-Taylors Pov-
There is a long pause "hi Taylor" her usual tone is changed to a serious one. "what's wrong" I say and sit up and joe rubs my back clearly understanding that something is wrong.
"Honestly, I don't even know how to say this but there has been a leak. The sealed court documents from the trial are out there. Everything is out there, every testimony and every detail brought up in court" she says, and my eyes widen. Holly shit no.
"Wait what? How?" I say and put it on speaker so joe can hear too, and I quickly tell him what tree said. "There was a break in at the courthouse over the weekend, and it's not just your documents released, it's for several others too but obviously this has made the press go crazy"
The documents were sealed because there was a minor involved and because it was such a high-profile case. Some of it was for the public so they know a lot, but they don't know the most intimate details. They don't know what Ellie said and they didn't know about the rape. They knew we were kidnapped and hurt but the most sensitive details were left sealed for a reason.
"What do we do now?" I say and wipe away the tears falling from my eyes. "Like I don't care about me but what about the kids and especially Ellie. It's such a violation, and she doesn't know about the rape. And Kenzie and aurora don't know much about the whole thing either because they were so young or haven't really asked about it"
This is a nightmare. It's been nine years since it happened, why can't we just leave it in the past. It took us years to get to a place where we aren't having nightmares every night and constantly reminded about it, but now it's out there and there isn't really anything I can do about it.
"As you would imagine, I'm being contacted by everyone, and they all want a statement. But I'm not going to push it if that's too much" she says. "Well, I need to talk to Ellie. I'm not doing anything until I get to talk to her because this isn't just about me, it's about her too"
God and Ellie are at school. I hope that it hasn't reached the school yet, that would just make matters worse. I want her to hear it from me, not from her classmates. This is a sensitive issue and it's not fair on her to hear about such serious matters at school. Part of me want to go pull her out from school early, but I'm not going to do that. I'm going to talk to her when she comes back from dance tonight before she goes to bed. She deserves to have a say in how we handle this.
We talk for a bit more with tree before we hang up and I star to sob. "Oh love. I'm sorry" joe says and pulls me into his arms, and I sob against his chest. "This isn't fair on her. She is still a child. I don't care about me, but she... she doesn't deserve this... and the other kids will know too, and I don't want that. I don't want any of them to know the kind of things that happened to me in that room. I don't want that to ever come to light again"
-ellies pov-
I'm walking down the hallway on my way to lunch but I'm uncomfortable because as I walk everyone is looking at me. I don't understand what's going on. I just went to the bathroom to check that I hadn't bleed through or something because I'm on my period, but there wasn't any blood.
I do know that usually when people get like this it's some sort of scandal or headline about my parents, and I don't want to deal with that today. Actually, I don't want to ever deal with that. I hate that part of their jobs because I didn't choose this. I didn't choose to have world famous parents that have stuff in the headlines all the time and comes to haunt me in school.
I'm sitting with Lauren and Katie when a familiar voice is calling my name from behind. "Look who we have her. The kidnapped girl. Did he rape you too Ellie? Just like he did with your mom?" Rebecca says and I freeze. What is she talking about?
Slowly I turn around to faced her "I have no idea what you are talking about. Leave me alone" I say and try to keep my voice confident but neutral, I don't want to start drama on my first day back at school.
"oh, don't you know. It's all over the news. The court documents are all over the news. How your mom was raped and what you said to the court. You sounded pathetic by the way. No wonder he took you you're just whiny---" she talks but a teacher cut her off. "Rebecca to the principal's office right now" a male teacher calls for her and she smirks at me before walking off.
Even though the teacher cut her off the damage is already done. Now people know that something happened to my mom that week, something I didn't even know. I'm struggling to hold back my tears and I pack down my lunch in silence and get to the nurse's office, I need to get out of here.
"Hi what can I do for you" the nurse asks and I can't keep the tears back. "i need to go home. Please" I whimper like the pathetic girl I am. "do you want to talk about it?" she says and gives me a soft look telling me that she heard. I just tell her that I don't want to talk, I just need to go home.
