** monday february 25th, 2036**
-taylors Pov-
After I finish my phone goes off and when I pick it up, I hear crying "Abigail what's wrong?" I ask her and go into the bathroom so kenzie doesn't hear what I'm talking about, she doesn't need to worry about anything else right now.
"I... I'm so sorry I haven't told you... but I need your help. I need to get out of the house" she sobs and my heart breaks for her "what happened? Where are you right now?"
"i'm in the ER... I just couldn't tell you. Matt.... he is hurting me... I just.... fuck I can't believe it's out... but I passed out today after he hit me in the eye so its black and bruised. I don't know what to do Taylor" I'm in tears as she is telling me what's going on. I know they have had a rough several years, actually since Lauren was little when they almost split up and then the cheating a couple of years ago.
"i'm so sorry this is happening to you. Pack some bags for you and Lauren and come to our house, I will send one of my security to meet you and make sure you're safe. I can't leave kenzie though but you're welcome to stay with us" I tell her and try to not sob myself.
We talk for a bit more before we hang up and I call one of my security who heads to the ER right away to help her. Aperently matt was arrested and is being questioned by the police. They are waiting to tell Lauren before after school, but according to Abigail she has seen some of it and is terrified as well.
I go back into the room to joe and write a note for him so he can read, I don't want to talk about it in front of kenzie. "You should go home and meet her" joe says, and I furrow my eyebrows. "i'm not going anywhere joe, I'm staying here"
Even though I would love to be there for Abigail and sit with her and let her talk, I can't leave kenzie here. My daugther needs me more than my friend and I need to stay here.
"i've got her Taylor, you should go" he argues, and I shake my head and cross my arms "you go... I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here because my daugther needs me. If she is here, I'm here" I tell him and make it known by my expression that this isn't something I'm even interested in discussing.
"Taylor, she is both of our daugther. I'm her father and I can be here too. You're being unreasonable" he says sternly, and I roll my eyes "you can say whatever you want, I'm not going anywhere. And of course you're her father, that's not even part of the argument. I'm not going anywhere"
-joes pov-
I know Taylor feels like she has to be here all the time, but the fact of the matter is that this treatment is long, they said that in total it's about a year of treatment if things go according to plan, but we don't know for assure. She has an advanced stage of an aggressive cancer, and that takes time and different approaches to get it out of her body. Taylor can't stay here every day because it's not good for her and it's not good for our two children at home that also needs their mother.
"Taylor--" I start but she cuts me off "we aren't going to continue this conversation in front of her" she whispers, and I roll my eyes. This is what she does to avoid a hard conversation these days, and it's frustrating for me.
"well, then I'm going home to console your best friend because someone need to be there to greet her, not to mention that her 15-year old's world is going to get turned upside down." I say and carry kenzie back to her bed and tuck her inn, she is sleeping.
Taylor isn't talking to me, she just looks out the window, but I know she is exhausted. She has dark circles under her eyes that she tries to cover with concealer, but I see it. I know her, and I know she feels like she needs to do everything herself, but this is a marathon, not a sprint, and she needs to lean on me. But I can't force her either, that's the hard part. She isn't opening up to me and if she isn't talking, I can't find a way to help her either.
I leave the hospital and head home; we don't exchange goodbyes as we are both frustrated with the other party. I know that I need to have a serious talk with her, but I don't know when or where because she refuses to let kenzie out of her sight. She is consumed and I get why but it's not healthy for her. If Taylor doesn't take care of herself, she can't take care of kenzie either but getting her to understand that it hard.
When I get home, I greet Abigail who is sitting on our couch with her legs tucked against her chest and tears streaming down her face. Her left eye is purple and black from the beating she took, and I give her a big hug when I get over to her. "thank you.. Thank you for letting us stay here" she says with a shaky voice.
"don't mention it Abgail, you are always welcome here, especially so you can get away from that situation. I asked Taylor to come but I couldn't get her to leave the hospital. But I'm here if you need to talk, I know I'm not her, but I will listen if you need to talk" I tell her. I feel bad that Taylor can't be here to console her best friend when her world is crumbling, and she is going through what is probably the hardest thing she has had to go through.
