-taylors pov-
I reach Ellies bathroom and start to gather trash and then I lift up her little holder for some of her stuff on the counter and I see something that she has hidden, and my eyes widen, there are three blades under there and my heard sinks.
is she cutting? She can't be. This nightmare is just getting worse and worse. I take a tissue and take the blades with me downstairs, Kenzie and aurora are still at school, so we need to deal with this before they get home.
"Ellie. We need to talk" I say and sit down on the couch and turn off the tv joe and her was watching so they give me their attention.
"I found something in your bathroom when I was throwing out trash, and I need you to tell me honestly what you were doing with them" I say and open the tissue and lay it with the blades showing on the coffee table before looking at joe whose eyes widen.
"Ellie?" he asks, and she burst out in tears, so I pull her into my arms form one side and joe does the same from the other side as she sobs. "i'm sorry" she whimpers between sobs.
"it's okay Ellie, I'm not mad. But we need to help you, this isn't okay, and it won't help you in the long run sweetie" I say and kiss her head.
"how long have you been cutting Ellie?" joe ask, and we pull away from her when the sobs slow down so we can look at her face and listen to what she has to say. "Since Saturday. I didn't want to, but I just needed something. And I heard... heard that it helps... so I just had to try, and it helped" she tells us honestly.
"It might give some immediate relief, but that fades, it's never enough for the voice in your head. And at a point the wounds leave scars that will follow you for the rest of your life Elliana. Who told you about this?" I know for sure that she didn't get this idea on her own.
"One of the girls on the ward told me" she tells me honestly and I want to explode but I can't do that in front of her. They were there to get better and instead they are giving eachother tips on how to hurt themself? "She said that if I did it high up on my leg no one would know"
"I need you to show me Ellie where you did it because I need to see that it doesn't need stitches or that it isn't infected" I tell her, and she agrees that she will do that after we are done talking. "and I'm sorry, but this means we can't trust you in your bathroom alone. I know that it's hard, but you broke that trust now Ellie and we need to take actions against that. It's not that we want to punish you, we really don't, but we can't let you into dangerous situations when you can't control it" joe says, and I agree.
I feel bad that we are taking one thing after another form her in terms of her independence, but if she can't be responsible, we can't trust her anymore. She has broken our trust and that takes time to get back.
"Please that's the only thing I have left, the only privacy I have" she cries, and I shake my head. "Hopefully you can get it back soon, but we can't trust you now, and we need to do this at least until the joint therapy session on Thursday because we need advice about how to handle this. It's not to punish you Ellie, it's about protecting you from the harmful impulses" I tell her.
Joe leaves to pick up the other girls from school and I follow Ellie upstairs so I can look at the cuts. She takes off her pants and take off the band aids on the inside of her thigh. I try to not show how hurt I am to her as it's not really her fault, it's the mental illness trying to get a grasp on her to handle her hard emotions in a destructive way.
"let's wash them so there isn't more blood, I have an antibacterial thing to put on cuts because I don't know how dirty the blades were and I don't want them to get infected, and then we have some more proper band aids to keep dirt out of it" I tell her and kiss her forehead.
"Are you disappointed in me" she says and look down "no I'm not, I'm sad that you are in so much pain that you turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms. But I can't be mad because you're hurting, and I don't want that for you. So we are going to work together to get you better Elliana"
She follows me to my bathroom, and we get her cleaned up properly. The antibacterial stuff stings but it's important to keep it clean.
"Now I know you don't want me to do this, but I need to go through your bathroom and room to check for more. I know you said you don't have more, but I need to make sure. And where did you get the blades from" I tell her, and she tells me she got them from our bathroom while we were downstairs.
So while she reads a book on her bed I go through some places in her room, get rid of her scissors and tell her that she needs to be around us if she is going to use them, and then I make sure there are no more blades in her bathroom. I also remove the blades from our bathroom and put them somewhere else, so she isn't tempted to go in there again. It's a delicate balance of what to remove because we don't want to shield her from any possible trigger because that isn't real life, but we don't want to tempt her either. So for now, no sharp objects upstairs.