**
She gets a call from my mom that she is outside, and I go to get my stuff before heading out to the car. I'm so mad right now, how could my parents send me to school when they knew this was going on. Now everyone knows and I had to find out in front of a cafeteria filled with teenagers. I'm mortified that this happened today.
I get in the car and don't talk to my mom. "Ellie what's wrong?" she says softly.
I look over at her with my bloodshot eyes and she sighs and bite her lip "the news made it to the school, didn't it?" she asks me, and I don't need to say anything she knows that it did.
Clearly, I'm not interested in talking with her, so she drives us home and the second I get in the door I run up to my room and close the door before I curl up in my bed sobbing. Why haven't my mom ever told me about this? Who do they keep something like this from me. In my eyes I have a right to know everything that happened down there. They can't keep these kinds of things from me, it's not fair.
-taylors pov-
i walk into joes waiting arms "she knows. It made it to the school. Everyone knows" I say and choke on my words. "She is so mad she won't even talk to me, and I don't blame her. She had a right to know, this is my faul---" joe cuts me off.
"No Taylor, she didn't have the right to know that detail. What happened in that room is for you to know and tell if you feel like it's the right thing to do. She isn't entitled to that information because it happened to you not her. None of this is your fault my love" he says and kiss my forhead.
I want to believe him, I want to stop taking the blame on my shoulders, but I just can't keep myself from blaming myself. It feels like this is my fault, that I never told her. But how do you tell your daugther that the screams she heard was because someone was raping her mother. That's not something that just come up in everyday conversations.
After crying in joe's chest for a bit I tell him that I need to go and talk to her. This conversation is one that was bound to happened at some point, but I didn't think It would be like this.
I knock on her door and walk in "hi sweetie we need to talk" I say and sit on the edge of her bed. "Go away mom. I don't want to talk to you" she groans.
"I think this is a conversation that we need to have. You clearly learnt some things today that you didn't know about. And I'm sorry that it had to come out at school. We only learned about it a few hours go that it was out, and by then you were at school" I explain to her. I do sort of regret not just going to pick her up when we found out, so we didn't risk being in this situation, but I can't go back in time and change that.
"What happened mom. And don't lie to me again. I read the documents. Why didn't you tell me that's why you were screaming!" she yells at me and cry at the same time.
I bite my lip and choose my words carefully "you were six years old Ellie. I didn't know how to have that conversation with you because I didn't want you to know that I was in that type of pain. This isn't something any mother wants to tell their children. And I can hardly talk about it with anyone, so I didn't know how to talk to you about it"
she tucks her legs close to her chest as she sits up and wrap her arms around them. "i had a right to know mom. I was there. Those screams still haunt me at night. That week is the reason I stopped eating. I had a right to know everything that happened. But I had to learn about it from Rebecca who called me out on it in front of the entire school in the cafeteria. It was humiliating"
I sigh "i know you're mad, and I'm not going to pretend that I know what it was like to hear me scream like that. But that part of it was my story and it's not something I wanted to ever tell you. That part of it you weren't entitled too. But I am sorry that it came out like this"
I know she feels like she deserves to know, but at the end of the day it happened to me and not her. We were there together but that separate room was my story, and I didn't want to open that door and have her know what happened in there. It's my job as a parent to protect my children from stuff like this, but now I'm forced to talk about it, and I don't think that's fair on me either.
"Everyone knows what happened now mom. They knew what I said too. Everyone knows. Why did someone do this" she sobs, and I pull her into my arms and tuck her head under my chin. "I don't know why someone did this but I'm sorry that you found out at school"
She is sobbing like she hasn't done in years; this is clearly painful for her too and I can't help but cry too. That week we spent down there gave us a special sort of bond because we are the only two people that really knew what It was like because we felt it on our bodies.
"Is this why you are so big about talking about consent? Because someone did something to you without consent" She says and pull away far enough so she can look at me. "yes. I want you and your sisters to be informed so you always know that you have the right to say no. If you say yes first and then say no it's a no. If someone continue after you say no its rape. That's the law. You have every right to not want to have sex" I tell her sternly.
