** monday March 24th, 2036**
-taylors pov-
Today is a horrible day, but I need to keep a brave face because it's about aurora. The sexual assault trial is today, and she is testifying after lunch. I'm not going to pretend I know what it's like for her, because even though I was the victim of sexual assault several times, at least I was an adult. She is 12 years old, and there are three other little girls that are probably terrified too.
Last night aurora was so scared, so I ended up sleeping next to her in bed to try to offer some comfort. So now I wake up with her tucked into my arms clinging to me. She isn't as expressive about her feelings as kenzie, and also Ellie, but obviously she is having a hard time. Therapy has helped her talk more about what's going on, but it's just not in her nature.
"Mom, I don't want to do this" she says as she wakes up in my arms, because my alarm went off, and I kiss the top of her head "I know you don't want to go. But I'm going to be there with you, I can even sit next to you and hold your hand if you want to. You, me and dad are going there together. You're not doing this alone"
Selena have been kind enough to stay with us for a couple of weeks to help with the kids, so she is staying home with kenzie, who is home for the week in between chemotherapy weeks. Alex is picking Ellie up and driving her to school, so we didn't have to think about that today. We are still pissed at her for having sex without a condom, but she is taking her antibiotics and clearly understand that it was stupid. There isn't anything we can do to take back what they did, and that's their stupid decision that they need to take responsibility for. They have taken the consequences for their actions; they need to earn back the privileges of sleepovers and closing the door.
I send aurora to the shower because she is drenched in sweat from panicking during the night "Mom please don't go" she says and look down timidly. "i can sit in there with you if that would help" I tell her and kiss her forhead. I totally get that she doesn't want to be alone this morning, so if me sitting in the bathroom talking to her will help, I will obviously do that.
She strips down and get in the shower while I sit and look in the opposite direction to give her some privacy. "Is it... I have an urge... to do... bad things again. Is that normal" she says, and I sigh "I don't think there is a normal or abnormal in this situation sweetie. People handle hard things in different ways, I get where you're coming from though. And I'm proud of you for telling me you needed me in the bathroom with you"
There is a long pause before she turns off the shower and I hand her a towel "so you're not embarrassed to be in here with me. I'm completely naked and acting like a three-year-old who is scared to take a shower alone" she mumbles, and I gently reach for her face, so she has to look for me "aurora, of course not. If you need me, I will always be here with you. Besides, I gave birth to you, seeing you naked is not a big deal to me, and I have the same parts as you. I have boobs and a vagina too, there is nothing to be embarrassed about with that" I tell her and kiss her forhead.
She grins up at me "but you have bigger boobs than me though, and they are sagging" she says, and I chuckle. Even on a hard day she is sassy. "that's true. After feeding you and your sisters for the first year of your life they get saggy"
We go into her bedroom again so she can get dressed. "I think it's so weird that we used to eat from your boobs. Like ew" she says and scrunch her nose as she gets dressed. "well, you used to love my boobs. When we started to wean you from breastfeeding you would reach for my shirt and pull it down in protest because you wanted my boobies. You protested and said you wanted boobie. It was one of your first words actually"
Aurora goes downstairs to join joe for breakfast while I go to wake Ellie up. "Sweetie, time to get up. Alex will be here in 45 minutes to pick you up" she was groaning when I turned on the lights but the second I mentioned Alex's name she shot up in bed. "i forgot he was picking me up" she says and skip out of bed. I've never seen her get out of bed that quickly before, young love.
"so to get you out of bed quickly I just need to mention your boyfriend. Good to know Elliana" I chuckle. She blushes and grins at me "yes. Imagine how easy it would be to get me up if he got to sleep her again. It's a win for everyone. I could get kisses and cuddles all night and you could get me up easily"
"Nice try sweetie. No sleepovers" I say and walk away to get dressed myself.
**
Selena and kenzie was still sleeping when we left for the courthouse. Joe and I are sitting in the backseat with aurora between us as she clings to our hands. Security is driving us so we could tend to whatever she needs.
