** Thursday January 3rd 2036**
-taylors Pov-
Ellie, joe and I are going to the courthouse for the trial. It's just after midday and joe has been here all morning watching it and I've been waiting at home with Ellie because she is really not feeling like going there today and I don't blame her. A lot of feelings from the last trial is bobbling in her head.
But eventually we make it there and she clings to my hand as we walk into the courtroom. I know neither one of us want to be here today.
He is sitting in a prison jumpsuit and turn to look at us when we walk in and has this smug look on his face. He has a long beard and doesn't look refined at all, not like the Adam I used to know all those years ago. If you put this Adam and that Adam in the same room, you wouldn't even think they are the same person. This Adam is rough while the old Adam was a prick who didn't like to get dirty.
"Mom, I want to go home" Ellie whispers in my ear as she sits down between me and joe clutching onto my arm. I wish I could take her home; I wish she didn't need to be here, but she does. "I know sweetie. But we are going to do this together and then we are going to go home. We don't need to stay long" I assure her, and she leans her head on my shoulder while joe grabs her other hand.
There are moments like this where you see the damage of what he did to her. Her eyes glass over, and she is clearly struggling. I wish there was something I could do to take all of the pain away from her, but there is nothing I can do. I can't travel back in time and make her not be in that playroom on that particular day. But what I can do is be here for her now and every today moving forward ready to help her move forward.
"Elliana Alwyn" the judge asks for her, and she goes hesitantly up to the witness box and sit down and face the jury. I can see it on her face that she is trying not to panic, and I just hope that this doesn't set her back and make her slip into bad habits as a result of this.
"What is your relationship with the accused" the prosecutor asks her.
-ellies pov-
"He was the man that kidnapped me over nine years ago" I say and try to use clear speech and word myself properly.
He goes on and ask me about facts of that case and it pains me to talk about it. It's bad enough that I remember it all, so I don't want to talk about it ever. But here I am sitting in front of a room filled with lots of people speaking about the hardest week of my life. It seems like time passes by slowly and I keep answering question after question about it.
"And then on the day of the accident. What happened?" he asks. "We were at the prison to make statements in favor of keeping him in prison and not allow him to have parole. He got really mad at the end of it. And then we got in the car, my mom and I was in the back because I was struggling a lot"
My lip starts to tremble, so I stop for a second and wipe under my eyes and take a deep breath. "Then the only thing I can remember Is feeling my body being thrown around and then everything was black. That's all I remember before I woke up in the hospital"
The defense attorney asks me a similar series of questions but doesn't look particularly interested in hearing what I have to say about it and keep interrupting me which I find really rude.
"So don't you think that you making a statement aggravated my client?" she asks me, and I try to not get myself get shaken up and react to what she is saying. I know that she is trying to make me have a reaction or scream at her, and I'm not going to let her get that satisfaction.
"Getting angry is no valid reason to plan a car crash with the intent of killing three people. There is no valid reason to plan that. So maybe he got angry but that doesn't excuse it" I say calmly.
She tries different ways to get me to react to her but I'm not falling for her games, little does she know that I'm smarter than her. I take a law class at school as an AP course and they thought us about different strategies, I'm not stupid.
Finally, I get to go down from the witness box and sit next to my dad again. My head feels like it's going to explode, I'm so exhausted. The defense attorney keeps asking questions that feel so violating and make you feel like you're in the wrong, but I know that I haven't done something wrong here.
-taylors pov-
Now it's my turn to walk up to the witness box and I feel sick to my stomach. I remember the feeling of sitting up here last time like it was yesterday, but really it was almost exactly nine years ago. So much time has passed but the feelings are still there lingering in the back of my mind like a tattooed imprint.
"You had a relationship with the accused in the past right?" the defense attorney asks "yes, we dated for fifteen months up until late May 2016" I tell him. We have had witness prep about this, this part I'm prepared for. He asks me shortly about what that relationship was like and then onto the dreaded kidnapping. Thankfully we don't need to go into as much detail as we needed to last time, but it's still invasive questions about a really vulnerable time in my life.
Then he asks about the accident, and I tell him why I was in the backseat and what I remember, which isn't much. I can hardly remember anything off it, but I remember that we crashed and then things were black.
