** sunday march 1st, 2036**
-joes Pov-
I go into Ellies room with Advil and water, but she isn't in her bed, and I hear gagging coming from the bathroom. After putting down the Advil and water I go into the bathroom and see her hunched over the toilet puking her guts out, so I take a hair tie and tie up her hair.
Hangovers are not fun, especially your first one. But that comes with drinking alcohol and clearly, she is experiencing the consequences of her actions right now. After finishing that round of vomit, she leans against the bathroom wall. "My whole-body aches" she groans.
"that's what happens when you drink too much alcohol, especially when you shouldn't be drinking alcohol at all" I tell her and help her to her feet and rinsing her mouth before leading her to bed. I make her take the Advil before I know we need to have a conversation.
"What were you thinking Elliana. This is not like you; this was reckless, and I want to know what on earth made you decide to ditch your security and go to a party. Something bad could have happened" I ask her, I'm trying not to yell but it's hard. "you said something yesterday about not wanting to be you for a while, does this mean you're suicidal again?" I hesitantly add.
She bites her lip "i'm not suicidal... I just... couldn't deal with being me dad" she says, and tears roll down her face and I'm trying to understand but it's hard. "You need to be more specific Ellie, I don't understand"
Clearly something is bothering her if she goes to this extent to not feel her feelings. "There is a lot going on and I just... it's too much... I wanted.... I wanted to not be me for a little while. I am lonely, I feel so alone." she says and start to sob. I want to feel bad for her, but she went out and did something that could have caused serious harm to her and her body.
"Why didn't you come to me. And why on earth did you think going to a party and getting drunk would help" I ask her. "Because I don't feel like I can come to any of you these days. I'm all alone dad. It might not have been the best idea to go and drink, but I didn't know what to do" she says and try to dry her tears, but they just keep coming.
I wish she would have come to me instead of going out and doing something like this. She put herself in serious danger and I can't believe she did this. "of course you can always come to me" I tell her.
"no, I can't. Nothing is the same anymore. Everything is turned upside down and I'm alone dad. Everyone is occupied and forgetting about me. I know drinking was a bad idea, but it took my mind away from the dark thoughts that wanted me to hurt myself. I needed to do something and I'm sorry that I went drinking" have I been ignoring her? I don't think I have. Sure there is a lot going on but I'm always there for all of them and I thought she knew that. No matter what is going on around us, if she needs me, I'm there right away. The fact that she had to resort to this, so she didn't hurt herself is concerning, and I'm really sad Taylor isn't here because clearly, we have been distant if this is how she feels.
"Elliana listen to me. I know that things are different now, everyone has things going on. But this wasn't okay and isn't a smart choice. It's also concerning that you wanted to hurt yourself again after all this time, and just so we are clear, drinking alcohol in the manner you were is also considered as hurting yourself. With the amount of alcohol, you drank you could get seriously hurt, not to mention that boy who tried to take advantage of you"
Who even knows what to do in this situation? Is there even a rulebook? If there is a rulebook, I would like to buy that because we have never been in this situation before. Part of me feel like I should discipline her, that would probably be something the rulebook said, but if she did this because she wanted to hurt herself, I am worried that it won't be the right choice.
"I don't remember much from last night, I remember drinking and dancing. That's about it" she says, and I shrug "that's normal with that amount of alcohol. Do you remember the incident with the guy? The stuff you told me on the phone?" I ask her and she shakes her head.
"You told me that he tried to make you go upstairs with him, to have sex with him. That's why you and Lauren were hiding in the bathroom" I tell her and that makes me really anxious. The fact that being in this situation could have ended with such a horrible situation. Ellies eyes widen "holly shit. I don't remember that I don't remember much" she mumbles.
"Have you told mom?" she asks, and I shake my head "no I wanted to talk to you first" I tell her honestly. Taylor and I aren't exactly speaking much these days and constantly avoiding one another, so I didn't feel a need to call last night. Not to mention that she wouldn't have left the hospital to help deal with our drunk daugther either, so I didn't see the need to.
She looks up at me with pain in her eyes "are you two going to get a divorce?" she asks me, and I furrow my eyebrows "no. Why would you think that?
She shrugs "because you two aren't talking. You're miserable and she is too, at least the little I see of her I can see she isn't herself. I get worried" the fact that it's so bad Ellie has noticed means that Taylor and I have a serious problem on our hands. I thought we were hiding it well, but clearly, we aren't and that's a big problem. "We aren't getting a divorce Ellie, that's not even on the table. Having three kids with a lot of things going on is hard on any couple, but we will work on getting back to a good place" I tell her honestly.
Of course I want to stay with Taylor, just hearing my daugther talk about divorce scares me. The last thing I want to do is loose Taylor, I don't see how I would be able to go on without her by my side. We need to fix us, but I don't know how we are supposed to do that. First of all, I know we need to talk, but I'm scared to do that. What if this is the thing we can't come back from?
"How mad are you at me?" she asks, and I sigh "honestly, I'm really mad, but I'm more concerned than mad. I'm concerned that you're so in need of relief that you went out and got drunk, that really worries me. So I'm more worried and scared than mad Elliana. I think that we should make an appointment with your therapist because clearly you need to talk to someone, and if you can't talk to us, I need you to talk to her."
