi I'm Taylor. What's your name?" I ask the girl that's sitting in a wheelchair with her mother next to her. I'm bringing my chair with me around the room, so I don't have to stand and look down on these kids.
"i'm Blake. I have stage four Hodkin lymphoma. But I'm terminal... so I'm just here for like... treatment to live a bit longer. I'm 15 almost 16" she says, and her mother starts to cry so I take her hand in mine and squeeze it. "How are you feeling?" I ask the Blake.
She sighs "In pain, but I have like a pain pump thing to help with that" she says. The fact that she has the same as kenzie stings my heart, I don't know her subtype, but it's the same general which gives me a lot of anxiety. We are still early in Kenzie's treatment days, and this girl has probably been through it for years now since its progressed to terminal. That's a parent's worst nightmare when they hear their child has cancer, that they're going to die, and even worse if they get a message that their child is going to die soon.
"I wanted to be a ballerina, I've always looked up to your daugther, I've watched her dance. I actually started out at the dance studio with her right before she changed studios" she says, and I can't help but smile when she mentions Ellie. It's hard to know what to say in these situations because I can't sit here and say that she is going to be a ballerina when the fact of the matter is that she is going to die. "i'm sure you were a good dancer" I tell her and hold her hand.
"Can you tell your daugther that I hope she continues to dance because I have never seen someone as good as her" she says and I grin at her again "of course, I will tell her that. She will be so exited"
She looks around "she didn't come today?" she asks, and I shake my head "No, she is at home with her boyfriend" I tell her. I didn't want to push Ellie to come because I know that she is sick and tired of hospitals. She comes to visit kenzie when she is here, but I know it gives her a lot of anxiety, so I didn't want to push her.
After I take a few pictures and talk some with this girl I move to the next, then the next and the next. It takes a while to get through everyone, but I want to make sure that everyone gets special attention. And there are also some kids that are so sick they couldn't come to the common room, so I'm going to their room and putting on protective stuff so I can meet them safely.
The kids I'm meeting today have all kids of cancers and on the whole range of stages and prognoses. It's really hard to sit here and listen to them tell their stories when there isn't something I can do to help them. I feel so helpless. It also is a struggle because I know what it's like as a parent to have your children fight something that's trying to kill them. I especially feel for the parents of the stage four kids because they have the worst odds and kenzie is a stage four too.
Talking to these kids and their parents make me want to do something, something big.
-ellies pov-
We are laying on my bed with our legs intertwined and talking. It's so nice to be just the two of us at home. "you're so beautiful" he says and brush my hair out of my face. Feeling his fingers against my cheek sends sparks through my body. It's funny how such a gentle and small touch can leave me with special feelings, but i guess he just has that effect on me.
"You know... my parents aren't here... How are you feeling? Would you want to?" I say and blush. "Depends on his much pain you're in, I don't want to do something that hurts you baby. But if you're okay of course I want to. Touching your skin, hearing you moan and pressing my body against yours is... special" he says.
I wrap my arm gently around his neck, careful to not press pressure against where he was shot because I know it's still sore and interlock our lips.
Our lips move in unison, and he slips his hand under my shirt to feel my bare skin before pulling it over my head. I'm not wearing a bra right now, so he grins when he sees my bare chest. "No bra baby" he says and run his hands over my breasts making me shiver.
"No bra today. They wanted to be free" I say with a cheeky grin, and he shakes his head as he is laughing.
All his touches are so gentle and loving. There isn't a single part of this that makes me feel self-conscious or unsafe. I know he loves me, and I love him. Doing this with him only makes me feel good, nothing else. After all the crap I've been through in my life I want to do thigns that make me happy, that make me feel good.
His mouth goes down and kiss my breasts and I tangle my fingers in his hair. By the feel of it he is leaving a mark, but I don't mind. I love looking myself in the mirror and seeing that he has left a mark where only we can see them. It's like this special little thing we do. I've given him some too on his chest or shoulders. I've had my fair share of hickeys on my neck but I don't want to cause drama with my dad, so we mostly leave them on my breasts.
-taylors pov-
We arrive home earlier than we were going to. After her chemo we were supposed to head out to eat lunch, but kenzie isn't feeling too good so we decided to head straight home instead.
The downstairs are quiet when we walk into the house so clearly Alex and Ellie are upstairs. We get kenzie situated on the couch and aurora goes to do her homework while joe and I head upstairs to cheek on the teenagers.
We open the door to her room but what we see makes my eyes widen....
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