Then it's the defense attorneys turn to ask questions and I hate this part. She was really bugging me with how she asked Ellie questions, I wanted to scream at her for making Ellie that uncomfortable. It's bad enough that she has to sit here and tell her story, but this attorney was going after her and desperately trying to get a reaction.
She asks me questions about my relationship with Adam and how the split ended. "so you broke his heart?" she argues, and I sigh "I don't know what he was feeling. But I knew that I couldn't be in that relationship anymore"
Staying in a mentally abusive relationship wasn't good for me and I stand by that decision. I've come so far mentally that I know I made the right choice and that I would make it again. I needed to get out of that relationship so I could finally find the end of my golden string, joe.
That's how I turn anything she says that everything always leads me back into his waiting arms. When I broke up with Adam, I stumbled with tom but ended up with the love of my life. And with the kidnapping joe was there at the end of the dark tunnel holding me close and helping me put the pieces back together. I know that there is always, and have always, been something strong pulling us towards one another. We were meant to be together, and I know that with my whole body and soul.
**
It feels like it lasts forever but it only lasts about an hour, and we leave to go home while joe stays there. He wanted to sit there and watch all day and of course I'm not going to stop him from doing that. He says that he wants to know what's going on and what's being said, it helps him. But I know for Ellie and I, we do better with not being there more than we absolutely have to be. We are going back for the verdict tomorrow morning but not for anything else.
Ellie is completely drained when we walk in the door "are you okay" I ask her, and she shrugs. "There is just a lot on my mind" she says and go to get a glass of water and I follow after her.
"Then let's talk then, Abigail is picking up your sisters from school, so it's only us here until your boyfriend comes and then your dad comes later" I tell her, and we go into the living room.
She tucks her legs under her and stare off into space. "How do you feel about the trial. About the questions they asked you" I ask her, and she seems bothered and don't want to look at me. But when she eventually does, she has tears in her eyes, so I quickly move over to her and wrap her in my arms.
That's all she needs before she starts to sob. "let's remember that no matter what the jury decides he is staying in prison. The verdict won't change that, and we need to hold onto that. No matter what they decide we are safe" I tell her and kiss her head.
Eventually she calms down and we can talk about it for a while. She is nervous but aperently it helps that she knows that he can't get out and both of us are holding onto that.
"I have other things on my mind too" she says after calming down and when she wants to change the subject. By the look on her face and the sparkle in her eyes I see its about her boyfriend.
"tell me then. I'll talk to you about everything" I tell her and brush her hair out of her face. "Is it about Alex" I say, and she giggles.
"don't tell dad because he would kill both of us. But I'm really like... I don't know... I have all of these feelings that I don't know what to do with and I get this... tingling that I'm nervous about" she says and bite her lip.
She doesn't even need to say it, I know she is talking about sexual feelings. Its written clear as day on her face. I don't like the thought of her having those feelings or urges, but I try to remember that she is a 15-year-old girl and girls her age is full of hormones.
"i'm scared that its abnormal. Is it even normal to get these feelings... and the tingly feeling... I get urges" she can't even meet my gaze now.
"If we are talking about getting sexual feelings, getting horny. Its normal. I got those feelings around your age too" I tell her honestly. I remember what it was like for me, and how I touched myself for the first time when I was almost 15. It was an experience where I tried to figure out what I liked and what felt good for me. I'm not surprised if she is doing it too.
Now she meets my gaze and has a big grin on her face and nods softly. "I just couldn't not do it. And I feel embarrassed and weird about it. But I couldn't not do it. People talk about it, and I just had to try" she says and blush. "How did it make you feel?"
"Fireworks. And I didn't know who to talk about it with. I didn't want to google it, I tried that, and it was scary. And I didn't want to only talk to my friends, I talked to Lauren but it's not the same" she says and giggles.
I love that we have such a close relationship that we can talk about these kinds of stuff. It's not the most comfortable thing to talk with your teenager about but I want to have an open relationship with her about sexual feelings because I think that information is important. If I can give her information and answer her questions. Google isn't exactly the best place to go for those kinds of things because you never know what you're going to get.
"You can always talk to me about these things Ellie. There is nothing that's off limits for you to ask me about. I would much rather you came to me than search on Google" I tell her, and she agrees.
