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"What the heck are you doing all by yourself? Where's the postman?"
I was brought out of my fantasy by my mom's loud voice burning holes in my eardrums when she suddenly knocked the door and very violently tapped on my shoulder.
Those were some good five minutes...
I had almost flinched at her stern voice, knowing that there are times when she understands my body language when I lie.
But I still tried to play cool, enclosing my hand into a fist and turning back at her, with a visible frown.
"He left...he had to go to the third floor." I said, looking into her confused eyes. She looked here and there for the sight of the said postman.
"Were you chatting with him? Took you long enough..."
I sighed at her words, knowing what she meant.
"I was expecting this question. What am I? A princess of the Joseon dynasty? Why do you always keep an eye on me?"
Can't I get some privacy? I'm 18 for God's sake...
"Aish, I was just asking...you know the world is nasty, I don't want anyone to think wrong about you. We never know what intentions someone has."
Her words were meaningful but I was still dumbfounded. Not her fault, the world is a cruel place. Because of some wrong people, the whole world is mistaken.
Even the good people out there.
"I-I just told him the right address. Don't worry, let's go in." I managed to say, lowering my gaze.
She nodded and followed me inside, locking the door.
I quickly walked into my room and took out my notebook, copying the letters which turned blurry on my palm due to sweat, onto the crumpled paper.
I was smiling all the time, unknowingly. When I turned to put the notebook back, my eyes fell on my reflection, my very own self.
It took me some time to take in my own smiling face, because even I never witnessed myself smiling for so long. My cheeks were hurting but my stomach was fluttering.
It was a weird feeling. But I was liking it, because it was making me happy.
And when something makes you happy, you don't want it to end... ever.
I wanted to meet Jungkook so bad. Not because he invited me, but because I wanted to spend time with him.
I wanted to know him more, as a friend, as an individual and as a human. He radiated similar vivacity as me, and I just knew that it would feel nice talking to him.
Maybe he also wanted to talk out with someone? Or maybe... it was just a favor he was returning?
I didn't know...
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*Jungkook's POV*
"What the hell did you send me on chat Jungkookie? What does 'hyunggg selsnomslajal' means?"
I couldn't control the sudden burst of laughter that left my mouth after hearing Taehyung's words.
"Did you really just pronounce my keyboard smash out loud?"
"What the heck is a keyboard smash now?" He was dumbfounded and I found it cute.
I took off my boots and sat next to him, throwing my arms around his neck. "You're so cute hyung, like an illiterate grandpa."
"Illiterate my ass! Just because I'm anti-social doesn't mean you should make fun of me like that!" He crossed his arms and I threw myself back, giggling at his adorable behaviour.
"Sorry hyung, it is just something random that you type when you're excited." I explained, burying my face in the warmth of the soft pillow.
"You were excited? I thought you were drunk or something."
"I was excited, because I found her." I squealed silently into the fabric after saying the words loud. My happiness was bound to crawl out some way or other.
"You did! Oh my God! Where does she live? You found her house number? How was she now?"
He seems as excited as me.
I sat up again, trying to make a straight face. But it was never possible with Kim Taehyung himself.
I was immediately attacked by his fingers crawling onto my tummy and tickling hard. He tackled me down on the bed and we both started to laugh way too loud.
"Hyung! Stop it!" I wheezed, trying to get him off me. My eyes were filled with tears and my throat was dry after laughing so hard.
"So that was the reason of the 'hyung~ selsnomslajal' huh?"
"Stop saying that again and again! I can't..." I rubbed my face with my hands in an attempt to wipe the tears away which were now flowing down my cheeks.
Taehyung was hilarious.
I sat up again, both of us taking deep breaths. His hair were disheveled and so were mine. We looked like a total mess.
Taehyung's company was all I needed in these hard times.
He made me forget about my worries, even though it was just for some time. But I was glad there was someone to make me laugh and check up on me.
I was so grateful for this human.
I gawked at him while trying to catch my breath and he was inhaling deep breathes. I rubbed his back and offered him a bottle of water from the nightstand, which he immediately gulped down, regaining his composure.