"I get that she needs to be there... and with my stuff I honestly don't know what to say. It started a few months ago, and just got worse. I... I can't go back to him, and I know that. I feel bad though that I can't, but I just can't. And Lauren is going to be broken too, she has seen more than she should. It's really complicated" she says and lean her head back against the back of the couch. "We are here for you, and you can stay as long as you need to"
We talk a bit more about it before she has questions about kenzie "so what's happening now. Has she started chemo?" she asks, and I nod "she started chemo today. 8 weeks of inpatient chemo and in between she gets a week off so that's sixteen weeks"
We haven't gotten the full rundown of the treatment plan yet because It's so early, but they have told us that things like bone marrow transplant, radiation, surgery and immunotherapy is in the cards for her. We have learned a lot of new words and different medical stuff that we now hear on a daily basis. Sure, we knew some from watching way too much greys anatomy, but it's different when you're in it yourself and hearing it about your own child.
"How is Taylor coping with everything?" she asks, and I honestly don't exactly know what to say "honestly, I don't know. We don't talk much about it. It's complicated. The communication isn't good, and she isn't taking care of herself which is frustrating for me because I just want to help her"
I wish Taylor would lean on me like she usually does. Usually, we are a team when it comes to stuff about the kids or about us, but now we aren't really communicating a lot other than the bare minimal. Part of it is because she has closed herself off and part of it is probably that we don't know what to say. I'm keeping my own feelings locked inside just so I can be there for her if she falls apart, but this is a nightmare for me too.
"And aurora, I haven't really talked to Taylor about it, but how is the trial preparation going?" she asks "well she had the meeting with the judge and a meeting with the prosecutor on Friday while all of this was going on. I went with her and held her hand. So she is ready for the trial I think, but she refuses to talk about it." in that way aurora is a lot like her mother, doesn't want to talk too much about her feelings and keep them bottled up, but I know all too well that eventually the built-up bad stuff gets too much, and the person explodes.
How can I let myself feel my own feelings when I have three children and my wife that I need to be there for. I feel like there isn't room for me to feel my own feelings or process it because they all need me. If I let myself fall apart, I might end up being too broken when one of them break and needs me.
-ellies pov-
I'm done at dance and Alex and I are sitting in his car in my driveway talking, we like to do this after a long day and just get some time for the two of us to be together alone. Sure, we see one another at school and at rehearsals, but it's not the same as getting some quality one on one time.
He slides his chair back and I climb over the console and get tucked into his lap and rest my head against his chest. These days I really need the comfort he can give me; it keeps me from going into yet another breakdown.
Since my mom is at the hospital and struggling to keep it together because of kenzie, and my dad stressing about all four of us I feel like I can't come to either one of them with what's going on with me right now. They have more than enough to deal with and I just don't want to be a burden. I feel bad enough that my dad had to comfort me a few days ago when I had a fight with Alex, he could have used that time on one of my sisters or my mom. I know that over the years they have directed a lot of attention on me because of my eating stuff and the kidnapping stuff, so I just want to step back and let them help my sisters, even though I'm affected too.
I've never been the sister of someone who has something serious going on before, not really, I've been that child for years. The only time I've been just the sister is when I was three and aurora was in the NICU, but I don't really remember much from that. Ever since the kidnapping nine and a half years ago they have had the majority of their focus on me, and I know that it has affected my sisters, so I just want to make sure that they get their needs meet.
"How are you feeling right now? How bad is the anxiety on a scale from one to ten" he asks me and kiss my forhead as tears start to stream down my face. "Like a nine, because kenzie started chemo today"
It doesn't make the situation easier either that my parents are hardly talking. They might not be open about it, but I notice these things. My dad is at home with us, but he is different, he is drawn back and not feeling like himself, and he isn't on the phone with my mom either which he usually is when they are apart. And when I go to visit kenzie my mom and dad sit far away from one another and don't talk other than when they absolutely have to and It's in short sentences. Usually they are holding hands, kissing or at least hugging, but now there is none of that. I'm worried about them, they have been so happy and loved up all of my life, but now they are distant.
"I wish I could do something, but I can hold you though baby" he says, and I sniffle "i don't want to go in there, because when I do I know that my mom and sister isn't there. I don't want to be home right now" I say, and he holds me tighter.