"so are you going to be responsible and not go in the bathroom or do I need to lock it to help you. I'm not accusing you of anything I just want to know how much responsibility you can handle right now" I ask her, and she takes some time to think and said I should probably lock the one in her room, but she is fine with the other bathrooms, that's a good compromise, I think.
The other girls and joe come home, and I go downstairs to hear all about their day while Ellie gets some time to relax as she is exhausted from therapy and us finding out about her hurting herself. Joe and I need to talk about this all, because I need to talk about it but we can't before the kids go to bed. I know it's not Ellies fault, but it's exhausting that it's one thing after the other, I feel like there is always a new thing that comes at us, and I feel overwhelmed.
Aurora and Kenzie gets set up with their homework at the kitchen table and joe led me into the living room for a loment alone and wrap his arms around me. "I can see how tense you are Taylor, we get to talk about it when the girls are in bed. Just know that we are in this together" he says and kiss the top of my head.
"Is it bad that the only thing I want now is you and me naked upstairs and letting the world outside fade into nothing because we are pleasuring one another" I whisper in his ear, and he tighten his arms around me. "We can do that when the girls are in bed. We haven't had sex since before Ellie got in the hospital"
When we get to be together like that, I get some fun intimate moments with my husband, but it also relaxes my body and my mind. When we are making love, I forget about everything else going on in our lives and right now that sounds wonderful to me.
Joe goes to get dinner ready while I help Kenzie and aurora with their homework. Neither one of them like homework, but they have to do it before dinner even though it ends in arguments. We are trying to figure out how to make homework easier for the family and are considering even waking them up an hour earlier in the morning and doing it before school because it's not working with doing It after school. When they get home, they are exhausted and want to relax or play, but they are stuck with homework. If we did it in the morning, we would probably get happier kids when they get home from school even though it means getting up earlier.
"mom" Ellie calls from upstairs so I excuse myself from the girls and go to hear what is up. "i need to use the bathroom" she says and look down and I shrug "sure, come on" I tell her with a smile and unlock her bathroom. do I want to be following my 12-year-old in the bathroom? No but we can't trust her. So I turn on the sink and turn around to give her some sense of privacy as she does what she needs to do.
**
We get all the girls in bed and after cleaning up downstairs we go to our bedroom and turn smiling at eachother because we know what's about to happen, but we need to talk first, so we lay down on the bed facing one another.
"I got really scared when I saw those blades... It took me back in time to those days where I would sit on the floor in my bathroom with a bottle of pills and a box of blades." I tell him. It did trigger something in me even though my days that were like that was 16 years ago back in 2016. So much time has passed but it did trigger me regardless.
"i'm proud of how you're handling all this Taylor, you're a better mom than you give yourself credit for. And it hurts to know that she feels she needs to hurt herself to get some relief, but the most important thing is that we act calm and get her the help she needs. Yelling at her or scolding her will only mean that she isn't going to talk to us about what's going on with her at all"
We have been really careful with not yelling at her about all this because at the end of the day it's a mental illness and she didn't want this; she didn't want to feel this way. "I just feel like it's my fault that she is struggling because my job puts this huge microscope on her from the day she was born. For twelve years the media has been searching for any kind of information on her because of me"
The guilt I had when I was pregnant with her never really went away, it's always been there in the back of my mind because it's still the reality of the situation. Being the child of two A-list celebrities comes with a set of challenges the girls never asked for. Whenever they leave the house, they risk having their pictures across the front pages of magazines because the gossip magazines are more concerned with making money than they are with protecting children.
It's sad that we live in a world like that, and especially when they comment on how the kids look and even how much they might weigh and what size of clothing they were. It's not just our kids that get treated like this, its every child of a celebrity. Even though we live in Nashville and there aren't paparazzi here normally, they are not completely protected anyway. There are always people looking for making easy money by taking a picture with their phone and selling it, and when we go to one of our other houses it's even more risky for that stuff.
