Hello loves! This is a super long chapter so bear with me! Thank you all for the support and check out my main page for a question that I'd love your answers on!
Anywho, this chapter contain graphic content like
Suicide
Suicidal thoughts and actions
Mania
Read at your own risk
When you're mortal, life is nothing more than a drawn-out game of Russian Roulette. Every moment is the spin of a gun cylinder, every decision pointing the barrel at your head. Over and over, again and again, you pull the trigger, hoping it won't be your last turn in the game.
J.M. Darhower,
Waking up was hard, Belle's eyes were stiff, tears and rheum caking down her cheeks and the corner of her eyes, the light trickled through the window of the Impala, a bottle rattled next to her, Bobby must have put it there along with two water bottles. Sitting up and shrugging off the heavy quilt, she downed a handful of the medication, flushing them down with water and sitting up. Ignoring the dizziness that filled her head as looked around, they must have pulled into a gas station. Grunting she swings the door to baby open. Sniffing at the fresh air that filled her lungs.
Her body ached, a dull pulse that was masked as the pills dissolved, there was a light cough, flipping her head she saw Sam standing awkwardly with a coffee in hand, pushing it into her hand, "Here you go, I just got the regular sugar and stuff." Belle hummed appreciatively as she downed the scorching liquid, ignoring the burn.
"Thanks Sammy," she whispered, swirling the remaining coffee unadroitly, trying to force her eyes away from her Uncle's
He takes a step toward her, freezing as she flinches away, stiffening in defense. "I uhm, I don't now what happened to you this past year, Dean doesn't wanna tell me, and I understand if you don't either, but Belle?" He waits until she drags her eyes to him, "I love you and it's gonna be okay."
"I know it will be," she smiles falsely, Death's promise clutching the deeper parts of her mind, "Uncle Sammy? Are you sure you don't remember-"?
The question on the bridge of the teen's tounge dies as Dean prances over, snacks in his arms as he smiles, "All right lets rock and roll."
Belle shakes her head, turning to slink back into the impala, her elbow caught by her uncle, "You can still ask?"
"No." She jerks her arm from him, not turning her eyes as she addressed him. "Forget it Sam."
****
A few hours later, they were checking into a motel, Belle scoffed hotly, grabbing her card that she knew Derek didn't know about, and hopefully neither did Aunt Penny, "I'll have a single please," she told the gentleman at the desk, flipping her 'ID' for him as he nodded taking her card and giving her a key. "Just auto charge it for however many nights." She told him slipping him a ten as she walked away from the two men.
"Belle!" Dean yelled after her, the teen waving him off, "We need to work on the case." He snapped leaving Sam to check the two of them in as he followed her in.
The motel was dodgy but not terribly so, looking down at her key, 126, finding the door as Dean stomped after her, "I'll join you after." She hissed at him, "Can you chill the fuck out? Or are you gonna act like a crazy sunnavabitch 24/7?"
The elder man stuttered, cheeks flushing in anger as he turned nose to nose to the girl. "Are you going to keep acting like a spoiled brat?"
"I don't have to be here Dean!" She screamed at him, "I can fucking leave!"
Sam who had the key for 125, rushed after the pair, waving as a concerned group of patrons watched them. "Dean! She's an adult, she can have her own room!"
"Why?" He hisses, "It's not like she has anyone here to share it with anymore." The words seemed to catch even him by surprise, before he could apologize Belle laughs, shoulders shaking in mirth, "Belle, Kid, I'm sorry."
He was ignored as she spun around on her heel, yanking her door open and slamming it on both of the male's faces'. "Nice going Dean." Sam snapped, ignoring the defensive stutter. "Let's go." He states nudging his head in the direction to their room.
***
As the door shudders shut behind her, Belle whips her gun to the bed, shouldering off the duffle bag off on the ground. Whipping around to the minibar glaring at the temptations of alcohol sweeping over in front of her. Huffing as the sweet ache of homesickness nips at the tips of her fingers, Belle collapses back on her bed picking up her gun once again, emptying out five rounds on the bed around her and raising to to her temple.
click
Empty.
