WARNING. A CHAPTER FULL OF MATURE TALK
** wendsday January 9th 2036**
-taylors Pov-
I just dropped aurora and kenzie off at school. We wanted to keep aurora home just to make sure she is okay, but she is refusing and throwing tantrums about wanting to go to school so we are going to try it. I did call the school yesterday; I didn't give them details but asked them to keep an eye on aurora and that she might have some reactions at school due to something going on with her.
But now I'm at the gynecologist's office with Ellie because she has an appointment this morning before she is going to school. We are called into the office and Ellie is clearly uncomfortable, but this is what you need to do if you're having sex. You need to make sure that you're using the right things, being safe and knows the information you need.
"You must be Elliana Alwyn. And you must be Taylor Alwyn. First, I want to say that it's up to you if you want your mom in here or not. Some patients prefer it, but some like to speak to me in private" the doctor tells her, but Ellie says that she wants me to stay.
First, she asks us a bunch of questions about her medical history, so we talk about the eating disorder, the self-harm, the fact that she works out a lot, the kidnapping is mentioned and stuff like that. And then she asks questions about our family history like cancer and stuff. "My mom is in remission, but she had both breast cancer and then had a brain tumor" I tell her and that's something that's still hard to talk about but i know that its important.
"I have some more questions about your health, that can be a bit more uncomfortable but it's important. And then I would like to do a physical exam that I will explain afterwards" she says, and Ellie agrees.
She first asks about her last period which was almost four weeks ago, so she is due for another one soon. Then asks about her period, about her flow, cramps and that stuff. "it's... Not too much but not too little either. And then I'm on birth control because of cramps. I've been on those since September, and it has helped a lot."
The doctor takes note of what she is saying "are you, or have you ever been, sexually active?" she asks her, and Ellie can't help but giggle a little and nod. "How long have you been sexually active?" she asks, and Ellie says since Saturday, but I already knew that. "When was the last time? And is it the same partner?"
Ellie bites her lip and look up at me and blush before looking back at the doctor "yesterday, and yes it's my boyfriend" I'm not surprised actually that they had sex while we were gone yesterday. Ellie doesn't exactly have a poker face; well, she does with a lot of people, but I know her better than anyone and can read her like an open book.
"Okay. Are you using protection? It's important to protect against both pregnancy and STDs" she asks and Ellie nods "yes like I said i'm on birth control and I'm good at taking that every day. And then we... used condoms" she mumbles slightly but we can understand what she is saying
"Any itching, soreness, discomfort or unusual discharge?" she asks, and Ellie scrunches her nose "No not normally. Well, I'm still in a bit of pain from the... Situation... It's not that much... but... it hurt a lot on Saturday... and then... then again yesterday. Does that go away?" she asks the doctor.
-ellies pov-
"it's different for every woman. Some have painless penetrative sexual intercourse from the beginning, but some have pain or discomfort for the first several times and some discomfort afterwards. If it doesn't lessen after a few more times come back and we can do an internal exam to look for a cause, or if the pain gets worse for each time, come back then too" she tells me. "You might also want to consider trying different positions to figure out if something else is more comfortable for you and help you relax your pelvis more"
At least she says that its normal for some people. But I hate these questions I really don't want to talk about this with a stranger, but I guess my mom is right that it's the responsible thing.
I'm looking up at my mom because this is really uncomfortable, and she brushes my hair out of my face "you can talk freely Ellie. I'm not going to repeat anything that you're saying"
"When it comes to condoms. Know that there are several different types, and you need to figure out what type works for you and your partner. There are different thicknesses, sizes and some have different properties, tastes or smells. It's important that it's not a size that's too snug on the penis because it has a higher chance of tearing, but it shouldn't be too big either." she says, and I'm mortified. I don't want to talk about condoms and my boyfriend's penis. Maybe I should have had my mom wait in the waiting room because these questions are really uncomfortable, but I didn't want to be in here alone. "How was the fit. If it didn't feel right, I can suggest some other types" she says, and my eyes widen. "I don't know, it was fine" I say and play with my fingers.
"When you're getting ready to have intercourse it's a good idea to look at the erect penis shaft to make sure that there are no lacerations where bacteria could be hiding" just the world erect makes me squirm in my seat. I'm mortified.
I look up at my mom and she is blushing too, clearly, we are both embarrassed and uncomfortable. We are open but this is getting a bit too steamy, but at the same time I just don't want to sit here alone. "Are you okay mom" I mutter, and she brushes hair out of my face "it's not the most comfortable conversation. But of course I don't mind, it's important that you get all the answers and information you need"
"have you had an orgasm? Do you achieve those?" she asks, and I nod and look at the doctor "during... it's hard to... get that pleasure feeling... Is it normal that I need to... touch... that little thing to feel good. It doesn't feel good only by... the... his thing in me" I say, and I can't believe I'm even asking this. It's probably just me that's weird and my body is messed up.
"that's not an uncommon issue. Not everyone achieves an orgasm or pleasure by penetrative intercourse alone. Some need help by stimulating the clitoris at the same time. That might be a temporary thing, or it might just be what it's going to be like for you. Every womans body is different and that includes that too" she says and I breath in relief, at least it's not just me that's weird.