"Do you... do you do it?" she says and look away and I chuckle "yes, I do. It's a fairly normal thing even if you are married, or is in a relationship, because every time you learn something new about what feels good for you"
She seems deep in thought, as if she is debating asking me another question. "Did you have urges of having someone... touch you... at my age" she asks.
I sort of knew that she was going to ask about something like this at some point, but it still makes me nervous. The fact that she is thinking about having someone touch her Is nerve-wracking for me.
"If you want an honest answer. Yes, I did. I've told you I didn't have sex before I was 20 years old though. But of course, I had those urges when I was in relationships. There are other things you can do that also makes you feel good, not just penetrative sex" maybe she is hinting that she has done more than just kiss and make out? If she has, I'm sure as hell not going to tell joe anything because he would kill that boy for touching his baby girl.
"Then I guess that's normal too then" she says and bite her lip. I don't know If I want to know more than this, I don't know if I want to know if someone is touching her sexually, but I guess that it's a coming-of-age situation. I remember being 15 and making out with my boyfriend as he would touch my breasts either over or under my shirt. It was a way of adding more intimacy without actually having sex.
The doorbell goes off and Ellie runs to get it and I can her that its Alex coming over. And they come into the living room so he can say hi to me before they head into the playroom. After what she just said I'm a bit nervous to let her be alone with him, but there is nothing I can really do to stop them.
Then my phone goes off and its joe. "Hi babe, what's up?" I ask him and try to get the conversation with Ellie out of my head.
"The trial is over for the day. The jury is going to debate now. Can you come and pick me up?" he asks as that was our plan. But I'm a bit nervous to let Ellie be alone in the house with her boyfriend, but I guess it won't take me that long to pick joe up.
So I tell him I'm on my way before I head into the playroom where they are snuggled up on the couch watching tv. "i'm going to go and get your dad from the courthouse. Are you going to be okay here on your own?" I tell them and I raise my eyebrow clearly hinting if they're going to behave and not do something while I'm gone. "We are fine mom. Just going to watch tv. See you later" she says and hesitantly I leave the house.
-ellies pov-
When my mom leaves, I'm snuggled against Alex's chest, and we have already talked a bit about the trial, but I just don't want to talk about it today. I want to get my mind off it and wait for the verdict tomorrow.
So I lean up and softly kiss him which he happily deepens. "You sure you're in the mood to make out" he asks, and I sigh into his mouth "I need it. I don't want to think about the other stuff"
I change my position so that I'm straddling him, and I start to get tingly feelings again. It feels so good, and he is holding onto my waist under my shirt. His tongue is in my mouth playing with mine and I can't help but moan.
We decide to move upstairs to my room and giggling we head up there and intertwine our bodies on my bed and the kissing turns really heated. "Maybe... could I touch your breasts again. Would you want that I mean?"
I giggle and pull away biting my lip "I think that would be the prefect use of our time alone in this house" I say we are giggling and exchanging kisses as he slides his hand up under my shirt and running his fingers over my bra. "you're wearing a bra today" he says with a smirk.
"Then take it off" I say with slight hesitation. "you sure. I've never seen your... I have only touched them under your shirt. But I would love to see them" he says and kiss my cheek.
I sit up and take my shirt off leaving me in just my pink bra and he looks between my breasts and my face. "wow" this whole situation feels really intimate and special.
Clumsily he reaches behind me and eventually manage to unclip my bra and take it off leaving my chest for him to see and I get nervous. "you're so beautiful" he says.
"they're not big, they're quite small" I say and bite my lip "you're perfect Elliana" he says and start to kiss me again before letting one of his hands touch my breast and I sigh and feel sparks in my whole body.
I can see he is nervous when he moves his mouth down my neck and towards my boob and my heart speeds up thinking about what he is going to do next. "Could I... could I kiss them" he asks, and I giggle "yes"
He takes one of my nipples in his mouth and I gasp feeling that contact for the first time. I've never felt something like this before, it feels really good. He kisses all around my chest and suck on different parts and is probably leaving marks. I'm running my fingers through his hair and one moan after the other escape my mouth. I love how we are taking things really slowly and exploring each other's bodies in our own pace.
We can hear the front door open, and I panic and quickly slip on my shirt again and both of us are giggling and blushing. We just took another step and it felt really good. I don't know what we are going to do next, but I'm loving having him touch me. This was the perfect thing to take my mind off the trial.
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