Sighing she lifts it to her head again, finger pushing on the trigger. Crack.
The bullet releases, barreling toward her temple, but then it pauses, she feels the tip of the lead on her skin, a hand grasping the other side, cold white skin brushing her cheek. A sigh and tut of disapproval. "When I said it was almost your time to die, this was not what I meant, Trutina." His tone was laced with an arsenic smelling disappointment.
"Sorry it wasn't how you pictured Grim." Belle whispered eyes glazed with adrenaline.
He sighed sitting on the bed, the itchy cotton transformed into a cool black silk, as his suit made contact, wrapping against her skin. He lifted her head gingerly, sweeping her curls down, his finger pads tracing the purple lightning scar. "You have a bit more to do young one, hang in for a little longer." He promises, his deep brown eyes staring into nothingness, "You will find your peace."
"How do you know?" She mumbled, "You can't answer the question to where I end up." Belle stated, ignoring the fact that she should be uncomfortable.
Death stops a moment, looking down at her, "I believe you will find peace because while I have never believed in good, you are the closest thing to changing my mind, Belle, you are the balance, and if I live an eternity of suffering, you must have one of peace."
Belle shutters, opening her mouth to speak but a knock interrupted her, and Death was gone. In his place, a small white card.
Keep the sheets- 'Grimm'
Huffing she stands, about to make her way to the door when she catches her eye in the mirror, "What the fuck?" She whispered, rubbing at the place where her scar had been, finding nothing but her pale freckled skin. "That prick," she grumbled in disbelief, attention being pulled as another knock interrupted her.
Yanking the door open she came face to face with Sam's puppy-dog pout. "Hey, uh, so get this, Dean and I went to Penny, one of the vics, homes and ended up finding out she was a virgin and extremely religious."
"Oh joy, bible thumpers, love them." Belle muttered, getting a sympathetic nod from Sam.
Sam continued on, "So we're thinking there was something to do with virgins, but there was another attack last night-"
"Whoa wait last night?" Belle questions looking at the sun rising, "did I fall asleep?" She questioned herself, Sam nodding.
"I tried waking you but you didn't answer the door." Sam explained, "Anyways, we're going to visit the vic, if you want to come."
Belle nodded, "Yeah, give me five minutes." She told him shutting the door.
***
The hospital was quiet, in a weird way, the smell of sterilization burning at Belle's nose, artificial light beaming from above, making her already pale complexion look grey, there was beeping, every so often, a quiet chime of a nurses button, or steady rhyme of a heart monitor. "It happened so fast." Melissa states, pulling Belle from the space around her.
"It's all right, Melissa. What came at you? You can tell us." Sam soothes, the girls eyes going to Belle who smiles sweetly.
She fiddled with her hospital blanket, lips twitching in thought, "I... It-it looked like a...a giant bat. You think I'm making it up, right? That's what the other man said."
"Melissa, we know you aren't, okay?" Belle states, sitting on the edge of her bed, "Just tell us what happened."
That was all it took for her to start talking, "It came right at me. It was huge. I swear. That's how I got this." She yanks her gown down to reveal large gashes on her back, when Sam asked what happened she sighed, fixing the fabric, "I don't know. I passed out, and when I woke up, it was gone."
"Is there anything else you can think of? Anything you can tell us, even if it doesn't seem important?" Belle wonders, "even if it's weird or out of place."
She hummed, rubbing her hands in loss, "Well, my ring got lost. Or else that thing stole it, if that makes any sense." At Belle's prompting look she continues, "It was gold, a promise ring..."
Dean interrupts her, "Promise ring. So, uh...from, like, a church? Like...like a purity ring?" When she nods the eldest man clicks his tounge, "I got to ask. Uh, Melissa... Look, nobody is, uh, judging anybody here, okay? Believe me. But...Should you really be wearing that ring?"
After his prompting the girl explodes. "Matt Barne didn't count!"
