** Wednesday april 30th 2036**
-taylors pov-
Its Kenzie's second day with outpatient infusions and she brings her favorite blanket with her to sit in the chair for the infusion. I'm bringing my iPad so I can do some work while we wait. She snuggles into her chair, and they hock her up to the chemo through her port. We spend a long time here on infusion days, but it's worth it since we get to have her home.
Today she isn't feeling good, so she curls up in her chair "Mommy. I don't feel good" she says grumpily, and I rub her back. "i'm sorry to hear that. Do you want cuddles?" I ask her and she nods.
I pick her up and sit down in the chair before taking her into my lap. Immediately she snuggles as close as she can. It's a bit hard to hold her because I don't want to get in the way of the port and feeding tube, but we have gotten good at it by now.
"Mom what songs are you singing on Friday?" she asks, and I shrug. "I don't know kenzie. How about you help me pick?" I tell her and kiss her forhead. I haven't thought about the songs actually, I should probably do that.
"Shake it off. You need to sing that; everyone loves it even though I'm tired of it. And no songs with bad words, then you need to take out the bad words" she says, and I chuckle. The girls have had enough of shake it off, they don't like it because they have heard it every time I've been somewhere preforming, and they've tagged along.
"Mommy when will I get better?" she asks, and I hold her a little tighter. I find myself wondering about that too, and I wish I could tell her that this is straight forward and that after the treatments planned for her that she will be fine. But cancer doesn't work that way, we don't know what turn it will take. Even after treatment we need to wait five years before they can declare her cancer free. "I wish I could tell you that kenzie, but I can't. No one can tell you that. But what I can tell you is that no matter what happened, daddy and I are going to be by your side"
-ellies pov-
I was in class, but the school nurse came and asked for me. "it's Alex" she says quietly as we step out of the classroom, and I walk quickly with her. "I called his mom, but he is asking for you. Mrs. turner is on her way through" the nurse says as we approach her office.
We go inside and Alex is sitting there on her bench with his back against the wall and his arms wrapped around his legs. "ell---ellie" he says, and I immediately climb up on the bench with him and wrap my arms around him "i'm here Alex. You're okay" I say softly to him and kiss his head.
He has had to comfort me like this on several occasions, even though its different because he doesn't seem to be dissociating, it's still hard to see. He doesn't say much but he clings to me, and there isn't much I can do other than hold him close.
Standard protocol wouldn't have been to take me out of class, But the school are aware we were together when it happened, so I think they are making an exception to keep him calm.
"don't go" he mumbles in my chest, and I scratch the back of his neck lovingly "I'm not going anywhere babe. And your mom is on the way" I tell him.
It doesn't take long before the door opens and Viviane walks in. She sits down on the bench too on the other side where I'm not sitting and wrap her arms around her son. "it's okay Alex. I'm here now. I'm here and Ellie is here" she says and hold him close to her chest while I'm holding his hand.
He doesn't really say anything but holds my hand tightly and is resting against his mom's chest. It hurts to see him like this, he is in pain, and I can't take it away. His mom is warm and cares a lot about her children, I really like her. And she is so welcoming of me too which I appreciate more than I could ever tell her. His whole family is so nice to me.
"How about we go come alexander, and you can rest" his mom says and help his sit up, but he turns and cling to me for a moment. "Go home babe, and I'll talk to you later" I say and kiss his head.
"Can you come after school?" he mumbles, and I tell him that I can do that. Of course I will come over if that makes him feel better.
They leave and I go back to class, which has now become history class, so I head there. I'm continuing to work with Rebecca today which is confusing. She is being nice to me in one minute and then snarky, she is polar opposite in the matter of seconds.
We get instructions by the teacher before we start to work on our assignment together. Its uncomfortable because she is so unpredictable, but I'm trying to be professional and get along. This counts as a huge part of our final grade so I'm not going to let her mess me up in this. I'm serious about my education so I'm giving it my all like I always do.
"What is it like being a genius? Like your mind works so fast I can't keep up with you. Can you slow down? No one can keep up with you" Rebecca says and I'm taking back by her comment because it's a compliment but with a snarky tone.
"I don't feel like a genius" I say and shrug "But sure ill slow down" I say and try to explain further what I'm thinking and where I'm going. Working in groups or teams are hard for me when I'm not working with another gifted child as other minds don't work as fast as mine. I can grasp a concept by just skimming through the material and I immediately start to draw pictures in my head about how everything connects together. Sometimes it's so overwhelming that its exhausting, but it's also a neat trick I have. It doesn't take much effort for me to learn stuff, which gives me more time to focus on dance or other stuff.
"How is your leg?" she asks, and I smile weakly at her "it's fine, still hurts and I need to use the cane. But it's getting better. How is your shoulder?" I tell her and ask her a question back. I asked her yesterday about where she got shot as I knew she did, it took her a while to debate if she wanted to tell me or not, but she eventually did. The timid look on her face when she talks about what happened make me feel bad for her.
There has been a question I've wanted to ask her for nine years, and I figure that I should just get it over with. "Why do you hate me so much? Did I ever do something to upset you?" I ask her and she looks between me and the desk.