"Do you want us to ask our parents if I can stay the night? Would that help you?" he asks me, and I nod and continue to cry.
Then there is a knock on the window before we can do anything else, and we roll down the window so my dad can speak to us "sweetie why are you crying?" my dad asks concerned. I don't know what to say, I want to open up to him, but I just can't. "Can... can Alex stay the night" I stay and try to dry my tears.
He sighs "if you tell me what's wrong and his parents say it's fine then yes" he compromises and I'm happy about that "it's a lot to deal with when thigns are like they are now. Everyone is on edge and it's hard to deal with" I confess, and my dad reach through the window and rub my back.
I sit in the car while my dad goes inside again, and Alex calls his mom to ask to stay over. She is out of town all week anyway, so he is just home with his siblings. Thankfully she says its fine and he already has a set of pajamas and toiletries in my room, and his uniform in his bag so we don't need to get anything.
We walk into the house, and I get confused when I see Aunt Abigail and Lauren there "what's going on?" I ask and then I see Aunt Abigal's eye, its black and purple "what happen" I say, and my eyes widen. Lauren looks really uncomfortable and on the verge of tears, clearly this is serious. But this is yet another thing happening around us and I feel suffocated.
"it's been a hard few months Ellie, and matt... it's complicated... so we are going to stay here for a while" she says, and Lauren snuggle in her side and by the redness of her eyes she has been crying. I don't really know what to say "okay" I say quietly and drag Alex with me upstairs.
We get into my room and decide to take a shower because we are sweaty from dancing. Together we get under the hot water, and I can't keep the tears back, so he wraps his arms around my naked body "it's okay to cry Ellie, let it out" he whispers and kiss my head. "it's too much" I sob and rest my head on his chest.
I feel like it's just one thing after the other and its suffocating, I don't know how to process or deal with any of this. My family never gets a break, it's always something going on and I wish it would stop. I'm tired of feeling anxious and I'm tired from constantly worrying about whatever is going on.
I'm not even able to wash myself right now so he gently washes my hair and body before doing the same to him and then drying us both off. It's hard to get my brain to put together sentences, but he is giving me the time I need to get some words out. He helps me into my panties and then my pajamas before we cuddle up in bed.
I'm happy that he is here tonight because I just have so many bad urges and I don't want to do something stupid that I will regret later. My arm is tingly, and I want to hurt myself, but I can't let myself so I asked to have him here. I don't know if my dad caught onto that, but I just needed him to hold me tonight.
My whole body is shaking, and I can't stop crying, it's just getting to a point where I can't take this anymore. There is a knock on my door and my dad comes in "hi, how is it going. Ellie, please talk to me" he says and come over to rub my back. I wish I could tell him what's going on in my head, but I just can't. "If you tell me I might be able to help" he continues.
-joes pov-
It pains me to see Ellie like this when I know that there really isn't much I can do right now if she doesn't talk to me. She is bottling things up inside and having these breakdowns without putting what she is feeling into words. That's why I even allowed Alex to stay the night even though it's a weekday, she doesn't usually ask so I know that she needed someone with her. I'm not stupid I know by the look on her face that she is slowly crumbling, and if she can't talk to me at least she asked to have him here so she wouldn't do something to hurt herself.
Clearly I'm not getting through to her and she refuses to leave her room, so I go downstairs to bring dinner up for the two of them. Considering she has anorexia that flares up every once in a while, I don't want her to skip any meals because it has a tendency to make her slip into those habits again.
"How is she" Abigail asks me as I'm putting food on two plates for Alex and Ellie. "i don't know, not good. But she won't talk about it, so I don't know" I tell her honestly.
**
Eventually all the girls are in bed and both Abigail and I go to our separate bedrooms to go to sleep too. That's the time of day where I break down. So while I am getting changed into pajamas, I can't stop the tears from flowing down my face. It's a mixture of anger, frustration, sadness and confusion all at once. But most of all it's a longing for Taylor because I know when we are united, we function better and its better for our children in the long run. When we don't work as a team our whole family suffers, but I just don't know how to get through to her right now.
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