****
In the parking lot the trio pause by baby to discuss, "So, what, you think Batman tried to rape her?" Sam prompts, making Belle flinch.
"Well, he does carry a lot of rage. But he rejected her because she was already dehymenated, huh?" Dean carries the conversation, when Sam tweaks his head he continues, "I think it just goes to show that being easy's pretty much all upside."
His two relatives groan and Sam interrupts, "So, what kind of thing likes virgins and gold?"
Dean shrugged, "P. Diddy?"
"You know, it's comforting." Sam remarks, opening the door to baby.
As Belle's father made his way over to the driver side he perks questioningly, "What's that?"
Sam smiled and began to climb in, "I died for a year, came back, and you're still not funny."
"Shut up. I'm hilarious." Dean protests on the outside, joining the others in the car.
"Idiots." Belle mumbles.
***
When they got back to the motel the three of them began typing away, mostly in silence until Dean decided to break it. "So uh Belle," when the teen nodded in his direction, he coughed, "Do we uh.. need to worry about you?"
Belle's fingers froze, glancing out of the corner of her eye, "What?" Her voice was cold and steely as her father watches her form.
"Do we need to uh... keep an extra eye on you... in this... situation." Dean coughs... watching her intensely.
Belle slammed her laptop shut, crossing her arms across her chest, "Are you asking if I'm a virgin?"
Both Dean and Sam glance at each other before back at Belle, "Yes?" Dean said unsure, trying to gauge the young girl's reaction.
The teen sighed in frustration, trying to ignore the intense looks coming from both the men. "it depends." They share a glance, communicating for a moment, before Sam coughs, straitening his chest.
"On... uh, on what?" He asks, wincing as his voice breaks slightly.
There was a moment of silence in the room, "On the moster's definition of virgin." With that she picked herself up, "Also, 90% sure the monster is in fact a dragon."
"Dragons, dude?" Sam cut looking to Dean, "Not possible."
Her father tilted his head back and forth in thought, "Actually, it might be... it's been a strange year, let's call Bobby."
Belle grunted, "Well while you do that, I'm going to my room, knock if you need me."
***
It was a few hours later when another knock sounded at Belle's door, a quite and timid one that pulled her from one of Rossi's books. Tilting her head, she opens it, finding Dean standing awkwardly on the other side. "Hey, uh, I was gonna go to a Doctor that has some weaponry for dragons... did you wanna come?"
"What's Sam doing?" She questioned quietly, picking at the peeling paint on the door frame. She was gonna go anyway both of them knew that. She loved research, but it did make her pause, the fact her father would also be attending.
Dean sighed, leaning against the frame, "He's going to stay here, wait for Bobby to call again and see if we can find where the nest is... den? I don't know Dragons..."
Belle sighs, "Sure," she pulls up one of her jackets, wrapping it around her, "Let's head out," pulling her gun to her waist and tucking it beside her knife," when she turns her head, Dean was staring, tilting her head, she sighs, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"It's just uh," he tries shaking his head to get rid of the thought, but it seems to follow, "Besides the dark hair... you look so much like your grandmother..."
She flinched, groaning at the thought, "Let's go," Belle snapped, ignoring the flinch Dean had, "So... who is this doctor?"
Following her closely, he began explaining, ". Dr. Visyak. Medieval Studies, S.F.U. so we just have to go to San Francisco." She nodded.
***
It was about an hour later when Dean finally spoke breaking the silence of the cab, well, aside from the blasting of arena rock. "So uh... those FBI people... did they know?"
"About?" she mumbled, looking out the window, "There's a lot."
He drummed his hands on the wheel, eyes seemingly glued to the road for once, despite there being no one else here. "Me, your Uncle? Hunting... Jay?"
"Don't call her Jay." She snapped, "you have no right." After a long moment Belle suspired, shaking her head, "Look, they knew you and Sam were dead, well... now Derek knows differently... they knew about Jay... not the story just that she died...they... the team knew more about what happened with Adramalech." A chill ran down her spine at his name. "Anyways that's about it."