"so it's normal that I need both" I say and look hesitantly at her and she says that its like that for some women. "You have something in both the vaginal and anal canal called the G-spot. And that's where you find pleasure during penetration. But not everyone achieves an orgasm by penetration alone. Or it might take them more time to achieve that. So sometimes, depending on how long the boy can last before he reaches his orgasm rubbing the clitoris or stimulating it in other ways can help things along." she explains, and I take it all in.
"Do you masturbate? That's a good situation where you can figure out what you like or don't like. A lot of both men and women discover their sexual preferences that way" I've told my mom this at least but all of this is the most embarrassing situation I've ever been in. "well yes.. I do.. I've tried a few times" I mumble. My mom and I talked about this a while ago so at least I know she does it too.
"When you do masturbate, don't put objects inside the vaginal canal that's not designed for that kind of use. Some try to use carrots or cucumbers, but that's not hygienic. Use fingers or objects designed for this such as vibrators or dildos" she says, and my eyes widen. Do people really put other stuff up their vagina? That doesn't sound safe. What if the carrot breaks?
"Have you had oral or anal sexual intercourse?" she asks, and I almost burst out laughing and when I look up at my mom, she is pressing her lips together trying not to give away a reaction. "No, I haven't" I tell her honestly. "If you do there are a couple of important things. With oral sex, if you take a penis in your mouth, it's wise to use a condom then too so you can prevent an STD" my heart drops. This conversation is the most awkward situation I've ever been in. I can't even look at her. "Also, it's a good idea for your partner to check if there are any lacerations or sores before he performs oral sex on you because wounds have bacteria" just my mom being in this conversation is mortifying. I can feel her eyes on me and I'm biting my teeth tightly together to not burst out laughing with embarrassment.
"With anal penetration it's important to also use a condom. Especially because there are bacteria in the anus that you don't find in the vaginal canal. If you have anal sex do not use that same condom in the vagina afterwards because it can leave bacteria that can cause an infection" she says, and I don't think I've been this red ever.
"Do you have any questions about me in regard to intercourse. I know it is probably a bit weird to talk to a stranger about it, but I'm here to help you so you can have the most pleasant and safe experience" she says, and I take a second to think.
"i'm on birth control like I said. But... during the placebo days is it still safe to do that? Like I can't get pregnant right?" I ask her and tell her what kind I'm on just in case that matters. "As long as you're good about taking your pill every day, starting the packs on time and all that, you're still protected during the week off. It's also safe when you're on your period" she explains how the pill works and how taking it prevents ovulation and then she explains what ovulation is. "so the idea about that is that even if the condom where to break and sperm would enter the uterus there won't be eggs there for the sperm to join with"
"How are you on immunization? Have you had the HPV vaccine?" she asks and i have. My parents have made sure we get every vaccine at the CDC recommended time. They are big on immunization, so I have everything.
She takes a weight, heart rate and blood pressure before she asks me to change into a gown because she wants to do a physical examination of a few places. I'm hesitant that she wants to look at my private parts, but she said she isn't going inside at least that's good. She is looking for lumps on my breasts and sore, swelling or other problem at my core. It's really uncomfortable but I guess that its important.
"Do you want me to stay Ellie, or should I go" my mom asks me as I'm behind a curtain to get changed. "don't go. I don't want to be in here alone with her" I mumble. I don't know this woman, and at least I know my mom.
The doctor comes back in and feel my neck for lumps and my belly for something. And then listen to my heart and lungs before she asks me to open the gown so she can feel my breasts. I'm really nervous, but I know it's especially important since grandma had breast cancer.
"Is it normal that they're tiny" I ask her as she feels for lumps. "There is no size guide for breast sizes, everyone is different in terms of that" she says. I've wondered if its normal, but clearly it is.
Then there is the most dreaded part where she asks me to lay down on her table so she can look at my core. Hesitantly I open my legs and let her look. "I don't see pubic hair, is that because you shave or haven't you gotten hair?" she asks, and I blush "I have hair, but I'm a dancer so I shave. But I also don't like hair there" I say and scrunch my nose.
"The hymen is broken because of the penetrative sex like you said, but it's still pretty snug so if it doesn't stretch more you might need to come back, and we can figure something out. But things look completely normal. No sores, swelling or something that makes me thing something is wrong" she says, and I can finally get dressed again so I go behind the curtain and she leave the room again.
I get dressed and go to join my mom "you, okay?" she asks, and I nod. The doctor comes back in and ask if we have more questions but neither one of us have any, so we leave and drive towards school.
"How are you feeling about what she said? And how are you feeling about sex now that you know those things?" she asks me, and I shrug "it was nice to get the information, I guess. I knew a lot of it, but it was nice that a doctor confirmed it. It was mortifying, I'm sorry you had to hear all of that. I know I wouldn't want to think about you in those situations, so I don't know how this was for you"
My mom chuckle "well, that's what comes with having sex. Those conversations are important to have because it's the responsible thing. And I am uncomfortable yes, but I know how important it is. You can always come to me with any sort of sexual questions. If I don't know the answer, I will get it for you" she says.