"That's why I say you shouldn't do this. Are you okay?" I was concerned, worriedly looking at his face. His health wasn't too well and I was the only one who could take care of his situation in the best way.
"I'm fine. I was just too blown away..." He chuckled and I smiled, rubbing his cheek softly.
"So, I need details." He finally blurted out after two minutes and I facepalmed.
I knew he was as eager as me, knowing that I was always an introvert, like him. I barely ever started a conversation, especially with a female.
I felt the tips of my ears burning at his demand. I recollected my conscience, licking my lips.
"We didn't talk much. She was cleaning and barely spared five minutes... her hair were messy but it was cute," I rubbed the back of my neck, recalling all the events.
"Cute, you say?" He wiggled his brows.
"Yeah," I puffed my chest, "she is cute. Not in a specific way but the way she talks is so... endearing? I don't know."
"So what did you say?" He asked, mischief glittering in his brown eyes.
"Uh... I gave her my email and phone number... because her own phone was at repair. I asked for a lunch date as well-"
I stopped and bit my tongue.
I messed up, didn't I?
"Uh huh, and?" He shook his head, the smile never leaving his lips.
So he didn't pay attention to what I said? Or is he teasing me?
"And um...she said she will ask her mom for the permission. Seems like she has strict parents." I frowned, sighing into my hands.
"That's not so bad. I read somewhere, pretty girls have strict parents." He told me, looking at his nails.
"Yeah, no doubt."
Curse my big mouth.
"Aren't you making it too obvious?" He laughed, making me flustered. I covered my ears with my hands, my usual habit to hide my embarrassment.
"I just hope you get close to her, it's very rare to see you this happy and flustered," he patted my thigh.
"Hyung, I have exams now. I can't go out for a whole week and I need to work hard. This semester was tough and there's so much to cover." I frowned deeper, "I need to make them proud so they can brag about me to their friends. Who even cares about my happiness? My youth is all spent for them. And still, they never asked me if I'm okay? If I need them? If I need something other than just appreciation? I am well aware that I am capable of doing this... but does my happiness matter? Or am I just born to please them?"
"I don't know, Jungkookie. Your case is weird. Your parents lift all your expenses but don't care much about your existence. By how much I know, you're not being raised, you're being trained. Trained to be perfect. Trained to be the best out there. You're not really enjoying your life like other teenagers and sometimes I pity you."
I sighed at his remarks.
He wasn't wrong. It was very obvious.
"Where other classmates of yours are partying out, you're spending your time doing calculus. You don't even basically know the outside life. If we weren't friends and had I not shown you some of the basic outside accomodations, you wouldn't even know what a freaking bar is."
"Sure, you're right. I've been raised with a silver spoon. But since the last two years, I've forgotten who I was. I'm not enjoying what I'm doing but I'm being forced... I can't deny them because... I'm weak."
I was so lost in thoughts that I didn't even realise the tightness in my throat was practically choking me. I gulped, blinking several times to regain my conscience.
"You're not weak, Jungkook. You're the strongest soldier I've known. You always try your best and trust me, this will pay off. You'll be happy."
"When, hyung?" I muttered, feeling suffocated.
"What?" He looked at me with furrowed brows.
"When will I be okay? When will I be happy?" I felt my lower lip trembling due to anxiousness.
That's why I avoid talking about this to anyone... I know I will lose it.
"No darkness lasts forever, Jungkook. Everything turns out right in the end. If it's not right, then it's not the end, yet." He smiled, brushing my fallen bangs away from my sweaty forehead.
But what if the darkness has consumed you on the inside?
Will someone notice? Will someone know what's inside the soul of someone who pretends to be fine?
This darkness is testing me...
I've had enough. I want to be normal. I want to live freely.
But this darn darkness, it's burning me on the inside.
And no one sees.
A/N
Filler chapter. I'm sorry for the delay :(
Thank you for 5K! I've never imagined that I'll reach here and we still have a long way to go in Depressed!
Thanks for all the sweet support ❤️