Dean turned toward her at the end of the conversation, "Adramalech?"
"The demon who kidnapped me looking for you." She told him, "I don't know what you did but uhh... yeah, guy was pissed."
Her father was white knuckled on the steering wheel staring blankly at the road, "I'm sorry I wasn't there kid... I'm sorry I left you when you needed me..." Belle just sat, picking at her nails, she just played with her shirt.
"Dean..." she sighed, "I don't know what you want from me."
The car screeches to a halt, Dean turning to stare at the girl before him, "I want to be your father, your hero... I want it to be like before."
"I don't think it can be like that anymore Dean." She sighs, as he nodded, yanking the gear into drive.
"I know."
No one spoke again.
******
The cottage was large, the vegetation an overgrown and unkempt style, but at the same time it looked unanimous, like each tree and overturned root was meant to be there. Dean took the lead, buzzing the door as he catches his daughter's eye, throwing her a half wincing smile. A feminine voice rang out, throwing both the Winchester's off guard. "Yes?"
"Dr. Visyak. My name is Dean Winchester..." He begins, only to be interrupted by a brisk dismissal.
"Office hours are Monday and Friday." She explains.
The two share a glance before Belle raises her voice, "Uh, sorry Doctor, but Bobby Singer sent us?" Almost immediately the door is yanked open, a gorgeous blonde woman glaring at the two from the other side.
"Bobby Singer. Tell him something for me next time you see him." She starts, watching the questioning looks from the two, "Actually," she interrupts herself, making Belle quirk her head in amusement, "Just kick him in the jewels for me, that's more poetic."
Belle was about to explain their presence but Dean interrupted her with a cocky drawl, "No love lost between you two, huh?"
The doctor glares, "Just the opposite." she practically growls. "That's his story to tell. He's the idiot. So, what's this about?"
Belle finally spoke up, "We we're wondering if you could give us some incite on a dragon problem." The woman finally looks to her in surprise, opening her mouth to comment, but immediately stopping, eyes agape in surprise as she stares at the girl, opening her lips again, before her voice dies. The teen looks to Dean in questioning, but just finds a stupid blank expression on it.
"Theotokos," The doctor gasps, pulling the teen inside, Dean following swiftly behind as the woman mutters to herself, locking the doors behind the pair and turning back around. "Here come." She gestures to a room, the door molding a gold like petal, as she yanks it open, "You... you're Theotokos." Flicking on the light Belle is immediately bombarded with imaging of Mary, pictures of modern interpretations that were like looking in a mirror. Belle grunted, of fucking course crazy Medieval lady would have a fucking thing for Virgin Mary. All of them had long flowing hair and deep green eyes. Eyes of judgment flooding through her,
Dean stood closely to his daughter glaring at the doctor uneasily, "What does this have to do with your studies?"
Dr. Visyak laughs at him, "During Middle Ages, devotion to the Virgin Mary as the "new Eve" lent much to the status of women. Women who had been looked down upon as daughters of Eve, came to be looked upon as objects of veneration and inspiration. The medieval development of chivalry, with the concept of the honor of a lady and the ensuing knightly devotion to it, not only derived from the thinking about the Virgin Mary, but also contributed to it." she ranted and then turned to Belle eyes soft, "I just never thought I'd see her in my life time... they're so rare, only birthed three times in the history of humanity... and she is here, in my home, Theotokos."
Belle sighed, pushing her hair behind her ear, "Look, Dr. Visyak?"
"Eleanor-" The woman scrambles, "Please, Eleanor."
The teen smiles sweetly, "If you could give us some information on dragons-"
"Of course!" She yelps, "Oh I'm so sorry, but Dragons disappeared seven hundred years ago."
Dean grunted, "Banner crop of crazy all the way around these days, doc."
She nods, eyes boring into Belle, "So you want to know how to kill."
"Yes," Belle told her, rocking on her heels a bit. "Can you help me?"
