** Thursday march 6th, 2036**
-ellies pov-
We are between classes and I'm standing in an empty hallway with Alex where we are covered by some lockers so no one can see us. I'm pressed up against the wall and we are in a heated make out session. "I wish I could take your shirt off" he says against my lips, and I tangle my fingers in his hair "I wish so too. Next week we get to have fun if we want at the apartment"
After prom we are headed to the music row apartment so we can have a sleepover and after prom party. Our parents arranged it so they could make sure we would drink or something like that. But after Saturdays partying, I've decided that drinking isn't exactly something I want to do. it was a stupid idea.
"I would love to make you feel good Elliana" he whispers in my ear and send shivers through my body. "I want you to make me feel good alexander" I whisper in his ear too. We are both enjoying spending time together where we do fun activities, but also, we are loving the intimacy. The exploring of our bodies and figuring out what we like is a journey I love. When I'm with him I feel so safe and like we can try different things without it being awkward or uncomfortable. It might be because we are each other's only sexual partner ever, so we haven't tried anything before we got together other than flying solo.
His hand caress over my breast and I giggle, I wish we weren't at school, and we could touch eachother. "don't do that. I'm getting more and more... affected. We are at school" I giggle.
Eventually the bell goes off and we have to run to class, but after that make out session I can't really concentrate on schoolwork.
-taylors Pov-
Joe and I have been sleeping at the hospital since monday. Usually, they only allow one parent to stay during the night, but because she is in isolation and really sick, they are letting both of us stay here. But on the good side she is getting better. Yesterday she had an infusion of white blood cells to help her levels go up and now they are starting too so if it keeps going like this, she can come back to her usual room tomorrow.
They sterilized some pencils and drawing paper for her this morning so now she can at least have something more to do than just watch tv. "Mom, when can I get out of her" she says and cross her arms clearly getting bored. "Hopefully tomorrow if your blood is getting better. Then you get to go back to the other room"
"When do I have to do the chemo again?" she asks, and I shrug "they said in a week maybe, so we are changing the week you get chemo and the week you are home."
Hopefully she is stable enough in one week to continue the treatment. It's a delicate balance of waiting long enough so her body is strong enough to handle it, but not waiting too long so the cancer has time to spread more. When you're treating an aggressive cancer like this, you're sort of constantly fighting with time and trying to get ahead of the cancer.
"Dad, is Ellie still going to have a prom party with her friends? At the apartment" kenzie asks and joe nods "she is. And you know what kenzie. Ellie wants to stop by here before she goes to the prom so you can see her in her pretty dress. Wont that be fun?" he tells her, and her eyes lit up.
"Yay! I get to see the pretty dress" she beams. Joe hasn't seen the dress yet either, only me, Lauren, Ellie and Abigail know what it looks like. I think she has told Alex the color though so they can match.
Selena comes into the room and kenzie lights up "aunty Selena!" she grins "hi there kenzie. I had to come see you, and I hear you're feeling a bit better" she says. Selena has been staying with aurora and Ellie while we are here in the hospital. She is a life safer for jumping on a plane and traveling here to see us, but she hasn't been able to come to the hospital yes because we didn't want to overwhelm kenzie when she was at her worst.
"Are you feeling better?" Selena asks her and go to sit close to the plastic wall and kenzie sits up more in her bed and turn to face Selena "yes. Still tired but much better. My throat hurts, but they say that's because that's where it started. And then it hurts to pee which isn't fun" she says and scrunch her nose. The girl still has no filter and can go on and on about how much it hurts to pee and where it hurts. It's a symptom of the neutropenic fever aperently.
"i'm sorry it hurts, that must suck. But hopefully you can come out from the bobble soon and there are some presents waiting for you in your hospital room" Selena says and kenzie grins "thank you. I'm excited to see what it is"
-ellies pov-
I'm getting home from dance and aunty Selena is at the house waiting for me. Abigail and Lauren are out this evening so it's just me, Selena and aurora. aurora is in a mood where she refuses to be around anyone, so I get to spend some time with Selena alone which I rarely get to do.
"so how is it going with the boyfriend? It's been a while since I've been here or gotten to talk to you alone? How serious is it?" she asks as we are eating dinner together.
Whenever someone mentions Alex, I get giddy and have a smile on my face "it's going well. I'm happy in a way I haven't ever been before, it's just... I don't know how to explain it. It's pretty serious I think, but we are just taking things at the pace that's comfortable for us. There is no pressure or expectations, we are just happy and enjoy spending time together" I tell her.
I've been through a lot of hard things in my life, so it's nice to have some things go right for a change. "i've gathered that things have become intimate" she says with a smirk, and I blush but nod. "How are you feeling about that? And what do your parents say?"