"it's not your fault Taylor, and it has never been your fault. It's the nosey media's fault that they don't respect that our children aren't up for discussion. We have been crystal clear about that for twelve years now, just like we have about our relationship for the last sixteen years, its none of their business" he says, and I know he is right.
"i'm sorry I was in the hospital on our anniversary, and we couldn't do something" I tell him and sigh, we wanted to go out to dinner or something like we always do, but of course the kids come first. "don't think about it Taylor, it's just how it is. We can have a date night sometime soon. We always figure out moments to spend together.
MATURE CONTENT
He flips us in bed so he is hovering over me, and I bite my lip "i'm about to make you feel really good Taylor, and that's better than any date night. I'm going to make your legs shake and toes curl when you reach your orgasm" he whispers in my ear.
Our lips interlock and the make out session turns heated pretty quickly and I moan softly when I feel his hands wandering around my body. His mouth travels down to my neck and I sigh in content and pull his shirt over his head exposing his bare chest.
Even after all these years and even turning 41years old he is still really hot. But I think that his personality ads to that because it doesn't matter what you look like if you have a shitty personality. It's not sexy at all.
He takes my shirt off and kiss all over my chest before removing my bra and taking my nipple in his mouth and massaging the other. He knows exactly where on my body he needs to work to really get me wet, he knows me better than anyone. As I've gotten older it takes more effort to get me wet enough, but he is patent and let it take as long as it takes. He never makes me feel embarrassed or stupid that I need more time than I did when we first met. That's just what happens with time. It's not that he doesn't turn me on, he does all the time, but for me to get wet enough it takes more time.
"Mm I love you" I say and run my fingers through his hair as he is playing with my nipple with his tongue "I love you too" he says and travel down to my pants and take them off me leaving me in a pair of panties.
"they're not sexy tonight, sorry" I say, and he shakes his head "I don't care what kind of panties or thong you wear. You make anything look sexy anyway. Just you being you is sexy as hell. Now let me pleasure you" he says and smirk as he slides my panties down my legs leaving me bare for his eyes to see.
He runs a finger through my folds, «let's get you even wetter shall we" he says and spread my legs before going down with his mouth and making contact which makes me gasp softly.
We need to make sure we are quiet as there are three children on this floor so we can't scare them with loud moans or screaming eachothers names as we reach and orgasm. To get any time to have sex when you have three children you need to master the art of being quiet so we can get the pleasure we desire, and the kids get sleep.
I have my fingers tangled in his chair holding him close to my core and he ads his longs fingers that make me moan. He has always had long fingers and when I creep on my fans, I see that they notice that too which always makes me giggle. Especially when he did conversations with friends' people were thirsting for my man, but he is all mine.
As I throw my head back I clench around him and ride out my high with a panting breath and hold back the screams I want to let out from the pleasure.
Joe licks me clean which I always find hot before taking of his own underwear and running himself up and down my folds before gently sliding in and we moan softly when we feel the close contact, we both crave.
Sometimes we are rough and dirty, tonight is all about loving one another and making eachother feel food. I don't know which type of sex is my favorite, I just do what we feel like in that moment.
-ellies pov-
I can't sleep and I'm tossing and turning around in bed. The sheets feel suffocating, and I want to go in the bathroom and hurt myself. But my om took my blades, and I don't know where she hit her blades. I could go downstairs and get something from the kitchen, but I have to learn to resist the urges. Mom told me all about the ugly scars that would mark my body for the rest of my life if I did this, so I want to stop myself.
To get my mind off it all I decide that I need my mom, I need to talk to her. I know its midnight, but she says I can always come and get her if I need her at night. Usually, I don't want to bother anyone, but tonight the urges are so bad.
So I get out of bed and tiptoe towards my parent's room and gently open the door as I heard them laughing but then my eyes widen when I see something I do not want to ever see....
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