"Of course," She whispered, "I am helping the Virgin Mary.. okay so first, you need a blade forged in dragon's blood."
Dean groaned, "So you need one to kill one, but you got to kill one to make one. How does that work out?"
"Well, there aren't many dragon swords around anymore." She explains to her father, "Five or six, tops, worldwide. I mean, there's the sword of St. George, and, of course, there's Excalibur. And there's-"
Her father rolled his eyes, "You know a lot about this stuff, don't you?"
She glares, "I sure as hell better! I have one in the basement."
Belle quirked her head up, 1 crazy doc had one, 2 basement, meant out of this room, out of this room meant she could get away from the shrine built to her, "You have one?"
"Finding it took two decades, countless hours, and some really bad sex with an eastern European ambassador, but, yeah." She lead them down the stair to a grand metal door, a sword imbedded into a boulder lit up by golden hued lights.
"That is not real. Is that real? Is it Excalibur?" Dean gasped but Belle twitched her nose, the hilt was wrong, this was a cool black steel like metal. Smooth and oblong whilst Excalibur had a golden hilt, with a circular crested bottom. Plus the latter had an engraved blade, this one was blank.
"No. This...Is the Sword of Bruncvik . Love of my life." The doctor sighs, but Dean tilted his head confused.
He points to it's casing, "So... what's with the stone shoe?" He grunts,
"You know, binding sword to stone used to be all the rage. To protect them." Eleanor laughed, looking to Belle amused.
Dean twitched, crossing his arms over his chest, "All right, well, how do we get this puppy out?"
"Well, come on. You know this one. We need a brave knight who's willing to step up and kill the beast." Dr. Visyak tells him, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Right. All right, well, I'll, uh, give it a whirl. Do you mind?" Dean asks, the Doctor gestures her go ahead, but as Dean goes to lift the sword out. He fails. Utterly and majorly.
Dr. VIsyak watches disinterestedly, "You okay?" She hums at a particularly trying failure.
"Oh, son of a bitch! That's really on there!" Dean yells, anger getting to him.
Belle laughs at him, "Yeah, afraid so." The doctor tells him.
"Well, I have another idea," The hunter tells the group, "But you're not gonna like it."
*********
Whilst Dean left to do whatever he had come up with, the two woman sat in the room, in silence for a moment until Belle felt the heat of the other woman's stare, looking up to catch Eleanor's eyes the doctor blushed looking away. "Yes?" Belle asked, looking at her intensely.
"People pray to you," The doctor blurts, "Virgin Mary... they have preyed to you since the sub tuum praesidium, and you're here and flesh..." she sighs...
You're beatuiful."
Belle watches her carefully, "I do not have an obligation to those people. I didn't ask for this."
"No one does." Dr. Visyak sighs... "Your angel... the one that is devoted to you. Like Gabriel to Mary... have you met them yet?"
The teen tries to ignore how someone who was a complete stranger to her had insight on such a personal piece of her but she raises her chin, looking the doctor dead in the eyes, "She died."
"I'm sorry... you two must have been close?" The doctor pries.
"Yes." Belle snapped finalizing the conversation.
Before the woman could open her mouth and say something else stupid, Dean returns a pack of C4 in his hand.
"You know what? I-I-I don't like this at all. You do realize that this is the single most valuable artifact you have ever touched." Dr. Visyak panics, Belle smirking lightly.
Dean shrugs, "It's also the only weapon we got. Look, I know what I'm doing, okay? I actually learned it all from Bobby. Hey, whatever happened there, you know he's at least a genius at this. Do you want me to kill that dragon or not?" When the doctor agrees Dean smiles, "You rocks think you're so smart. All right. Welcome to the 21st century. All right, stand back." He tells both of them.
With a loud bang, the rock shattered, dust and rubble filling the air quickly, staining their skin in a film of grey. Dean reached into the bile of stone bringing the sword up to him, revealing that it had shattered in half. "You've got insurance for this, right?