I don't want my girls to ever feel like they have to have sex if they aren't ready for it. It's not something that they haft to do if they don't want to or aren't ready for it. I can't tell them enough times about how important consent it. It goes the other way too, if they start something and the other person says stop its stop. To have sex both parties need to be consenting to it. And if you're underage you can't consent to sex. If both are under 18 its not illegal, but if one of them is over 18 it actually is illegal because the underage person can't legally consent.
"how old do you need to be to know if you're ready to have sex? And how do I know if its rape or not if it hurts or I don't feel good about it" she asks. "well, there is no age you need to reach to know if you are ready, but the law says you can't consent before you're 18. but it's not illegal if both parties Are underage. You know its rape if someone is still forcing you or pressuring you after you have said no, stop or tried to get away"
She takes her time and think about it, and I give her the time she needs. "What do I say at school if people keep asking about what happened. I don't know what to say because I don't even know what to say to myself" she says. "You can tell them that you don't want to talk about it. No one is entiteled to information about it from you. It's a part of your story that you are in control of telling if you want to or doesn't want to. The court documents were sealed for a reason, and I'm furious that someone did something like this to you and took your right to privacy away from you"
We worked hard to have the documents sealed because Adam and his lawyers didn't want them sealed. They wanted everyone to know about it, so it took a while before we got the order that they were to be sealed. They based it on the best interest of a child, and that weighed heavier than the defendants wish. I don't know why Adam was so persistent that the documents should be out there, I don't know what he wished to achieve with that. If anything, the documents, make him look even worse than he already did.
There is another knock on the door and joe comes in "hey there. How is it going in here" he says and sit down on the bed too. "Dad did you know about that room?" Ellie asks him and he nods. "Yes, your mom told me"
"Does that mean she cheated on you?" she asks and that stings my heart, but joe shake his head "No, she didn't want to. When it's not consensual it can't be cheating"
Then her eyes widen, and she start to cry again "Mom is this why you didn't want me to go into that room. Is that what he was telling you would happen to me if you didn't listen" she says, and I can't keep my own tears from streaming down my face. "yes" I choke out.
This sends Ellie into hysteria and joe sits closer to her and hold her tightly in his arms. I think realization has hit her about what could have happened to her, about what I took the pain for instead of her. I would do it a million times over if it meant keeping that type of pain away from her. She was six years old, and I was the adult, I had to take the worst of it to spare her.
"Elliana you need to take deep breaths. You are okay and your mom is okay" joe says and kiss her forhead before gently rocking her. She Is almost fifteen years old but moments when she remembers something that happened that week, she gets like a little child again and needs snuggles and comfort. It's like remembering something takes her back nine years and she is six years old again. But we are told by her therapist that it's a common side effect of trauma, that there is a part of you stuck in the time that something horrible happened to you.
"Mommy I don't want to hurt" she whimpers, and I climb on the other side of her where joe isn't and hug her from that side. "Elliana we are at home. Its 2035 right now, we are not in the basement. That was nine years ago. You're safe and mommy and daddy are right here" I tell her and make sure that I'm holding her tightly.
"mommy" she whimpers again, and I kiss her head. "i'm right here" gently I start to hum a tune for her to try to calm her down while I also try to minimize my own crying. Joe and I lock eyes and he are on the verge of tears too. This is really hard on all of us, but at least we are adults, Ellie is a child still and handles this differently than us. I'm also scared that this is going to cause her to slip into unhealthy habits again, I don't want that for her, and I need to keep an eye on that more than usual now.
It takes her a while but eventually her stream of tears slows down and she breaths normally again. "Who does this happen. Why do I keep panicking like this" she says and lay her head on my chest. "it's normal when you have gone through a big trauma. But we are here to hold you close and comfort you. You don't have to go through hard things alone Elliana. We are here with you"
**
We are driving together to pick up the girls today. Ellie is so big now that she prefers to be at the studio on her own and have up pick her up after, aperently its embarrassing if we are there with her.
But when we pick up aurora and Kenzie, I can tell something is off with aurora. She is usually talking up a storm or bickering but now she is sitting there quietly and clearly lost in her thoughts. So after we drop of Ellie and get to the gym, I hold her back while joe goes in with Kenzie.
"Hey sweetie, what's wrong" I ask her and caress her head. "Mom is it true? People at school are talking. Why don't I know about what happened nine years ago"
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