Today she is wearing a navy-blue dress that cover her shoulders with black footed tights underneath. It's a simple, elegant and respectable outfit. We went through her closet last week to decide on what she should wear. It was better to have that planned ahead of time, so we didn't need to think about that last night. Last night everyone sat together and watched a movie after gymnastics and ballet to try to think about something other than the trial.
We get to the courthouse and just like with the previous trial there are lots of people outside, but the news only broke last night who the girls were, including aurora. The court chose to not reveal their names to protect the young girls, but they couldn't not tell anymore as the trial is today. Because of the nature of the case, that it's a highly respected gymnastic coach that have worked at the US team camp several times, the media is all over it.
I hold her hand tightly as our lawyer is leading us inside and into the courtroom. Aurora is the second girl to speak in front of the jury so it's almost her turn as the first girl just finished. The plan is that after aurora is done giving her statement me and her are going to go home while joe stays. I can't handle being in a courtroom when it's a case like this more than I have to, and aurora doesn't want to stay. Joe feels like one of us should be here to listen, so we decided that he should stay even though our lawyer offered to keep us updated as he is here anyway.
"Aurora Alwyn, please take a seat in the witness box" they call for her and I hold her hand as she goes to the witness box. All four girls are having a support person next to them so they can lean on someone safe to them. Sexual assault cases in children are especially delicate so the court does what it can to make the children as comfortable as they can. It's obviously going to be uncomfortable because they are giving testimony about the hardest moments in their lives, but at least having someone next to them can offer some sort of comfort.
Hearing her explain the details with a clear voice is hard but I keep a straight face to not make her panicked. She went through something no child should, and I wish I could do something to take away the memories, but I can't. All I can do is sit here with her as she uses her voice for good. By using her voice to get justice against a man who hurt her she might end up keeping him from doing the same thing to another girl. These four girls speaking up today will help other girls from falling into the same fate as them.
The details are disgusting, to think that an adult thought that it was okay to do this to children is appalling. I don't understand how a grown adult could think that sexually assaulting children was okay, and also how a grown man could be sexually aroused by children. Aurora is the youngest of the girls, but they are all still children while he is a grown man in his late 40s.
He is sitting there staring at aurora with daggers as he tries to intimidate her, but she is sitting there looking straight at the jury and answering every question with a clear and precise voice. We have read books and watched videos about children giving testimonies that the prosecution recommended to us. They have been wonderful at talking with her and answering her questions about what it's like to give a testimony. And just like Ellie she got to come into the courtroom beforehand, wander freely around the room and talk to the judge. All of these things together have helped her be calmer about the whole situation.
By the end of her testimony, she is quietly sobbing with tears streaming down her face. She is excused from the witness stand and the court takes a break. Joe follows us out of the room and we both wrap our arms around her around a corner for privacy. It's not often we see her cry like this, she is exhausted and struggling.
"my dearest aurora. I'm so proud of you" I tell her and kiss her head several times. I couldn't be prouder of my little girl right now. "But I cried" she sobs. "it's okay to cry. You were there because you were the victim, it's perfectly okay to cry when you're talking about hard stuff"
She clings to me as joe rubs her back and keep an eye around us, so we know people are giving her privacy. "I want to go home" she cries, and I kiss the top of her head "we can go home. Daddy is staying here, but you and me can go home now. Go home and maybe make some hot chocolate, snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie" I suggest, and she agrees so we head home.
-ellies pov-
This day is hard. I'm at school while aurora is testifying in court which makes me sick to my stomach. She is 12 years old and shouldn't have to deal with what she went through. I tried to convince my parents that I should be able to stay at home as I knew I couldn't focus on school today, but they didn't let me. So here I am with a panicked feeling in my stomach on my way to my locker so I can pick up books for my next class.
My hand is trembling and I'm taking deep breaths to not end up in a full-blown panic attack. I know that our situations aren't the same, but the fact that there is a trial, and an abuser triggers me a lot and take me back in time to all those years ago. It makes me feel silly that I'm making this about me, but I can't help it.