"Are you mad we did it yesterday? You asked if we were going to do it, but I said no" I say and look out the window "I knew you were going to do it Ellie. I can read your face more easily than your dad. And I obviously saw it afterwards. I knew when you started masturbating too because I saw it on your face, you were flustered and had this glow. But i waited for you to be ready to talk about it yourself"
Clearly nothing goes past my mom. She seems to always know if something is up with me and with this, she sees right through me even when I'm not saying anything. "i'm just glad that she said it was normal that I... need more help... than just... the thing inside part. I was getting worried about that part. I felt like there was something wrong with me or something that I couldn't... finish... Without that" I mumble.
"You can say penis Ellie its fine. I've seen a few during my life" she says, and we both laugh "Mom I don't want to know that. Ugh. Why do they look so weird though. Like it's not a pretty sight" I tell her and blush. "Just like every girl looks different, the same is for boys. Obviously we all have the same parts, but everyone is still different"
This appointment was informing but it was also one of the most embarrassing things I've gone through. My mom and I are thankfully close and we can talk about sex, but that was a lot at once.
"But serious talk Ellie, remember everything she said about safety. I know that it was probably a bit hard to sit there and hear all of that at once. But STDs and unwanted pregnancies are no joke. Having sex comes with responsibility because you need to be mature enough to make those informed choices. Of course I'm here for whatever you need but during you need to make sure that the person you're with always wears a condom, and you need to make sure that you're taking your birth control" she says, and I scrunch my nose.
I know she is right through but when I think about it it's a lot of responsibility. "I promise to come to you if I have questions. And I promise to not have sex without a condom and to take my birth control" I mumble. I don't want to say these things, but I also know I need to be responsible.
After saying goodbye to my mom, I walk into school but I'm still thinking about everything the doctor said. I knew there was a lot that came with having sex, but I didn't know that there was so much stuff to think about. Even though it was embarrassing I'm happy my mom brought me there to talk with her so I could get the information I needed. I don't want an STD and I don't want to get pregnant. Actually, I didn't even know that you should use a condom during oral sex because I didn't even think about the fact that you can get an STD in your mouth too. I thought I already knew what there was to know about sex, but clearly that wasn't the case.
We are between classes when I get to the school so when I go to get my books from the locker Alex sees me and come over "hi baby. I didn't see you this morning. Are you okay?" he asks me and gently kiss me.
"hi babe. Yeah, I'm fine... I was at the doctors" I say quietly, not particularly interested in the whole school knowing where I was. He furrows his eyebrows "doctor? Are you sick?"
I bite my lip and go closer to his ear "I was at the gynecologist. Aperently that's something you need to do if you're having sex" I whisper. He chuckles and wrap an arm around my waist holding me close "then I hope you learned something"
I flick his head "it was the most mortifying thing I've ever gone through. Even worse than my dad finding condoms in my pocket. I thought i was going to die" I mumble.
"but" I start and look around us to make sure no one is listening "there aperently is a lot of different condoms we can try that feels different. So we should maybe get some and figure out what we like best" I whisper, and he grins at me. "That sounds like a fun experiment. Let's do it"
**
Alex has started to drive me home from dance so we get some time together and my parents don't need to drive from gymnastic to dance to pick me up when I would much rather drive with him. But today we decide to make a stop at a store to look at condoms. We are both flustered and giddy when we walk into the local CVS to look at the options.
There are a lot of types here and its slightly overwhelming. "What do we get?" I mumble "we can try like an assortment pack or something" he suggests so we look at those. Clearly neither of us have been to a store looking at condoms before so we are looking at the different packages trying to figure out what's best.
"What size?" I say when we find a pack with a few different options and looks promising. "I don't know. What size do you... think I am?" he asks and rub my back smiling smugly at me and I hit his chest. "you're an idiot" I say, and we are giggling, and he leans down to kiss me softly.
"Well. It's not small, but I don't think it's the biggest size either. So like a medium. The doctor said that if it's too big it can leak but if it's too snug it can break" I say and furrow my eyebrows as I'm looking at the options and I really don't know what right to get. "Then let's get medium" he says, and I agree. So we get a package of medium and go to check out.
I've forgotten security is following us, because they stay far enough away so they can't hear. when we meet them at the door Brian is blushing so clearly, they knew what we were doing. "Forgot you guys where here" I say and blush as I greet them, and they laugh "don't worry Ellie. We don't tell. We just make sure you're safe"
When we get into his car, I burst out laughing and Alex is crimson red "I forget sometimes that they follow me. But it's fine, they won't tell my parents" I say, and he drives me home.
** the next morning **
-taylors pov-
Joe and I are hanging out at home after dropping the kids off at school and we want to have a few hours where we spend some quality time together. There is so much going on with the kids these days that it's hard to make time for us.
But just as a make out session was getting heated my phone goes off and its tree... I stand up from straddling joes lap and pick up "hi tree"
"hi Taylor" she says and there is an awkward pause. "what's wrong?" I can already tell that something is up.
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