"well, my mom is taking it better than my dad, but I think he is coming around because he sees how happy Alex makes me. He was furious when he found out I took that step, but I think with everything going on that they have forgotten about it in some sense. But I think it's nice, it feels good. I would like to keep doing things that make me feel good and make me figure out new things about myself" even though its sex I get to explore different parts of myself in other ways too. I've become way more confident and less attached at my mom's hip. I've figured out that other people than just my parents can make me feel safe and protected. Even if it doesn't work out in the long run, I feel like i'm learning good things about myself. I hope I never lose him; I hope that we last, but if we don't I want to hold onto the good things.
"and you're being safe? Birth control and condoms?" she asks with a raised eyebrow, and I nod "yes, my mom made me go to the doctor and I had to hear way too many painful details about it. But I get why though, I don't want to get pregnant or an STD, so it's fine"
I am starting to wonder what sex without a condom feels like. Some say you feel it better and its more enjoyable, especially for the guy. Caroline has stopped using condoms with her boyfriend and she says it's so much better, but I don't know if I want to try it. Maybe it will feel even better for me too? After all we are each other's only sexual partner so I don't see how either one of us could get an STD if we are only, and have only ever, slept with one another.
"I think the part that's the hardest for both of them is that I'm growing up. After everything I've been through, they've gotten so used to knowing everything about how I'm doing, and just that things constantly are bad, but now I'm starting to become my own person. Before I didn't like being away from my mom at all, now I love going over to Alexs's house or being at the dance studio alone without her sitting in the waiting room. It's not that I don't need them anymore, I really do, but at the same time I want to figure some things out for myself too" I tell her.
Growing up is hard, and it's hard for parents too to let go of their children. I'm in no way fully grown yet, and I still need them, but I also want to try things and make mistakes myself. From what I've gathered you learn the most when you make mistakes. I can't learn all I need to learn in life if my parents are hovering over me and making all the decisions for me. It's scary to know that I might be making mistakes because I haven't been in that situation before, but it's also thrilling to know that I'm growing more independent. I'm even learning to stand up for myself with the bullies which is a huge step for me.
"it's hard for any parent when their kids grow up. But I think you're growing into an incredible young lady" Selena says and give me a big hug.
** the next day **
- taylors pov-
Today they are letting kenzie out of the bobble and into her own room again. For the first time in five days, we get to hold her close, and I am pretty emotional about it. To move her back to her room they put a mask on her and we follow behind her. The white blood cells in her body are going up which is good, and it means she is at less risk of getting an infection. But to be on the safe side she can't leave her room for another couple of days, and only joe and me are allowed into her room other than the hospital staff.
They place her bed in the right place and make sure all her wires are okay before giving us a moment. "mommy" she whimpers and move to the side so I can climb into the bed next to her for the first time in five days. "yes, baby girl, mommy is here. Mommy and daddy are here" I coo her, and she snuggles into my chest and start to cry.
Joe sits down on the edge of her bed and rub her back "we are here Mackenzie. You did so good. You were so patient so the doctors could make sure you were safe to come out again. I'm so proud of you" he says as she cries against my chest.
"you left me in there alone. Never again" she sobs, and I feel so bad "I know baby girl. I'm so sorry, but we needed to make sure you were safe"
It breaks my heart to hear her cries, but I know we needed to do what we did. Her safety always comes first, even if it hurts her feelings. If we didn't let them isolate her there was a chance she could catch a serious infection that could kill her. Sometimes we need to make hard choices to think of the bigger picture, even when I hate it.
"im so tired mommy, my body hurts to bad" she says, and we sit the bed up more so she can properly snuggle into my lap, and I hold her close. "I wish I could take your pain away, if I could, I would do it in a heartbeat. But you're such a fighter Mackenzie, I'm so proud of you" I whisper to her.
**
It's time for me to leave for the night and it's going to be the first-time joe stays here with her overnight. I pack my bag and get ready to say goodbye to her when she starts to sob and cling to me "No mommy don't go. Mommy don't go!" she screams in a thin voice because she is so exhausted but uses any energy, she has to cling to me.
"Daddy is going to stay here with you tonight sweetie, but I'm coming tomorrow and hanging out with you" I tell her and kiss her forhead. In the best interest of our entire family, we need to trade off being at the hospital and being at home. It's going to be an adjustment for kenzie, but we also need to think about what is best for the other two children. All three children need both of their parents, so we need to give them all a chance to be with both of us.