When I reach my locker, I lean against it and try to suppress the anxiety that want to bubble out of me. "Ellie are you okay?" Alex says and come over to me but I'm so dizzy that I don't know what to say. I feel myself slip out of reality and then everything turns black.
**
"Elliana, its daddy. I'm right here" my dad's voice gets through to me and I feel myself being wrapped tightly in his arms. "daddy" I say softly and cling to him. "yes Ellie, it's me. You had an episode, Alex and Lauren took you into a room and the nurse came before calling me. You're okay" he says, and I feel him press a kiss to my head.
I take a deep breath and look around the room while tears are still streaming down my face. It's me, dad, the nurse and Alex here. Lauren was here but she had to go to class. "How about I take you home to mom? So you can get some rest. I need to go back to court" he says.
My body tense "No I can't... I can't yet" I say and continue to cry. "I don't have more classes today, I can take her home when she is ready" Alex says and sit down against the wall. "that's a good idea" I mumble and lay my head on my dad's shoulder.
"you sure you will be okay? I guess I could stay a bit longer, but I really need to get back there" my dad says and brush the hair out of my face. "i'm okay, Alex can hold me for a bit and take me home. You need to be in court"
I appreciate that my dad left court so he could come to my school and help me. He was supposed to be there all day, but still came when I needed him. Reluctantly he agrees and I climb out of his arms and into Alexs waiting embrace. His arms wrap tightly around me, and I lean my head against his chest.
"Call me if you get worked up again sweetie. I'm only a call away" my dad says and kiss my forhead before walking out followed by the school nurse.
"I feel so stupid" I mumble, and Alex rest his head on top of mine "you aren't stupid. You have something that you struggle with, that isn't stupid. But I'm right here cuddling you. When you're ready we will go to your house. Then we can get you in the shower because you're a bit sweaty and then I will cuddle you on your bed for as long as you need me too baby" he says, and I smile. He always knows how to make me feel better.
Eventually we get up and head to my house. My mom comes to the door when we walk in and gives me a big hug "daddy called me, are you okay?" she asks me gently and I take in her signature scent. "i'm tried, my body aches, but I'm fine"
I let her hold me for a bit before I pull away "we are going upstairs; I'm taking a shower and then I've been promised cuddles" I tell my mom and walk upstairs with Alex. He changes into one of his outfits that he has in my closet while I get a comfy outfit ready for after my shower. I look hesitantly at him. "Would you mind just sitting in there with me, my head... I... I could ask my mom though" I ask him, and he comes over to me and kiss me softly. "of course I don't mind"
**
We spend the next couple of hours tangled in my bed watching a show on my computer, thankfully we don't have dance today so we can spend the day together. My dad has also come home and is downstairs with my parents. But then things start to get black again.
-taylors pov-
I hear a sharp scream from upstairs, so joe and I run upstairs to Ellies room. She is sitting in a corner completely lost in her head and ripping off her shirt and shorts leaving her in just her panties. She is shaking and sobbing so I run over and wrap my arms around her. "Ellie its mommy. You're safe" I tell her softly.
Alex looks worried as he sits on her bed and joe comes over and rub Ellies back. Just like every other time this happens we are holding her arms down so she can't hurt herself. This is twice in one day, but I suppose that the stress of auroras trial has had an effect on her.
Joe grabs a blanket and wrap it around us to cover her almost naked body as we let her take her time to get back to herself.
It doesn't take long before she is back, and her sobs take that familiar change. "it's okay Ellie. It's just mommy, daddy and Alex. You're safe. You had an episode, but you're safe" I say and kiss the top of her head.
