I wake up feeling refreshed surprisingly enough. It's Friday though which means I gotta face Gerard after whatever shit show went down that's still evading my memory. I roll out of bed and turn off my fairy lights before getting my shit together for school, making sure the letter is still in my english binder. The folded paper stares at me like it's a white dove peace offering that's probably not going to work. I sigh and shove my shit in my backpack before searching for something to wear for the day. I grab a striped long sleeve with a band tee on top since it's getting chilly and just some skinny jeans.
After getting ready I head down stairs with my bag and get some breakfast and pack a lunch. I sit at the table trying not to wallow in self pity and freak myself out about facing Gerard by scrolling through tumblr for a while till Dominic finally rolls around.
"Hey!" He smiles at me as I get in the car.
"Hi," I say, my voice riddled with nervousness.
"Are you still going to give him the letter?" He asks as we pull away from my house.
"Yeah," I let out a sigh. "I'm nervous as hell though. He probably hates me."
"If he hates you, it's his loss." He said looking at me briefly. "Besides I doubt he'll reject it or anything. He probably wants to make up too."
"Yeah, hopefully." I look out the window as we make our way to the school. His speakers played something I didn't recognize. We came upon the school slowly and I could feel the dread starting to sink in. I've been ignoring my friends for nearly two weeks. God this is going to be the worst.
"Text me if you need me to rescue you, okay?" Dominic spoke as he parked in the drop off area.
"Okay," I took a deep breath in, steeling myself for the day to come. "Thanks for the ride Dominic."
"Of course." He smiled at me as I got out of the car.
I faced the school for a second, not even trying to find my friends. That'll be later. I take another deep breath before heading into the school and to my locker to get my shit together. Both physically and emotionally. Thankfully none of the boys were there which gave me time to breath and calm my nerves before heading to English.
As I walked in I noticed Gerard hadn't gotten there yet. Which helps but also doesn't. I decide to go the cowardly route and drop my note off on his desk before heading to a seat in the back. Is that a totally cheap move? Yes. Am I too scared to do anything else? Also yes.
I sit down in the back and wait for Gerard to come in the class, I can't help but stare down every single person who walks in that isn't Gerard. Well, until Gerard actually walks in and I look down at my desk faster than fucking lightning. I can feel my heart beating fast against my ribs as I wait for him to sit down. I steal a glance up and Gerard is sitting there note in hand reading it. Aughhhhh! I hope it's gonna be okay!!! Gerard looks up and I immediately look down at my phone cause the suspense is too much and I might explode.
Once class starts I can't help but to keep stealing glances at Gee throughout the whole class. I think he might be doing the same but we haven't made eye contact yet which is just as scary. The rest of class goes by like that until the bell finally rings. I get up and get the fuck out of class so fast! Do I want an answer? Yes! Am I afraid because I fucked up? YES!
I head to my next class and try to be casual with Ray and Pete but I can tell that they know I've been out of it. But they're being nice and trying not to make things awkward. And I can tell by the way they look at me that they both expect an explanation eventually. Hopefully I will have a good enough one for them. After that I head to choir and find a note in my music folder.
Gerard agreed to meeting up later but that's all it says. Which is like what I needed to know but also? I wanted more? Maybe like a 'we can work this out' or even a 'yeah I wanna know whats up' or maybe a 'you need to apologize to Mikey too'. I don't know.
Lunch rolls around and I keep my promise and sit with Kristin and my gravity loser boys. They seem really happy I'm there but are also very clearly wanting to ask me why I just dipped but none of them have the balls to ask. Maybe they kind of know, maybe Kristin knows and let them know a little bit of it. I don't know and nor do I really want to. I just want to get my mind off of having to face Gerard later tonight.
The rest of the day goes by slow until Dominic is finally picking me up from school and taking me home. We hang out for a bit just wasting time by watching a movie and chilling. As it gets closer to 6 I decide to run upstairs and change into something warmer for when the sun goes down. I grab some dark wash skinny jeans and a red cropped sweater. I pick up a black jacket and head back down stairs to chill with Dominic till it's finally time to head out.
We ride in silence to the Walmart at the edge of town. His phone plays some pop pandora station that I don't know like half of the songs on. He looks tense but then again he's driving me to go apologize for shit that I did so he's probably just worried Gerard will be mad and do something. Like it is kind of sketchy to meet at an abandoned warehouse to talk out a problem. I could have just met him at home, but that means facing Mikey too. Which I don't want to do yet.
We pull up to the parking lot and Dominic silences the engine. "You sure you don't want me to just drive you there?" He pleads.
"I'm sure." I give him a small smile. "If you want to walk me to the back of Walmart you can. I mean, if that will make you feel better."
"Uh, yeah. I can do that." He gives me a small smile before getting out of the car.
We walk past the people going in and out of Walmart as we head to the back where they drop shit off. The walk was in silence. I'm too preoccupied with freaking out about how to apologize to even notice Dominic.
"Hey if you need me call me, okay." Dominic said as we came to a stop behind Walmart.
"Of course! But Gerard isn't a bad guy. Nothing is gonna happen." I smile up at him.
"I know you think that, I just." He took a breath. "I would prefer knowing where this place was, so I can make sure you're safe. Are you sure I can't walk you there?" He looked down with concern in his eyes.
"I'll be fine, Dominic. Plus it's still light outside. It'll be fine."
"Okay, okay. Text me if anything goes wrong. Okay?" He smiles down at me with concern.
"Of course. Thanks for taking me, Dominic." I give him a hug.
"Of course. I'll see you later. Yeah?" He hugs me back.
"Yeah, bye!" I wave at him as I start to walk away.
"Bye! Good luck!" He waves back at me.
I turn around and start heading towards the warehouse, very glad it's still pretty light outside so I can make sure to steer clear of any men I see. It's not a long walk but a good time to think.
I really hope Gerard isn't there yet. Getting there before him will be nice cause then I can have more time to figure out how the hell to apologize to him. I mean, I still don't remember what I said. Which means it was probably super bad for me to block it out. Ughh. I really hope he shows up tonight. Maybe he'll forgive me. I feel like shit. I can't believe I let my feelings for him get in the way of my friendship with Mikey. I can't believe I spilled the beans in front of both of them. Why the fuck did I just ignore them? Why the hell did they ignore me after that?! Gerard mentioned them trying to reach out to me but I don't remember it that way at all. Mikey definitely would have but I didn't get any texts, no notes, fucking nothing. Which yeah, makes me angry, but still it's my fault in the first place. I ignored him and hung out with Gerard more. This is my fault. Gerard probably is going to hate me. Like I hurt him, his brother, god know Gerard doesn't take lightly to people messing with Mikey. There is no hope for that crush now, is there? Ughhh.
I sigh coming upon the gate and slipping through the crack. The warehouse looks so big now that I'm alone. I make my way over to the cracked window and realize.. It's gonna suck to try and get in without Gerard. I look around and push a small crate over to help me pull myself up onto the window. I climb in through the window catching my pant leg on some glass. I hear a snicker as I tumble in after nearly tripping over my leg still stuck outside the window because of the glass. I look around the dim room but wherever it came from must be on the other side of the crates. I right myself and fix my jacket around my waist pulling it off.
"Gerard? Where are you?" I look around the sunset lit space as I make my way to the couch. Everything looks like it did last time I was here. Well except for a filled ashtray and some beer bottle on the makeshift table. I drop my jacket off on the couch and take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. I hear footsteps behind me and the hairs stand up on my arms. Facing Gerard is going to be so hard but I need to. I turn around.
"Hey there Baby Doll."