"no mom. Don't leave. I don't want you to go. The nightmares will get me, please don't leave me" she whimpers and I'm almost in tears myself. "Daddy can cuddle you just like I do so you don't have nightmares"
For the past several weeks she has needed to hold onto me until she falls asleep and sometimes, she wakes up screaming at night because she has a nightmare. The nightmares are mostly about her cancer killing her or something like that. Its horrifying as a mother to listen to your child begging you to not let the cancer kill her, but all I can do is hold her and let her know how much I love her.
We clearly see that kenzie isn't going to back down without a fight so joe steps in and pry her hands away from my shirt before slipping into bed next to her and holding her close as he lets her sob into his chest. "Mommy don't go" she cries and I'm struggling to not break down myself.
"Daddy is going to stay all night, and then I'm coming in the morning. I love you mackenzie" I tell her and kiss her forhead before turning to joe "love you. Call me if you need anything" I tell him and quickly peck his lips before leaving the room. Waiting until she stops crying isn't going to work because she is stubborn.
-joes pov-
Taylor has left and kenzie is hysterical. Sobbing, kicking and hitting me. But then she tries to go for her central line and pull at that, so I press the red button for the nurses and try to hold her down, so she doesn't pull It out of her chest.
Thankfully two nurses come running "she is trying to pull out her central line" I tell them, and they help hold her so she can't do it. It's a infection risk so we can't let her. It breaks my heart to see her this hysterical, and her whole body is drenched in sweat from fighting. Her little body has hardly any energy these days, but still she is fighting me and the nurses to let her go. I already know that this is going to be a long night.
"mommy" she screams at the top of her lungs and after a little bit she starts to get short of breath too so one nurse pushes the alarm button and more nurses come in to help. One put oxygen on her while another gets a doctor. Together they decide to give her a mild sedative, so she doesn't end up hurting herself. It's not good for her to use all this energy to fight because her body is already fighting itself.
They give her the sedative that end up calming her down and she falls asleep against my chest and tearstained cheeks. I feel really bad that she is this scared to be here without Taylor, but the other children need her too. It's hard to balance what all three kids need.
-taylors pov-
I get home and Abigail and Selena has white wine waiting for me and hand me a glass. "Thank god" I groan and take a sip. "Leaving her there was a nightmare. She was hysterical" I say and bite my lip. It's hard to not cry when I hear her scream like that, and it probably took a lot of effort to calm her down too.
"i'm not going to pretend that I know what it's like for you Taylor, because we aren't in the situation. But just know we are here for you" Selena says and after a little bit more Smal talk I put my wine glass on the counter so I can go check on the girls. First, I check on aurora who is sitting up in her bed staring at the wall.
"Hi sweetie" I say and sit down on the edge of the bed "mom?" she says and furrow her eyebrows like she is surprised to see me. "Yes, dad is at the hospital with kenzie tonight. We are going to trade off more now, so you and Ellie get some time with me too. I'm sorry I've been so absent" I tell her, and she crawls over to give me a big hug.
I let her take her time being wrapped in my arms. "mom I'm scared. Sleeping is hard because I get bad dreams about the... him" she confesses and I hold her a bit tighter "i'm sorry you're having bad dreams. Just know that if you wake up in the night and is scared, you can come into my room and wake me up. I don't want you to lay here alone and be scared sweetie" I say and kiss the side of her face.
Aurora isn't as expressive of her emotions like her sisters, which can be a challenge. It's hard to get through to her and it's always been like that. Of course we have learned over the years how to approach her, but it's still a work in progress.
"Mom why haven't you been here. I needed you" she says with a cracked voice and start to sob so I pull her into my lap. "oh aurora, I'm so sorry I haven't been at home. I need to apologize for that, I was so wrapped up with kenzie that I thought daddy being at home would work for you and Ellie. But I know now that you need me too. I'm so sorry" I tell her honestly. It breaks my heart that me being absent has caused her this degree of pain. That's not something I ever wanted to happen. I'm not going to sit here and defend myself because I know I was in the wrong.
"Are you going to be at the trial with me" she asks hesitantly, and I rub her back "i'm not going to lie to you aurora. If your sister isn't stable enough for both dad and I to be away one of us needs to be at the hospital. But if she is stable both of us will be there and Abigail or Selena will sit with kenzie. But if one of us need to be at the hospital you get to choose who comes with you" I tell her. I've been thinking about this a lot, what we are going to do about the trial because of course we both want to be there.
After I say goodnight to aurora, I have a similar conversation with Ellie before tucking her in too. I now know that we did the right thing with me being home more, that's what the other two children need. It's hard having three children that are so different, but all of them need us, when one child isn't at home.
5+ comments and 10+ likes for next chapter
Instagram: Swiftielife__
Twitter: Swiftielife__