It takes a while before she says anything "I... a lot has happened to me... as everyone now a little about know because of my biological brothers actions, but I know that it's a crappy excuse. But when I started, I just couldn't stop, and that's the pathetic truth of it all. You were an easy target, Ellie. The pretty perfect girl with the insanely high IQ, famous parents and all the money in the world. Everyone adored you and I... I don't know. I wanted your life to suck, okay?! You're a perfect little rich girl that everyone loves. And every time something shitty happened to you I basked in it because it meant you felt pain" she starts off soft but then turn sharp and snappy. Clearly this isn't something she wanted to admit to me, and I don't blame her for that.
"My life is far from perfect; it's never been like that. I obviously don't know what you went through, and you know some of mine because it's out in the media, but... I'm not perfect, my life is messy. I have the eyes of the world watching my ever move and then everyone knows about my mistakes. I'm just saying... everyone got shit in their life, that doesn't give you a right to treat me like I'm garbage. I don't think you realize what damage your actions have on me and the other people you've targeted" I tell her honestly.
I'm starting to think if my life really seems perfect from the outside? I don't think so because there has been one thing after another that has happened to me. I've been kidnapped, tortured, forced to stay in a hospital because of my eating disorder and been shot. Like that doesn't sound like a perfect life to me? And on top of all of that everything has played out in the media. It seems like whenever something shitty happened in my life it was on the front page of ever news article. This doesn't sound like someone with a perfect life.
**
After school we swing by home where I get changed and head to Alexs house. His mom opens the door for me and tell me Alex is curled up on the couch. I walk in and smile when I see him "hi babe" I say and sit down next to him, and he immediately move his head so it's in my lap. "You came" he mumbles.
"of course, I came" I say and lean down to gently kiss him. "I look pathetic. Sorry" he says, and I shake my head and put a finger to his lip. "Hey, I won't have you say that. You're not pathetic. You would never have said that about me every time the rolls are reversed so don't say it about yourself either. You're hurting so of course I'm going to be here to cuddle you Alex"
I run my fingers through his hair, and he pucker his lips for me to kiss him again which I gladly do. "I love you" I mumble and kiss him again "I love you too"
He looks really vulnerable and even though it's sad I'm happy that he lets me see this side of him too. Sometimes I feel bad that I'm always the one that needs comforting, but now I can be here for him too.
Gently I start to hum a song he sings to me when I'm having a hard time.
"Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me
But bear this mind, it was meant to be
And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me"
As I'm singing, I'm caressing his face and hair and he clings to me.
"I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if I do, it's you
Oh, it's you, they add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things"
He is really special to me, and I want him to feel better. I never want him to hurt because he is so incredible. I never want what we have to change, I want to spend my life with him because we seem like we are a perfect fit. We don't know what the future will bring, no one ever those and I've seen that myself, but I never want to lose this.
"I don't know if anyone have told you Ellie, but you have a beautiful singing voice" Viviane says as she comes in with after school snack for us and I blush. "thanks" I say timidly. People have said that over the years, but I always think that they're saying it just because my mom is Taylor swift. Everyone expects me to be a good singer because my mom is who she is. With all the Grammy's in our house everyone had high expectations of my singing abilities.
"I don't know if I've told you mom. But when she was younger, like 12 years old. She sang at the rock and roll hall of fame ceremony for her mom. I've watched the video, and she is so cute. She is playing the piano and singing the song long live. She won't admit it, but she is such a good singer. Definitely take after her mom" Alex says, and I giggle as I run my fingers through his hair.
"Which song were you singing?" she asks, and Alex and I grin at one another "its called little things by one direction, came out in like 2012 or something. Which is funny because we started singing it and then she eventually told me that one of the singers in that band dated her mom" he says, and we all laugh.
"I loved that band when I was younger. I was a... what were they called again.... oh, a directioner. I was a young adult and loved them a lot. Just like I loved your mom's music" she says and I'm trying not to burst into laughter because I think it's really funny.
"i've met harry a few times because they are still friends. He is nice. Our house in London is close to his and he has a daugther Kenzie's age, so we have hung out a lot" I tell her. I really like Harry, he is a single dad though because him and his girlfriend split up, but he is really nice. He has even baby sat me once when we were in London and he and my parents were talking, and they said they hadn't been on a date in a while. Then he insisted on babysitting me so they could go out together. I slept at his house.
**
Eventually I get home, security picked me up, and everyone is ready for dinner. Kenzie is giddy and happy to be home, she feels a bit sick after the chemo, but she sits with us at dinner at least. She doesn't like food these days, but she eats Annies homegrown crackers in the flavor chocolate chips. That's one of the only things she eats by mouth now, she just feels sick by most foods.
After dinner my dad helps me up the stairs, but aurora comes to my room while I'm getting ready for bed "sorry if I'm.. If I'm disturbing, you. But I really need to talk" she says and is almost in tears so of course I tell her that she can come in and talk to me. Even though we don't have a close relationship I'm always going to be there for her if she needs me. I never want her to be hurt or sad.
We sit down on my bed, and I wait for her to talk "you... you like boys. When did you know?" she asks, and I didn't expect this to be the conversation but I'm happy to talk to her about it.
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