"What happened" she whimpers, and I hold her tightly "we were snuggling in bed and then you spaced out. You ran to the corner screaming and took off your clothes" Alex says, and Ellie looks at him with big eyes filled with tears. "Not again" she says and cover her face with her hands "god I'm so embarrassing"
Alex comes over and take her hands "nothing to be embarrassed about. You're having a hard time and that's okay" he says, and she reaches for him so he sits down next to me so she can climb over into his lap. I take the blanket and cover them, to cover her almost naked body, after he has her arms around her. "Is there something I can do to make you feel better?" he asks her, and she sighs. "Just hold me, that helps"
"Do you want a shirt, Ellie?" joe asks her, and she shakes her head. "I don't want to move" she mumbles clearly needing to just be held right now.
All of us sit here for a while letting her calm down and gain the control of her body back. "Do you make want to come downstairs and watch a movie together, or drink some hot chocolate" I suggest, and she shakes her head. "No but I want to move to my bed"
I help her on her feet and joe holds up a shirt to pull over her head clearly not enjoying that she is almost naked. Usually, she would have cared too but she is so out of it right now that she doesn't think about that.
She climbs into bed and pat the spot next to her, clearly wanting her boyfriend to hold her and not her mom or dad. Joe leaves to go check on the other kids while I rub her feet because I know she likes that. The tears are still streaming down her face, so I don't want to leave before I know she is completely okay and in control.
"do you want to talk about what triggered you?" I ask her and she shakes her head and burrow her head in Alexs chest. "I don't know mom. Everything"
Maybe sending her to school today was a bad idea, but we just wanted her to have some normalcy on a hard day. We know how much normalcy and routine means to her, so we should probably have accepted it when she suggested it would be a good idea to stay home.
-ellies pov-
Alexs arms are wrapped around me, and I rest my head on his chest while my mom is rubbing my feet. Under the blanket I have my hand up his shirt to feel his bare skin with my hand, I love to do that. And he has his up my shirt too under the blanket, so my mom doesn't see.
My mom clears her throat "hand out from under her shirt" she says with a raised eyebrow, and I blush, but Alex pulls his hand away. "First of all, how did you see that? and second of all, Alex put it back I want to cuddle" I tell him and take his hand and slide it back up my back. "I like it when he holds me there"
"Because I know you sweetie. Do you think I'm blind" she chuckles. I love to feel his fingers caressing my bare skin, it makes me tingly in a good way. If my mom could just go now, I could make out too, but she is sitting here rubbing my feet. "Mom, I love you. But you can go back down to dad, I'm fine. I probably need another shower though because I'm sweaty again"
She raises an eyebrow again "you sure. Maybe Alex should come downstairs then and wait there" she says, and I shake my head trying to low key blow her off. I have no intention of going into the shower alone. "i'm fine, we are fine. Goodbye mom" I say and move up Alexs body and Nussle my head in his neck.
My mom stands up from my bed, "okay, but just remember we can hear you"
When she goes out of the room we move to my bathroom, and I pull the shirt back over my head before attacking his lips with mine as I tangle my fingers in his hair. we cant have sex because of the medication for gonorrea isn't finished yet, but that doesn't mean we can't make out.
-taylors pov-
I go downstairs and meet joe in the kitchen. "She seems fine now" I tell him and pour myself another cup of coffee.
"Taylor she was almost naked. Like, it's not a big deal to me, she is my daugther, but he was there and saw her. Not just saw her but she climbed into his lap, and he held her without a shirt on" he says and lean against the counter.
"Joe, first of all she was in full panic mode, there was nothing romantic or sexual about it. She was scared and wanted cuddles, nothing more. And for the record he didn't react when he saw her take her clothes off because he has seen that before" I tell him even though I know he doesn't want to hear that last part. It wasn't a romantic situation, both of her parents where in the room and then she was so panicked that she wasn't really thinking about what she was wearing or not wearing. Of course it was uncomfortable for us, but she is at an age where she wants cuddles both from her parents and her boyfriend.
"Where are they now? Did they come downstairs or still in bed?" he asks and I hesitantly answer him "well she said she needed a shower"
He crosses his arms "he better not be in there with her" he says but I'm pretty sure that Ellie brought Alex into the shower with her, I saw the look on her face. "remember they are on antibiotics still. they can't do anything"
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