******
Hours later, Belle was seated in the motel room with the ruins, "And what are we supposed to do with this, Dean? Give it a booster shot?" Sam snapped, anger lacing his voice. The elder brother raised his hands in defense.
"It's what we got. All right? We're just gonna have to get a little closer. That's all. Where are we on the caves?" Dean questioned,
Sam rolled his eyes, "No where." And when Dean was about to complain, Sam interrupted again. "Sewers, on the other hand...Here. Check this out." He unrolls a map, pointing to a red line, "So, two of the disappearances happened within a mile of here. So I think we start there and work our way around."
"Awesome. Who doesn't love sewers? Let's go." Dean mutters, Belle grabbing her go bag and heading out to the car.
***
The sewers were dark, a smell that made the normal want to gag ruminating from deeper within. The lights from their flashlights bouncing off the water, inundating them with a blue hue. "Ugh! God. Just when I get used to a smell, I hit a new flavor. Dude, we have been here for hours. There is nothing. I think the lore is off. Hey, what if, uh...What if dragons like nice hotels?" Dean groaned then looked at Belle who looked unbothered, "How are you so calm right now?"
"I was held captive for months underground, in a cemetery, with rotting bodies and no bathroom," The teen looks up from her path, "Do the math Dean."
Sam interrupted, shinning a light from behind the both of them, "What is that?"
All three looked in the direction to see a pile of gold. "Holy crap!" Dean picks up a few pieces, "Okay, maybe there are dragons here." He smirked, starting to take some of the gold.
There was another pause before Sam rolled his eyes, "Wait. Dean...Not now. Check this out." They walk off towards an altar he has found, a leather bound book sitting on top. "A little arts-and-crafty for a giant bat, right?" Belle grabbed it from him but before they could speak a voice sounds from deeper within.
"Hello? Is someone there? Hello?" A voice called, they follow it finding a young woman in the sewer grates, trapped, "Quick. He's coming back." She cries out at them as they try to release her.
Belle rolls as claws scrape at her back, a creature slinking in the back. Dean and Sam immediately on it as Belle digs at the bars, her hands becoming wet with dirt and blood. It's worth it as the steel becomes loose and Belle flips her body, kicking down on it and it caving in.
Reaching down she grabs the girl, yanking her into her side as she sobs into her.
Turning she sees Dean struggling the peice of sword laying on the ground. Shushing the vic, she dives down, flipping to the side, missing a few clawed hands. The creature whips, Belle glancing at the wall to her left, and bolting toward it.
As the dragon follows Belle scales the brick, kicking off so she lands on the massive body, dragging the sword through it's entire torso.
Gasping on the ground as lands on her knees, hair flowing freely across her shoulder, knelt in front of the women's legs. Looking up through her lashes, she smirks. "M'lady." She drawls, Sam reaching down and pulling her up from and away from the blushing girl.
"Holt shit, are you okay?" He gasps looming over Belle's wounds.
The teen shrugs him off, handing Dean the bloodied blade. "Here, let's get her to the hospital."
***
It seems the girl always finds herself her.
Alone.
In the mirror.
Growling at her reflection, she gulps down another mouthful of something that tasted more of rubbing alchohol than whiskey.
And she watched.
Glaring.
Reeling back she smashed the bottle against the mirror. Only succeeding in splintering the glass and completely destroying the bottle.
She was her father.
The eyes. The lips the face.
Her Grandmother. The hair, the build.
And Mary. Fucking Virgin Mary with the damn hair.
The hair.
It flowed carelessly down her back in waves.
Reaching in her belt, she lifted the blade to her shoulder.
And cut.
All of it.
Gone.
Smiling she looks at herself. And the through the drawers in the bathroom.
There it was.
An electric razor.
Slowly she brings it to her head, remembering the time Jaibrien would spend hours petting and designing ancient elaborate hairstyles.
And she cuts.
Until there is a small pile of curls atop her head.
And she could breathe.
And she was happy.
Or...
As close to happy as she thinks she could ever feel again.
I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
Stephen Chbosky