She bites her lip "how much trouble am I in? What kind of consequences am I getting" honestly, I haven't even thought about that part, I'm more concerned with taking care of her. "Listen, I'm not in any way telling you that what you did was okay or acceptable. It was completely unacceptable and reckless. But I'm more worried about you than mad. We need to make a clear agreement that if you get those thoughts again you absolutely need to come to me, no other option is on the table. You need to promise me that this was a one-time thing and that we are going to work on communication, so you don't feel the need to hurt yourself again"
Part of me want to lock her inside her room until she turns 18 so I can make sure she doesn't get herself in a dangerous situation again, but I know that in the long run that won't help. "so I'm not grounded or locked away in my room forever?" she asks.
"No you're not. If you went out to drink just because you wanted to break our rules or something like that it would be a totally different conversation. But clearly this is a call for help, and I'm going to make sure you get the help you need Ellie. No matter what is going on I'm never too busy for you, there is always room for you" I say and pull her in for a hug.
Grounding her won't make her open up to me, I know that. She has been so closed off and distant and clearly this was a breaking point for her. I don't even care which one of their ideas it was to go out like this, but I'm going to make sure she gets the help she needs.
Parenting isn't black and white, especially when you're dealing with children with trauma. If she was a teenager that hasn't been through what she went through or went out to party just for the sake of it, the conversation would be totally different. But this is different and needs to be handled accordingly.
"What if mom says something else?" she asks, and I shake my head "your mom isn't here right now to talk about it so I'm making the decision. I'm calling your therapist tomorrow and getting you an appointment, that's the bottom line here" I tell her.
If Taylor is going to be distant from the kids, I need to make decisions without her for the time being. I can't stand around and wait for her to come to her senses and let me trade places with her in the hospital. If she doesn't feel like she can leave she can't be in on these decisions either.
Her lip starts to tremble, and I pull her into my arms as she starts to sob hard "i'm so sorry" she sobs. I sigh and hold her as tightly as I can "I know you are. Always know that I have time for you Elliana, I'm never too busy to talk to you"
She can't take back what she did, we just have to find a way to move on from here and make sure she gets help. Working on our communication is what's going to work in the long run, not punishing her. I'm a believer in discipline but you also need to see the bigger picture when it comes to children with trauma. Ellie isn't the type of kid that would usually do something like this, so I know that there is more behind it. It would be ignorant of me to think that she did this just for the sake of it because I know my daugther.
"Ellie, Alex is at the door" aurora yells through the house and Ellie looks nervous. "Could you ask him to come upstairs, I guess I have some explaining to do. That's if you will let me have him visit. I know you're mad" she says and bite her lip. "yes, he can come upstairs" I say and kiss her forhead before going downstairs to send him up.
-ellies pov-
Alex comes into my room and sit down on my bed "you weren't answering your calls, so I had to come over. What happened yesterday?" he asks me, and I feel really bad for what I did. It was not a good decision.
"I... Lauren and I decided to do something that I now know was wrong. Drinking clearly didn't help or take the bad thoughts away" I tell him honestly. In hindsight I know that I should have talked with my dad or at least called Alex, that would be the better choice.
"I saw pictures on Instagram of you two. You went to jakes house, jake of all people" he says and looks hurt and now I feel even worse. He knows about how jake has been hitting on me for a couple of months now, I've told him all about it. It's sad but what Alex would think about this wasn't even in my mind yesterday, actually I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself.
"I know I messed up" I say and choke on my words and I'm wondering if I should tell him what he tried to do to me. Part of me want to tell him but I'm also worried of his reaction to something like this. "What are you thinking off? I know that look" he says.
With tears in my eyes, I look up at him "he... he was drunk and hitting on me... he wanted me to... he wanted me to go upstairs with him. When I said no, he tried to drag me but aperently I hid in a bathroom" I say and break down in sobs. I know I was lucky last night, something horrible could have happened and that wasn't even in my mind as a possibility when we decided to go there.
Alex is sitting there with a blank expression on his face clearly thinking about what to do or say next. "i'm sorry" I say and try to wipe away my tears, but they just keep coming. He looks at me and furrow his eyebrows "what on earth are you sorry for. He was the one hitting on you right? Clearly, he tried to take advantage of you when you were drunk... I'm also sad that you didn't come to me instead of getting drunk" he says and clearly is hurt.
"I wasn't thinking, I only wanted to not be me for a night. It was stupid and I know it was wrong. I had plenty of people I could come to, but I just didn't and made the wrong choice. How mad are you?" I say hesitantly.
He sits against my headboard before pulling me into his arms "i'm not mad at you Ellie. I'm not your boss or your parent, I'm just a little bit hurt that you were hurting so bad and didn't feel like you could come to me. I know that you're having stuff happening at home that's hard to deal with, and I know that you feel like you can't talk to your parents, but you could have come to me. If you would have called, I would have been here as quickly as I could"
I let myself feel his arms wrapped tightly around me. Being wrapped in his arms is one of my favorite things to do or places to be. "I wish I would have called you. I'm done making excuses because I know what I did was wrong, and I've talked with my dad for a while who was pretty understanding"
I'm surprised about how my dad handled this, he usually isn't so calm when it comes to me doing something he doesn't agree with, but clearly, he is struggling these days too. I think our whole family is grasping at straws trying to hold us selves together but it's not working.
-taylors pov-
They are disconnecting kenzie from her port and another nurse is getting the feeding tube over to another pump connected to a backpack, so she doesn't have to carry around a pole at home. Bags, formula and tubing has already been delivered to our house though.
But my phone goes off and I sigh when I see its tree. Its Sunday and that means it's some sort of scandal. That will mean its two in one week and I'm dreading picking up this call. "hi tree. What headline is out there today"
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